18. Resolve

Emmalyn reached down under the water and took his hand away from her sex, lacing her fingers through his. She needed something of a distraction to keep her from giving in to what her body was demanding. She cleared her throat, trying to think of another question. An almost childish pout formed on Caleb’s handsome features when she stopped him from examining her body further. He relented, knowing he would not force her no matter what he was feeling, and simply allowed her to hold his hand. Gently, he squeezed her fingers, leaning closer to her so he could kiss her temple once more.

“What happens when your kind… breeds with humans?” She asked as she wondered what would happen to her if she kept this up. It was an odds game, and the more she continued to have sex with Farrel, the higher the likelihood would be.

“The same as anyone breeding. It may or may not take depending on if your body can grow the seed given to you. And I would not worry about it just yet. Farrel might be as potent as he said, but even his parents had to roll around more than once to plant a pup,” he explained, chuckling at his own words. “And should you ever find yourself pregnant with one of our kind, do not worry about it being strong enough to harm you. We are just as frail as humans are when we’re first born.”

Emmalyn moved closer to him, not wanting things to get uncomfortable. She saw the kisses he gave her as being innocent signs of affection, nothing to be ashamed of. As she snuggled up against him, she let her chest rest on his chest. Caleb lifted his arm when she came closer without releasing her hand and hugged her to his side. He trembled as he felt the soft pillow of her breast against his chest. Like his disappointment before, the feeling faded back behind his firm resolve. Unlike other wolves, he didn’t always let his instincts control him. It was a flaw in most of his pack’s eyes, but it came in handy often in the past.

“I’m worried about what’s going to happen when we get to your home. I know the stories I’ve been told may be wrong, but I’m still scared. I don’t want to die. How long will it take us to get there?” She asked so softly it was almost a whisper, but she knew he could hear her.

Hearing the fear in her voice, he held her tighter, pressing several more firm kisses from her temple all the way down her cheek to her jaw, and playfully nipped her there with his teeth to try to distract her from her woes.

“Farrel will argue against it if the choice is raised with the council and the elders. And so will I. Killing you would gain us nothing. When we decide things, they are for the good of the pack. You are worth more to us alive. I’m sure that isn’t much more comforting to you, but it is the truth.”

He ran his fingers through her hair lightly, hoping to soothe her as much as he could.

“As long as weather permits, we can get there by nightfall tomorrow. If not, then midday tomorrow. I could smell a storm brewing to the north.”

She was curled up against him, any closer and she would have been on his lap. She was still being physically affected by how close he was, but she was trying to distract herself from it. He smelled so damn good too…

“When you say I’m worth more to you alive, what do you mean?” She asked him softly. “The legends about why your people would want me were vague. I don’t know why you would want me other than to keep me from them.”

She reached down under the water and rubbed her free hand over the newly healed skin. It itched a bit and was sore, but she was healed. The warm water really was having a calming and relaxing effect on her.

“I don’t want…” she whispered, her voice trailing off a bit sleepy, “you and Farrel…” she yawned a bit, “to risk anything more for me…”

Ah, but he really didn’t want to frighten her with the other prophecies that had flown around about the healer. To her, it might even be worse than death. But she had asked and he couldn’t deny her an answer. She had every right to know the truth and stupidly trying to protect her by keeping her ignorant was not fair to her.

He shifted his position a bit and reached up, gently gripping her chin to lift her head. He had to be sure that she was alert and listening because he had no plans to repeat his words later.

Emmalyn noticed his reaction to her question. She hadn’t seen him uncomfortable before, and with one question, he was almost fidgeting. Her eyes lifted to him when he tilted her head up. She was getting so sleepy sitting in the warm water, but she tried to stay awake and pay attention to what he was saying.

“They brought it up that they would use you for breeding. That your magics might carry on to a new, stronger breed. But that isn’t for certain. They aren’t sure you would be strong enough to have even one pup, let alone populate a single generation of wolves.”

By the time he was done, her eyes were as big as saucers. The color had drained away as well. They were going to use her to breed? Use her just like she had accused Farrel of doing. Her mouth opened and closed a few times as she tried to say something, and nothing came out.

Her first instinct was to run, but where would she go? They were further away still, and it was already over two days’ journey by wagon. She would never make it on foot, let alone naked. Not only that, she knew she couldn’t get away from them even if she tried. It took Farrel a heartbeat to catch her. She was sure Caleb would be the same. Her life felt more out of her hands now than before. She drew in a shaky breath and looked at him.

Had the situation not been so disturbing, it would have been comical when his eyes grew just as round as hers in reaction to her paling so quickly. He pulled her to him, not caring that she wanted a little personal space, and settled her on one knee facing him so he could look her over. She stiffened drastically when he grabbed her like he did and pulled her up on his lap so that she was straddling one of his legs and looking right at him. She was frightened that maybe he saw something she didn’t, maybe something behind her, and he moved her to get her out of harm’s way. Whatever the reason, she didn’t know if she could take so much excitement.

Emmalyn looked healthy, and he relaxed only a fraction to that fact. For one moment, he was terrified that her wounds had broken open again somehow. Emmalyn was still nervous though and tense and Caleb tenderly slid his hands along her neck and over her shoulders, trying to rub the ill feelings out of her.

When he relaxed a bit and started rubbing her shoulders for her, she relaxed as well. Or, as much as she could sit like that, as close to him as she was. So much for finding a distraction to keep her mind off how attractive he was. It tore at her. She didn’t understand how she could be drawn to both him and Farrel at the same time. It didn’t seem fair.

“Was…that all that was brought up?” She asked, wondering if it was possible for it to get any worse.

“Holding you captive, hiding you away somewhere, or just keeping you in Peratuth where we can guard you. Nothing is certain. They have made no decisions because they refuse to until they finally meet you. And as per council law, a decision can’t be made until you’re given the right to plead your case. We will do our best to prepare you for that, Emmalyn. Have a clear head when you speak to the council. They will not bend to emotional claims because they do not hold weight with the pack.”

She leaned forward and placed her forehead on his upper chest.

“I don’t know what my case is other than I want to live and I want to have my life be my own. I don’t want to be held in captivity or locked away.”

She shook her head back and forth as she moved closer to him, tilting her head so that her cheek was against his chest and her breath moved across his moist skin each time she exhaled. Caleb wasn’t doing very well hiding his lust from her. He kept the emotion buried down, but when she slid closer and the hot, hard weight of his shaft pressed against her hip and thigh, there was no way to hide it. He grimaced, struggling to think of a way to continue to keep her wishes of no sexual contact, when all he wanted to do was drag her up and on him. Emmalyn whimpered when she felt him against her hip. She closed her eyes and tried to think of what he was saying to keep her mind off of wondering what he would feel like, how different it would feel…or would it feel the same…

“Be strong when you ask for your life, Emmalyn,” he urged, lowering his head to rest his chin gently against the top of her head. As long as her head was down then she wouldn’t see the burning desire lighting his gold eyes. “And I will defend your argument no matter what.”

She whimpered again, this time trying to get those thoughts out of her head. She wiggled a bit, trying to get more comfortable, but she only succeeded in inadvertently rubbing herself against him and making herself even more uncomfortable.

“I will try to be strong,” she said as she tilted her head up to look at him.

It probably wasn’t the best thing to do because it brought them face to face and very close together. Under the water, against her silken hip, his manhood stirred at the mere proximity of her lovely face to his. The molten quality of his eyes swirled with the power of his lust. He shifted once, an instinctive pull that even his powerful control couldn’t stop. He dragged her closer, one hand sliding to the small of her back. Having his aching length pinned between their bodies did little to appease the fire ravaging through his blood.

“I know you will be, Emmalyn. You are brave to even be so levelheaded here with me,” he breathed, trying hard and failing to hide the huskiness in his voice. “You know I want you. But I would not force myself upon you. No matter if my instincts scream at me to do just that.”

She could hear it in his voice as clearly as she could hear the loud thumping of her heartbeat in her ears. She was breathing faster and even though there was moisture floating in the surrounding air, she licked her lips to wet them. Those thoughts of him came through her mind again, and she couldn’t just shove them aside.

“I know…” she answered softly, her voice reflecting her own inner thoughts. “I just… don’t know if I should. I’ve been with Farrel and I don’t want to hurt him…I care about him…”

“Well, it is considered by most wolves to be unnatural to ignore your body’s needs. There is a difference between need and want, though they do not understand. I know it is difficult for you as you’ve only just discovered sexuality,” he murmured, doing his best to sound reasonable even as a small wolfish whimper slid past his lips.

Caleb sighed heavily, annoyed with himself for making her uncomfortable. He held her tighter and nuzzled his face against the side of her neck to inhale her scent. She smelled so blessedly sweet. Far better than the cloudy memories Farrel supplied him with. It briefly crossed his mind to tell her that her mating with him wouldn’t hurt Farrel. But he did not want to hurt her by saying it when he didn’t have a simple explanation for that behavior.

How both he and Farrel nuzzled against her was going to be the undoing of her resolve. She whimpered as well as their bodies were held so close to each other. She ached to be touched, to have him do the things to her that Farrel did, but she couldn’t help but feel that stab of guilt for wanting it with someone other than Farrel.

She rubbed her cheek against him, whispering, “You know most humans mate and stay with only one person, that it’s considered being unfaithful to be with any others. Even though Farrel has made no claims on me or even told me he wants me as his own, I can’t help but feel that I’m being unfaithful to him by even wanting you as I do.” She admitted to him.

“I know, Emmalyn,” Caleb replied, smothering a sigh behind a low groan.

He shifted against her, struggling with himself for a moment, then went still again, hunching a little over her smaller frame as he almost cuddled her to him. His hands tenderly stroked her back to enjoy the feel of her skin as much as he wanted to soothe her. With a great effort, he lifted his head, bringing his face level with hers, and brushed an infinitely tender kiss across her lips.

“Our ways aren’t your ways. When a mate is marked, then she only belongs to the one that marks her. You aren’t marked, and it is still your choice who you find pleasure with.”