39. You Broke My Heart

*“All of me is damned.
From earliest beginnings, my fate has been solitude -
Elegant solitude, elegant loneliness.
I let it walk into me as into a cathedral, down its aisle - wedding bells sound in the secret place of my heart.” ~ Segovia Amil*


**MAEVE**

Fear makes a human do incredible things.
Lucky for me, I have been much afraid all my life to ease myself into the emotion far too quickly than anyone else. Flight or fight being the only two options left, I was smart enough to know that fighting a bunch of shifter wolves would not be the wisest choice.
Then run, my head screamed. Run far, far away, and even it meant the end of the world for me.
I took off as fast a run as I could manage, feet pounding against the ground. Even the adrenaline could not block out that much impact, and pain crackled up through my leg with each step. The ankle barely held up through my flight.
I did not fall or go to a true limp.
I just could not bring myself to a stop.
My breath was growing hard and ragged with every hurried step, and the rest of the muscles were still weak from all I had been through. Even with a solid aim, I knew that the city was miles away.
At some point, I had to spit out the chunk of herb from my mouth because it turned completely bitter. Nausea grew, slowing me down. A faint part of my brain began to process if Xander had already begun the search or not.
There were just too many loose ends to count.
But I did not look back. Neither literally nor metaphorically. A faint horizon of lights twinkled in the dark end of the horizon, even though it meant I was about to enter a cluster of trees. If not the destination, it would. At least provide me with some kind of cover for the night, I thought.
Xander is going to catch, sooner or later, a part of my head screamed.
It propelled my system into a state of panic, making it tougher for me to breathe. As I reached a thin line of trees, I was forced to slow down just a little. Gasping for breath, I pressed myself up against a sturdy trunk. It was only then that I dared to turn around a little and saw nothing but the faint silvery gleam of the forest.
There was a thick silence in the misty woods - a deathly silence. And it lasted for about seven seconds before a ferocious howl split the veil the darkness and pierced into my air.
I *froze*, holding so still that I did not even dare to breathe.
The faint stirring and rustling of leaves told me that the animal was closer than I imagined. In a split second, I broke into a sprint. With no sense of direction, I ran towards the clearing with the animal on my heels.
The howl roared again, and even though I could not see the shadow of the beast, there was no doubt in my mind that it was Xander.
In all probability, it was *him*.
Adrenaline helped my sore limbs gain the required momentum to outrun a werewolf but only to a certain distance. All it took was a misstep, a huge log blocking my way, and I stumbled over. Whatever little advantage of masking scent and speed I gained was down the drain.
“Ahh!” I screamed without reservation as the pain shot through my body. The unforgiving forest floor already roughened up my body as I crashed on the ground, but thankfully, no head first.
Before a bout of pain could hit me, the wolf jumped out of nowhere and landed a few feet away from me. Glowing silver gleamed in the dark as he advanced towards me in slow, predatory steps. The snarl was low, allowing a small peek of the canines.
When it was merely a couple of inches away, I tried to scramble backward before the angry howl rang into the night and jarred the quietness.
Wrath, fear, and pain mingled as with the other and slowly started to drain the energy out of my body. By the time the wolf came closer, the fur caressing my skin, little black dots had danced in my vision.
It was not the pitch black night that obscured my eye sight but my state of mind. And slowly, I saw nothing at all.

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I woke up with extreme soreness coursing through my body.
For a few addled seconds, I had no idea what had happened or where I was. But as the drowsiness slowly wore off, yesterday’s events came slamming back to me. On reflex, I sat upright, despite the slight dizziness in my head. Immediately, I found myself in a known room.
The room was kept dark with the curtain drawn in to prevent the sunlight from streaming inside, even though a few rays forced its way in through the peeks. I slowly slid off the bed with my senses on high alert, but my hands and legs…God! There were bruises, soreness, cramps, and whatnot. Even a bunch of ibuprofen would not save me from this nightmare of ache.
I half-hobbled and half-dragged myself across the room and checked the door. As I had expected, it was locked, and the only way to open was to break the ancient steel lock. Naturally, there was no getting past it, so I turned back around and dragged my sorry self back near the bed.
For a second, I contemplated the window, but even though it was the second floor and the window sill was broad enough to balance me, I was in no position to try such an adventure.
A few moments later, I heard the footsteps against the floor and an audible click reverberated. Breathing deep and slow, I looked over my shoulders and traced the faint shadow of him from the corner of my eyes.
Undoubtedly, it was Xander.
“You are not thinking of jumping out of the window, are you?” His tone was more condescending than humorous as I heard the door shut.
Conflicted feelings resurfaced in my mind - love mingled with terror. But, I recovered more quickly this time, pushing back whatever foolish feeling I harbored.
He is a beast without consciousness. My brain chanted.
On impulse, I turned to him fully only to stagger against his hard wall of muscles. I relied only on my feeble strength and tried to launch an attack without a purpose. Maybe it was just pure resentment. But hitting him was like punching a concrete slab. He grabbed hold of my arms in one fluid motion and roughly backed me against the wall. The shove wasn’t hard enough but gave him all the advantage he needed over me. No matter how much I struggled, his grip was hard.
“Maeve, will you stop fighting me?”
“Give me one reason not to,” I snapped back.
Since he had already incapacitated my hand, I had to strike out my legs and feet as best I could manage. And it did not do much because Xander seemed more annoyed than angry. With a loud sigh, he grabbed my shoulder with his free hand and flipped me around, pressing me against the wall and immobilizing me with the entire force of his body.
The body that made love to me several nights ago. The body that made me scream in pure bliss and carried my weight when I was tired…
The universe sure has a sick sense of humor.
“I can give you a thousand reasons,” he replied. The warm breath fluttered against my shoulders with his mouth only a couple of inches away. “But for starters, you have a history of jumping the gun with me. Hear me out, first.”
“I don’t need to hear anything. Let me go!”
“Maeve, you need to calm down,” he said. His voice was eerily calm like the previous night when he allowed a blatant humiliation of a woman. “I have said this before and I am repeating it again unless you imprint the words inside your brain: I am not going to hurt you.”
We stood like this for what seemed like an eternity as my mind raced with the closeness of his physical body. And then slowly, his hold slackened as he took a couple of steps back to make room for me.
“You will have to understand if I have a hard time believing that, Alpha Xander.”
A sardonic half-smile lifted the corner of his mouth. “As much as I want to hear that title from those sweet lips of yours, I can wait.”
I pondered for a bit, staring at him. Xander reached out and ran his fingers along the side of my face, but I flinched. I still did not know what to make of his touch.
With a sigh, he withdrew. “Maeve, if I wanted you dead, you’d be dead. But I didn’t scour the forest in the dark for my mate if I wanted to kill her. Nature would have done that to you already.”
I’d have taken my chances.
“I would have escaped if I would have been a little faster,” I braved.
Xander tsked and shook his head like he was trying to make sense of a toddler. “My innocent, little mate. What a pity!” He exclaimed.
My eyes narrowed slightly and then slid over his shoulders. The door, though closed, was not locked. If I’d just push him away…
“I suggest you stop eyeing the door because I am not someone who believes in second chances. I will restrain you,” he threatened, and all that traces of humor was gone now.
“Are those your only talents?” I spat in full throttle. “Restraining the victims, whipping them in public and cutting off their hair in disgrace?” A wave of nausea grew at the memories. And it felt right then. Anger should be the only emotion ruling my head, and not the foolish adoration.
“There is a reason I demand obedience and discipline among the pack, and you have just proved how right I was. Maeve, you were not supposed to be there,” he stated, making it sound like I was on the wrong end.
Technically, maybe, I was. But that was not the point.
“And you are the reason I should have never agreed to fall in love.” The cocktail of anger and hurt turned nasty inside my head as I lashed out at him and pushed at his chest with full force, only to make him stagger back lazily.
Xander stepped back as if to put a healthy distance between us as he warily shook his head. “I am sorry you feel that way.” Turning around, he was ready to leave. “We will talk again, once you are in a position to have a conversation without being irrational.”
And with that, he left and slammed the door shut behind him.

….

I raked a hand through my tangled tresses and slowly managed to make my way to the bathroom. It was only when I clicked on the light, I winced and realized how badly I was hurt.
Due to free fall on the forest floor, a side of my face bore red bruises while there was a small but deep red wound on the forehead. Some kind of greenish ointment was slathered over it that must have stopped the bleeding.
It took a while for Xander to come back, and by a while, I meant almost a couple of hours. I was getting impatient by that point because my uncertain (and very dangerous) future hung on a balance. And by running away, I made it worse.

This time, he entered with a tray in his hand, kicking the door shut and plopped it down on the bed. Wordlessly, his hand touched mine and silently inspected the bruises on my skin.
“Kill me or let me go, Xander.” I whispered as he slowly dragged up his gaze. “And if you are just going to lock me up in here because I defied you and torture me with your mind games, you might just well kill me now.”
“Such brave words.” He smiled sadly. “Only time I could never agree with you. You are the last person I’d ever want to hurt, Maeve. How difficult is it, believe me?”
I scoffed, averting my gaze. “You don’t want to hurt me, but you have to, right? What a magnificent beast you are!”
“Indeed, a beast,” he acquiesced without a qualm. Then his hand picked up mine and deliberately placed it over his sternum. “But a beast with a beating heart.”
My own heart picked up the pace.
Xander was the man I loved, the man with whom my heart has been so perfectly in sync that it was difficult to figure out where I ended, and he began. And all it took was a night to reverse it all.
“Let me go, Xander,” I begged. “I don’t belong here. I don’t belong in your tyrannical rule, even if it meant that I would have to stay away from you.”
I was so fixated on him that it took me a moment to revive and realize he was not saying anything, either. Those deep, brown eyes were studying me intently, like his eyes could look right through my soul.
I shivered.
Xander was enthralled the same way he fascinated me. How on earth was it possible? How can a beast be capable of such fierce human emotions? But what was more frightening was the part that his affection still affected me the same way as before. Those marble features of him softened, but it was still hard to read. I just wanted to burst into tears.
Xander slowly picked up the bowl in his hand, scooping up the liquid with the spoon, and held it to my lips. There was no demand or order, but a silent plea. I closed my eyes and gave in, allowing him to feed me in silence.
“Some choices are harder than you think,” he confessed, jarring the quietness of the room. “But it is because of these choices that my world is standing tall. We have our laws, boundaries and protocols because without them, our clan would have been hunted and destroyed a long time ago. The pups would have been slaughtered and the packs would have been extinct. It is only because of the laws, which kept us together, that the shifter wolves survived.”
I understood where he was coming from, but there was always a way. Civilization grew from wildness as well. And if these wolves were ready to make their peace and live among humans without revealing their identity, there must have been a way to improve things.
The next time he tried to raise his hand to feed, I turned my head away. Dejected, he placed down the bowl and began to smooth his hand over the swollen part of my ankle.
“It was Sedona’s choice to go through the penance, to pay the price of her mistake and hurting her mate. I was merely someone who passed the sentence.”
If this was his apology, it was pretty weak. Besides, wasn’t he the Alpha of the Pack? If he had wanted, he could have changed the things he wanted.
My head whipped back as I sneered. “Why do you need to punish someone just because they decided to leave? Is that how you treat a member of the pack, that you call your family?”
“The rogues have no pack, no rules. They are reckless, selfish and dangerous creatures.” A wave of palpable anger loomed behind his words. Xander gripped my jaw as his fingers painfully dug into the hollow of my cheeks. “Do you know what’s the number rule of every pack?”
I blinked hard, staring at the silvery glow of his eyes. It looked like the beast in him made his skin ripple from underneath. A little terrified, I shook my head as much as I could.
“We never attack a human unless we need to. For self-preservation. This is the only reason we managed to survive till date. But the rogues have done it repeatedly, raising suspicions and the possibilities of several hunters.”
Xander released my jaw with a jerk and immediately reined in his temper.
“Many a times, a pack had to leave a place because shifter wolves were hunted and killed on their suspicions,” he regretted. “This is the reason a wolf never keeps the company of the rogues. They are the outlaws.”
It was the way he described, it seemed like there was more to their story. “But Sedona was ready to come back. Isn’t it?” I enquired. “So, did she really deserve to be humiliated?”
Xander let out a loud exhale. “If I bring her here, would you be satisfied once you hear out the truth from her?”
“What truth?” My eyes narrowed. “But you can simply intimidate her into telling what you want me to hear.”
“No, my mate, I would never do that.” Adjusting the duvet, he prepared to leave. “But for now, you rest.”
Before he could get up, I snagged his wrist and made him turn around. “Xander, what if…” My voice almost trembled at the possibilities. “What if I was in Sedona’s place and…”
“Shh.” Two fingers pressed stiffly pressed over my lips as his mouth hovered close. “You belong to me, my kitten. Only me,” he said, with every bit of conviction in a raspy voice. “And there is no power in the realm of the living and dead that can stop me from claiming and protecting you as mine.”
“So, what happens to me now? Didn’t I defy your pack rules?” I whispered, even though I was not willing to know the answer.
“You did even worse. You almost broke my heart.”
And those damn eyes of his turned *silver*.

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