Confession

**Natalie POV**

When I first got to the kitchens and found them empty, it was an eerie atmosphere. Whereas the noise was typically obnoxious in level, the silence was unsettling. I had gathered the correct pots, bowels, materials, etc., like a mouse. Any and all clinging around echoed in the empty room.
For the first ten minutes, I didn't like it. But when I realized I was truly alone and free to myself, I became overjoyed. The last time I could bake unsupervised was before Mom was marked by Shiuku and I was by Diana.
The veil I kept myself hidden under was lifted. Why not? There was no one here. Besides, the real me has been striving to get out since I met with Aileen yesterday.
A relaxing country song that used to calm me back when I was still controlled by Diana entered my head. A real earworm that got me through my most challenging tortuous days. It was a song Mom, and I sang a lot together when it came out. The joy and memory cut through some of the pain I would suffer.
With the light, silly, but oh-so-true tune in my head and heart, I twirled around the kitchen finishing up the gathering of ingredients. I sang the song in rhythm with the jiggling of my butt and swaying of my upper body. I did change a few lyrics to make it funnier to myself. "What brings you to Lutz…"
I was kneading the cookie mixture into a delicious dough. Gathering the chocolate chips, I placed them in several smiley faces before working them into the sticky dough. I repeated this childish process several times until I was satisfied chocolate chips saturated the cookies. The Queen wouldn't want anything skimped on, especially after being called an angry bear by her husband.
I wiggled my butt as the song repeated in my mind. Lost in my own singing voice and dance moves, I went to place the cookies in the igloo-shaped oven. The smoke this thing emitted almost caused me to stop singing, but I powered through it, only coughing half a verse.
I reached for a wet rag and, using the old cloth as a prop, I swung it around my body, gypsy-like, in between wiping up my mess.
I slapped the rag on the counter's edge and sang loudly, "People Are Crazy!"
"They sure are. How do you know that song, little baker?"
I knew that voice. Last night, his words were slurred and remorseful. He was convinced my presence was actually a ghost invading his dreams… A ghost he felt up and kissed unhindered thanks to 'Flower Happiness.'
Goosebumps covered my arms. Sweat dripped down my pale face. I was white as the friendly ghost he'd compared me to yesterday! In my chest, my heart was already jackhammering away.
How much had Trevor seen before making a comment? To think I was dancing and singing like a fool! I should have let the assassin kill me yesterday! At least I would be spared from this humiliation!
Mentally preparing myself for whatever state the drug may have left him in, I spun around on my heel. No point in shying away. He'd already seen my butt swaying to a poorly sung country song. Besides, King Ulrich told me to be confident and hold my head up in my borrowed royal attire. He's not a man to disappoint.
My voice immediately got caught in my throat. In front of me, Trevor stood taller, more relaxed, and happier than I had seen him in years. I was utterly captivated by a renewed light in his bright emerald eyes. My complexion changed from ghost to tomato within three heartbeats.
Holy gorgeous God, this was close to how his eyes used to shine back on the first day we met. The way they had twinkled in the dark of night, putting the stars to shame.
Trevor's breathing hitched at the reveal of who the dancing baker was. His right cheek twitched as if he was fighting something back. I could relate. The possessive demon in me craved to jump into his arms. My Trevor was partly back…No, not mine. I stupidly let him go because of whatever tangled vines of lies I'm still cutting through.
"You look like…"
Nope, not going to deal with round two of this. "Natalie… ummmm Casperette, I believe you… called me yesterday…" My voice came out high-pitched. Each syllable of my words changed in octave, thinking about last night. The feel of his hands on me, in me…the sweet words he'd said…
Trevor blinked a few times and chuckled nervously. He tapped on the pink mark covering his cheek without looking away from my embarrassed self. I couldn't help but wonder if he had a run-in with Princess Lydia or if Aileen had still been aggravated this morning. The handprint must have belonged to one of them. No one else would dare to slap a prince adopted by King Ulrich.
Staring intently at me, a slight blush crossed his cheeks and met on the bridge of his nose. He shook his head, not believing the image in front of him.
It was time for both of us to face reality. Anyways, I could finally apologize to him and explain how not dead I am!
…How? He will think I'm working for the assassin, or I would have to let him know I was trained in self-defense. Then he would think I am suspicious and…and… I needed to stop overthinking. I had done that enough, and all it led to was my true love, almost marrying another woman.
Calm, just stay calm.
A loud smack made me look up at a red-faced Trevor. He had just whacked his face right over the previous handprint!
"Trevor?" I was confused; why did he hit himself?!
He chuckled excitedly, and it made my heart leap into my throat. I loved the sound more than any singer who ever played on the radio.
"My sister is such a pain in the ass. Told me to come down here to help bake until my head was clear again. Well, at least she was right about the cute baker…" He rubbed at the bottom of his chin.
His laugh was contagious. Damn, and bless his family for that ability! I could feel myself opening up naturally.
"She asked you to make some as well?" Trevor asked.
I smiled, "nope, my order came from the King himself. In trouble with his wife, he told me. He's trying to win the Queen back with sweets. He called her an angry bear or something, then poked her with his 'stick.' So I'm stuck slaving away with a stove that emits way too much smoke, but it's not a big deal. I can easily manage the smoke with my wind. It's part of my secret to making my baked goods taste so great! I can also change the textures. If only I knew the Queen's sweet tooth better, I could bake His Royal Highness' ass back into her good graces for sur-"
*What did I just do?! I sounded like a ranting idiot again!*
Two strong arms wrapped around me, startling me once more. "Oh, how am I supposed to hold myself back when you are so damn adorable!" He was beaming at me. "And familiar…"
Adorable; he just called me adorable! And familiar; could he be beginning to remember the day at the graveyard?
"So uh, you're not dead then? I thought the bastard assassin killed you."
Right, I had to tell him about yesterday.
"Umm…about the assassin, at the banquet, he attacked Aileen and Kalum during all the chaos, then tried to kidnap Shion. I was able to beat him back, but another elemental in the background was aiding him. I think, to keep you distracted, he also made sure you were drugged. The effects must have led Princess Lydia into thinking you were ill."
Trevor pounded his fist on the nearest counter, "Son of a bitch!"
I stepped backward. *Craps! Dumb move.*
"Hey, no! Please don't get scared of me again. I will never hurt you!" Trevor unwrapped his other arm from around me and placed both behind his back. "see."
Embarrassment and guilt flared inside of me. I'd hurt him again!
Completely changing the subject, he said, "Anyway, we need a second batch of cookies for my nephews! Let's concentrate on that instead!"
NO! I felt him closing himself off again, acting like nothing was wrong. There had to be something I could do. Anything to prove that I trusted him, even just a little. "Want me to teach you? I'm a pretty amazing baker, ya know."
My question had the opposite effect I desired. Trevor began shaking faintly. His voice came out light; however, I didn't miss the nervous edge, like he feared his following words." I'm a hands-on learner. I won't be able to have my arms tied behind my back. Is that okay?"
*Admit it; you have to finally tell him the truth.* But what do I say? How do I start?
Time dragged while I battled with my scatterbrain. Trevor stared at me silently. Keeping both hands firmly behind his back, he awaited my response... A simple answer that could mean so much to him.
Suddenly a lightbulb manifested above my head. I knew what to say. Start basic but honest. The rest will flow naturally, no matter how badly it may sting.
"I know… I hurt you." The memory of the day years ago when he did everything he could to cheer me up in the DSS infirmary flashed in my mind. I remembered the cute cupcake he offered in hopes of getting me to say anything to him. Then I thought of yesterday, seeing his pained face in the courtyard when I rejected him again.
Each time I had shook in fear, knowing I could never hurt him but assuming he would torture me.
"I was wrong. I was… told you were evil by my….Mistress of many years. I shouldn't have believed her.. so easily." I paused. "I understand if you… proposed to Princess Lydia. I'll be happy for you… I just hope you can forgive me."
There I said it.
"For the love of God! She did lie to everyone about that! I did not propose to her! I couldn't! How am I supposed to proclaim love for another woman when I was still heartbroken about you?!"
"Trevor…" he was telling the truth last night! They weren't together.
His fist punched at the counter, creating a bigger hole, "I wished I could move on and give you space like you wanted. I tried to stop loving you, but I just couldn't! Then it looked like you died. I had no idea what to do. She kissed me, and I nearly threw up. I was lost. Fuck, according to my family, I'm still lost!"
Just like the counter behind him, he was breaking. The arrogant mask was finally shattered, and I could see the raw loneliness he hid. Yet, his eyes were lighter again, like a boulder was slipping off his shoulders. I reached my hands around his back and intertwined our fingers.
Trevor watched me, unsure of how to react.
A long inhale and slow exhale to calm myself, and I confessed, "It is easier to pretend, ya know…but seeing the real you, shining so happily when you first entered the kitchen…to the truth and pain you're showing me now… It's made me certain... I'm not afraid of you. And I'm so, so sorry." As I spoke in a cracked voice, Trevor took a deep breath. Already I could hear his heart racing frantically.
I squeezed his hand to reassure him. "I finally understand why no matter how much I fought it, tried to hate you, forget about you, or feared you; I couldn't stop from loving you, Tida-"
The ending of my sentence was crushed under his lips.