Chapter Eleven

Sophia

‘’I’m starting to question my purpose of living,’’ One of my co-workers, Jonah starts to say before sighing deeply as he takes a seat—the way his expression shows just how fairly annoyed and bored he is not strange from my own.

I scoff, ‘’I’ve been questioning that since birth.’’

Jonah raises his right hand, waiting for me a high-five before the bell starts to ring; causing both of us and the rest of the employees to turn around. Deep down, we hope for a customer to show up and order but as soon as our eyes land on none other than our employer . . . we groan.

‘’Hey, boss.’’

Luke nods his head but doesn’t bother glancing towards our direction as he walks straight into his office before slamming the door shut, silencing the rest of us—knowing better not to nosily play our parts and just keep doing what we were doing but if I do exactly that, I wouldn’t be Sophia.

I enjoy nosily playing my part in other people’s lives. What can I say? I’m nosy.

After a few knocks, I push the door open to find him standing near the window of his office as he pinches the bridge of his nose. ‘’Yes, Sophia?’’ He asks, turning to look at me.

‘’Is everything alright?’’ I ask, slowly closing the door behind me.

‘’Shouldn’t you be doing your job?’’ He ignores my question by asking a question of his own; leaving me to clear my throat, feeling uncomfortable by his gaze—it’s intense and somehow piercing straight into my soul, making me look away.

‘’You mean serve drinks? Yup, waiting for that opportunity.’’ I joke with a smile slowly creeping up my face but he seems unaffected by it. ‘’Right, that wasn’t funny. Sorry,’’ I clear my throat once more.

‘’What do you want, Sophia?’’ He asks, crossing his arms as he sits on his desk.

I take a few steps closer, ‘’I just want to know if you’re okay. I can make you my specialty which is a nicely brewed coffee to calm you down. Wait until you try it out,’’ I continue to smile, seeing him smirking after a little while.

‘’Instant coffee?’’ He raises an eyebrow.

‘’Obviously. You still have tons of it stocked,’’

‘’Sure. Put them into use, right?’’ He leans forward and within seconds, I begin to realise the small space we have in between but he seems unfazed by it as he continues to gaze into my eyes as he shoves both of his hands into his slacks’ pockets. ‘’Why are you here, Sophia?’’ He asks.

‘’What do you mean?’’ I hesitate.

‘’No. What are you doing here?’’ He continues, ‘’This place is falling apart. Why are you still here when you know you’ll be jobless in a matter of weeks?’’

‘’I needed the job,’’

‘’Get a different job,’’

‘’What do you mean this place is falling apart? I know that there’s not a lot of customers coming in and out here but I didn’t expect—‘’

He cuts me off, ‘’—that this place would fall apart and I’m actually shutting it down?’’

‘’You’re shutting it down?’’ My eyes widen, ‘’What about others? What about Jonah or Dan? They have nowhere to go. I have nowhere to go.’’ I blink a few times at the reality; feeling my anxiety coming back in a matter of seconds.

‘’What does that supposed to mean? All of you can start looking for a different job. I’m sorry, Sophia but you knew the risks when you stepped inside this café for a job.’’ He replies, leaning back and leaving me to control my breaths; not wanting my anxiousness to be visible for others to see. It’s not something that I’m proud of—it’s not something that I would bother other people with.

‘’I have to go,’’ I mutter before quickly stepping out of his office and out of the café, heading down the road without exactly a destination in my mind.

My heart starts to ache which causes me to close my eyes, holding back the tears from streaming down my cheeks and clenching my fists to hold back my panic attacks from overwhelming me but everything seems to quicken including my heartbeats.

‘’Not now,’’ I frown in pain.

Everything around me moves like a blur and in fast motion, as if imitating myself running. The way the crowd moves without anyone noticing me losing my breath shows just how anxiety and any other mental illnesses are not easily known.

I knew that this café would fall apart and Luke might end up losing his family business but I never thought it would be my reason of today’s panic attack. It feels like my chest is about to explode into a million pieces especially with the constant thumping of my heart, letting sweats form on my forehead even in this cold weather.

That’s it. The instant thud on the head as the darkness begins to emerge:

Painful incidents. Painful memories. These could be the causes of anxiety or even depression. They don’t come without a reason, it always starts with something we all want to forget, resist and to never happen again but as soon as it keeps on happening, we’re left with no choice. Our brain starts to react differently, letting more pain in.

I remember it very clearly. That night of when it all began, I would call it the beginning of pain. Ever since my parents were involved in a car accident and was confirmed dead, I ended up living in a foster home where kids with no parents or family to take care of them are waiting for some other family to pick them up. I was that kid.

Main, I was hopeful.

Easy to say, I was more close to God than ever because I prayed every single day and night. I prayed so that my parents would rest in peace, I prayed that one day I’d end up in a different home where they would give me a little bit of love as their own. It wasn’t much to ask.

When the day came, I was happy—cheerful. No, content. I was literally jumping up and down in joy because I knew I’d be a part of another family. At first it was all great, got myself both loving foster parents. They treated me like their own.

They told me they always wanted a daughter but they were never blessed with one; only blessed with one son, who’s a few years older than me. To start off, we were fine from the start—I was happy to even have a sibling. We were growing close.

Unfortunately, life is no fantasy. This isn’t where anyone would get their happy endings.

That night, Brandon’s birthday. He went out to party with his friends—since it was their first year of college and they were practically living the life as they were saying. That day was fine, it could’ve gone fine but that night was what ruined it all.

It ruined everything. It ruined me.

It all happened too fast. Both of our parents weren’t home, on a business trip to Beijing. It was like Brandon was possessed, he started to hurt me in ways he never did before, he became aggressive and he even said things he never once said. Not to me.

I thought it was a mistake. A drunken mistake. We never talked about it the next morning and I kept my distance, I kept it quiet. Nobody needs to know. I simply thought he had forgotten about it but he didn’t. In fact, it was the first time out of many.

No, I wasn’t fine. I was mortified.

Bruises were starting to form and I was mentally drowning. Both of my foster parents started to notice how quiet I grew but they believed the excuses I gave, that I was only tired because of school. They believed it. They bloody believed it.

How was I fine? Brandon was hurting me mentally more than he did physically—he didn’t regret it. He didn’t apologise. Rather, he kept going on his life as if nothing was wrong. He knew I was scared, he knew I was shaking in fear whenever he entered my room but he kept going. That was how my anxiety began to form and I was worried as my heart aches in pain.

Don’t even let me begin on suicide attempt. I did it. I went through it once—wanting to die peacefully where nothing and no one can bother me. I wanted to choose how I die, even if it was a sinful act to begin with but deep down, I begged God to understand even though I knew it was still an unforgiven act. It was the sleeping pills I took and at first, I thought I was really going until I woke up in a hospital bed . . . face to face with my worst fear, in human form.

‘’You're awake,’’ Someone mutters.

I blink a few times, trying to readjust my sight to the figure in front of me. Both of his eyes turn to look at me, ‘’Can you hear me, Sophia?’’ He asks.

Dimitri. What is he doing here? Why does his hair looks like he has ran his fingers through it multiple times? Why am I laying down? Why does this exact situation feels similar?

‘’Um . . . hi,’’ I clear my throat, feeling as if I haven’t drank water for ages.

He chuckles, ‘’Hey.’’

To my surprise, he runs his hand slowly across my forehead to swipe away any hair from covering my face. Even though that was a simple gesture and it would seem normal to him but I was swooned. ‘’Are you okay? You passed out,’’ He says.

‘’What . . . what happened?’’ I ask, slightly confused.

‘’Someone called the ambulance and you were brought to the hospital—my number was in your recent calls. So, they called me.’’ He replies.

‘’Right,’’ I lean back.

‘’Let me get the doctor and tell him you’re awake,’’ He starts to make his way towards the counter but I manage to grab him by the wrist; strong enough to stop his movement. Our eyes meet in an instant, ‘’What is it?’’ He asks.

‘’I’m fine. You don’t have to,’’

‘’You don’t want to know about your condition?’’

My eyes widen, ‘’What condition?’’

My heart feels like it’s going to thump out of my chest and burst into flames. There’s no way Dimitri can know about my anxiety—there’s no way in hell is anyone going to know about that. The doctor might not even know about it in the first place, he wouldn’t have told him if he did.

‘’The reason you passed out,’’ He continues.

‘’Wh—what of it?’’ I stutter, feeling suffocated by his gaze. It feels as if his eyes are piercing through my entire soul; as if he can read my mind and be done with it.

‘’You’re telling me that you don’t know?’’ He raises an eyebrow. ‘’Really, really, don’t know?’’

‘’Nope, no. No clue,’’ I hold in.

‘’Dehydration,’’ He says.

Our eyes meet once again but this time, I feel like I’m extremely confused—letting myself think for a few seconds. ‘’D—dehydration?’’ I breathe.

‘’Yeah, the doctor said you need to increase your water intake since your body needs water to function well and to keep yourself hydrated. You need to take better care of your health, Sophia—I was worried if you were actually sick,’’ He replies.

‘’Uh-huh, yeah.’’

The two of us spare a few minutes to appreciate the silence between us before I begin to speak up once more, ‘’You know what? I want to get out of here,’’

‘’Sure. The doctor said you can leave when you’re awake. Let me just go and fill in some form,’’ He walks away towards the other nurses before following them until he’s out of my sight and for once, I let out a breath of relief. It feels slightly better to know that he thinks I’m just dehydrated instead of occasionally suffering with anxiety.

Dimitri doesn’t need to know that. None of it.

‘’Ah, you’re awake!’’

I jolt in surprise to find one of the doctors standing beside me, a paper in his hand. ‘’Jesus, you scared me.’’ I breathe out, trying to calm myself down from it.

‘’Not Jesus but okay,’’ He clears his throat. ‘’It looks like you’re good to go but please take good care of yourself, Sophia. You need to increase your water intake and you need a lot of rest. Do you take any anti-anxiety pills?’’ He asks and my eyes widen immediately, slowly controlling my breathing.

‘’W—what?’’ I stutter.

‘’Anti—‘’

‘’We’re good to go,’’ Dimitri cuts him off as he holds a white paper bag. Then, he turns to look at the doctor beside me, ‘’I was going to look for you but then I just decided not to,’’ He says.

The doctor scoffs, ‘’What a decision you made.’’

‘’Not a hard one,’’

''You better get going. Don't forget your meds, Sophia.'' The doctor says before walking away, leaving both Dimitri and I by ourselves. My eyes wander down to the paper bag in his hand, knowing that my 'meds' are in there—it'd be best if Dimitri didn't take a peek inside but for some reason, I know he already did but why does it seem like he's clueless?

''Can you walk?'' He asks, standing beside me.

''Yeah, yeah. Don't worry,'' I mutter, standing up and we begin to walk out of the hospital; luckily his car is parked near the entrance/exit which makes it easier. ''You came all the way here for me? How nice of you,'' I add.

''I'm a pretty great landlord,'' He replies with a chuckle, leaving me to look up at him as I smile.

As soon as we've entered the car, I immediately lean my head back onto the seat and within seconds, I find him closing the distance between us which causes both of my eyes to widen and panic. ''What are you doing?'' I ask, our faces are inches apart—the sight of his thick and long eyelashes visibly into view as he looks up at me but one of his hand continues to move towards my head. ''Dimitri . . . what—''

He cuts me off by pulling onto the seatbelt, buckling it on. ''Seatbelt,''

''Right . . . seatbelt,'' I breathe in relief.

However, our faces are still inches apart and the sight of his lips curving up into a smile is not helping either. Fortunately, he leans back onto his seat before starting the engine and within seconds, we're already on the road to wherever he's driving.

The ride to the hotel was quiet with Dimitri constantly tapping onto the steering wheel as he followed the beats from the song on the radio and I was pretending to be asleep even though my insides were somewhat in different motions. For some reason, even with my eyes closed . . . I could feel his gaze which made me more uncomfortable than I already was—sure, we slept with each other once but that was one time. Everything became a blur and unsure afterwards, we never really want to talk about it.

I open my eyes to find that he has already parked in front of the hotel which causes me to sit up straight, unbuckling my seatbelt before tucking a few strands of hair behind my ear.

''You need to pack your clothes,'' He says, catching my attention.

I stare at him for a few seconds as he does the same, not muttering a single word. ''You're kicking me out?''

His lips curve up into a smile before he starts to laugh, revealing his perfect white pearls as he runs his fingers through his hair—leaving me to wonder how any human being can be this beautiful? That thought was simply irrelevant but still . . . it came to my mind.

''No. You're coming with me to London,'' He ruffles with my hair before continuing, ''Still, I did not expect you to think that I would ever kick you out. That's surprising,''

''Well, I'm losing my job in a matter of days.'' I reply.

''I heard. The café that you work at is closing, right?''

''How'd you know?''

''I have my sources. In fact, my dad used to love going to that café when he was younger—such a shame, they used to be very successful back in the days. That was what he said,'' He trails off and it's as if his mind wanders somewhere far with his gaze looking away.

''You can't help him?'' As soon as the words left my mouth, I feel a pang of regret and as soon as his eyes gaze into mine, it's as if everything in the world stops moving. Why on earth would I ask for his help? For something I can't even control? For just a part-time job I have and nothing more? ''I mean—I just . . . I just feel sorry for him,''

''I can't but Aidan can. He owns a finance company and his brother is actually pretty good at handling digits,'' He replies.

''Forget I even said anything,'' I shake my head.

''No, no, no. I can give him a call,'' To my surprise, Dimitri has already grabbed onto both of my hands before giving them a squeeze and it didn't even bother me for a few seconds until both of us realise what we were doing. He pulls away, ''Let's hurry. We have a flight to catch,''

''What about Brody?'' I ask but as soon as we're at the hotel lobby, Dimitri stops his steps and I follow his gaze to find him looking at a woman—standing near the lounge. Her hair falls down into elegant curls, her lips matted with red lipstick and her clothes scream sophistication, class and money. It doesn't take me long to notice who the woman is or was . . . to Dimitri.

I keep quiet, watching them exchanging their gazes.

''Chloe,'' Dimitri says, as soon as we're close enough and the woman named 'Chloe' starts to smile at the gesture.

I don't know what overcame me but I take my time to look down at my skinny jeans, loose blouse and a pair of converse as the woman in front of me is probably a million times more well-dressed than I am. To be honest, she seems to own the title 'successful woman' while I'm left looking like a girl who just lost her part-time job. I begin to feel awkwardly small underneath all of her class.

''Late as ever,'' Chloe replies before turning to look at me; making me look away.

''Well, I wouldn't bother be punctual meeting you.''

Chloe chuckles, ''It's funny how people change. You wouldn't dare saying that five years ago,''

''I want you take good care of Brody while I'm gone. Be the mother you should be and don't just spend time clubbing with your friends or out and about with your boyfriend,'' He says, ''It'll only be this weekend. I'll pick him up as soon as I'm back in New York,''

''I know how to take care of my son.'' Her voice is filled with annoyance as she turns to look away towards Brody who is currently walking towards us with Dion trailing behind him—helping him with his backpack.

''Mrs. Belrose,'' Dion greets before turning to look at Dimitri who clearly hates being in the same room as his ex-wife and it's clearly shown by how he clenches his jaw; holding himself back from saying words he might regret.

''Dion, it's been awhile.'' She smiles.

''Get married quickly and take over someone else's surname. It's bothersome,'' Dimitri says.

Seconds before Chloe can say anything, Dimitri cuts her off. ''I'll call you everyday, okay? Make sure you do your homework and don't stay up past your bedtime. Eat your vitamins. Drink lots of water.'' He ruffles with Brody's hair as he smiles, ''I love you.''

''Have fun in London, dad.'' Brody pulls him in for a hug and just like that, both of Dimitri's eyes wander up to look at Chloe as his lips curve up into a smirk—as a sign or more throughout, to show who Brody loves more.

''Come on, we better get going. Your dad is a very busy man,'' Chloe says, glancing at my direction.

Dion, Dimitri and I watch as Brody walks away with Chloe, straight towards a black Rover who is driven by her own chauffeur until they're out of our sights. ''You didn't have to greet her.'' Dimitri says.

''It was my fault. I'm sorry, sir.'' Dion replies, clearing his throat.

Dimitri turns to look at me before smiling, ''So, are you ready for London?''

''Literally, no because I haven't packed my clothes.'' I reply.

He chuckles before grabbing onto my hand, pulling me straight towards the elevator—leaving Dion on his own as I grip back onto the hand who grips mine. The warmth of his hand is somewhat soothing but my mind wanders back to the woman he once loved, how things were strained between them earlier and how he must've given everything to that exact woman. We barely know much about each other but it feels like things are starting to unveil on their own.

One thing that I'm sure of, the man beside me is good at hiding his pain.