Chapter 25

She could not sleep. She kept tossing and turning and tossing, even opting to put the pillow over her head at some point.

She kept thinking about her father and the current situation they were in, about all the things she never knew, about Luyeva and if she was doing okay.
But the biggest reason that kept her awake was the dream. She had it again and this time it was a little different.

When the man walked through the door this time around, he now had a face. Her father’s. Instead of the frown or indifferent look he usually gave her, there was a big smile on his face. And as he walked towards the sleeping woman, the smile seemed to stretch bigger and wider until it went from one end of his face to the other.

Was it because she now knew her father was not a good man? Was her mind trying to fill in the gaps?

But the most frightening thought was- could the woman be her mother? From the few pictures her governess showed her- her father had none, her mother was a brunette with smallish features. The woman in her dream was fairytale-blonde and certainly bigger.

*Oh, how she wished she had answers to her questions. Then she could finally get some sleep.

But would she? Her whole life was a joke, a faux existence. She had grown up thinking her father was a man who dabbled in everything and worked hard to get what he had today. She believed him when he said he had important meetings to attend overseas and never for once thought about that girl she shared a birthday with.

She depended on her governess for everything a mother could give, except from the title. She lived a sheltered, ignorant life.
What would happen when all of this was over? Would she go back and tell Luyeva that the man she worked for killed people for a living? Would there be others coming after her to take revenge for all the wrongs her father did?

The thought made her shiver.

If they decided that she would pay, she was doomed. There was no way she would protect herself. Or her governess.

*Michal

His name came into her mind unbidden. She shook her head. She could not dare to ask him for help. Not when her father still held his father hostage and had once tortured him to the brink of death.
She was undeserving.

*So, was this it? Her end? Wasn’t it better to remain here- where they had a law against assaulting women and children than to go back home, not knowing if her next move would be her last?

There was a light knock on the door.
“Katya?”

Michal. Her heart did a little race.

She stood up from the bed and went to open.
“What are you doing up at this time of the night?” She asked. And then thought about it. He had to be on guard against her father.

“I’m sorry. I know you have a lot to do,” she rectified.

He shook his head.
“It’s okay. I wanted to make sure that you were okay.”

“I’m okay. I’m good,” she replied.

Michal nodded.
“Oh, oh well. That’s good.”

There was a brief awkward silence as they both stood at each ends of the door, not knowing what next to say. Katya held her breath, waited, counted.

“Alright then, good-

“Do you want to come in?” She blurted out. “I mean, if you want to, it’s not like I’m saying you should come in but-

“Yeah, I’d love to,” he saved her from rambling with a smile.



The awkward silence at the door seemed to stretch on as he sat on the chair and she on the bed. Katya looked at her nails and at the bed sheets.

*Wow, she never noticed they had such intricate patterns. What was she to do, start small talk?
“How’s your father? Does my father still have him? Oh, yeah he does.”

She sighed. There was no safe topic to begin with.

“What do you remember about your childhood?“

She looked up.
“My childhood?”

Michal nodded.
“I’m curious. I know that you had no idea your father was a mafia boss but I wonder what it must feel like to grow up with absent father. We have established that mine was around but he wasn’t the most pleasant of men.”

“I don’t know, to be honest,” Katya shrugged, “I know that I wanted him to be there, to care more about me than he did his work stuff but after sometime I just got used to it.
I got used to his silent replies, the air of indifference and the cold stare. The only times he ever acted warm to me was before I turned thirteen. I think after I turned thirteen, he thought I was too old to be babied.
Alliluyeva, my governess was the only constant I ever knew. She was the one who told me all about my mother- which was very little now that I think about it, but I would get lost in her stories and I was there with my ma, doing all those things with a proud smile on my face.

Although after I wore my mother’s dress to a class event and my father banned me from ever touching her belongings, Luyeva stopped talking about my ma. Maybe he told her not to. I don’t know. I’ll never know.”

“I did some digging,” Michal told her.

“Oh? What did you find?”
*What could be worse than what she already knew?

“Luyeva came with your mother to meet your father. She had been working for your mother’s family since she was a small girl and when your mother wanted to get married, her mother suggested to take Luyeva along.”

“Oh.” Katya did not know what to do with the new piece of information. If Luyeva had been with her mother all along, it meant that she had all the answers Katya was looking for. But it also meant…that her governess knew about her father.

*But the idea was too incredulous to be voiced out.

So Michal did it for her.
“She knew about your father. At least she knew some part.”

“Why didn’t she tell me?“ Katya was devastated. The only constant in her life was also a lie. What then could she trust? Who could she trust?
The tears came again- unbidden. This time she did not hold back. She had held back a lot in front of him but this- this was different. A woman she took as her own mother, that her life had been entrusted into.

The memories came rushing back. Luyeva cradling her to sleep when she had nightmares; putting a bandaid over a cut she had when she was seven; giving her the talk on boys; teaching her certain recipes; consoling her when her father disappointed yet again.

The same woman knew her father was-


She felt Michal’s hand on her shoulder and she flew into his embrace, sobbing. She wanted it all to stop- the lies, the fallacy, the terrible truths. She wanted to close her eyes and wake up with ignorance.
But she couldn’t.

*She wasn’t a little girl anymore.

She returned her hands to her side and sniffed.
“I’m sorry I got you wet. I keep crying all the time. I should just grow up.”

“It’s okay,” Michal said softly.


She looked up at him, saw the smile on his face and her heart skipped. Again. She felt a tightness in her chest that traveled all the way to her stomach and pooled there. His lips- she wanted to kiss him. Badly.

*Was it appropriate?

“I want to kiss you. Is that okay?” Michal took her thoughts.

“Yes please.”

He placed his hand under her chin and drew her close, his face hovering inches over here.
“I wanted to kiss you so bad yesterday when you hugged me. I wanted to kiss you when you showed off that dress at the store, when you teased me and tried to get me all bothered. I wanted to kiss the smirk off your mouth and make you moan my name instead.

Heck, I wanted to kiss you when you told me about your little friend. Show you just how much pleasure I can give you. More than he can.”

He placed a kiss on her lips and Katya smiled.

“Are you talking about pleasure? I made him up. I was mad that you were going to follow me everywhere. And you looked so proper in your amazing suit and briefcase with all your proper name title calling. But I think I was really mad at my father.”

Michal took her bottom lip between his teeth and gently nibbled on it.
“I was trying not to react when you walked out all hyper with your shirt and nothing else. I wasn’t supposed to be attracted to you. But it happened and I was angry at myself.”

Katya wanted him to shut up. She was here now and all she wanted was for him to kiss her.

“Shut up and kiss me?”