Chapter Thirteen

Dimitri

I kissed her. I kissed her. I kissed her.

''Why did you interrupt me when I was sleeping? Am I getting paid more by having this conversation with you?'' Dion asks while I continue to pace back and forth, trying to sort things out—knowing exactly what's next after a kiss, it's either backing off or moving forward. Both Sophia and I are adults and we're going to solve this by talking about it and by telling the truth to each other but for some reason, I can't seem to decide on whether should I go to her room or just spend the night worrying of the consequences until morning.

''Just give me a sec,'' I breathe out.

''So, you kissed her. What's the big deal?'' He raises an eyebrow, taking a seat before opening one of the water bottles on the coffee table.

''I need to know where I stand or where I want to stand in this Dimitri-Sophia relationship. I've never felt this way in five years and it's kind of overwhelming. You need to give a second to breathe . . . to sort this thing out and to think through. The pros and cons of having a relationship with someone.'' I begin to stop as I close my eyes, ''This is not working. Why isn't my brain working?''

''Chill, chill. Let me sort this out for you because I'm sort of an expert in this whole thing and you're just my boss who probably has a higher IQ than me but can't really sort this through,'' He continues to speak, letting me turn to look at him. ''I'm going to start questioning you. Do you like Sophia?''

''Y—yes, what's not to like?'' I frown.

''No stuttering. It's just a yes or no question,''

''Yes, I like her.''

''Do you feel attracted towards her? When she talks or laugh or even smile, do you feel like she's the most beautiful woman in the whole world? Do you want to just grab her sometimes and just go at it like monkeys?'' He raises an eyebrow while I scoff but the serious expression on his face shows just how much he's not playing around, he's just direct and blunt about it.

''Yes, I'm attracted to her and I do feel like she's the most beautiful woman but I don't think it's appropriate to grab her and just go at it like monkeys.'' I reply, taking a seat as I think back of how I'd react to seeing her around—she's the exact person anyone would want to go after and not just me, she has that vibe. She has that power radiating from her and it's hard to ignore.

''You get what I mean—not literally going at it like monkeys but you want to make love to her, yeah? You want to be there with her and just spend time together. You want to do things with her. You want to experience a whole new thing with her. Everything you want to do, you want to do with her. Together. Is what I'm saying making any sense or am I speaking nonsense?'' He looks at me, clearly tired at the sight of his dark under eyes.

''No, you're making it very clear.''

''Does she treat Brody like her own? Does she treat him well? Do they get along?''

My mind wanders back to when I saw them laughing together, spending time together and even doing things together. Even when I wasn't around with them but they were clearly enjoying themselves, how can that mean nothing? ''Yeah, she treats him very well. They get along. I'm starting to think that Brody is growing fond of her,'' I reply, smiling to myself as soon as I'm reminded of them laughing together.

''That explains everything!'' He exclaims, throwing both of his hands up in the air.

''Quiet, damn it.''

''Can I be honest with you right now, Mr. Belrose? Can we drop the formalities because I need to say things for it to get through your thick skull?'' He continues to make his way towards me as I nod, gesturing for him to continue which he does. ''First of all, you came into my room and it's two in morning, god damn it. Do you even know the meaning of beauty sleep? I need it. Second, you're an adult and you were married once. Thank God that the marriage didn't last long because I couldn't stand that woman. Third, you like Sophia. It's clear for anyone to see and she likes you too but you're the man—you make the first move. Do you get what I'm saying, man?'' He crosses his arms before sighing.

''Perfectly. Yeah,'' I clear my throat.

''So, what are you going to do?''

''I don't think I should go to her room. It's pretty late,''

''Well . . . yeah but the chance for you to get laid tonight is pretty high if she's still awake. It won't hurt to try,'' He chuckles, ''I wish I was the one getting laid instead of sleeping in this huge hotel room all by myself—is this your way of revenge, Mr. Belrose? Did you purposely book us huge rooms so that we can feel the loneliness seeping through?''

''I'm not trying to get into bed with her, Dion.'' I roll my eyes before making my way towards the door, ''You know what? Whatever. I really need to think this through—see you in the morning. Don't be late,'' I pull the door open, stepping out of his room and turning around to make my way towards my room but as soon as I see Sophia standing in front of my room causes both of us to yelp . . . in the most unattractive way possible.

Sophia chuckles before waving, ''Hi.''

''Hey, you're still awake?''

''I couldn't sleep. What were you doing in Dion's room?'' She raises an eyebrow, trying to peek through but I immediately make my way towards her—not wanting her to assume anything.

''We were talking about work. It's always about work,'' I respond, using my card to open the door and she starts to step inside before me; letting me close the door behind us, ''Do you need anything? If you have trouble sleeping, I was prescribed with sleeping pills and they work like wonders.''

''You have those?''

''Yeah, I get trouble sleeping sometimes.'' I clear my throat, trying to think of something.

Turning to look at Sophia as she takes a seat, I begin to wonder what's behind her silk bathrobe but I immediately and mentally slap myself for even thinking that way—even though her bathrobe is ending at the middle of her thigh, short enough for anyone to see anything underneath if she crosses her legs but luckily, she sits properly and normally which eases me a bit. Not just that but whatever happened earlier, when we kissed, it's kind of a constant reminder of what we both can be.

''I want to talk . . . '' She trails off.

''Yeah, we should do that.'' I respond, taking a seat the opposite from her before leaning back and looking straight at her who seems to be avoiding making any eye contact with me; normal, she's a bit shy. That's how girls or women react when they've been kissed, they begin to wonder and think about it all the time—she's young, give her a break. I just have a lot of experience with women for the past years.

''About what happened,''

''About what happened?'' I ask.

Her eyes widen, ''No, not about the kiss. There's something you should know. Look . . . I didn't expect for things to turn out this way and I was hoping I could leave when the month is up,'' Her voice low but what she stated was clear and vivid; asking more questions would make me seem desperate.

Yet, I'm currently desperate. Truly, desperate.

''You want to leave? I thought—I just thought that you might've already changed your mind, especially after what happened earlier. I kissed you, I wanted to and you responded, you kissed me back. That doesn't mean anything to you?'' My eyebrows furrow in confusion and I don't know whether by the look on her face or mine, it seems as if we're both caught. Caught in between to make a decision we both know we can't make.

Sophia continues to gaze into my eyes and it doesn't take me long to realise the sadness longing in those beautiful eyes. I want to know the cause, the main reason but what right do I have? Who am I to ask?

''Sophia,'' I call out.

Pushing away all of the negativities lingering in my mind as I make my way towards her before grabbing onto her hand, my eyes gazing up into her own while I lower myself on one knee. ''Did I misunderstood something? Don't I—no, don't you feel anything for me?'' I question, seemingly desperate but the sight of her eyes looking away from my own shows.

''That's not it. I just want to leave,'' She turns to look at me, ''I can't be near you. I just can't take it anymore. I don't want to hurt anyone, especially not you or Brody. You have to understand me, Dimitri. You have to,'' Tears begin to slip down her cheeks as she pulls her hand away from my grasps, wanting to wipe them away but I resist by pulling them back.

''Tell me. Tell me why you're like this,'' I respond.

''Why are you making it harder for me?''

''What?''

''I want to leave. Let me leave,''

As soon as she stands up and begins to walk away, I immediately use all my of will to wrap my arms around her. Both of my arms are securely wrapping around her from behind—stopping her from taking any more steps further away from me. ''No. You can't leave. You can't leave me. I won't allow it. I won't ever let you leave me,'' I rest my chin on her shoulder, feeling tears forming in my own eyes yet I have no desire to hold them back; for some reason, if she leaves . . . I won't be able to see her again.

I hug her tighter, ''I need you. Don't do this to me. Don't walk away from me,''

''I'm not who you think I am,'' She breathes.

''So? What kind of reason is that?'' My arms are securely wrapping around her waist as she breathes to control herself, ''You can't do this to me. I haven't felt this way towards someone in a long time and you've made me feel alive again. So, you can't walk away. You can't leave. Not when you have made me fallen for you,'' I add.

To my surprise, she starts to push me away which causes me to lean back in order to avoid myself from falling onto the ground. Just like that, she turns to look at me and her eyes are red with tears; it's a sight I have to admit I hate. The way her eyes are avoiding my own and her fingers slightly shaking—somehow in fear and her body trembling. What have I done wrong? What have I done?

''I was raped,''

My eyes widen in surprise before trying to take a few steps towards her but she takes a few steps further away from me which causes me to stop. ''What makes you think I deserve this? Deserve you? I'm not good enough for you, Dimitri. I will never be good enough for you,'' She adds, blinking away the tears before sighing deeply. ''Before things get out of control, I have to leave. You can't fall for someone like me. You can't be with someone who was assaulted in the past. I'm filthy, I'm disgusted with myself.''

''What are you talking about?'' I shake my head.

''I'm disgusted with myself, Dimitri. At first it was fine because we were strangers—no, you're right. You're not the only one. I've fallen for you as well and that's why I'm leaving. I have to leave before we make stupid and rash decisions,'' She replies.

''Who? Who was it?'' I ask, feeling my blood rising as I clench my fists before turning to look away. As I close both of my eyes, I am reminded back of the memories five years ago—when everything was falling apart, when Chloe was ruining everything we had. What I felt that day was horrible and all I could think of was hurting someone, hurting myself even but now, all I can think of is the broken person in front of me.

How am I supposed to heal her?

''W—What?'' She stutters.

''I need to find him,''

As I walk towards the bedroom, Sophia starts to follow me before grabbing onto my arm. Both of her eyes are looking up into my own as if she's pleading, begging and even hoping; it pains me to know she was hurt, she was treated wrong. ''Was it Michael? Who was it, Sophia? Tell me or I swear to God I'm going to—''

She cuts me off, ''—please, don't. Don't,''

''He has to go to jail, Sophia!'' I exclaim.

''It was a long time ago. There's no use in trying to find justice. I didn't tell you for you to react like this, you don't have to react like this. I just want you to let me go, let me leave. Just forget about me, it'll be easier—I'm someone with a troubled past and I hate that about me. How long am I supposed to stay here with you? How long am I supposed to keep on latching onto you? I can't, it has to stop.'' She continues to speak as she slowly let go of my arm, ''You understand . . . right? You understand me, don't you?''

''You thought I'd change my mind?'' I run my fingers through my hair, frustrated.

''That's what you're supposed to do. Change your mind about me. Take back what you said,''

''God damn it, Sophia. Who do you think I am? What kind of person do you think I am? Someone who just leaves whenever he's asked to? I'm going to fix this. Whatever it takes, I will fix it. You want to leave? Fine, you can leave.'' I continue to speak, both of my eyes are piercing through her own as she continues to look at me; somehow surprised by my determination. ''You can walk away and never look back but remember this, Sophia Grace Thompson . . . remember it well and clear, no matter how far you run, no matter how hard it is for me, I'll find you.''

Lessening the distance between us by taking a few steps towards her, ''So, make up your mind. You can take the easy way by staying here with me and I'll prove myself just how much you mean to me or you can leave and just be dragged back by me?''

Our eyes are locked onto one another as we both stand, completely frozen at our spots while I bury the fire within me. The fire that was once lit by someone. Someone I'd rather forget.