Chapter ten - A desirable touch

Knowing who the culprit is, I continue thrashing in Adriel's arms. Fury blazing in my veins brings me to clamp my teeth down on his hand, and he curses, letting go of me.

I spit the horrid taste of his sweat onto the grass beneath me, and taking the opportunity since I'm free, I spin to face him. He's holding his wrist with his palm stretched out, glaring at me. He lunges forward, but I grab his shoulders, kneeing him in the groin.

His legs tumble as he barely makes a sound between a groan and a yelp of pain. Whatever his game was, his plan, his end point to this, I wasn't going to play it. I draw my fist back, about to strike him, but the blow doesn't hit him. It *hits* me.

The side of my face falls first onto the grass, scraping my cheeks and temple. From the burn in my thigh, I imagine I scraped that too. My head spins, and I try to gain back control, but as my eyes flicker up to Adriel, I realize he wasn't the one to hit me.

Oran now stands beside him. The moon's orange hues gleam his ebony hair looking as if the tips burn in fire. "For someone who acts all tough, it sure doesn't look it now," he sneers.

I attempt to get up, but he kicks me back down as I topple onto my stomach. More scrapes prick my skin, and raising my head, I squint my eyes in front of the pond.

"Why should the queen take an interest in you?" Adriel's voice cruel like blades. I ignore it as my arm without meaning to stretches out where water meets land.

"You'll just end up like your father." Oran laughs, and I lower my brows. Fury turns into a white rage as I stay staring ahead at the pond and concentrate on it. My fingertips sting, no longer hearing Adriel or Oran's taunts. It's like the world slows and paces together as that light of the moon blooms upon the waters.

When my senses come back, Adriel and Oran's words diminish as singing croaks of frogs blaze, and not one but hundreds of them swarm together from the pond like the entrance of the screaming forests. They pounce, jumping past me, and head straight to Adriel and Oran.

They yell out an abundance of profanities. And as I look over my shoulder, their shadows show them stumbling to the barracks, shaking their arms and legs as the frogs' leech onto their armory.

*What in Solaris's name...*

Widening my eyes and sucking in sharp air, I wait on the ground for a minute or two until carefully rising to my feet. I gaze back at the pond in disbelief because I wasn't sure what just happened, nor can I muster an explanation for it.

And just as quickly, I no longer see Adriel or Oran or any frogs, for that matter.

But commotion comes from some of the Venator's posts, and I imagine they heard screams, meaning soon they'll be approaching where I am.

Limping and not wanting to deal with any Venators, I stalk back inside while darting my gaze everywhere. That same rage over Adriel and Oran floods me once again, and I search to see where they might now be.

With my jaw tensing, I mutter to myself across the hallways how not only are they on my enemy list, but if the frogs didn't get them, then I will make sure I do. I would start with breaking their fingers, then their toes, then their—

My chest collides with a hard surface, and my feet sway backward. I was too engrossed in my thoughts to realize where and who I could walk into.
Glancing up, I meet with Lorcan and his furrowed gaze.

"Nara—" he pauses, barely touching my elbow, which I suppose was to steady me. "You've been hurt." He poses it as a statement more than a question, his eyes finding the possible injuries forming on my face.

Turning away, I mumble, "Just simple grazes."

"How did it happen?" He steps a little too close, and I stare at him in silence. I didn't want to mention Adriel and Oran. I wasn't one to go asking for help. I'd been used to the opposite of that.

His gaze sweeps over me again and shoulders tense, but his expression shows nothing of the sort.

By then, I suppose I must answer him. Except he moves his hand to my lower back and glances behind him before turning me around and, to my confusion, walks us forward.

"What are you doing?"

He keeps his steps sturdy, his eyes focusing on the hallway. "Taking you to the infirmary."

"I can head to the infirmary myself." I stop, sliding away from his touch.

He studies me with doubt. "Will you, though?"

I stare up at him through squinted eyes, like I am challenging because, truthfully, I wouldn't. I would take pursuit in finding Adriel and Oran first.

Refusing to answer him for the second time tonight, he sighs sharply and places that same hand on my back, guiding me away from the corridors and instead towards the herds of stairs by the entrance.

"This isn't the direction in which the infirmary is in," I grumble, putting pressure on the ground to halt our movements. It doesn't seem to work as we begin ascending the creaking stairs.

"I know." Are the only words he says as a slight smile pries the side of his lips—a smile I can't help but keep my gaze on.

***

His chambers.

He's taken me to his chambers on the top-level floor...

Oh, this is outrageously wrong.

Lorcan opens the door, strolling in first, and waits for me to enter. Once I do, I stay put, taking in what I can so far see. I know the General rooms in a different lot of the palace walls. It's why I first questioned Freya on it, but Lorcan's quarters was a view I'd dared not imagine.

An armoire sits to the left beside the enormous bed of blood-red silk covers, where terracotta curtains hang loose and a window just above the bed frame. The walls aren't much different in the color scheme of things either, as lamps project their golden flames onto it. On the other side, an open doorway leads to the bath chambers of marble crimson and white décor.

All my life, I'd bathed in wooden tubs. I never had the privilege, even with our father being a Venator to wash as a king or queen might.

I lightly shake my head, enough for Lorcan to notice as he drops his baldric of weapons atop a chair by a dressing table. He comes over and guides me to the sink before gesturing for me to sit on it, but I stare, vigilant and stubborn in doing so. This was still... wrong. What if someone had seen me enter? They'd think I'm wanting to seduce the second in command into giving me the position of a Venator without the trial.

Lorcan takes a deep breath, pinching his lips together. Something that reminds me of what many would do when getting impatient with me—mostly Idris.

Exasperating over my mulish head, I march over. I feel his gaze on me as I unfasten my cloak and place it to the side before not so graciously getting up onto the sink.

I bunch my knees together and raise them to my chin. Lorcan stays soundless but tilts his head with sharpness as if I'm making it more difficult than it should be. Rolling my eyes, I drop my legs, so it dangles.

That makes him smile, hardly but still a smile as he reaches for a cloth next to me. Candles flowing down the sides of the bath flicker while he wets it. "Are you finally going to tell me what happened?" He asks, nudging between my legs and brings the cloth up to my temple. I wince when it collides with my skin. He pauses but continues when I nod.

"Are you going to tell me why you took me here and not the infirmary?" I try and focus on the lattice-tiled walls.

"You didn't seem keen on the infirmary."

"And you think taking me to your chambers would make a difference?"

He sighs, and I tap my knee impatiently before he says, "Either way, you'd protest, Nara."

I would, but that didn't tell me anything I needed to know.

"I tripped and fell," I answer in a whisper after a minute of silence and after a minute of him cleaning my cuts.

"How does someone—" The word lingers off his lips like he knows it's a lie. "—Who used to be a trapper... trip and fall so easily?"

"You'd be surprised to know I've had my fair tackles against a mere branch on the ground."

His laugh is soft and gentle as he drifts his scarred hand over my left thigh. "May I?"

"May I what?" I ask, shooting him a glare and pressing my palms against the thin cotton material of my nightgown.

"There's dried blood seeping through."

I frown, but my chest hollows at the thickness in his voice and at his eyes dropping to my leg.

"Oh." Nodding, I pull the nightgown up. Slashes short and staggered enhance the redness of where I fell onto dry grass.

As soon as the damp cloth hits the cuts, I inhale sharply. But not for any pain, but for the touch of his skin on mine as his thumb swipes the sides.

Again, this is soulfully wrong.

We'd gone through many intense stares towards each other, some that I'd guessed there was an attraction between us. Though I'd denied that thought creeping into my mind, now it's hard to let it go when we are like...this.

"You don't have to..." I cut myself off at the distinctive rasp in my voice.

"I don't mind." His stare now travels from where candles glimmer the top part of my exposed skin, just under my collarbone, to my eyes.

My veins pulse with unfamiliarity. "Well, you should." I'm not sure of what I'm even saying. "You're a Venator. This isn't part of your duty."

He's so close that I don't know whether to look at his eyes, the dark green hues in them, or his lips, straight... defined.

"My duty is to protect. That includes you."

"I don't think it's necessary to protect me from minor scrapes. I get them all the time, it'd be a nightmare for you."

He flashes another smile, but it disappears just as fast. "You really intrigue me, Nara."

A confession that makes my cheeks burn.

"I intrigue a lot of people." I try to control my breathing. "Most are always bad."

He shakes his head slowly, not wanting to pry his eyes away from my rising chest. "You intrigue me in a different sense."

"And what sense is that?"

"In the sense that I ask myself... why is it—" His neck bobs as he swallows hard, the tip of his finger now grazing the side of my uncovered thigh."—That I always find myself so drawn to you?"

I inhale a gasp, and for the first time, I have no snarky comeback, no need to slap him away like I would with anyone else.

The skin on his hand is uneven to the touch as he brings it to my hips, and his head dips down to my neck. "Do you have an answer as to what that could be?" His breath warm against me, heating not only my exterior but also deep within my stomach.

I don't have an answer. I don't have anything because this isn't something I'm used to. I've not once felt a kiss nor the touch of a man.

"I don't think this is allowed, Deputy," I manage to say with ragged breath, going back to that formality between us though we were far from that right now. The palms of my hand fly out to meet his chest—the tight leather armory.

"It's not forbidden," he whispers unto my skin.

"Then—" My eyes shutter closed. "Perhaps it should be."

"And why would you want that?" That hand, that rough hand, takes comfort in drawing circles along my thigh, getting closer and closer to where I'd never allowed anyone.

Tipping my head back, my body shivers, yet sweat coats me. He drags his lips towards my shoulder but at that moment, just when his hand finally slides between my legs, a chip in my brain causes me to startle myself into reality. I clasp his wrist and lurch backward, hard enough that I slam against the mirror.

All movements stop, but I keep my eyes closed, and a heartbeat later, I no longer feel the warmth of him on my skin. "Nara," he says. "Have you... ever done anything?"

I yank my eyes wide open and stare straight at the confusion contorting his expression. His brows knit together, and it's a look I instantly feel judged for.

"Does it matter if I have or not?" I push his hand away, letting my defensive side take over as I jump from the sink. Gone are the strange sensations of his touch, and gone is the need that had laid rest in my stomach.

Many times, I could have had an opportunity to do stuff, find love, find something with a person, but Idris and my infamous fearful ways to drive everyone away happened. And right now, I was not going to be someone's enjoyment.

Lorcan shakes his head, frowning to himself. "No, it doesn't—"

"Then good," I say with a temper to my tone. "Because I assure you what just occurred in here will not happen again." Picking my cloak off the floor, I storm past him and into the other side of the room.

"Nara." He exhales, following behind, but the desperation in his voice has me whirling back around.

"I have a question for you. Do you do this with every new trainee? Take them to your chambers and try to seduce them into having sex?" Defensive, I was acting defensively again.

A muscle in his jaw flutters, and his eyes harden. "I did not mean—"

"I think it's best I leave," I cut him off firmly as I step back when he tries to approach me. "Thank you for the concern on my injuries and helping me, but I can take it from here... deputy."

Scrunching my cloak up to my chest, I don't regret anything as I walk out and rush down the hallways and stairs before he can come after me.

Once I get to my room, I close the door behind me and lean my back against it. Freya's still sound asleep, unaware of anything while I'm here, reliving it all. I wasn't used to being intimate, neither was I someone who worshipped the idea of romance, especially pleasure.

I shouldn't have even let Lorcan take me to his quarters. He's a high-rank deputy, and I'm a trainee.

Despite the idea that it isn't forbidden, it still is to me, and I can't afford a distraction. Not when I'm so close to achieving what I've always dreamed of being.