HIS SECRETS

For some reason,Drake was sweating, even though the temperature on the thermostat read a balmy 74 degrees. Sarah adjusted his tie for him and then smoothed a hand down the shoulders of his black formal jacket. “You okay?”
He gave her a distracted smile. “Great. Peachy.”
Sarah nodded, but didn’t bring it up again. She couldn’t shake the feeling that Drakewas distracted and so unhappy at having to attend the publicity dinner with her, but she didn’t want to back down. This meant something to her. This meant he’d come out in front of all of his friends ,especially Lilian and would show them just how much being with her meant to him.
And she needed that. She needed that badly. So she put aside any twinges of misgiving at Drake ’s stiff attitude. Last night had more than made up for any hint of distraction today. Dreamily, she put on the last touches of her makeup in his mirror and tried not to think about how incredibly intimate—and mind-blowing—last night had been. She’d expected it to be good. With Drake , she’d expected it to be great. But she hadn’t quite anticipated three leg-noodling orgasms in a row that sent her screaming over the edge, and cussing. They never had it like this before, it wasn’t this mutual and loving, and last night she realize the difference in sex and lovemaking.The way he’d been able to bring her body to orgasm had been downright shameless, and she was already anticipating tonight. Eniola had laughingly given her lot of expensive sex toys as gifts before she left , and Sarah had blushed, mortified, when she’d received her intimidating looking “rabbit” vibrator. Now she was wondering if Drake would use it on her and how that would feel.
But then her lipstick was finished, and she looked at the clock, and it was time to go. “I suppose we should head on down,” she told him.
“That’s fine,” Drake said, his voice surprisingly toneless. “I’m ready when you are.”
She emerged from the bathroom and smiled at him, hoping he’d approve of her dress. It was a peachy thing made of a floaty chiffon that tied under her breasts and her neck and made her long form look willowy. She’d loved it, but it was too flimsy and formal for anything but a wedding. Tonight, however, it was perfect, and she felt a bit like a princess, especially with her sparkly heels . . . and her very own Prince Charming on her arm.
“Shall we go?” she prompted when he didn’t move.
He looked over at her then, and it seemed as if he was focusing on her for the first time. To her surprise, he pulled her against him and took her mouth in a hard, passionate kiss that made her dazed with pleasure. When he finally pulled away, she was breathless and her trembling fingers moved to his lips to wipe her lipstick off. “W-what was that for?”
“That was because you’re beautiful and I’ve never felt about anyone the way I feel about you.”
Sarah smiled. That was close to an admission of love. Close. “I love you,” she said softly. “Thank you for coming with me.”
The smile he gave her was grim. “No need to thank me.”
Sarah fought the impending sense of doom as they left Drake’s room and headed down to the lobby of the hotel. The Red Ballroom had been reserved for the publicity dinner, and it was on the main floor, down a private hall. And Sarah
held Drake’s hand, and for the first time in what felt like forever, she felt beautiful and confident despite the fact that she was two inches shoter than her date in her high heels. With Drake , it didn’t matter, because he made her feel beautiful no matter what.
When they got to the double doors, there was a bodyguard in a tuxedo checking names. They stood in line with other chatting, formally dressed people, but Sarah didn’t recognize them. Drake seemed to grow even more nervous, and his hand was squeezing hers tightly. Was Drake . . . shy? Was that the problem? He didn’t seem like the type.
They got to the door, and Sarah smiled at the man with the clipboard. “Sarah Rosewood and date.”
“Date’s name?” the man asked, scanning his list with a pen.
Odd that they should ask. “Drake Holt.”
The guard looked up and frowned at them. “Please wait here.”
“Sarah,” Drake said as they stepped aside. The guard slipped into the room, closing the double doors behind him.
She frowned. “Maybe guest friends are supposed to go through a different door? I didn’t ask.”
“It’s not you,” Drake told her. “It’s me. I should leave.”
“What? No, I want you here with me,”Sarah
told him, panic and hurt threading through her. “You’re my date. I don’t see why that’s an issue.”
“You’ll see,” he said in a low, defeated voice.
The doors to the dining hall swung open and out stormed Brown . He was followed by two big men in tuxedos that were clearly security, and they headed straight for Sarah and Drake .
“You piece of shit,” Brown snarled, pointing at her date. “I can’t believe you have the balls to come here.” He rushed forward and grabbed Drake by the lapels of his jacket.
Sarah gave a little scream, looking on in dismay. “What’s going on?”
“It’s okay, Sarah,” Drake said, an unnatural smile on his face. He put his hands in the air, as if conceding a battle. “My friend Brown here is just a little upset I came to his party.”
“I warned you a dozen times about fucking with my cousin’s wedding ,” Drake said, and for a horrible moment, Sarah thought Brown was going to punch Drake .
“I invited him,” she said, stepping up when it didn’t look like Drake was going to defend himself.
Brown looked over at her, as if seeing her for the first time, and then back at Brown . His sneer grew worse. “Really? Even after I warned you?”
“Warned him?” Sarah asked. “Warned him about what?”
“Nothing, sweetheart,” Sarah said. “Brown’s just losing his temper over nothing.”
“Over nothing? She’s a nice girl and she deserves better than you. I told you to fucking stay away from her.”
Why would Brown want Drake to stay away from her? Confused, Sarah looked from one man to the other. “I don’t understand.”
“I’ll go where I want, when I want,”Drake told Brown. He looked utterly furious and resigned at the same time . . . as if he’d been expecting this. “You sure as fuck can’t tell me who to date.”Brown’s lip curled. “Isn’t that what you wanted, though? A way to get my attention? Well, you have it.”
“Fuck off,” Drake snapped. “This isn’t about that.”
“Isn’t it?” Brown said. “You’ve been blackmailing me by threatening to sic the press on my cousin’s goddamn wedding for the last month and a half. And now you’re sleeping with Sarah just so you can get your way in? That’s low.”
Wait . . . sleeping with her to get into the wedding? Sarah’s eyes widened and she looked over at Drake . “That’s not true, is it?”
“Of course it’s not fucking true,” Drake shot back, giving her a briefly wounded look for doubting him.
Sarah’s voice was quiet. “Then what does he mean about blackmailing him?”
He looked at Brown , and Sarah could visibly see Brown’s jaw clench. The man looked terrifying. She knew he was protective of Lilian ,but she couldn’t quite grasp why he was flying out here to defend her from Drake . Then, Drake moved toward her and took her hand. Dazed, she let him grip it, and he gave her a little squeeze and leaned in. “We need to talk, you and I. Somewhere private. I’ll explain everything.”
“I told you to leave her alone,” Brown said in a warning voice. The two bodyguards behind him started to move forward.
“No,” Sarah said, interrupting. She put a hand up to stop them, and then looked at Drake . “I’ll go with you. But I want answers.”
He nodded and began to tug her forward by the hand, down the hall. “Come on. We need some privacy. Let’s go to the gardens.”
She let him drag her along after him, her mind swirling with questions and worry. People stared at them as they rushed past, and she felt a bit of humiliation at being turned away at the door to the reception dinner. What on earth was wrong with her date? Why did Brown hate him so much?
And what had he meant by “blackmailing”? She’d spent most of the week with Drake and he’d seemed happy to be in her company. In fact, he hadn’t wanted her to leave his side.
But still . . . why did Brown think Drake was using her to get to the wedding? And why was Drake being so weird about it? An unhappy gnawing settled in her stomach, making her feel ill.
This all had to be a mistake. It had to be. A misunderstanding of some kind.
As they walked out into the gardens of the resort, though, a trio of men came down another path, heading toward them. They had cameras on their shoulders and the one in the front carried a microphone. Oh, no. Sarah tensed even as the men approached.
“Well, hello there, gorgeous. You interested in playing FIND LOVE OR STRIP —oh, hey, hi there, Mr. Holt.” The man with the microphone looked surprised. And confused.
“What are you doing here?” Drake said, his voice a snarl. He pushed Sarah behind him protectively. “I thought I told you fucks to get off this island.”
“It’s all right,” Sarah murmured, running a soothing hand down Drake’s sleeve. He was so furious that she was worried there’d be a new scene in the gardens and then they’d be surrounded by people again. “Let’s just go—”
“Sorry, boss,” said the man with the microphone sheepishly. “We’ve been getting some good filming so we figured it wouldn’t hurt to stay another day or two.”
“You figured wrong. I told Ashroff ff that you guys were to leave the island. You’re all fucking fired.”
Betrayal made her skin prickle with realization. Stomach churning, Sarah jerked her hand from Drake’s, the conversation finally sinking in. “‘Boss’? These men are your employees?”
Drake turned to look at her, frustration clear on his face. “Let’s just go to the gazebo and talk, Sarah , please. I’ll explain everything.”
“Start explaining now,” she said, hands on her hips and a horrible, nightmarish ache in her heart. This was beyond hurt, beyond disappointment. She felt like ice, all frozen inside. Somehow, though, she managed to stay upright even though it felt like her heart was breaking into a million tiny pieces.
“Fine,” Drake said, and raked a hand through his hair nervously. He looked around and then gestured at a nearby carved stone bench. The camera crew stood there awkwardly for a minute, until Drake turned to them. “Get the fuck out of here. You’re all still fired.”
Trembling, Sarab sat on the bench and clasped her hands on her knees, forcing a calm to her expression that she didn’t quite feel. She watched, sick to her stomach, as Drake sat next to her and then rubbed his face again.
“I’m not the man you think I am, Sarah,” Drake told her, clearly miserable.
“I think I’m starting to understand that.” Her voice shook a little despite all her attempts to appear strong and in control. “So who are you really, I mean I thought I knew you so well?”
He gave a small, ironic chuckle and a shake of his head. “I kept waiting for you to google me, you know? To look up all my dirty misdeeds and then throw them in my face. I just never expected you to actually trust me. No one does, you know.” He rubbed his jaw and glanced over at her. “For the record, all the shit in the tabloids is fake.”
“What . . . things in the tabloids?”
“The coke, the models, the late-night parties. It’s all just PR. That, and once your rep hits a certain point, you can’t blow your nose in public without everyone assuming you just did lines in the bathroom.”
“Drake , I don’t understand what you’re talking about,” Sarah told him. “Start over. I don’t know what any of this means. Is Drake even your real name?”
“It’s my real name,” he agreed. “Drake Holt , owner of The Grand Channel and a few other networks.”
“The Ground Channel,” she murmured, trying to think. “It sounds sexist.”
“It is. We specialize in lowbrow humor, tittie shots, and whatever we can get away with on basic cable.”
She recoiled. That sounded . . . revolting. “Why? Gosh, why?” It was exactly the sort of thing she hated. “Why peddle women?”
“Fuck, I don’t know. Because there’s money to be made there, and I’m good at it?” He rubbed his neck, clearly uncomfortable with having to explain himself. “When I took over my dad’s company, there were lots of rumors I couldn’t bear , I mean a lot believed I was responsible for his death, some assumed I wanted the position so badly. I just needed to prove the world wrong with something and so I started the channel thing after confiding in Brown who was against it before I spoke to one of my friend. I don’t know who came up with the whole ‘FIND LOVE OR STRIP ’ idea for a show, but it worked after I tested it quite a lot of times , the reason I dated women and broke up with them afterwards, basically I really didn’t believe in love and I believe that must have been why I enjoyed the show .We started doing videos and they got carried on late-night TV, and then eventually we made our own network. I bought out my buddy and continued expanding on things until I made The Grand Channel a household name. I made it from a lot hatred for love .”
“I think it’s awful,” she told him with a small shake of her head. “You’re preying on women and making their hearts suffer ”
“I’m not ‘preying’ on anyone,” Drake said in an irritated tone that told her he’d had that conversation before.
“You are. I’ve seen clips of the show. The women are drunk or pressured by the men to the point that they feel like they have to give in , They are made to believe the men are truly in love with them . That’s not fair.”
“It’s just a stupid show, Sarah.”
“It wasn’t so stupid when they came after me,” she said quietly.
To that, he said nothing.
“And those men with the cameras are your employees,” she said slowly. “And they’re here to mess up Lilian’s ’s wedding.”
“Yes—no, actually. Okay, fuck.” He raked a hand through his hair again. “Where do I start. So I came to the island wanting a business deal with Brown for a new channel. I figured if I caught him on vacation, I might loosen him up. I had no idea he was in love with you and before I broke up with Lilian she had a miscarriage, I wasn’t myself after I realized she had my baby inside her without letting me know, I tried to reach out to her but it was too late, I wasn’t myself for a long while Sarah. Anyhow, I nearly drowned and you saved me, and from that point on, it became my goal to find out who you were, because I was already half in love with you after seeing you since two years .” He looked over at her, and his expression was tender and hopeful.
Hers remained horrified.
He sighed. “Right. Anyhow, I was going to apologize to Lilian properly on the day I realized she was getting married and then you came into my office , so I decided you were my best shot to get Lilian jealous and I told him about a show we could work on. In the meantime, I told my friends about it Brown finds me in the bar and won’t give me the time of day. Said I was not doing the kind of business he was interested in and to get off the island because I was fucking up his cousin’s wedding. I got pissed and told my strip crew to come here and make a nuisance of themselves. Once they accosted you, I told them to leave. It seems they don’t take orders very well.” He grimaced.
Recognition dawned on her face. “And this is why you stood me up yesterday. Because Brown would see you and know you were spending time with me.”
“Yup. And I never wanted to hurt you at all. Not in the slightest.” The look on his face was fierce. “But I was trapped. Brown thinks I’m using you to get to him, and that’s not true.”
She didn’t know if she believed him. She wanted to, desperately, but years of long, lonely experience had taught her that hot, interesting guys didn’t go for the five-foot-tall chick, and the fact that her mind reminds her of the period they dated being faked hurts more .So she was leaning more toward Brown ’s suggestion, too, which hurt. Bad.
“So Brown thinks you’re using me.”
He nodded.
“And yet you slept with me last night, knowing that today I’d find out who you were?”
“Can’t blame a guy for wanting a little taste of paradise before being condemned to hell.”
Her jaw dropped. “That is repulsive.”
He rubbed his face again. “I wasn’t going to touch you, Sarah. I really wasn’t. Hell, you wouldn’t take no for an answer, and you were so sweet and so fragile that I felt like if I turned you down, I’d have hurt you even more.” The smile he shot in her direction was bitter, tormented. “I was fucking stuck. Either love you and leave you, or just leave you. I chose to get one night out of things, at least.”
He was right, she realized with a sick feeling in her stomach. She’d been so relieved when he showed up and made her feel pretty again that she’d all but begged him to have her. Oh sweet mercy, it was so shameful. “You must have had a good laugh at the ignorant Sarah who thought you were her knight in shining armor.”
“I never laughed at you. Not once,” Drake e said, his face solemn. “I never cared what anyone thought about me until I met you. I grew up thinking I was completely unlovable and didn’t give a shit. Everyone in the world could think I was some sort of douchebag in a business suit and I didn’t care a whit . . . until I met you. You’re the only person I’ve ever cared about what you thought of me.” He reached for her hand and tugged it between his. “And I love you.”
Funny how the “I love you” didn’t come last night in bed when she’d told him how she felt. It only came now, when he felt cornered, trapped. Hot tears blurred Sarah’s vision and she swiped at them angrily. “How can you sit there and tell me that you love me when all you’ve done is lie to me?”
“I was trying to protect you.”
“From who you really are? Who’s going to protect all those women from you? The women you pay to debase themselves for your viewers?”
“Sarah, it’s not like that—”
“It’s exactly like that,” she cried, pulling her hand from his. “How would you feel if those men showed up right now and I felt pressured to take my top off? And then it showed on TV?”
His jaw clenched. “I told them to leave you alone.”
“Because you’re the boss,” she pointed out. “If you weren’t and they harassed me, I might have done it just to make them go away. Then how would you feel?”
He said nothing. Just gazed at her with wounded eyes.
“Those women are someone else’s daughters. Their sisters, their girlfriends. You’re profiting off of bullying them.”
“What do you want me to say, Sarah? I love you. I never intended on falling in love, but I’m crazy about you. If you want me to say I’m sorry, I will. If you want me to sell the network, I will. I love you. I’d do anything for you. I loved you from the moment I saw you.”
“I don’t know if I can still love you, Drake . The man I loved was a lie.”
“No.” His nostrils flared and he glared at her. “I’ve been me with you this week. That’s who I really am. That wasn’t a lie.”
“The man I fell in love with wouldn’t hurt women. He treats me like gold,” she said softly. “I loved the man who was kind and gentle to me, who held my hand and rescued me from creeps. Not the man who hires the creeps.”
“Sarah, please.” He grasped her hand in his, pulled it to his mouth and kissed her knuckles. “I adore you. I adore everything about you. I’ve never met someone like you and I can’t wait to spend every minute with you. Give me another chance. Let me redeem myself in your eyes. Please. I want you with me. When I go back to New York , I want you to come with me and give me another chance. I can change.”
Her heart was breaking at the pain in his handsome face, his smoky green eyes. How many times had she dreamed of having a man tell her that he loved her and wanted her? And how was it that Drake —who was so perfect for her in so many ways and made her feel so cherished and loved—could turn out to be so awful underneath? She felt utterly betrayed, and stupid . . .
And she just hurt, from head to toe. Her heart hurt the worst. “I can’t, Drake .”
“I don’t want to lose you. How much is Brown going to pay you? I’ll double it. No, I’ll triple it. You can be my assistant. Two of mine are fucking idiots anyhow.”
She reluctantly pulled her hand from his, wanting to weep at how her body still wanted him even though her heart felt torn asunder. “I’m sorry, Drake . I have a publicity ty dinner to get to.”
“Sarah, please.”
She shook her head. “Just . . . just leave me alone, okay?”
As she walked away on wobbly feet, she kept expecting him to come after her. She looked back, once, and saw Drake ke still sitting at the bench, a haunted expression on his face.
He could beg her to forgive him as nicely as he wanted, but in the end, she didn’t trust him. She didn’t know the real Drake . Did the real Drake go on moonlit swims with tall girls and take them out for ice cream simply because they wanted to spend time together? Did the real Drake want to impress a girl so much that he wore a sweater-vest and took her to bingo? Or was the real Drake a manipulator who wore a million faces and would say whatever she wanted to hear just so he could get into the wedding? All this while she thought it was about Lilian but it wasn’t.
She felt sick to her brain.
“ Sarah”
It was Brown running towards her with the two men behind her
“ I hope you are fine ?.”
“ yes I just need need to eat something so bad.”
The reception dinner was lovely. Despite the fact that Sarah sat alone, the seat next to her uncomfortably empty, some friends she made did their best to make her feel wanted and happy. She’d never felt more loved by alcohol
. . .
Which was ironic, because all she wanted to do was run up to her room and have a good crying session. She couldn’t, though, because she didn’t want to ruin Lilian’s ’s happiness, she deserved it . So she smiled and acted like she was fine. She laughed and chatted and shook hands, and gave her small, shaky little speech at the publicity dinner. Her smile felt pasted on¸ but if anyone noticed her stiff, frozen look, they kept it to themselves.
And afterward, when all the women piled into several limos and headed out for the official bachelorette party,Sarah was amongst them, doing her best to have fun. Somehow, she found a seat in the limo next to Brown , who hugged her and didn’t say anything.
And Sarah hugged him back, tears threatening.
They were quiet in each other’s arms for a long moment while the others chatted and drank around them. Then, Brown leaned into Sarah’s ear.
“I just want you to know,” she whispered, “That the manager told my personal assistant that Mr. Holt and his people—all of them—left the hotel earlier. You don’t have to worry about seeing any of them again.”
“Thank you,” Sarah murmured woodenly. She knew Brown was trying to make her feel better. And she supposed it should have made her feel better. Any more awkward confrontations were no longer something she had to worry about.
But she wasn’t any fun at the bachelorette party, and she ended up sitting at one of the back tables with a pregnant Victoria , sipping water and listening halfheartedly to the other woman’s baby plans.
When she finally got back to her hotel room at three in the morning, she fell into bed and tucked her hands under her pillow . . .
Only to find one of Drake ’s shirts. She’d slept in it last night and had worn it this morning to return to her room. It was a soft gray t-shirt, and when she put it to her nose, it smelled like sex and sweat and Drake .
Sarah buried her face in it and burst into tears.Not too long she heard a knock, she ran as fast as she could but to her disappointment she taught wrong
“ you forgot your phone.” Brown said as he handed her phone to her. Sarah glanced at her phone due to the several messages and missed calls notifications not realizing Brown’s movement towards her slowly and then he kissed her before she could resist, she was very tipsy but she knew how wrong this was but her brain didn’t click so fast till Brown pulled away.
“ I am sorry I just couldn’t hold myself.” He said hugging her passionately, too tired to push back she just let him have his way
And then she heard footsteps of someone walking away .
“ please I need to be alone right now.” She said tiredly and then peeped at the first message on her phone while Brown pecked her and said goodnight.
I will come later at night to still talk things out , I hope you give me a chance to make things right.
Drake.
She knew instantly he must have seen Brown and her and ran out to look for him . The rain was pouring heavily and there was no way Drake was driving inside the rain. Running out as fast as her legs could carry her she saw Drake drove out of the car pack angrily . She waved a cab to stop immediately to go after Drake’s car and to her surprise he stopped at some point on the road.
Sarah ran out towards Drake’s car only to see him do the unthinkable, he was crying profusely and shaking while holding the car’s steering wheel
“ I am scared Sarah.” he said sadly
She opened the door and hugged him as she pat his back
“ you are fine now Drake .” She said as she hugged him passionately
“Let go back to my room.” She said quietly
it was then she realized she had no shoes on , all wet and teary .