CHAPTER 34 (2)
I want us now. The truth of that rings through me. But I can’t be honest with Eddie today, and as much as I hate that, I have to live with it. I care for him like he’s my own father. This man is the only person I’ve leaned on when it comes to my music, my future. But I care for Emily, too. Maybe it proves how much I care for her that I’m willing to risk not once, but twice what I have with him for that chance at something with her. “I will never forget what you’ve done for me,” I say at last. Eddie rubs a hand over his jaw, eyes glinting. “That sounds like an apology.” I don’t answer. He shifts out of his chair, hitching Sophia up on his hip. “You’re staying for dinner.” It’s a statement, not a question. I’ve had some big moments in my life—ones that filled me up, made me feel like more than I am. The gig at Madison Square Garden Tuesday night blows them out of the water. “That was unreal,” the bassist says, congratulating me in the wings after the show and clapping a hand on my shoulder. “You play it better than Randy.” I shake my head. “I’m sure your guitarist will be back in no time.” “Six to eight weeks to get the cast off,” the lead singer comments as he passes us. “Could be six to eight months if we get to keep you in the meantime.” I take all of it in, grateful they gave me this shot and that it worked out, but I’m looking around for a familiar face. I finally see her in the wings and take a minute to soak her in. Emily looks gorgeous in tight black jeans and an off-the-shoulder top, her dark hair waving over her shoulders, but she could be wearing a bag for all I care. I’m so glad she’s here. “You were amazing!” she gushes, throwing her arms around me. “I’m sweaty,” I warn. “You’re perfect.” The warmth in her voice cracks my chest. I pull her against me because I need that mouth. It feels like a lifetime since I’ve had it, which is crazy because it’s only been a few days. Since I got back from Dallas on Sunday, we haven’t had a chance to be alone together because of midterms and studying and the fact that either Jacob or Rica and Andie seem to be swarming our rooms every second. When I pull back, she looks dazed but recovers fast. “Don’t get the wrong idea. I’m not into rock stars.” I lean in until my lips brush her ear. “Glad to be your exception.” After the show, we hang out backstage with the band and our friends, sitting around a couch and chairs in the dressing room. A bottle of champagne arrives with a card from Zeke, saying, “To the first of many.” Andie and Jacob pop it while Emily retrieves me a beer. “Since you hate champagne,” she murmurs. I love that she remembers. “But I don’t hate you. Come here.” I set the beer on the table and pull her into my lap on the couch. Andie clears her throat, and it takes me a moment to realize everyone’s watching us. “We’re gonna go find a bathroom,” Andie says. “All of us?” Jacob echoes. “Yeah, all of us.” She grabs his arm. “We’ll catch you guys outside later.” After they trail out of the room, I drop my head back against the couch. “You were unbelievable,” Emily murmurs. “It’s what I wanted for you. And it’s only the beginning.” She bends to kiss me, but I hold her away. I want to touch her and forget everything else, but… “There’s something I have to say.” “Is this about where you went on the weekend?” Emily asks, her mouth pursing. “Indirectly.” I haven’t told her I went to see her dad and Haley. It’s not exactly a secret, but I know it would raise a bunch of questions, and I don’t want to have that conversation right now or stress her out and make her think I might out her. “My dad wanted to make it as a musician. He couldn’t, and he blamed it on me. I’ve always been afraid of doing that to someone else. Of getting in so deep in a relationship I can’t get out. Living with you and your dad and Haley? It was the first family I had. But your dad handed me an exit and… I’m not gonna say he told me to take it, because it’s all on me. “I wanted to be enough for you. I’m not yet. But I won’t stop trying until I am.” Emily’s hands slide down to my shoulders. From the expression on her face, I know she sees the way I feel about her. “Timothy.” Her throat works, and her voice has me aching to pull her closer. “You were always enough for me. Even when we were friends back in Philly. I’d never met anyone like you, and I never have since. You’re kind and smart and so talented, but that’s not what I see when I look at you. I see the way you care for people and look out for them. I see your heart. You try to protect it, and I get why, but you don’t have to try so hard.” “No?” I can barely breathe, and she shakes her head. “I’ll protect it, too.” Fuck. This girl walks around trying to prove herself when just getting out of bed in the morning means she’s enough. I kiss her because I can’t not kiss this girl—this woman, the one who’s grown up under my gaze and when I wasn’t looking. “I’m going to tell my dad about the showcase,” she says, pulling back. “And send him an invitation.” “Good.” Relief washes over me. I didn’t realize just how twisted up I was about her secret until she said those words. “But first… come home with me,” I murmur against her lips. She lifts a brow. “A sleepover sounds fun.” “Wasn’t planning on sleeping.” I’ve never let myself believe I could have everything I wanted, but between her and my music, I’m so damned close.
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