38. No more Running

Dear Ember,
You have no idea how happy I am to hear from you- regardless of the circumstances behind your letter.
I think the problem with your mother is largely my fault and I hope you'll be gentle with her, she's a wonderful person, as I assume you already know. Her kindness has never faded from my memories, even after all this time. She loves you. As do I, no matter how my inability to set aside my wandering habit might have misperceived that fact.
I'm guessing you think these letters are pretty old fashioned, but I'm an old wolf and I'm not quite used to technology yet. Maybe you could show me how to be more modern while I'm in Seattle next week? I have much more to say to you but I think it's more appropriate- and past time- I did it in person. I'll be staying at this address for another two days, if you don't want to see me, let me know. I'll understand.
With great love,
Your father.
***
"He's coming back after nineteen years?" Ian asked, putting down the letter.
I nodded, taking a bite of my sandwich. "I already told him I'd like to meet him."
"And your mom?"
"Haven't spoken to her since that night on the roof. Mrs. Bonnet- our neighbor downstairs- says she's gotten worse."
Ian scowled. "Trying to guilt you into coming back?"
"I don't know," I said honestly. "My dad says she's a nice person, and maybe she is, but what she did sure wasn't nice."
"Diabolical is the right word," Ian said. "Are you going to forgive her?"
I shrugged. To be honest, I wanted to, wanted to believe holding grudges wasn't right and that she couldn't help herself but that sounded like something my old self would do. Making excuses to cover the truth so I could blindly believe she loved me wholeheartedly, and thereby protecting myself in the process. I couldn't do that. So I refused to go back to her.
Ian was looking around. "The place isn't bad," he commented.
He was right, my new apartment wasn't the house of my dreams but it was functional and very new. One bedroom, a small kitchen with a moderate sized living room and a bathroom with no bath but a shower. I couldn't afford heating so it could get frosty inside but at least the sink wasn't leaking and I didn't have to be extremely quiet during the day because there was a depressed mother hiding in her room.
"The apartment is free of charge, so long as I keep giving lessons at the pack's school of defense." I looked at my watch. Quarter past one. "Which I need to be getting to in ten minutes."
Ian stood up, slung an arm around my shoulders as I crammed the remains of my sandwich in my mouth and grabbed a water bottle.
"How're the classes going?" He asked.
I chewed fast, swallowed. "Pretty good, I take the afternoon classes five days so I can still work at Rick's the weekends."
He followed me to the door, watching with that observant, worried expression that's been making a constant appearance since we got back home last week. "You're not fighting at the club anymore?"
I shook my head. "Conflict of interest- not many werewolves will be happy to know their alpha's mate is wearing a mask and kicking their butts at night. Plus they might pull their punches or refuse to fight me entirely."
He smiled. "I'm glad you stopped, all that anger had me worried. At least joining his imperial highness' side has done some good."
I opened the front door, waited for Ian to walk out. "His imperial highness has been keeping a distance at my request. Indefinitely."
"I would've preferred permanently," Ian murmured.
I pretended not to hear, locking the door. "Get lost, kiddo. Love you."
"I love me more," he grinned, bending to kiss my cheek softly. He straightened, brow creasing a bit. "Mom still wants you to come over. She wants to have a proper dinner with you, as an apology. You don't have to go."
I pursed my lips. His mom had apologized as soon as we got back home and I'd told her I wasn't angry, but I also haven't gone over to Ian's house lately. I wasn't holding anything against her, it was just embarrassing being around her now.
You can't keep avoiding her because of that, I thought. No more running, remember?
"How does tonight sound?" I asked.
"Good to me, I'll tell her- and bring a truck full of snacks, I'm picking a movie for us to watch."
I grinned, waved goodbye to him.
I took a taxi to South King Street, normally I'd take a bus but I needed some space to think now that I was really going through with my plan. I was so nervous my hands were trembling in my lap.
It was the teaching- May told me it was alright to just show them what I'd do in a situation where I was attacked so we've been going through different scenarios and how to respond to them. Of course, I've watched nearly a hundred YouTube videos already, but we've been producing some surprisingly great results. I taught kids from ages eight to fourteen, apparently they were a bit intimidated by Kane (who only taught the adults now) but I didn't mind. The kids were sweet and very smart, they learned fast.
The problem was, I've also been teaching some of the adults and children as a joint class when Kane is too busy. They came to my classes on time but they refused to participate, blatantly ignoring me whenever I spoke to them. After a few chagrined attempts, I'd resolved to ignore them as well, but Helen's words haunted me.
Feel free to continue avoiding them. I wouldn't mind seeing you miserable.
Yesterday I sat down on my couch and imagined things from the pack's perspective: Ember is an omega, an unchallenging member of the pack and therefore someone we have to take care of. Someone whose mom was working night shifts and fighting to stay lively after her mate up and left almost twenty years ago. We're worried about the two of them but Ember tenses up when we ask how she's doing, avoiding us like the plague. Wait, she's stopped showing up to pack events and runs, doesn't even speak to anyone much. Almost as if she's disgusted and wants nothing to do with us- just like her mom is always hinting at.
Wow.
So maybe the pack wouldn't be surprised if the younger wolves- including the alpha's son who is usually uncaring- are hostile towards her. Maybe they might even think it served her right for being such a prick.
Hell, this whole time I've been blaming Kane for my social problems, but I've been the one digging my own grave.
After that long thought process, I spent a whole day of agonizing over a way to fix things(ignoring that small voice that suggested I just leave things as they were) until I finally found a solution. Not necessarily a peaceful one, but sometimes wars had to be started to end others, right?
The taxi came to a halt and I paid my fare and got out, hands still shaking. I stood on the sidewalk for a while, trying to calm down. The dark brick building with a gray sign that read Wolf's School of Defense seemed to stare down at me, intimidatingly. Go back home, it suggested.
I took in a deep breath. No more running.
I entered the building through the side door, resisting the urge to touch the bells in my hair. They jingled when I shook my head and I remembered how Aster's laughter had sounded like that, beautiful, reassuring. I squared my shoulders, lifted my chin. This time it was Aster's voice I heard: Give them hell.
Classes were held in a room that was three times larger than my whole apartment, the floor covered in blue-green mats, lights bright and dangling from a pale blue ceiling. The room was churning with talk and movement, both the adults and kids were here, waiting for their instructor.
There was a bat I'd placed against the wall near the back of the room before leaving yesterday. It was still there. My fingers were steady as I grabbed the handle, lifted it.
The first person to notice me was Pauline, a cute kid with pink glasses and a really powerful kick. She was in the middle of a conversation with her older brother, Brandon, who was twenty-five and didn't just ignore me, but also scoffed whenever I spoke. He was also apparently a tyrant at home according to Pauline, which I guess worked to my advantage since Pauline saw what I was about to do to her brother and her eyes only widened a mere inch before she quickly schooled her features to perfect calm, pretending like she didn't see what was about to happen.
Bam.
"What the hell-"
He was rubbing the spot I'd struck him with the bat (between the shoulder blades) and turning when I hit him again, this time behind the knee. He crumbled to the floor with a curse, his sister pumping the air with a fist and egging me on. But I didn't advance on him, only stared down at him. Widening my stance in case he decided to leap at me.
"What are you doing, you psycho?" He snarled at me, still on the floor.
The talk died down, we had all eyes on us now- exactly how I wanted it.
"Having a conversation. You guys obviously have a problem with me," I said, meeting the gaze of everyone around me slowly. "I've been shying away from interacting with you for fear of being rejected for not being good enough, but this time I won't take your rejection. We can talk it out nicely like adults, or you can try doing what I've been doing for the past years- running from my problems- but then I'll use whatever means necessary, including this," I waved the bat, "to get your attention."
"Hit him again!" Pauline exclaimed, "He’s getting up!"
I watched Brandon stand up calmly.
"You're saying you were being standoffish because you were super shy?"
My cheeks heated at that buy I only nodded, refusing to lower my gaze. This was no challenge, I was baring myself to all of them and I was going to do it with my head held high.
"How come you're only deciding to tell us now? How do we know you're not trying to reconcile with us because of the alpha?" Brandon asked.
"If I was doing this for Kane, he wouldn't have let me hit you. Not when you could've easily hit back," I smiled honestly. "I'm not saying we should be best buds, or that you should show me respect as your alpha's mate, I just want to be seen, really seen as another wolf that is a part of this pack."
I could almost hear the cogs turning in the heads around me as they debated how to process that. Wondered which part was true and which wasn't. How to react to it.
"Screw that," Brandon said, pointing at the bat. "You couldn't tell us this without using me as a punching bag?" He demanded.
"I wanted all of your undivided attention. Plus, you've been a pain in the butt," I replied sweetly.
"You still don't have mine, why not hit the idiot one more time?!" Someone called from the crowd.
There were chuckles and a scowl from Brandon.
"Can we use him as a practice dummy for today's class?" Pauline asked innocently.
"I'll make you into a practice dummy if you don't shut up," Brandon grumbled. "Well?" He asked me.
"Well what?" I asked.
"Are you going to show us what to do when someone comes at us with a bat or are you just going to stand there?"
I glanced warily at the others. "Do you guys want to join the class?"
They all joined.