49

Shit
Just shit
I felt the panic begin like a cluster of spark plugs in my stomach.
Tension began to do its work.
No, please no, not again, please. .
My breathing became more rapid by each second. In these moments, I thought about everything; and I mean, every single damn thing. I was over thinking again, the negatives outweighing the positives. I was making myself all worked up for no reason.
Calm down, Rose, calm down
I need help
Help
Someone help, please!
Help!
I was gasping but managed to wriggle over to the door, my body weakening as I fell onto the ground with a thud, my hand shaking reaching out for the door but I was failing.
My heart raced faster - I couldn't reach it.
Again, I tried to lean over. I couldn't reach it.
Once more - I couldn't.
No help.
My eyes scanned the room I was in , empty, alone, and the panic grew. In seconds I was curled tight on the ground, my only movement the trembling of my body and salty tears darkening my sleeves. There I stayed, unaware of my surroundings no longer.
I gave up.
Waking up was the worst feeling ever.
My back was aching and when I turned over, a few clicks went through my body. I groaned softly, my hand to my throbbing head as I opened my eyes, propping myself up with my elbow. I managed to look around in my surroundings to see that I was still in the bedroom.
The bedroom.
Oh shit!
My eyes widened as they landed upon the clock beside Cris's side of the bed.
Oh no! I'm so late!
A gasp left my mouth and I managed to stand up shakily, jogging over to the window and carefully moving the curtain gently, peeking out to see the crowd beginning to leave.
No, no, no, no, no!
I swiftly ran over to the bathroom, brushing my teeth and using the toilet before sorting out my messy hair. When I was done, I slipped on my shoes and quickly dashed out of the room, running down the stairs and leaving the empty loft.
I jogged past people, managing to squeeze past the crowd and ran towards his dressing room, opening the door and thankfully, it wasn't locked.
I bursted in and shut the door loudly behind myself, my eyes landing upon a familiar, muscular man with his toned back towards me.
"Cris-"
"I won the fight."
I licked my lips slowly, watching breathlessly as he took off his gloves, placing them down and putting things into his bag, his back still towards me.
"I knew you would," I quietly responded, my voice a little hopeful that he wasn't mad.
"Funny. Earlier you seemed not to."
"I wasn't doubting you, I just didn't want you to be prestige."
"So," he said, his voice emotionless yet authoritatively intimidating. He turned, his dark hazel eyes shooting daggers at me. "You didn't come."
"I-" I began, my face heating up as my heart pumped faster.
"Are you still pissed at me? I spoke to Dax before the fight and fixed it, Rose. I wanted you to be there because you are what keeps me going now."
"I know and I'm not angry at you," I replied, my voice beginning to shake which caught his attention. His face softened as he noticed the tears in my eyes. I swallowed uncomfortably, blinking my eyes rapidly to get rid of the stinging tears.
"I-I had a panic attack a-and-"
"Shh. ."
His arms were around me and I held onto him, burying my head in his chest as I squeezed my eyes closed, clinging onto him. "I tried to reach the door. . ."
"I'm sorry," Cristiano soothingly said to me, his warm hand sliding up and down my my back. "What's wrong? Do you wanna talk about it?"
I sighed, pulling away and meeting his eyes. Then my hands went down and I held his, meeting his eyes.
Here goes nothing
"Cristiano, I'm-"
"Where's the winner? Can we please go and celebrate? Giovanni is no joke! Holy shit, I've walked in on something personal."
The door had opened and Jordan had bursted in but as soon as he saw us, he froze, bottles of alcohol in his hands.
I chuckled softly, letting go of Cris's hands and pulling a strand of my crimson hair behind my ear. "It's fine. You're right, Jordan. Let's go and celebrate."
A grin stretched across Jordan's face and he cheered as he turned, going to the loft. I turned and faced Cris once more, standing on my tip toes planting a kiss on his cheek.
"What did you want to tell me?"
I shook my head, my eyes meeting his concerned and curious ones. I caressed his cheek, smiling at him.
"It's nothing, don't worry. You've won, superstar. Let's go celebrate."
Great
More procrastination
~~~
Upstairs, I was waiting in bed whilst Cristiano took a shower. I had my phone in my hand as I scrolled through, trying to find some pizza deals.
It was going to be me and him chilling upstairs although Cris said that we were going to do more than 'Netflix and Chill'.
"Hi, can I please have one margarita pizza, and one spicy, Cajun chicken pizza with extra jalapeños? . . .May I also have two caramel cookie doughs, one side of barbecue chicken wings, garlic bread and hot nachos? . . . As a drink, I'd like a large bottle of Tango, please. . .thank you. ."
"Is that all, ma'am?"
"Um. . ." I hesitated, a thought entering my mind. I bit my lip before giving in.
No more holding back
"If possible? Can I please just make a special request? There's something I need to tell my boyfriend and. . ."
When I finally finished the call, a smile was on my face. I hung up and looked down at my phone, sighing softly with relief.
Finally Rose! He's going to find out!
What if he's mad?
No - no what ifs
. . .but what if he resents me?