Ch 20: Sunset Stroll

Luke caught up to me. “There you are. Stella, I’m so sorry.” I noticed he’d put on a hoodie now that the air was getting crisper.
“It’s not your fault. I just feel so stupid.” I continued to walk away from Luke’s house, not knowing where I was headed. The rocky dirt path led up a small hill along a ridge. I could see some other homes, spread out in the distance, but at that point on the path, we weren’t close to any buildings. I enjoyed being away from people, in the open mountainside, at least at that moment.
“Stupid? Why?” he asked.
I stopped walking and looked up at him. How could I explain that the people around him made me feel so out of place? Or that his kindness actually made me believe I could be part of his world ? That is, until the glamorous celebrity part of that world caught up with me and threw me out.
“I don’t fit in with your world,” I said.
“Oh that?” he shrugged it off. “Lyle’s just Lyle. You know I don’t think those things about you, right?” He pushed a tendril of hair out of my face. “I think your hair’s beautiful, all wavy and untamed, kind of like you.” He laughed. I kept continued to walk. Luke followed.
At the top of the ridge, we looked down on a small valley of grass, rocks and stone. The sun was setting, casting a dim glow on the gorge. It looked so peaceful and calm, seemingly far away from the hustle and bustle of La La Land, when in actuality it was only in Hollywood’s backyard.
“You know when I first came to Hollywood, everyone thought I was just some stupid guy with muscles,” Luke said. “I had to really prove I could act, too. That’s why I really hope this next movie is a success. But it’s not just about my fame. The story really addresses something emotional.” He held his hand to his heart in a motion that made him appear thoughtful and contemplative. “Underneath the physique, I have feelings too. I want people to realize that even strong men can be vulnerable.”
I was sure he had feelings, alright. Feelings for Gina D’Angelo. Despite the picturesque setting, I couldn’t help feeling tense, trying to figure out my complicated relationship with Luke.
“What I saw back there was tough girl Stella. The same one who ran away when I hurt my hamstring and ran away today. No more running away from me, alright?”
I looked up at him a little embarrassed. “I’m just not used to this, ok?” I said defensively. “I usually don’t have people criticizing me about my clothes or the way I look. Especially not in the media. I already went through something like that once, I’m not going to do it again.”
“I get it. I do.” I tried to shake my head but he gently grabbed my chin so I would look in his eyes. “Being a celebrity isn’t always easy. I want to run away sometimes too.” He continued walking beside me, his hand lightly brushing up against my own. “That’s why I like camping and musicals. They’re both great ways to escape real life.”
“Actually, I think they’re more genuine. Camping is certainly down to Earth and gritty, and musicals …well, who doesn’t want to break out in song once in a while?”
Luke smiled, the setting sun casting a glow around his head. He looked softer, sympathetic. “You’re right.” Luke started singing, his voice sounded deep yet velvety. The melody lilted off his tongue as he sang a verse about being free in the mountains. I could have stood there and listened to Luke for hours. At the end of the phrase, he stopped and replaced his jovial singing face for a serious one.
“I’m here to listen,” he said. “Don’t run. Just vent. Who hurt you?’
I took a big breath and sighed. Besides my family and close friends, I had never told anyone what really happened with Ryan. For the most part people knew about him cheating and using my credit card. What they didn’t know, I wasn’t sure if I should share with Luke or not. It was so humiliating, but at the same time, I really thought Luke might actually understand.
We sat down on a rock that looked smooth enough to be a little comfortable and looked out over the crest of the valley. “I had a boyfriend in college – Ryan. He seemed pretty great at first. We’d been together about a year and a half when my dad reinjured himself, like I told you.” Luke nodded, apparently remembering my previous confession. “I dropped out of college to help my dad, then he died, and it seemed like my world ended. It was really hard for me. My mom somehow just kept going – to work, out with friends. I couldn’t get over my dad’s death so fast. I gained weight, didn’t care about my appearance. I barely went to work. I know I wasn’t a great girlfriend. I guess that’s why Ryan did what he did.”
“What was that?” Luke threw a pebble into the gulch below.
“I’m pretty sure he didn’t break up with me because that would make him look bad, to break up with a girl after her dad died, although I wish he’d been honest. Well, to my face anyway.” I kept looking out over the hills, unable to meet Luke’s gaze. It was hard remembering how my relationship with Ryan ended.
“He stayed in college, so soon enough he started hooking up with some sophomore behind my back,” I continued. “I only found out about it because he left his phone at my place one day, and I noticed a text from his new skinny sorority girlfriend.”
I started to shake remembering what came next. Luke might have thought I was shivering. He took off his hoodie and draped it around my shoulders. It smelled of Luke’s warm musk, and for a moment, I felt relieved to be sharing my story.
“If that weren’t bad enough, I learned there were other texts he sent to her telling her how fat and ugly I’d gotten. What was mortifying is that she forwarded them to her sorority. It became a big joke, her telling everyone how her boyfriend couldn’t break up with his cow of a girlfriend until after an appropriate mourning period. And you know what the worst part was? The sorority made a little cow statue with my face on it. One of the sorority pledges felt bad, found out who I was, and told me all about it.”
I started crying, unable to hold back my emotions. I thought Luke would think I was pathetic. I tried to stop crying, but Luke reached his arms around me and cradled me to his chest. I cried harder. The last thing I wanted to be was a damsel in distress. That’s why Ryan cheated on me because I wasn’t strong and pretty anymore. So, I tried to push Luke away, but he held me tighter.
“Stella, I can’t believe anyone would do that to you. You didn’t deserve that.” I buried my face in Luke’s chest.
“I’m sorry. I…”
“It’s OK. Just let it out. I’m glad you told me.” I sat back and wiped the tears from my face.
“Needless to say, I didn’t come out of my room for a week. Little by little Michelle and Daniel helped me. Michelle made me move in with her so I could have a fresh start and not be reminded of my dad all the time. My mom’s pretty independent anyway. I try to stop by every once in a while. It’s still hard. Ryan, the person I loved and trusted, betrayed me. My self-esteem plummeted. That’s why it’s so hard for me to hear criticism about my body.”
“Stella, you’re too hard on yourself.” The sun continued to set, moving below the hills. We should head back.” The sky looked purple, pink and peach in places as we kicked up dirt along the path. As we walked along, me wearing Luke’s sweatshirt, I thought about the fact that I hadn’t acted the least bit professional. I hoped Luke wouldn’t fire me or tell me we couldn’t work together anymore.
What he did ask me, was what I was least expecting.