Chapter38

"You seriously going to have tea with her, Janani? I don't like this Shreya" Richa said
Janani wrinkled her nose.
Her best friend, Richa, was very quick in her judgements but Janani tried to give everyone a
fair hearing.
And that included Shreya Iyyer.
After all, Janani would have been the first to admit that the main source of her unease about
Shreya was that the other woman's close blood tie to Armaan's ex and Ava's mother.
"I don't think she is evil" Janani admitted. Though she feels uncomfortable around Shreya,
she has to admit the woman is not an evil character.
The gentleness with which she treats Ava and even Advi proves that.
It is just around her, Shreya seems different.
Can't blame her for that either.
In any case, she had to admit that Shreya had proved to be an almost invisible guest,
occasionally dropping by to visit Ava and Advi, over the past week while Armaan had been
abroad.
Richa had reached three days before and Janani had wasted her time going on wedding
shopping and relaxing with her best friend.
"What is she even doing there locked up in that guest house all day" Richa remarked
suspiciously
"She is working on her next book" Janani said
Janani had learned from Aadesh that Shreya is an amazing upcoming writer and her first
book had been a best seller nation wide.
Janani hadn't been too keen on reading ever and preferred outdoor activities like gardening
anytime over being cooped up somewhere with a book.
The guest house Shreya was staying over was situated a walking distance from Verma
Mansion, located at a much more silent area surrounded by thick trees around.
Janani was wryly amused that she had found it necessary to dress up to visit Shreya.
"Oh, you haven't brought the kids." Shreya sighed in disappointment as soon as she opened
the door. "Come in."
"They always has a nap straight after lunch."
"Good god! You sound like one of those rigid nannies people joke about" Shreya commented
with a teasing smile
"I hope not" Janani stilled on the threshold of a spacious reception room that was dominated
by photos and portraits of a very beautiful woman.
What caught her attention was the big portrait in the centre.
Armaan and the woman, both looking into each other's eyes with a smile on their faces
"Ishana, my sister" Shreya said pointing at the woman in the photos.
"Oh" was all Janani could say
"Oh, didn't you know that the guest house is where Armaan keeps his stash of
memorabilia?" Shreya remarked in apparent surprise.
"I thought you would have guessed. I mean, there's nothing at all to be seen up at the
mansion" Shreya said
"No, nothing" Janani agreed, having naturally noticed that, surprisingly, Armaan had not a
single photograph on display anywhere of his daughter's mother.
"Even I didn't know" Shreya sighed "Without knowing the depth of his feelings I had been
blaming him for long for everything bad that happened to my sister. It's only once Aadesh
gave me the key to his brother's retreat home that I realised how wrong I was in judging him"
Shreya said with a sad smile
"Right" Janani mumbled
"Haven't you noticed that he never ever mentions her. It must be too painful for him" Shreya
added
Janani was not very practised at female games of one-upmanship but she knew enough to
know when she was being targeted and she murmured quietly
"Are we having tea?"
"I am not very domesticated but I do have the tray ready for us." Shreya gave her a wide
grin, unperturbed by Janani's cool intonation, and stepped out into the room that Janani
assumed held a kitchen.
The room she stood in was ironically both her worst nightmare and her most precious
discovery.
All around her sat the means to satisfy her curiosity about Armaan's ex lover. Giving way to
temptation, Janani wandered around peering at the photos and the paintings.
She stood in front of the couple photo and stared at it with her heart in her mouth.
Did Armaan love her??
Why did he never mention anything about Ishana to her??
Is it too painful for him to talk about Ishana??
"I am glad he is trying to move on. Akka would have wanted that'' Shreya murmured from
behind Janani, making her flinch
"Oh, my goodness, you scared me, Shreya!" Janani said, keeping a hand on her heart,
refusing to react to Shreya's provocative statement.
"I asked you for tea so that I can tell you how thankful I am for the sacrifice you are doing.
Stepping into a love less marriage for the sake of children, I must say, is a very big sacrifice
and I wanted you to know Akka would always be thankful to you too" Shreya said
"I don't consider this marriage a sacrifice Shreya. And who told you ours is a love less
marriage" Janani asked
"Ishana Akka is irreplaceable" Shreya said
"But I am not trying to replace her," Janani responded quietly. "How could I? And why would I
even want to? Armaan and I have a completely different relationship."
With that said Janani walked out of the house without even staying to have her tea.
As Janani walked back towards the Verma mansion her hazel brown eyes were overbright
with tears.
She didn't want to let the tears fall, not with her usual bodyguards bare yards from her, silent
and watchful of her every move.
Furthermore she had not the slightest doubt that anything unusual she did would be reported
straight back to Armaan, who seemed to worry a great deal about her while he was away
from her.
He phoned her several times a day and questioned her right down to asking what she ate at
mealtimes.
And when she had asked him why he bothered when she had so little news to relate, he had
told her teasingly that he liked the sound of her voice and could listen to her reciting an old
phone book just as happily.
The routine of the kid's day were of equal interest to him and it was obvious to Janani that
Armaan really missed his children .
As her mobile phone rang she dug it out, grateful for an interruption that would hopefully give
her thoughts a new and more positive direction.
When she heard Vikram's familiar badgering tones she almost groaned, however, for she
had thought she had heard the last from her ex-fiance when he had phoned her to say he
wouldn't be attending the wedding ,because apparently he knew she was making a dreadful
mistake.
"Armaan has turned your head with his wealth" Vikram told her, merely starting a new angle
of attack.
"His wealth doesn't matter to me. His kindness does" Janani parried, thinking of all he had
done for her and her family
He might not be in love with her. But he cares a great deal for her
Will that ever be enough, she wondered
"You may not see it but I see very clearly that you are paying me back for what happened
with Saanvi" Vikram sighed. "You weren't able to forgive me."
"I did forgive you, Vikram. I simply didn't want to take back up again where we'd left off and I
think that's fair enough" Janani fielded. "I saw you in a different light when you were with my
sister."
"I made a dreadful mistake,Janani" Vikram groaned. "But I do love you."
"Not the way you loved her" Janani told him without heat.
"That wasn't genuine love and you don't love Armaan either. You're marrying him to keep
Advaith" Vikram protested.
Janani sat down on the stone bench surrounded by rose beds in the garden and said "That's
not true"
"Marriage is a sacred thing and it shouldn't be used." Vikram said vehemently
"But I do love him" Janani heard herself say and her whole mental view of the world lurched
as she made that belated discovery.
She loved Armaan with all her being and easily zeroed in on every kind and caring thing he
ever did for her
In the same moment she recognised why her encounter with Shreya and Ishana's shrine in
the guest house had distressed her so much. It had hurt to see Armaan's love for her
predecessor.
It had hurt even more to think that she might never usurp such a woman to win that level of
appreciation.
With Armaan, she might always be the kids' loving stepmother first and his wife second.
Second best, second best for all time.
Could she truly live with that?
"Sorry, Vikram. I have to go" she said, cutting the call on Vikram's words with relief.
Her face was wet with tears. She had been crying without knowing it and she mopped her
face hoping no one would realise her misery.