Chapter 1

Nyla

It's been 3 weeks since that night in Chicago and that was the last time I laid eyes on Heinrich. He still appeared in my dreams and every thought I had was of him. I was going through withdrawals from my addiction to him and I wasn't sure if I could last much longer.

For the first week, I cried and it seemed like time stood still as I released every tear. Every second without him was torment. The second week passed and the world just seemed to pass me by as if I was under water. Sullivan spoke, but it always sounded muffled and far away. I was drowning without him and my heart was broken. By week three, I was close to giving up as time lurched and dragged and the pain had seemed to be never-ending.

The thing that surprised me the most was how attentive Sullivan was throughout this process. I wondered what he thought was wrong with me, but he never asked. He just made sure to be there for whatever I needed.

Honestly, I didn't have room to think of him because Heinrich never left my thoughts. I wondered if I crossed his mind, but I quickly shook that thought from my head because I knew he had moved on. Just the mere thought of him with someone else sent a crash to my chest that was already heavy and in constant pain.

I opened my eyes and stared at the cream-colored ceiling and I felt that color would quickly become my life again. I found it odd that Sullivan, a beautiful man with chocolate skin, would take color away from his world. While Heinrich, a man of tan skin, lived in a world full of vibrant color. They were opposite on so many levels.

The door shut for the second time this morning and it caused me to jerk out of my daily comparison of Heinrich and Sullivan.

"Get your ass up!"

Molly was standing in the doorway with an expression that told me she means business. I love her beyond words, but sulking had become second nature to me.

"Wash your ass and put some clothes on! I'm not going anywhere. Get. Your. Ass. Up!"

"Fine," I said as I threw the covers off of me and rolled my eyes so hard, I prayed she could feel it.

"I love you, too."

I stared at myself in the mirror and I looked a complete mess. I shrugged it off because my look matched my mood. I feel like shit, therefore, I look like shit. That was pretty much my motto these days.

I turned away from the mirror and took in a deep breath. There was no doubt I was always only seconds from losing my shit, while he was probably living like a fucking king. I pushed that thought from my mind and concentrated, as I got dressed, on the fact that I was going to live my new life without him.

After I pulled myself together, Molly and I headed to one of our favorite spots. I needed her for her strength, but I secretly wanted to just fast forward to the time when he wouldn't affect me. But who am I kidding? Heinrich isn't a guy you could easily forget. I didn't even mention his cock and damn did I miss it. Just the thought sent my core into a frenzy.

"I still can't believe you're back and with Sullivan. Nyla, are you sure about this?"

Molly looked at me as if I was from another planet. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't looked at myself the same way, a few times a day. She was concerned and so was I, I'd left Chicago only days later after Heinrich.

"You took Shane back after his fiasco with that one girl."

Molly rolled her eyes and scoffed as she took a bite of cheese pizza and I began to stare out at the surroundings of New York. I saw my reflection in the window and I was slowly turning back into the old me. Years, even months ago, I couldn't see myself without Sullivan's ring on my finger and living together. But now, it's like I'm in the twilight zone.

"Why did you take him back?"

How the fuck do I answer that? Because I feared the unknown and Sullivan was a safe choice compared to Heinrich. Plus, the fact that he was willing to commit didn't hurt either. The truth is, we all fear change and sometimes that fear takes over and you begin to run on autopilot. I was now on autopilot.

"So you're just going to marry him?"

"I haven't said yes."

"But you haven't said no and every day with that ring on your finger, he thinks you will." Molly reached over and gently squeezed my hand and a tear fell from my eye. "I know he hurt you, babe, but this isn't the way."

"I know, I will talk to him tonight."

"And tell him what?"

"Moll, I just need time to think."

"You've had three weeks, Ny. How much more time do you need?"

Molly's phone chimed and I was saved by the bell. I crossed my legs, sat back and stared at the 1.5 ct pear cut diamond, solitaire ring. I'm having a mental breakdown and that can explain all of this. I knew this wasn't fair to any of us and the common denominator for everyone is me. I need to fix this shit.

Honestly the fact that Sullivan had become the kind of man I used to want, was heartbreaking. He began to bring me flowers at least once a week and he made sure he was home with me at night. Sullivan was trying, but one fact still remained; he's not Heinrich.

Regardless of what I tell myself, I will never get over him. I've submitted to him, I gave him everything and now I have to control the desire for him. He trained me to want and need him and I'd become accustomed to everything that was and is Heinrich.

It killed me not knowing what the key was to or what it meant for us. I drove myself crazy with the what-ifs when it came to that key. The key that I kissed before bed every night and allowed me to carry him with me. I knew there was a way to end it once and for all and that would be to face him.

Could I face him? One look at his face and I might be on my knees, hands securely behind my back and his beautiful cock deep in my throat. That thought caused me to shift in my seat as my body was reacting to him. Truth is, he owns me and he knows it.

"We're here together." Molly was waving her hand in my face as she spoke on the phone, causing me to blink out of my Heinrich trance.

"Uh huh, so you're coming for sure? Is Clover coming too? Good, she could use all of us." Molly spoke and I became anxious. Anxious with the thought of seeing them after all this time, Three weeks wasn't long, but leaving abruptly the way I did, had me even questioning myself. I thought back to three weeks ago and the text I sent Clover and Xavier.

"I'm going to New York for a little while. I'm not sure when I will be back, but I can't stay. I love you both to pieces."

A text, that's how I broke it to Xavier and Clover. I look back and think how wrong that was. They knew Heinrich was the reason why I needed to get away and I felt like I'd always run when shit gets too hard, how different was I from him?

He ran when I told him how I felt and here I am running and to Sullivan no less. What the hell was I doing? Even though I had asked myself this question repeatedly, I still stayed here.

Truth is, we're very much alike and we are at war silently. Heinrich and I were in a power struggle with each other.

Fear can make you do things you wouldn't normally do and I was afraid of going back to Chicago. Truth is, it wasn't Chicago that had me afraid, it was Heinrich. That look on his face, I will never forget it. I hurt him and I never wanted to hurt him.

Molly and I parted ways, as I headed home to my old apartment with Sullivan. Even though it was all familiar territory, it felt off. The building hadn't changed, the doorman was the same, but something was different. Convinced my mind was just playing tricks on me, I shook my head and walked the two flights to the house I'd run from not too long ago.

I let out a sigh as I unlocked the door and looked through the mail. I took my shoes off as I entered and one piece of mail caught my attention. A letter addressed to me.

Dear Ms. Nyla Carlisle,

After reviewing your artwork, I would like to extend an invitation to showcase your talent. You and two other artists have been selected as part of our "Artists You Should Know" event. This event will be held on Saturday, July 10 @ 7 o'clock pm. Artists will have a chance to meet with potential buyers; this is a great way to get your name out there. We hope that you will consider our invitation and we look forward to showcasing your work.

Sincerely,

Clover Stark

Stark Galleries

After reading the letter, the tears flowed as I clutched it to my heart and felt the happiness spread through me. Clover wanted to feature my work for potential buyers. A smile unlike any other appeared on my face, as I wiped the tears away and took my phone out to call Clover.

"Clover, I can't believe you!"

"I take it you got my invitation?"

"Clover, this is amazing! I ugh- thank you Clove, this is everything to me."

"You know I have to be the first to show a Nyla Carlisle original."

"I love you, Clove. I mean it, I really do." Before I knew it, the tears were streaming but for the first time in months, they were happy tears. "This is everything to me!"

"You deserve it, Ny. And you know I love you beyond words."

"I can't wait to see you two. We're going to have so much fun!"

"See you soon, doll. I have to go, a client just walked in."

"See you, babe."

Clover and I ended the call and I was floating on a cloud as I read the letter again. The door opened behind me and Sullivan was standing in the doorway. He really was handsome and I somehow realized it more as he smiled sweetly. Without hesitation, I threw my arms around him and his smile instantly brightened.

"I must have done something right?"

"Clover wants to host an event and showcase my work!"