Chapter forty - seven - "I feel sorry for you"

**Surprise! I updated again, we are about four chapters away from the finale and also a reminder you still have time to take part in my quiz on instagram stories @rina.vasq :)**


"Father—" Freya attempts her pleas, hoping in some way she can get me out of this. I wish it too, but the General doesn't even acknowledge her.

"Freya, I suggest you get yourself ready for training." His tone is impatient, and Idris starts forward when Freya walks up to my side, puffing her chest with stern confidence.

"No," she says, and this time the General takes his eyes off me to look at her. A mixture of surprise and anger awash his expression differing from how I conceal a thankful smile not deserving Freya's friendship.

I don't want to get her in trouble for something that is all me.

Two Venators tall and also leaders join the General, their faces symmetrical to no emotion. I turn and grip Freya's arm to draw her attention to me. "It's okay," I whisper and level my eyes with hers. "Remember what I told you?"

She nods rapidly, biting her lower lip. "But Nara—"

"Just tell them if you must," I whisper again and let go, looking at my brothers. My chest squeezes, watching confusion pummel both Iker and Illias's faces while Idris's eyes cling to me almost knowingly. Something is wrong, and he can see it. He's always been able to see it.

I clear the tightness from my throat and give a wan smile, promising to see them later despite it possibly becoming a lie.

Freya stares at me as I follow Erion out of the barracks. The two Venators walk in front of me before the general latches a hand around my upper arm. His hold is tight and rough as we continue our way to the castle, and he grits out, "The keys... where do you have them?"

"I didn't think to take them with me once I got out," I lie and don't look his way; my eyes remain on the flagstone pathway. "Why? Upset that you couldn't turn me? Or upset that Darius is no longer someone you can mess with?"

His sneering laugh unnerves me, and his hold only tightens to the point of pain. "I'm far more curious as to why you were willing to risk yourself for a thief like him instead."

I dart a glare at him, not realizing what I'm saying as I blurt out, "I'd do it all over again if it meant he'd be safe from you."

My words startle me, and Erion hums with triumph, dragging me as I start to slow down.

I let the warm air bristle through me along with my memories in the direction of what there is beyond castle walls, the woods, the den, Darius... the peace I'd had in my mind last night before he left.

I want that again.

Though tension ramps up the further we walk, and once we enter the castle gates, I barely even register the bronze crest of a dragon outside or how the moment with my brothers back at the barracks might be the last I ever see of them.

At a time like this, Ivarron's words remain my source of strength: *ignore it and prevail.*

I always knew how dangerous this all would be. And perhaps I should have thought of his words last night, but I wanted to speak to Lorcan; I wanted to see him because if there had been one shred of hope the General had lied, I needed to see it myself. For that... I felt stupid to have believed Lorcan all this time.

I don't realize that we have made it to the throne room until the General releases me, and my hazed mind clears away my thoughts. I lift my head toward the queen. Her mahogany skin glows as she's poised and seated on her throne, swirling a goblet in her hand. My eyes skip to the right of the grand hall where the General stands beside Lorcan.

He's looking at me with regret, and that only makes my gut twist at what I know. Ignore *him* and prevail.

"Naralía," the queen says, and I shift my gaze to her as she stands, narrowing her eyes with a derisive smile. "For all these years, I've seen trainees come and go, but you by far have been my greatest piece of entertainment." Her gown slides down the steps of the dais in a golden river, alluring but still a menace to trap you. She hands her goblet to the lady in wait and tilts her head, eyeing me once, twice, then a third. "Such a shame you keep lying to me, though. What would your father think?"

Her words are a spear straight to my chest, my heart, *everything*. What would he say? Would I still be in this position? Swallowing hard, I settle on what I'd hope for. "He'd be proud of me."

Her eyes widen at my answer, and she scoffs. "Well, that's surely different to what I once heard you say."

*That's before I knew everything.*

"' To honor my father's legacy,'" she recalls, and a crack forms on my heart at how that's what I'd wanted for so long. "I suppose in ways, you are honoring his legacy." Sarilyn's crown gleams under the golden mirrored ceiling as she tilts her head to the side and takes on a pitiful look. "He just sadly never made it out alive."

Anger flames my cheeks, and I dare not look at the General or Lorcan. "So, is that your plan now? To kill me? Threaten me with my brothers? *Torture* me?"

She tips her head back, and her laugh rings against the walls at the last part. "I already did that with the thief before you released him, although I must say it became quite tedious unable to get any answers out of him. Not even when I mentioned you did he fess up. "She purses her lips in thoughtful mockery. "I guess I was wrong to think he cared for you."

I don't let that word affect me. I don't need to hear it from her or from anyone. I'm tired of it.

She waves a hand with such daintiness. "Shifters are all the same. Such deceitful creatures."

There's an underlying tone of hatred in her voice. I think of Aurum, every one of the Rivernorth's she'd slaughtered, taking that crown, this castle, this kingdom. None of it belonged to her.

"Erion," she says with a sigh. "Inform the city and trainees that the trial has been pushed for tomorrow."

I suck in air.

*Tomorrow*.

*Solaris, no.*

Lorcan steps forward, shaking his head. "That is too short—"

"I've made up my mind." Sarilyn's voice manages to stay graceful yet authoritative as she doesn't even glance back once.

My eyes flick to Lorcan's as he drops his head and retrieves into a guarding position. Disappointment rakes through me, aiming more at myself for believing for one second, he might have tried to do something. His cowardness has always been there since the start. I was just too blind to see it.

"And *you* Naralía." Sarilyn says, and I blink out of that misery I feel to look at her, "Will participate just how you'd intended to unless, of course... you'd rather risk the ones you love."

I raise my chin, indignant by her way of manipulating. She can do whatever she wants to me, anything, even if it wrecks me, picks apart at any strength I still have as long as my brothers are safe.

"In the meantime—" She smiles like a predator smelling fresh blood and clicks her fingers in the air. The Venators that had walked with me and the General over here come at her command, grabbing me tightly by each arm. "—To make sure you don't attempt anything, you will spend the night in the dungeons. I'm sure you are familiar with them by now."

I'm hollow, not even fighting back when I know it's no use. I can only hope Freya will do as I asked.

The queen dismisses us like I'm just dirt she wants to get rid of. It unravels something in me that I clench my fists as she strolls back up the dais.

"You know Sarilyn?" I call out to her, and she turns. "I feel sorry for you. I truly do."

She raises her brows with a complacent smile, like anything I say will be a simple joke to her. "And why is that?"

I narrow my eyes, saying it, so everyone hears, "Because you are so full of hatred that you've lost yourself throughout all these years and ended up becoming just like the one person you despised yet... loved the most."

Her smile drops, and I delight in it as she clutches the side of her gown so tight, she might rip it. She storms down the dais and grips my chin with force that I try not to wince. "Say that again," she grits.

"I don't have to," I say as neutrally as I can, glad I'd wiped that malice contentment she had. "You already know what I mean."

The pupil of her eyes seems to quake the further she stares at me. Her face is tight with an unfamiliar expression that, for one small moment, she looks vulnerable.

"Your majesty," a small female voice interrupts from the doors behind me. "The Phoenix Warriors have arrived."

Sarilyn doesn't answer, doesn't move. She keeps her eyes on me, and I do the same, not backing out on anything I've said. Another second goes by, and then she releases me. "Tell them to come through," her voice doesn't sound like hers. It's as if she's fighting for that control she has again.

I'm being taken away as the queen signals for us to leave, but I look over my shoulder. She's dazed as she makes her way back to the throne, and I drag my gaze to the General, dripping in smug superiority before it lands on Lorcan, unable to even glance at me.

Memories float around me, every single time I'd wanted Lorcan to look at me: when he walked away from me after Adriel and Oran's attack. When he'd ignored me among other Venators and the General... when we'd kissed for the first time, and he listened to the General as if I no longer existed.

I can almost hear the knife slicing away at my chest leading toward my heart, and I snap my gaze away as we make it out of the throne room.

This time, I allow a tear to fall, burning my cheek. "He's not worth it," I say it so quietly that not even the Venators beside me hear it, and I close my eyes, thinking of my life prior to the city.