Ch 18: Out of Reach

Once in my car, far enough away from Gina and the whirlwind that seemed to be surrounding Luke, I opened the box he thrust in my hand before leaving. Inside lay a beautiful seashell about as big as my palm, perfectly scalloped with purple edges. Also inside, lay a note:
Dear Stella,
I picked this up the day we were at the beach together. I’m sorry it got cut short. I had a lot of fun with you. It meant a lot to me that you brought me to one of your favorite places. I never liked the beach much because of what happened with Cassidy and my fear of water, and I hope this shell helps remind you of the fun we had and how you’ve helped me so much already.
Fondly,
Luke
I couldn’t believe it. After what I just witnessed with Gina, how could he write me such a sweet note? Why was he toying with my emotions? I read the note again. It didn’t actually say anything too romantic; it was more like a note of gratitude. Still. I thought about what it meant. Or what I wanted it to mean.
Obviously, I was having trouble drawing the line between wanting a romantic relationship with Luke and having a professional relationship. Now that he had opened up to me, I wanted to support his goal of learning to swim even more than before. But how could I continue to train him, when I could tell I was falling in love with him? It just wasn’t going to work. Every time we became closer, something pulled us apart - Gina, the paparazzi, my insecurities. I sighed, tired of playing games.
And I didn’t know how Gina fit into the picture. I couldn’t compete with her beauty and popularity. If Luke needed sizzling eye candy for his next red carpet appearance, Gina was clearly his go-to girl. But were they more than that? I couldn’t tell.
***
I drove over to Sunset Fitness to check in with Daniel. He sat at his computer in his closet office, probably looking at porn, when I walked in.
“How’s it going, Stella?” he asked.
“Ugh. OK, I guess.” His office was so small there was barely room for me to stand inside with his small desk. “I just finished a boxing circuit with Luke.”
“Oh, how’s that going? I saw the beach pictures.” He winked at me.
I rolled my eyes. “The beach was fine, thank you. Actually, Luke has really improved his swimming ability.” I popped a piece of gum in my mouth from Daniel’s stash on his desk. I really wanted a cupcake, but peppermint gum would have to do for now.
“Yeah, and the money’s been good for both of us. At least you’ve gotten those collection agents off your back,” Daniel said.
“I know. It’s just that…”
“What?”
“I’m falling for him. I can’t keep training him.”
“What are you talking about?” Daniel stood up and walked around the desk to stand next to me. “You’ve always had a crush on Luke Mulligan. What’s so different now? Of course you’re falling for him. You must have fallen and hit the floor with your head.” He put his hand on my forehead as if examining it for scrapes and bruises.
I smirked at him. “Real funny. No, I mean I don’t just have a celebrity crush on him. I have a real crush on him.”
“I’m not sure I follow.”
“It’s real now. My emotions are real. Before, it was pretend. I’m not in love with Luke Mulligan the movie star. Just Luke.”
“But he IS Luke Mulligan the movie star.” Daniel still looked confused, trying to make sense of what I was trying to tell him.
I slapped my forehead in frustration. Of course Daniel wouldn’t understand. He believed almost any girl he hit on would follow him to bed - maybe not the very rich and famous ones, although he’d slept with his fair share of actresses. To not be able to determine if Luke was actually interested in me or if his affections were just friendly and professional was toying with my emotions.
“It’s just that he says things and does things sometimes that make me think we could actually be a couple. A great couple.”
“Oh, now I get it. Before, you just wanted to shag Luke Mulligan the sexy movie star, now you’re actually interested in feelings and stuff, like a real relationship.”
I nodded. “Kind of. And I think Luke might actually believe that too. Or maybe I’m just reading his signals wrong. I …. I don’t know.” I stood still for a moment contemplating my next move. I blew a bubble. Even with peppermint gum, I could force a tiny bit of air into the gum on the tip of my tongue even though it burned a little. Daniel watched for a moment, not knowing what to say.
“I think you should train Luke,” I said. “It’s probably best if I just take myself out of the equation. He’s good enough in the pool now, you can probably just help him from the side or bag that up.” I pointed to his cast.
“Oh, no. No.” He shook his head. “You are not going to run away again. After all we went through to keep this guy as a client? Breaking into a country club? Nah. I won’t let you quit.” Daniel walked around to a piece of gym equipment and picked up a discarded towel as if he’d settled the situation. I followed.
My anger at Daniel due to his misunderstanding of the situation began to boil. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to train Luke. I wanted to - very much. I didn’t think I could handle getting hurt again. Not after what happened with Ryan.
“You know after my dad died and Ryan supported me, I trusted him.Too much. I can’t do it again,” I said to Daniel who kept walking and picked up another used towel.
After a few steps, Daniel deposited the towels in a bin and turned to face me. “Stella, part of me wants to hug you and tell you it’s going to be OK. You can love again, blah, blah, blah. But what I think you need now is a good kick in the pants.”
“I’ll kick YOU in the pants.” I turned my foot up and kicked his butt.
“How about this? We climb for it.” He pointed up at the 50 ft. indoor climbing wall the gym had. “With the cast on, you should have the advantage. I win, you keep training Luke. You win, I train him.” I considered Daniel’s arm. There was no way he could beat me with one arm. No way. “First one to the top of the green wall wins,” he challenged.
I looked at Daniel’s fingers hanging out of his cast. Surely, his grip would suffer. I’d climbed the wall before. Daniel had too, but I knew he relied too much on his hanging ability which was now compromised.
“You’re on,” I said, sticking out my hand so we could shake on it.
We harnessed up and stood at the bottom, each hooked into an automatic belay system. The green wall was for intermediate climbers with the blue and red reserved for advanced and yellow for beginners. I looked at the top, a bell hanging toward the middle of where Daniel and I would climb.
“Ready?” he asked.
“Ready.” I nodded.
“Go,” he said. I started out well, finding good handholds and pushing myself up the rock. Daniel kept pace, working pretty well without needing his casted arm too much. Halfway up, we were neck and neck. At one point, I positioned myself a step ahead as Daniel struggled to find a good hand placement. Near the top, however, he caught up. I thought I could win, and then I could put the emotional roller coaster with Luke behind me.
In my last ditch effort to overtake him, I closed my eyes and jumped for the bell just out of reach.