31. White Forest

**Past**

"Mommy, why did Daddy leave us?"
She was taking off her coat when I asked, the white cloth of her waitress uniform in sight. She stilled.
I looked up at her calmly, but inside I was scared. I've never asked the question because she looks so sad whenever the other pack members ask about him. She looks sad a lot, but even more sad when they ask.
I hated to see her like that, but I hated not knowing the truth even more. Today I overheard a group of girls talking about how babies were made, how when two people get married the man sends a request to a company and they send a random baby to the couple. But sometimes the parents don't like the baby they've been sent and the man runs away to find another woman who'll get a better order.
I'm not stupid, I know from the glances they were shooting me that they thought that I was an unwanted order, but I don't believe the part about my daddy finding another woman- even if he doesn't like me. I know he sends Mommy letters every few weeks, love letters, I knew since I read one once when I had the apartment to myself. Most of the words were too hard to understand, but I think it would be classified as romantic. He seemed to care about her, and even asked about how I was doing (something Mommy hasn't mentioned).
He doesn't hate us, but why does he make us sad then?
"Mommy?" I asked, because she's still frozen.
She sighs, her lips tightening as she finishes taking her coat off. "I'm tired, Ember, can't you see that?"
I frown. She's always tired, I know it's hard to be an adult but I really want her to answer the question.
"Please?" I plead.
She hanged her coat on the coatrack, ran a hand through her short dreadlocks. "Some people can't be held down by things when it comes to their passion."
"What passion?"
"Your father loves travelling, experiencing new places. Makes his soul sing, as he used to say," she smiles at this but it quickly melts away. "He can't be held down in one place and he didn't want you to miss out on a normal life so he left you with me."
I try not to frown. So it's my fault you're so unhappy? "Oh."
She nods. "Let's not talk about him again. I'm going to bed, have a nice day at school."
I watch her walk away, hear her shut her bedroom door. Feeling like an intruder in my parents' lives.
Adults are so confusing, if having me was going to make them both sad, why did they even place that stupid order in the first place? Weren't they the ones always telling us kids to think before acting, to make 'responsible' choices? I know for a fact that if it were two kids that had ordered a baby and the one of them had run off the adults would be going on non-stop about how irresponsible kids were. So why do they get to do it?
I shook my head, I don't like being mad at my mommy. She works hard to make sure we eat and have a home, I should be lucky she didn't leave me at an orphanage. Which proves that even if my daddy doesn't want me, my mommy does.
I go to the kitchen, wanting to clean up and make her some food in case she wakes up in the afternoon and is hungry.
I'll always take care of her, because she's all I've got.

**Present**

I guess that memory came back to me because I'd been alone then (no matter how much I tried to pretend I wasn't), just as I am now.
I couldn't concentrate enough to shift so I ran as a human, ran for a long, long time. My insides churned with guilt the first few miles of leaving Kane behind like that, vulnerable and injured, but there wasn't any other choice. Alpha's dagger was still with me, stashed in my right boot, the metal deathly cool against my ankle. Waiting to be used.
But even the knife was soon forgotten after several miles of moving in the freezing woods. The fatigue and cold took full reign of my thoughts. It felt like the forest was constantly snatching at me with spiny corpse-dead fingers, robbing my body of any remaining heat with each howl of its greedy winds. My teeth started to chatter against each other, the mask felt like a wall of ice on my face and I could've been naked in my dress for all the warmth it provided. I took the mask off, aching for my bed and the safety of its blankets- even if it meant being under the same roof as Evil Stepmother. Heck, I'd trade an arm for a warm bed right now.
A bed far away from crazy magic-wielding werewolves, similarly insane mates, curses and cannibals.
Cannibals.
If the cannibals don't get to you first anyway.
I slowed to a trot, my shoes thudding through the snow, my thighs muscles burning with the effort of lifting through the mush. My eyes, which had been wary and heavy, were now wide and alert as they searched the dark forest. Suddenly finding shadows everywhere. The moon only provided a silver glow of light, not much. There could be anything hiding in those threads of darkness and suddenly I knew the weather wasn't the only threat here. Call it paranoia, but I was half frozen, tired and my only weapon was a knife I probably couldn't even get my stiff fingers around the handle. If there really were cannibals out here I'd be in a pot in less than five minutes of running into them.
No, the chances weren't in my favor and my instincts agreed it was better safe than sorry.
I located a tall tree nearby and staggered over to it. I climbed, my fingers painfully stiff as they gripped the hard bark. Reality blurred with memory and suddenly it wasn't the tree in the middle of nowhere that I was scaling- but the balcony in Kane's house. The balcony I'd climbed before going up to the roof and watching uselessly as-
I cut out the memory, grunting as I spotted a thick branch several feet above ground. It looked steady enough to hold my weight at least. I swung a leg over it. My foot displaced a patch of snow and the contact triggered a shiver that jerked through my body. I held on, pausing a moment to gather strength, then carefully dragged myself onto the branch. The second I was seated on the branch there was a loud sigh from below.
Heart pounding in my ears, I looked down.
A pale face stared up at me with wide eyes, as if I'd startled it instead of the other way around. It looked male but I had a feeling it wasn't a person at all. The wind was interfering with my already pathetic sense of smell but I caught a whiff of it and it wore the scent of death like cologne. It had a pasty white bald head, facial features that were plain, almost normal. All but that smell, and the mouth that was opened in a black ominous circle. Like it was waiting for me to hop right down into it.
What the hell.
When Alpha said cannibals I was imagining a bloodthirsty pack of werewolves that had lost themselves to their animals or maybe a hungry axe killer that lived in the woods. Not this. The closest I could think of was a zombie, but it didn't look like it was rotting. A vampire would've had crimson eyes and could've already gotten to me by now, but this thing was only staring up at me eagerly. It couldn't climb. Unless... I jerked my head around to the other side of the tree, expecting to find another one hauling itself onto my branch like in a horror movie, mouth wide, gnarled fingers reaching-
It screamed.
I screamed too, but the sound from below stopped abruptly. Fingers trembling and gripping the branch, I turned back around and peered downwards. The thing wasn't where it'd been before, there was another figure there now, one taller with broader shoulders. A backpack was slung over one of those shoulders.
"Come down, Ember," Kane said, raising his head. "I killed it."
It really was him. Not as put together as usual- his hair was ruffled and his cheeks were full of color- from running I guess- but healthy. Healthy and alive.
The man is hard to kill.
I imagined myself going down there, taking out Alpha's knife and attacking him. What would he do?
Put you down like a rabid dog.
"G-g-go a-away," I said, voice rising with anger and what I hoped only I could recognize- fear. "This is all your fault!"
Not entirely, but I wanted him to leave before I did try to kill him. If he did leave, I'd probably freeze to death up here and end up as food for the next cannibal, but it was better than having to watch Kane's detached expression when he decided I would be the one to go and not him. I'd rather become a Popsicle.
Kane watched me carefully for a second, then shook his head. "You'll freeze to death, I've got blankets."
"Yeah? Why aren't y-you wearing one?" I asked, irritated by his persistence. He should be gone by now.
He deadpanned like I'd asked a stupid question. "I woke up, could smell you and Alpha but you were nowhere to be found. Come down. Now."
I studied him. Memorizing the hard handsome planes of his face, the firm mouth, sharp blue eyes that seemed to swallow me up whenever I stared into them.
"I'd rather die than accept your help when you couldn't even protect a single member of your pack," I said coldly. "You're useless and you make me sick. Get out of my sight."
I winced inwardly. That wasn't just an accusation I'd made, it was me flat out denouncing his prized alpha-ness. The highest insult of insults for a dominant wolf.
He started climbing.
"W-what-" I began but he was already at my branch, already jerking me into his arms and the wind was suddenly rushing in my ears as we started falling.
His feet landed in the snow with a loud crunch that resonated through the still night. He lowered me to my feet, hands warm as he started patting me down, raising my arms to study them. His scent washed over me, washing away my unease and fear like a splash of warm bath water after a long walk home in the winter.
I steeled myself, waiting for my hand to reach into my boot and pull out the weapon. "Didn't you hear what I said?"
My hand didn't move.
Kane was scowling at a bruise on my shoulder, one I hadn't even noticed. "I heard you," he said, leaning closer to the wound. He licked it. "Don't worry, won't let you down again, ever."
I shoved at him. "Stop it. Stop it right now-"
"I'm not like you're mother, Ember," he cut in, glaring. "I'm not pretending, not anymore. Why can't you get it through that thick skull of yours?"
"Why can't you get it through that thick skull of yours that I've never and will never trust you?!"
"You trusted me once," he said quietly.
I stared at him incredulously. "Yeah? In what universe?"
He looked around once- maybe for some more cannibals- then gently pulled me into his arms. He was as warm as a furnace, probably his superior werewolf abilities at work. I hugged him without hesitation, eager for any warmth, even from him.
"Look at me."
I didn't appreciate the order, but I looked because he was warm and I didn't want to lose my newly found furnace.
His eyes held mine, intent, thumb making slow tantalizing circles at my back. I almost expected him to say something like, 'When I snap my fingers you will fall asleep.'
"I love you," Kane said.
Well shit-
He kissed me.