Chapter 25

“New topic please,” she spoke, still not meeting his eyes. “So, what did Skye mean about getting ‘her Benjamin’ back? Can she do that? Can she actually change you?” She leaned back against the tree again. Skye’s threat had seemed real and much more a promise than empty words.
“No. I should probably explain more about Skye though.” He sighed, resigned. “When Myron brought me back, during the transition Skye was the one who cared for me. Afterward, she taught me how to survive and control my urges. She always believed I loved life with Myron, and I would someday love her. But years passed, and she could see my discontent. When she helped me escape by leading Myron in the other direction, away from the Vindicators and from me, I think she always expected me to find her and return to her. When I finally did, I was a different man. She was disgusted that I ate from bags and refused to live humans. She still is. I think she believes that if I fall off the bandwagon and kill a human one time, I won’t be able to stop. That I’ll become the monster Myron made me into again.” He looked up at her, his expression hard and full of conviction. “I never will, Jade. That was never who I am, and I won’t go back, no matter what Skye tries to do.”
“I’m confused though.” Jade thought back to the auditorium when she discovered what Benjamin, and the others were. He was stronger than all of them. If she had never gotten hit by the brick never started bleeding and distracted him Benjamin would have beaten them all. He had thrown them around like rag dolls and not a single punch had touched him. “In the gym, you laughed when they threatened you. They were all afraid to challenge you. Why? Skye’s older, shouldn’t she be more powerful?”
He shook his head. “The age thing is just a myth. Your human blood decides power and strength. If you were strong as a human, your strength would be amplified the same with speed. Even abilities, like being able to read people’s facial expressions can turn into actual mind-reading when you’re changed into a demon. I think that’s why Myron cursed me. He must have known I’d be as strong as I am. But age doesn’t affect it at all. I could be stronger than a thousand-year-old demon, but he’s had more time to make friends and garner power, so he’s more untouchable.”
“What do you mean?”
“Demons have their own set of rules. Almost every country has some governing council with heads sort of like senators, in each major city. If I wanted to travel to, I don’t know Chicago, I would need to ask permission first. There are a lot more rules than you would think.”
“But all the rules I can think of seem wrong,” Jade said,
“What do you mean?”
“Well, we’re outside during the day, and you don’t seem to be bursting into flame. How did all those rumors get started?”
“It was…” He thought of the right word. “Beneficial for creatures to start those rumors. That way, if I wore a silver cross or went surfing, no one would even consider the possibility of the supernatural. Just a precaution.”
“So, I’m the only way you can die?”
Benjamin shrugged, and she looked down at the dim burn marks on her hands from the night before. It hadn’t even hurt that time. The fire had come completely naturally. “Can I ever become a demon?”
“No,” he said quietly. “A Seraphina can only be killed by a demon their blood rejects the awakening.”
Even though Aiden had never bothered to tell her, Jade assumed as much. She was relieved in a way, knowing that she could never become one. She would have never wanted that, a life of killing and living off of others’ blood essence and Seraphina’s souls, even if it meant a life with Benjamin.
“Can you ever get rid of the immortality thing?” she asked. Benjamin shook his head silently. They were doomed she would grow old and die, probably killing demons along the way. He would be young and strong forever, and there was no way around that.
“Is all of this even worth it?” She murmured, staring out at the water the tide had risen, and the waves were choppier now, breaking into white heads along the surface and swallowing the marshes at the riverbank. “I mean, I wouldn’t mind the whole cougar aspect, having a boyfriend who looks seventeen when I’m at the ripe old age of sixty, but who are we kidding?”
"We have to try," He urged. "Maybe you can live with never knowing, but I can’t spend eternity wondering what could have been. And if we end up falling in love, truly and deeply, we can deal with it when the time comes. I wouldn’t mind having a sugar momma." He winked at her, and Jade's mood lightened a little bit.
"I’ll marry a rich man, and you can be the hot pool boy I have a scandalous affair with."
"Or, I can make a ton of money and pay for all the plastic surgery to keep you looking young. Pumped-up lips and a little Botox for the wrinkles—I don’t like it when faces move you know."
"Can’t wait," Jade said and pretended to growl like a cougar. He grabbed her around the waist, pulling her from the tree branch and into his arms. They slipped from the shade of the overhanging tree into the heat of the sun and it refreshed Jade, giving her energy.
"What does the sun feel like to you?" she asked, loving the serenity she always felt when outdoors.
"Sort of like an electric current prickling my skin. It stings, but I don’t mind."
"And what does my sunlight feel like to you?"
"I imagine it’s comparable to being burned at the stake. Every part of my body boils under the heat."
"I’m sorry," she said, and he brushed the lock of hair that had fallen over her face back behind her ear.
"I don’t blame you. You were only protecting yourself. Besides, as soon as you stop, the pain does too, in an instant."
"Still…"
"Nope. No feeling sorry for the demon besides, it’s my turn to ask you a question." She looked up at him, waiting. "Are you a mix between Hierophant and Vindicator? I thought so, but without tasting more of you, I can’t be sure."
Gross, Jade thought, tasting me? "There will be no blood exchanges today, so I’ll just tell you that I am, and you’ll have to trust me."
He smiled, showing her that he had popped his teeth out again, jokingly. But then he frowned, saying, "You should dye your hair. It’s too obvious. If word gets out that you exist, every demon around the world will be coming after you."
"And then all hell breaks loose, right?" Jade ran a hand through her curls. She had never even thought her hair as dangerous as giving her away. Her eyes maybe, but how deadly could a sun blood red mess be?
"Let’s hope we never have to figure that out," he said.
Jade silently agreed. All she needed was to let go for a second, lower her guard, and then bam! She remembered her parents, how demons had jumped them, coming out of the bushes with no warning sign. If a single demon ever caught her, he could keep her around, drinking her almost dead for immunity, then letting her blood replenish for more supplies. Jade saw Benjamin fight Skye, Owen, and Shaun. Without their light, Seraphina was no match for demons. Our fire is our only weapon, Jade thought. Seraphina needed to exist, but she could mean their end.
"You know, you seem different to me," Jade said, shaking her head and changing the subject. No more dark thoughts, not while relishing the cool embrace of his arms around her, comforting despite the cold. "Happier, somehow. Like the brooding, sad Benjamin has been mostly replaced by the mischievous one."
"I am." He smiled against her forehead. "You don’t even know what a relief it is to talk to someone about all this. I’ve been holding it in for one hundred years, and finally, I can openly and honestly talk about how I feel. I can be myself."
"I understand," Jade said, as she rested her head on his chest, noticing the steady beat of his heart. "I can’t talk to Aiden about how I feel about all of this. He would never understand why I’m even talking to you. He doesn’t know what it feels like to be trapped. I never asked for these powers. I never asked to be this, and the potential end of the world as Aiden described it, if some demons become immune through me. I never wanted any of it. But he’s always lived this life, always wanted it, he loves his job I can tell. He told me to keep the healing thing to myself, you know? He thinks the council won’t react kindly. It makes me question what they’re like, whether I even want to be a part of it."
"I was wondering about that," Benjamin said, running his finger along the spot on Jade’s face where Skye had cut her. "There was no scratch or scar the next time I saw you. I thought Aiden might have done something I don’t know very much about Seraphina."
"I think I’m the only one who can heal things. I don’t know how I do it, it’s just an instinct." They stood in silence, Jade waiting for Benjamin’s inevitable question.
"So, what are you going to tell him?" He asked, and Jade moved her head to look up at him, reading the vulnerability in his features. She knew what he meant, what she would tell him about them, about this conversation and the intimacy they now shared. Surely, Jade would tell him about finding Shaun and Owen in the woods, about the memory she recalled, and how she could now control herself so much more. But what about the dance she and Benjamin had shared by the lake, or the private moments they shared now talking about the darkest parts of themselves? She couldn’t hide from Aiden forever, but she wasn’t sure if she could come clean and risk losing him.
"I don’t know. I’m so sorry. I just…I don’t know how he’ll react. And I need him, he’s my only connection to the Seraphina, the only person I can learn from."
"It’s okay," he said, but Jade saw the quick flash of hurt in his eyes— eyes so dark green she had at first wondered if there even was emotion. Now she saw them differently, not dark but deep, like a pond on a calm day when the surface seems hard at first, but something as small as a pebble can drop smoothly in, destroying the semblance of steel. Jade had dropped in, broken the surface of his soul, and she didn’t know when she would reach the bottom.
Benjamin cupped her cheek with his hand, staring into her eyes as well. Jade wondered what he saw there were her eyes a raging fire that had suddenly calmed to a flickering flame. Her heart seemed to stop as he kept looking, reading her fears and desires, her vulnerability, and the parts of her she tried to keep hidden from everyone else. Then, almost as if in slow motion, he leaned his face down to hers, letting his lips gently grace hers, and the moment of calm was gone.
Her heart pounded, and she stood on her tippytoes, eagerly returning his kisses.