CHAPTER 36

ALPHA ROBIN’S POV
As I walked back to my quarters I realised that I had left my previous breakup to completely affect me. I thought that I had my emotions under control but that was not the case. I couldn't quite explain why I was getting cold towards her, a couple of minutes after we made love.

I didn't want to make her feel this way. As a matter of fact, I wanted her to always feel loved. I didn't want her to ever doubt that I care yet that is what I made her go through.

I will have to look into it and find a way to separate her from the rest. Now that we have decided to date, she is supposed to only get the sweet side of me.

I got back to my quarters and poured myself a glass of whiskey, damn, it was long overdue. I needed something to calm down my racing thoughts.

Hardly was I done drinking when I heard a knock on the door.

Who could that be?

“ Beta? Why are you here?” I asked him when I found him waiting by the door.

“ You did not come to the office yet there is this document that you needed to sign,” He said handing me the document.

I was tired, I just took the document and signed without having to go through it. This was really unlike me and it caught him by surprise.

“ What is going on?” He had to ask.

“ Nothing, why?” I pretended to be clueless.

“ You don't seem fine,” He noted.

“ Where were you earlier on by the way? I came looking for you but I was not able to find you,"he added.

“ From what you are saying, one thing is clear and that is you are spying on me. Or am I wrong?” I asked. I was not ready to talk to him about my love life. He was against Anita from the very beginning and I didn't care about his input or opinion.

“ You know that's not true. I am asking you all this because I truly care about you,” He said but I found it hard to believe.

“ You should go,” I instructed and thank goodness he left. I was not in the mood to have a back and forth with him and I was glad that he didn't insist on that either.

I gulped down the remaining contents of whiskey before sitting on the sofa. Something was totally off. All the excitement that I felt when we made love, which is by the way the best I have ever done had suddenly disappeared.

I was not my usual happy focused self. I had this surge of anger and being on edge and I couldn't clearly explain where it was coming from.

Was this my instincts warning me about her, something is totally off and I didn't know what to make of it.

“ Harry,” I called him because I needed him.

“ What's going on?” He asked. I could tell that he was irritated . He was tired from running earlier on and he needed to rest.

“ Are you sure about Anita? Why am I feeling that making love to her was the biggest mistake of my life?” I asked him.

“ I thought that we were done talking about her. Honestly, I am not going to help you make any kind of decision in the future. You know where you stand with her. Act on it,” He said before going back to sleep.

I had tried calling him over and over again but he ended up ignoring me.

It didn't take me long to realise that Anita was the problem, I was the problem. I guess Harry knew this, he didn't want to tell me because he knew that I would not agree with him, I had to find this out about myself on my own.

I struggled with being in love because of my scarred past. I had loved deeply before and it didn't end up well for me, that is what is bothering me about loving Anita deeply. A part of me wants to disappear from her and be cold towards her but I cannot do it. I know how much she is in love with me, my actions are really going to hurt her for sure.

Plus, am I really ready to lose her? I am in love with her, losing her will hurt me. I just had to figure out a way of putting my past behind me and love her deeply. She trusted me with her heart and I will not be happy to break it. She needs to feel loved by me.

I was going to do all it takes to give her the love that she desires.

**
ANITA’S POV
I was about to fall asleep when I heard someone knock on my door. I knew who it was. I tried ignoring him but he didn't stop knocking.

I had to go get the door for my own peace and sanity.

“ Hi Ben,” I said as I allowed him into my place.

“ Hi, where were you? I came looking for you earlier but I wasn't able to find you,” He said.

I wanted to tell him that I was with the Alpha, he made love to me and this is the best day of my life but I could not do it. For some reason, I wanted to keep it private.In my mind, I was thinking, no one can hurt what they don't know.Until I feel comfortable to let this out, then is when I will tell him about my love story with the Alpha.

“ I don't know what you are talking about because I was here all along,” I lied.

I could see it in his eyes, he knew that I was lying but he chose not to follow up on that.

“ Okay,” He mumbled.

“ Tell me about Lola and Beta,” I found myself asking. I had initially thought that I didn't care about Lola and what she was up to until this moment.

I was obsessed with her, just because she had a past with the Alpha, someone that I love to death.