41. Who Needs Her

**KEKE**

Jake Cameron, the blockbuster movie star and the fantasy of women eighteen to ninety, sits across from me at the long table.
He’s hot. Smoking in his bad boy sexuality. Up close, I can see why on screen he gets millions of women hot and bothered. Not me.
Justice has ruined me for other men.
Just thinking about the sex we had today makes my pussy convulse. I cross my legs to stop the flow of wetness. Without the panties Justice ripped off, the drippings will go straight to my skirt if I’m not careful.
“So, Keke,” Jake says swallowing a fork full of roasted chicken, “how did you get this meat-head as a boyfriend?”
I nearly choke on the food in my mouth. Luckily it is a lump of mashed potatoes and they slide down easily. “Justice isn’t—”
“Leave my girlfriend alone Jake.” He drapes an arm over the back of my chair, making me off limits. “She’s off the market.” He rubs his pink tongue over his white teeth, sucking at a spot. I sense he’s acting casual when I know for a fact he’s tense, given that his arms cord with veins and the hand in his lap clenches into a fist. He tilts his head, his voice deceptively calm. “Besides, I heard from Sayle that Applespice is looking for you.”
Jake’s large frame shudders. His chair squeaks in protest at the movement. “Please don’t bring that name up. You don’t know what that stalker has done to me.”
Justice chuckles, the sound as mirthless as it is cold.
I tune out their banter to revel being claimed as Justice’s girlfriend. I’m official part of a couple. Well, we’re not quite official, we’re not married…
Krish. He didn’t want to marry me. What makes me think Justice will?
“How many do you want, Keke?”
On my other side, Pippa’s brother hands me the basket of Haitian bread. His words remind me of Justice’s earlier question. That, coupled with thoughts of Krish, change my mood from elated to melancholy.
Smiling, I take a roll to be hospitable and use the bread to cover up the food I no longer have the stomach to touch.
With the meal over and everyone helping to clean up, we split up. The kids and Pippa’s brother again head off to play video games, the twins go down for a nap, and the adults move to the entertainment room to watch the Dallas Cowboys play the Chicago Bears.
While the pregame show is on, Xaver and Justice square off, rooting for opposite teams. Their rivalry creates a division in the room. Pippa and her parents go for the Bears while Xaver’s parents, and I go for the Cowboys. Jake is indecisive.
What ensues next is a lot of good nature ribbing. Fake bets—or perhaps real ones—float around the room. When the game comes on, Justice spends the first half trash talking with Xaver and chatting with Pippa, her parents, and Xaver’s folks.
With little interest in what’s on the large flat screen, I watch how easily Justice interacts with everyone. And when our eyes meet, there is no mistaking the heat in them is just for me. It tells of his hunger for my body. How he wants to place his tongue between my thighs. What he wants to do to me when we get home.
Home.
The houses I’ve lived in for the past twelve years have never been home to me. They’ve just been a place where I lay my head at night. A place to store my meager belongings.
Justice has promised to make his brownstone into our home. A place for me, the guys, and with many blessings, our kids.
While I was pretending to eat, I decided to get myself checked out by an OBGYN in Oakland. Maybe stress has caused me to only have my red-letter days once every two months? Maybe it’s psychosomatic? Who knows? Until I can get facts on how to deal with my infertility, I won’t tell Justice about my problem.
With an action plan in place, I feel the burden of my secret lifting from my shoulders and I unbend enough to strike up an easy rapport with the people present. Sally, Esther, and I have a common love of the outdoors. George and Jake have me in stitches with their observations about my travels. Pippa’s father and I talk science and Pippa…
What can I say?
I like her.
She’s been nothing but affable and kind, going out of her way to make me feel right at home. The longer we talk, the more she reminds me of Lilli. They both had the same positive outlook on life despite their setbacks. People like Lilli and Pippa always have their glass full, never half empty.
I can no longer hate her or even pretend to.
And Xaver Sayle is no cuckold. The man owns Pippa as much as she owns him. Confidence and aplomb oozes from Xaver’s every pore. No one can get anything by this man.
During halftime, Pippa asks me to help her get a few snacks from the kitchen. I hop up, eager to have the chance for a private chat. Despite the sophisticated baby monitor which shows all is well, Sally and Esther follow us. They claim they want to check on the Samuel and the guys when really they want to check on the babies. Pippa and I laugh at the eager Grandmas when we part ways with in the hallway.
As Pippa and I walk towards the brightly lit kitchen, I wonder how she does it all. Her home must approach twenty thousand square feet and it’s as sumptuous as it is spotless. I haven’t seen a dust bunny or spider web yet.
I just have to ask.
“How do you keep up with everything, Pippa? You must be rushed off your feet.”
She laughs, a nice tinkling sound. “We have a housekeeper, Mrs. Lettner and a cleaning crew comes in twice a week. And although my parents and brother don’t live here, they come often to help and just try to keep Sally and George away.” She rolls her eyes in jest. The look is so comical, I burst out laughing.
And she does too.
“You have an infectious laugh, Keke,” Pippa says, her eyes shining. “Justice must love it.”
I shrug, feeling ashamed how I had judged her so harshly before I even knew her. Lilli and I had recognized long ago that as black women, we’re marginalized in so many areas and hurting each other only helps further the process. We found it a shame when we saw black women tearing each other up on TV and in social media.
Every person on this planet has something to unique to give. It makes no sense to hate on someone for a talent they have, the house they live in, or belief in a fact that wasn’t true.
And that’s what I had done to Pippa. Without Lilli to guide me, I’d fallen into that trap. I’m just grateful I can redeem myself by acting right to her face and I vow from now on to do so behind her back.
Pippa pulls bags of potato chip, nuts, and pretzels from the pantry. We open them and put them into bowls. With chip dust on our hands, we go to the sink to wash off the residue.
Handing me a colorful Tenugui towel to dry my hands she says, “I’m not sure how much Justice has told you, or how much you’ve heard from others about my past, I just want you to know that Justice, along with Jenna, and later on my husband, helped heal me from a dark time. They mean the world to me and I want to see them happy.” She stops what she’s doing to pat me on the arm. “I’m so glad he’s found you. You’ve wrought a change in him this last month, I can tell.”
“Do you think so?” I say, my voice unsure.
Have I made a difference?
Its true Justice isn’t as distant as he was when I first met him and these past two days he has opened up and revealed more of his past… but I sense he is holding something back.
Maybe I sense that because I am too.
“I’ve known Justice for four years and he’s different. His posture… it’s more open, welcoming. His voice is also less gruff, abrasive. That could be down to the kids, but I’m thinking a large part is down to you.”
Justice told me in the camper van that sometimes during his jobs he would have beatdown a person who was uncooperative. I could barely make out the features of his face, so I couldn’t be sure if he was smiling or not.
But I was.
Smiling and turned-on.
If a man can protect me, be he tall, short, big or thin, that’s what makes me attracted to him. I’m drawn to the danger in my lovers and Justice’s is off the charts.
Still, I’m uncertain of how he feels about me. He’s said I’m his girlfriend. He wants me to have his kids. Yet he looked so frightening when I’d called him a manwhore and that time I told him about my scar… well that still burns. And how he looks at Pippa compared to me… it's different. Maybe because he knows her and we are still getting there.
Watching them interact, I… yeah, I believe he’s not in love with her.
Then again, I believed in Krish.
The aftermath of Krish still lingers in the back of mind like a bad smell. He shattered my belief in men.
To his credit, Justice is slowly building it back up, but if he ever lied to me…
That thought spurs me to say, “You may see a change, having known him longer. The jury is still out with me. He’s broody, even cold sometimes.”
“He’s told you about his childhood?”
“Yes, he told me why he had to leave home,” is all I say. Revealing more is not my place.
She nods, her tone grim. “Abused children turned adults react in different ways. Some grow a thick skin, ready and willing to stand up to anyone and anything, like Justice. Others shrink in on themselves, staying in the background, keeping quiet. It’s hard for those people to make a fuss, even if they are being treated wrong. That’s how I was until I met my husband. Her eyes go distant for a moment, faraway in some memory. She comes back with a giggle and a commiserating look. “Xaver is like Justice in that regard. He was so used to getting his own way, he thought I would take what he was dishing out and be grateful for it. I didn’t. I can’t tell you how many times I let him go, only to have him come running back again.”
“He seems very attentive to you.”
“Whipped you mean?”
So like Lilli to say something like that. My like of her raises a few more notches.
“Yeah,” I say with a giggle. “I guess so.”
“Between you and me, yes. There is nothing he wouldn’t do for me or the kids. And that’s why I love him. He’s a protector, a provider, and an excellent husband and father. He gives me what I need, even at the cost of his comfort.”
“Do you mean your relationship with Justice?”
“In the beginning, yes. It was hard for Xaver to understand the bond we have with one another.” She holds my gaze, and the sincerity in hers in palatable. “Keke, I’m not one to stand in the way of his happiness and you make him happy, I’ll won’t come between you two… even if Justice and I can no longer…” Pippa trails off, her eyes sad but determined.
Damn.
She’d give Justice up for me. I was 99.9% convinced their relationship was on the up and up and this the extra proof takes it over the 100% mark.
“You make him happy too, Pippa. I see that. I won’t give him a hard time. Justice told me you two were just friends and I believe him.”
Pippa says, “Then you need no other reassurances. If Justice tells you something, it’s the truth. He doesn’t lie.”