Chapter 32 - Hangovers and Hangups

Ryder's POV

For six weeks, I had been solely focused on my game and my foundation, both of which had never been better. I dominated on the court. No one could touch me, but off the court, I was a grumpy bastard that the rest of the team stayed away from. I wasn’t up for the team celebrations anymore, nor was I up for any other events we held. Michael liked to refer to me as a grumpy bear with a thorn in his foot.

Today should have been a day for celebrating. I signed a new five-year deal that would make me a very wealthy man, not to mention, allow me to continue to do the thing I loved to do. But it felt like something was missing, or should I say, someone. The minute I signed on that dotted line, all I could think about was how much I wanted Keegan beside me and how much I had fucked things up.

I kept an eye on her from her far, getting updates through Marcus, who visited the hospital every day she was in there. She had a lot of healing to do, but she was strong. I knew she could get through it. I lost track of her once she left the hospital. She didn’t go back to her Grandmother’s house given the numerous reporters camped out on her front lawn, and Marcus said he didn’t know where she had gone. Well, at least, not that he was sharing with me. I couldn’t blame him, I had been an asshole.

My mood wasn’t the best when I got home after meeting with the general manager, and it got even worse when I opened the mail. I had deposited money into Keegan’s account, hoping I could cover her expenses while she was recovering. I figured one hundred thousand should cover it. Who was I kidding? I knew it was way more than she could use during that time, but I was hoping that it could help her go back to school or start her line, whatever she wanted. What I didn’t count on was for it to show back up in my bank account just days after the transfer. I thought it was a mistake, so I transferred it back. But as I opened the last envelope, there was a cashiers cheque in there for the exact amount I had transferred back. Enclosed with the check was folded piece of paper. When I unfolded it, I saw a bank statement showing that Keegan’s account had been closed and in big black letters down the bottom was a message from Keegan, just two words, ‘SCREW YOU’.

As I crumpled up the paper in my hand, I hung my head in shame. She had every right to hate me, and I knew that there was nothing I could do or say now to get her to forgive me. Even if I could, I didn’t think I deserved it. I knew I would spend the rest of my regretting the decisions I made the day I chose to walk away from her. I kept telling myself that I did it for her own good, for her safety, but the truth was I was scared. I opened myself up to her, I had fallen in love with her, and I had nearly lost her. The longer I let the relationship go on, the more I cared for her and the more it would hurt if she ever left me or, god forbid, died. She was too good for me.

The bar in my lounge room was looking pretty good right about now, and I decided to use it. The two-drink limit I gave myself was long gone, and I started to consume drink after drink. I thought Faith was studying and staying over at a friend’s house tonight, so it was a bit of a surprise when she came in to try and get me into bed. But I shooed her away as I wasn’t done yet. I was determined to finish the bottle. When I reached for it to pour another drink to drown my sorrows, I knocked over a bunch of glasses. They shattered in the bar area, not the lounge part meaning the clean up could wait until morning as there was no danger to bare feet.

Forgoing the glass, I grabbed the bottle and collapsed on the couch to continue my mission. I must have passed out because Keegan was standing over me when I looked up again, an angry look on her face. Even in my dreams, she was angry at me, but I really didn’t care because she was here, looking even more beautiful than I remembered. How could I have let this woman out of my life?

“Keegan.” I slurred, trying to sit up and failing.

My vision may have been blurry, but I could see her eye roll crystal clear, “Come on, let’s get you into bed so you can stop freaking your sister out.”

I groaned as she pulled me to my feet, my head spinning so much I couldn’t stand up on my own, so dream Keegan had to support me as we walked up the many stairs to my room. Once inside, she deposited me on the edge of the bed and left my sight. I wasn’t ready for the dream to end, but moments later, she appeared again with a glass of water in one hand and a clenched fist holding both of them towards me. I grabbed the drink, and she dropped two painkillers into the other hand.

“Take these and drink all of the water.” Dream Keegan demanded. “It should hopefully help with the hangover tomorrow.”

“Thanks.” I advised, swallowing the pills and sculling the water, “I miss you so much.”

Keegan visibly stiffened, “Do yourself a favor and sleep it off. I’m sure you won’t feel so nostalgic in the morning when you sober up.”

She turned to walk away, and I couldn’t help but see how dressed up she was. She looked hot in that dress my mind put her in, even if she was thinner than I remembered. What I wouldn’t give to touch her age in real life, to hold her in my arms again.

“Stay,” I begged.

“Ryder, you’re drunk,” Keegan replied sadly.

I tugged on her arm, “If I only get to see you in my dreams, let me hold you one last time.”

Her face showed the internal battle she was having with herself. It was my dream. Why couldn’t she just say yes?

“Just until you pass out.” She relented.

I shuffled over the bed and laid down on my normal side of the bed while I kept an eye on Keegan until she laid down on the side she used to frequent when she was here. For the first few weeks, after I ended our relationship, I always used to wake up cuddled up to her pillow. At first, it still smelled like her, or more importantly, the strawberry and kiwi shampoo she used to use. As time passed, that smell dissipated, and all that was left behind was my smell. So I pulled her close, shushing her into silence as I breathed in her fruity smell, enjoying the warmth of her skin and drifting off into the bed nights sleep I had in weeks. When I forced my eyes open, I knew three things. It was morning because the sun was killing my eyes, my head was pounding so much so that I felt like I had a jackhammer going off in there, and I was in bed all alone. That was the best dream I had ever had.

Rolling over, I cuddled into the pillows on the other side of the bed, ready to close my eyes again and sleep off this hangover, but I smelt something that should have been long gone. I smelt strawberries and kiwi. I buried my nose deeper in the pillow, and it was still there. The only way it would be here again was if it wasn’t a dream.
I leapt up and raced around my room, looking for anywhere she could be. Keegan was nowhere in sight, but there was a little black dress and heels on the floor in what used to be her walk-in closet. The same outfit I thought I had dreamed up for her. Moving on from my room, I took the stairs two at a time, searching each room I came across until I reached the kitchen. That’s when I saw something that made my heart skip a beat. Standing in my kitchen, my little sister and the girl from my dreams were there. She may have lost the makeup and the sexy little black dress, but even with a bare face, her hair in a messy unbrushed bun and wearing a simple pair of jeans, a t-shirt and flip flops, she was a vision.

Her posture changed when she realised I was in the room, and she pretty much ignored me, keeping her attention focused on Faith. “I better get going. My uber will be pulling up in a minute.”

Keegan walked past me with nothing so much as an eye flicker in my direction as she breezed out the door. When I turned back, Faith was glaring at me, “What?”

“Are you seriously going to let her go for a second time?” She huffed, “Go after her.”

My sister was right. I fucked up royally. I needed Keegan in my life more than I needed the air I breathed. I actually think if it were a choice between her and basketball, I wouldn’t need to think twice. This was my shot, and I had to take it.

**A/N - Hey guys sorry about the delay between chapters. Between adjusting to being in full time employment, juggling kids in hospital and just general crap. Its been a tough few weeks. Im not sure if I can guarantee a chapter every day but I will get a couple out a week most likely the weekend. Thank you all for your continually support I dont think that there are too many chapters before I finish it up**