Chapter 9

From their perch high above the city, the world below seemed impossibly small. She could see for miles—across the harbor, all the way to the distant horizon where the ocean met the sky. The sailboats in the harbor looked like tiny white specks on a vast blue canvas, and the trees that had seemed so towering earlier now appeared like miniature toys.
“It’s pretty amazing, right?” Benjamin said, motioning for her to sit beside him. “Best view in the city.”
Jade sat down on the bench, still absorbing the incredible scene before her. The city stretched out endlessly beneath them, bathed in the soft glow of the late afternoon sun. For a moment, she forgot about everything, all that mattered was the beauty of the view and the quiet presence of the boy beside her.
“How did you find this place?” she asked, turning to look at him. His gaze was fixed on the horizon, and she could see that he was just as captivated by the sight as she was.
“My mother showed me,” he said softly. His voice held a distant quality, as though he were speaking from another time. Jade watched as his eyes lost focus, drifting back into a memory. “It was a long time ago,” he added after a moment of silence, his voice trailing off.
Her heart tightened at the sadness in his tone. She could guess what had happened—his mother must have died when he was young. She had never seen this side of him before, this quiet vulnerability that he usually kept hidden beneath layers of bravado and mystery.
“Do you miss her?” she asked gently.
He nodded, his expression distant as he retreated further into his thoughts. The pain was clear in his eyes, a sadness that seemed too deep for someone his age. Jade felt a pang of empathy, wishing she could do something to ease the burden he carried.
“You can talk to me,” she said softly, reaching out to place her hand on his. The moment their fingers touched, he looked at her, his melancholy green eyes locking with hers. There was so much sadness in them, so much that she didn’t know how to fix it.
“I believe you,” Benjamin whispered, his grip tightening around her hand. They sat in silence for a long moment, the air between them filled with unspoken words.
Out of the corner of her eye, Jade noticed something peeking out of his pocket—something she hadn’t seen when he was standing.
“What’s that?” she asked, nodding toward his side. Benjamin followed her gaze, then pulled a small moleskin notebook from his pocket and handed it to her.
“It’s just sketches. You can take a look if you want.”
“You draw?” she asked, surprised, as she opened the book.
“Just as a hobby,” He replied with a shrug, though she barely noticed his nonchalant response. She was already engrossed in the small pencil drawings inside. The sketches were beautiful—pages filled with hands so perfectly shaded they seemed to leap from the paper. There were outlines of people playing in parks, dogs running, children hanging on swings. A series of pages showed different people sitting on benches: an old woman whose laugh lines told the story of a beautiful life, a homeless man wrapped in newspapers for warmth, a couple holding hands as they stared into the future.
“Benjamin, these are amazing,” Jade said, her voice hushed with admiration as she slowly flipped through the book. “Seriously, this isn’t just a hobby.”
“Thanks,” he said quietly when she handed the notebook back.
“Have you ever thought about art school?” she asked, watching as he tucked the notebook back into his pocket.
“Not for me.” He shook his head, avoiding her gaze.
“Why not?” she pressed. “You should let people teach you. Your drawings have so much personality—I can see exactly who the people are just from the expressions you give them.”
Benjamin sighed, the sound heavy with resignation. He looked at her, his lip curling into a smirk, though his eyes betrayed something more serious. “A front, huh? I just broke you into a church.”
“You broke me into a church to show me a beautiful view and a place that’s sacred to you. Not exactly the same as breaking and entering,” she countered, her tone playful but firm.
“Ah, but we used the trap door, which most people don’t know about. I could have just taken you up the janitor’s steps.”
“Would those have been cobweb-free?” she teased, and he nodded. She slapped his arm lightly. “Jerk.”
“Come on, it was much more adventurous my way. Admit it—you were scared but secretly excited.”
She smiled, lowering her voice to a whisper. “That’s generally how you make me feel.”
The words slipped out before she could stop them, and she at once cringed. She silently cursed herself for essentially admitting that she liked him.
“Me too,” He whispered, more to himself than to her.
She looked up at him, studying his face as he stared out the window. His thoughts seemed to be churning, and she wished she could see inside his head for just a moment. What was he thinking? What was he hiding?
“Benjamin?” she asked softly, testing to see if he was still listening.
“Yeah,” he replied distantly.
“Why did you save my life?” She asked the question, escaping her lips before she had time to second-guess it. “I heard what you said to your friends, but for some reason… I can’t believe it.”
He turned to look at her, his gaze heavy with something unspoken. Jade knew he could see the confusion written all over her face. He took a deep breath, his eyes closing for an instant too long as if he were gathering the courage to speak.
“I saved you because I wanted to protect you,” Benjamin finally said, his voice low and conflicted. “And I still do. Some small part of me won’t stop believing you’re precious to me, even if I’m not supposed to feel that way.”
Jade inched closer, trying to close the distance between them. “Who says you can’t? Your friends?”
He laughed bitterly. “No, my so-called friends are the only ones making sense. We just can’t ever be, Jade.”
“Why?” she asked, her frustration rising.
“Someday, you’ll understand.” He leaned back against the wall, creating more space between them.
Jade groaned, throwing her hands up in exasperation. “God, I am so sick of everyone telling me I’ll eventually understand! Aiden keeps saying it, like some patronizing father who knows everything but won’t give me any answers. And now you too? I never expected this from you. What happened to ‘Mr. Breaking the Rules’?”
She began pacing around their little corner, trying to make sense of everything. She was certain that Benjamin, Aiden, and his friends were all keeping the same secret from her. But when would she finally figure it out? When would she stop feeling like the child everyone needed to protect?
“I just can’t be the one to tell you.” He said, his voice thick with emotion. “I can’t watch you look at me with hatred, because you will hate me.”
Pain flickered across his face, and he winced.
“Benjamin, I get the whole self-loathing thing you’ve got going on,” she said, her frustration boiling over. “I can see you’re troubled by something. You retreat into your thoughts and lose track of the world. But don’t presume to know my mind. You have no idea how I’ll react. Everyone has a past to hide. If yours is darker than most, that doesn’t scare me. It makes me want to help you, not hate you.”
She spat out the last words, her voice sharp with irritation. Benjamin stood abruptly, anger flashing in his eyes.
“Jade, you just don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said, his voice rising. “It’s not my past that you’ll hate me for—it’s today. Today, I let myself believe we lived in a different time. When I saw you standing at the park, I couldn’t help but be glad we could finally be alone together. But today, I let you feel for me, and I let my walls come down for an instant. That’s what you’ll hate me for—the moments of intimacy that I’ll cherish, but that you’ll come to loathe.”
Jade hadn’t realized how close they’d gotten during their argument, mere inches apart now. Anger and passion seemed to blur together, and before she knew what she was doing, the words slipped out.
“Well, if it’s intimacy with you that I’ll come to hate, I might as well enjoy it while it lasts.”
She took a small step forward, and in an instant, their bodies melted into one another. Benjamin’s hands cupped her cheeks, and his lips found hers. She wrapped her arms around his back, pulling him closer as heat surged through her body. They moved together as he pressed her against the wall, encasing her within his embrace. Her hands found their way to his hair, and she ran her fingers through the thick, dark strands as his lips traveled from hers down to the base of her neck.
“Jade,” Benjamin sighed, his voice filled with longing. But then, suddenly, his body stiffened. He pulled away, his voice now firm. “I have to go.”
Without another word, he turned and left, disappearing before Jade even had time to process what had just happened. She sank down against the wall, staring at the empty space where he had stood just moments ago. And then, overwhelmed by everything, she began to cry.
Jade needed answers. The frustration of not knowing was driving her insane. Aiden didn’t want her spending time with Benjamin, and Benjamin didn’t even want her spending time with him. But that only made Jade more determined. Benjamin was the key to unraveling the mystery surrounding her, and she knew he wanted to be close to her, even if another part of him fought that feeling.
She wiped away her tears, determined to keep moving forward. As she grabbed her bag from the bench, something caught her eye—Benjamin’s notebook, half-hidden under the seat. She reached down and picked it up, knowing that this would be her reading material before bed tonight.
Navigating her way back down the steps, Jade searched for the janitor’s staircase Benjamin had mentioned. After circling the spiraling steps three times in the dark, she finally found a small knob, beautifully free of cobwebs and dirt. She slowly opened the door and descended the polished steps, silently cursing him as she went. The staircase led her directly to the front lobby of the church, and she slipped out quickly, thankful no one was around to see her sneaking out.
After a bit more walking, Jade finally found her car. When she arrived home, her parents were waiting, clearly displeased.
“Where have you been all day? I was worried sick,” her mother demanded as soon as she stepped through the front door. Her father stood in the background, nodding his head in agreement, his expression stern. “You were supposed to be home hours ago. Isn’t this why we bought you a phone? To call us if you’re running late? You don’t understand the dangers of being out alone at night.”
Jade rolled her eyes and endured her mother’s lecture. She’d lived in New York—she understood the dangers of being alone in unfamiliar places. But she didn’t bother mentioning that she had been abandoned by her tour guide after he ditched her in the church steeple they had broken into, which was why she had trouble finding her car.
Eventually, her mother calmed down, her breathing returning to normal. Jade quickly said goodnight, then slipped away to sneak into her sister’s room, planting a kiss on her sleeping forehead. When she finally made it to her own room, she let out a sigh of relief. Her father had still been silent, and she was grateful. He usually asked the questions she didn’t want to answer, and he was far too good at reading people. Tonight, there were plenty of things she didn’t want to share.
After a long shower and indulging in a few chocolates from her secret candy stash, Jade settled into bed and turned on her reading lamp. She gently opened Benjamin’s notebook, the same one she had looked through earlier that day. Once again, she was struck by the detail and emotion in the drawings. The way he captured expressions so perfectly fascinated her, and she found herself lingering on the sketches that had caught her attention before—the people on the benches.
There was the homeless man, draped in newspapers. She wondered, had Benjamin ever been homeless? Or did he just empathize with someone who had lost everything? Then there was the old woman, her laugh lines etched with the history of a beautiful life. Was she a reminder of someone he missed, perhaps a grandmother or even the mother he had mentioned? Jade’s thoughts drifted back to the cryptic question Benjamin had asked her earlier. Could he really have been alive during the Civil War? Was that why he sympathized with the elderly—because he would never grow old himself?
And then there was the young couple, holding hands and staring into their future. Was that the reason Benjamin had pulled away from her earlier? Did he believe he wasn’t deserving of love, jealous of those who could experience it without fear or restraint?
She sighed, overwhelmed by the endless questions swirling in her mind. Ever since she had returned to Talahi, her life seemed to be filled with questions and no answers. She flipped past the bench drawings, skimming over several blank pages, hoping to uncover something else, something that might give her more insight into Benjamin.
After flipping through what seemed like fifty blank pages, Jade was about to give up and go to sleep when she turned one more page—and found herself staring back at her own face.
Her breath caught. The drawing captured her with startling accuracy. Her hair, wild and full of curls, dominated the small page. Her eyes sparkled with life, and she was caught mid-laugh, her freckles perfectly placed. But what struck Jade most was how alive she looked—how happy. Benjamin had drawn her as if she were the sun itself, radiating warmth and light. She had never seen herself that way before, but maybe that’s how he saw her.
Jade’s fingers trembled as she turned the page. Another drawing greeted her, this one a close-up of her eyes. She flipped the page again and saw her lips, carefully sketched with the same precision and care. One more turn revealed an image of her standing by the wharf, staring out at the water, her hair caught in the breeze and her skirt flowing in the wind. It dawned on her then—Benjamin must have been watching her for a while today before he finally approached her.
Why was he so afraid to talk to her? Everyone at school seemed intimidated by him—by his good looks, his brooding silence, his dark clothes, and the aloof air he carried. He was the quintessential bad boy, the one every girl secretly admired, and every boy envied. But Jade was beginning to see that wasn’t who he truly was. What kind of bad boy secretly sketched portraits of old women and young couples? Benjamin was more of a tortured artist than the dangerous rebel everyone believed him to be.
She sighed and turned to another page, but the blank paper returned. There were only four secret pages devoted to her, and Jade carefully tore each one out before placing them beside her bed. She slipped the small notebook back into her bag, determined to return it to Benjamin at school. She wanted him to know that she had discovered his secret, that she understood more about him than he might have guessed. And she wasn’t about to back down now—not without finding the answers to all the questions that had been haunting her since she met him.
Whatever this mystery was that surrounded him, she was going to unravel it. And even if she regretted it later, she knew one thing for certain: she wasn’t going to let it go without a fight.