CHAPTER 55 (2)

Silence falls over the table as I hold her stare. I remember what Eddie asked me once: whether I loved Emily the way he loved Haley. I do. I know it, which only makes the reality of our situation harder. “Anyway,” Emily goes on at last, a flush crawling up her cheeks that makes me want to drag her to the nearest room or closet or front-fucking-lawn and devour her. “These funders like to go in on things together. But, I’ve learned that a few of Ian’s friends have invested independently in the last ten years. So I’m going to focus on them.” After dinner, Emily crooks a finger at me and I follow her down the hall. “Where are you going?” Eddie asks. Emily tosses him a look. “Timothy and I are going to hang out, Dad,” she says in a mock-whiny-teenager voice. He grumbles something inaudible before heading back toward the kitchen, and I laugh under my breath. “He wants to make sure we’re not having sex in the shower,” I tell her as we ascend the stairs. At the top, she turns, peering up at me. “You don’t want to have sex in the shower?” Her innocent voice sends every ounce of blood to my dick. “Fucking yes, I do.” She laughs as we get to her room and shut the door behind us. As I strip off her clothes and make her mine, one slow drugging kiss at a time, I wish I could shut the door on LA and my fears just as easily. After dinner, we meet Rica at the venue where Shane’s playing. Thanks to a delicious dinner and the fact that I made Emily come twice in the shower and once more in her bed, tonight’s already feeling like a solid win. Now, I try to push the email from Zeke from my mind as I get ready to share the night with the woman I love and her friend, watching an artist that I found and nurtured. As we crowd around a high top table, Emily pries stories from Rica her life on the road as a DJ trying to make it. The woman’s always been hard to get a read on, but I’m fascinated hearing her experiences. Unlike me, she sounds like she could travel forever. “You okay?” Emily asks, leaning over. I slide a hand over her knee, resting my fingers on the inside of her thigh as I brush my lips across her jaw. “Yeah.” I look up as the band starts, and Shane takes the mic, but she’s not looking at the crowd—she’s looking at the floor. Alarm stirs low in my gut. I can’t put my finger on the warning feeling, but I know something’s off. “What is she doing?” Rica asks. She misses her cue, and the band keeps playing. Eventually, they stop. Emily and I exchange a look, but we both know. Shane’s frozen up. I’m cursing her for it even as I weave through the crowd to the foot of the stage. I shoot security a look as they spring into action, but they stop when they recognize me. Shane's eyes widen as she sees me leap onto the stage. “I’m sorry,” she whispers hoarsely when I stop in front of her. “It’s fine. You got this,” I say. “I know. I thought I did, but… Just don’t go anywhere, okay?” I nod to the confused band, and they restart. I step back into the wings and nod at her. Her gaze is locked on mine as she sings the first line. It’s tentative. The guitarist is eyeing us warily, so I grab his unused mic and join in. Shane’s smile lights up the entire place. I keep going, and she finds her stride. By the time we hit the chorus together, the audience is loving it. It feels good to be up there, better still to help her. My hand might be fucked but the way Shane’s looking at me from the stage and Emily’s looking at me from the audience, it’s hard to believe anything is missing in this moment. After, I head back down the stairs, surprised to see Emily and even Rica holler and applaud as I rejoin them. “Well, that was a disaster.” “It was averted, and you made something even better together,” Emily corrects. I search her gaze, my chest expanding. “You’re good for my soul,” I say simply. She grabs my arms, her hands digging into my biceps. “I know you don’t like thinking of yourself as depending on other people or having them depend on you…” she goes on, “But you matter. To your friends. To me. To Shane. You can make a difference here. With my dad and in people like Shane’s lives.” My chest tightens. Not her life. I tuck her hair behind her ear. “When I was on tour, I realized I couldn’t blame what happened to me for how I felt. But I also promised myself I’d do whatever it took to be as good as I was before. And while I was at it,” I go on, my mouth tugging up at the corner, “I’d get a house on the beach. Somewhere warm. Somewhere I’d wake up every day and make music I love and not owe anyone anything. “It’s the security I’ve always wanted, Emily. The freedom. And you helped me get it.” She stiffens, love and sadness competing on her face. “I’m glad.” “Before I left for tour, I told you I wished you’d never made me dream. That’s not true, and I never should have said it.” “Timothy…it’s okay.” “It’s not. Because I need you to know that I still dream. And when I dream, I dream of us. “You telling me about your work on the couch while we watch the sun set after a long day. Me getting you roses because you love them even when you have no earthly reason to. You swimming naked in our pool until I’m so turned on I have to take you right there.” Her eyes darken, and I wish we weren’t in public so I could show her how fucking good it could be. “Is that all?” she murmurs at last, looking understandably overwhelmed. No. I want kids who glare at us with your eyes and scream at us with my mouth. I want you and me forever. I want you to want it as badly as I do. But I can’t ask because there’s a huge hole in my chest even with her standing right in front of me, one that’ll get bigger the moment she says that’s not what she wants. “Yeah,” I say instead. “That’s all.”