Her Demons

**Allie's POV**
"Wait!"
I jumped from my spot on the booth, smacking the hand that held the card. His wide golden eyes met mine, slightly tinged with admiration.
"What's the matter?" He asked softly, taking the hand that struck him in his. "I thought you wanted me to." Did I? I guess I was just trying to see if he was serious about playing his part, and to be honest, I was pretty disappointed to see that he was. Maybe I had secretly hoped that he would stick to his morals. Then again, I didn't even know what those morals were. He could have no qualms with getting high at private events with me and my friends.
And if he didn't mind, why would I? I knew the answer to that.
Because after talking to him for hours on end about his doctor friend and loving parents, I didn't want to taint him with the filth of my lifestyle. Funny. I never imagined I would be trying to protect a male escort from my illegal hobbies. And now he was looking at me expectantly, wondering why I just lost my cool over his eagerness to try coke. I thought quick, trying to find a valid reason that didn't include sparing him of my sins.
"It's bad for reproduction." I blurted. I didn't even know if it was true, but I didn't exactly have time to Google it.
"Huh?" Sasha questioned, her eyes squinted suspiciously.
"Yea. I read it somewhere."
"You read that snorting coke was bad for reproduction?" Nate repeated for clarification, his eyes sparkling with amusement. I wondered if he knew how much smoke I was blowing out my ass, but he didn't call me out, so I went with it.
"Yes. So if you want to uphold your part of the agreement, you'll obstain." My voice was matter-of-fact, but my hands were trembling slightly. One was still in his, so I knew he could feel it. He ran his thumb over the pale flesh on the back of it.
"So, if it's bad for reproduction, shouldn't you also refrain from participating? As much as I'd like to give us a baby on my own, I sort of need an egg to fertilize first." My cheeks were burning, drowning out the subtle burning in my nose. He was right. I shouldn't have done a line. But he didn't realize how much I needed it to unwind. Without it, it was damn near impossible for me to relax in these crowds. I could usually manage just fine one-on-one like we were last night, but loud music and even louder guests made that impossible. I'd rather pump myself full of vices than show my weakness around others.
Coke was my demon to slay, not his. I didn't want it to be his.
"You're right. I shouldn't have done it, and I won't do it again."
"Wait, what? What the hell is happening?" Sasha cried, clearly confused with my sudden surrender to this gorgeous god of a man who I was dreading marrying in the first place.
"She is making a decision for our future children." He answered on my behalf, and I nearly melted on the spot by his use of the word 'our'. For a brief moment, I could almost forget that I paid for him. I could pretend this was a real relationship with real love and real mutual respect. However, that fantasy image I dwelled a little too long on came crashing down quickly.
This wasn't real.
But it could be.
No! Damn it. This fucking coke was messing with my head. I needed to talk to him, to lay down the rules again so he didn't get any funny ideas.
I pulled my hand away, mentally whimpering at the lost of contact, as I straightened my back.
"I need to speak to you. In private." I declared in the no-nonsense voice I'd inherited from my father. He didn't seem nearly as affected by it, though, and only smiled sweetly back at me, rising to his feet.
"Of course, love. Lead the way." Ignoring the butterflies that formed at his pet-name, I marched my way back out the lounge doors. I knew there was another private den usually used for smoking that had been closed off for the party, so I led us there. Sure enough, after creaking open the door, I found it to be empty. The lingering scent of cigars on the suede sofas reminded me of my father's office, and I was thankful I was intoxicated enough to keep my demons at bay. I plopped down the best I could in my tight dress, smiling when I felt the couch shift beside me.
He smelt divine. I had the sudden urge to mount him and capture his lips again, but before I had the chance to do something that incredibly stupid, he interrupted my dirty thoughts.
"I wanted to give you this. I know it's not much, but… Happy Birthday, Allie." What? He bought me a birthday present?
My eyes went to the small box in his hands. Jewelry? I cocked my head, but took it anyway. The box sported the name of a well-known jeweler, so I knew whatever it was wasn't cheap. Just how much was he planning on spending on me? His yearly budget would be dwindled in no time at this rate.
Still, my curiosity got the best of me and I opened the box.
"Nate…" It was beautiful. A diamond and ruby tennis bracelet that was surprisingly classy. Not too formal, not too casual. Something I could wear just about anywhere, and special enough that I would want to.
"I got ruby because of the dress you wore when we met. I thought maybe you liked the color…" He mumbled, twisting his hands in his lap. "Like it?"
Like? I loved it. I could practically feel the drip of icy water trickling from my thawing heart, and though I'd never personally seen the aphrodisiac properties of blow firsthand, I was starting to feel it. The desire to pounce on him and hear those sexy moans of his against my skin was overwhelming.
"Help me, please?" I held the box out to him, and he nodded, removing the bracelet with grace before fastening it delicately around my wrist.
"Whew. I'm so glad you're willing to wear it. I was so nervous you'd hate it. I didn't ask for Wells help this time, and I know nothing about jewelry, so-"
"I don't want to go to the sperm bank anymore." My sudden outburst left him speechless, his jaw hanging open in surprise and confusion. After a brief pause, he gathered enough courage to speak.
"What? Um, what do you mean?"
"You know what I mean." His eyes flickered from my wrist, to my lips, then back to my eyes.
"You want to conceive…. naturally?" Shit, was that what I wanted? I was in the midst of a brutal game of tug-of-war. On one hand, the idea of having sex with a man made my skin crawl, but on the other, the idea of having sex with Nate made me wet my panties. My mind and body were not in agreement, and it all came down to my emotions to act as the tie breaker. The problem was, I wasn't sure how I felt. Nate had proven to be completely respectable in every sense. Kind, strong, supportive… He was every other girls definition of a knight in shining armor. So why was I hesitating?
Because looks could be deceiving. And I didn't think I could handle anymore damage. But how much more damage would come by fighting my instincts, my desires?
"Yes. I think it would be… mutually beneficial to try conceiving through physical intimacy rather than a syringe. Not that we would be a real couple or anything. But… you know. We could meet each others… needs in the process."
"Meet each others needs? Through sex?" I pursed my lips.
"Yes." This was not where I planned for this conversation to go. In fact, it pretty much went in the opposite direction. What the literal hell was I agreeing to, here? Having sex with Nate? It was unheard of before today. Still, my mind hadn't stopped replaying the breathy sound of my name on his lips as he pleasured himself.
Subconsciously, my eyes flitted down to his crotch, where I was both pleased and completely embarrassed to see him straining against his jeans. What did he look like? Was he big? Veiny? As porcelain as the rest of his flawless skin?
I could feel the heat growing in my core. Damn blow had me panting.
Or was it just him?
"Allie, I want to. I really do. But… I'm afraid you don't mean it. I think it might be the drugs talking right now. I don't want to take advantage." Ugh, why was he so damn perfect? I rolled my eyes, facing him more directly.
"I had one line, Nate. One. That is not enough to impair me. I'm trying to tell you how I feel."
"How you feel?"
"Yes!" I was exasperated trying to explain my attraction towards him, so I decided it might just be better to show him instead. I climbed to my knees, dragging my leg over both of his until I was firmly straddling his lap. He drew in a ragged breath, his eyes lidded as his fingers drummed on the sofa. "Touch me." I commanded, my voice thick with lust regardless of the nerves threatening to shake this whole damn building to the ground. He swallowed thickly, bringing his hands up to my newly exposed hips, seeing as my dress had ridden up to my stomach. This left my satin and lace ruby red panties visible to his hungry eyes.
"Allie." He protested softly, but I was quick to shut him down.
"You are my husband. I don't think touching me is asking too much." His golden eyes met mine again, and I was lost. Lost in the curiosity, the desire, and the fear. He was desperate to read me, to find any hint of hesitation or regret before he took it any further.
"I won't have sex with you, love. Not here. Not now." What? My shoulders fell, a mix of disappointment and humiliation flooding my mind. I began to climb off his lap, but he held me still, forcing my eyes back on his with a lift of my chin. "Not because I don't want to. But because I want that to happen in our bed. Somewhere special, not a smoking room in a club. Don't you agree?" Oh. He was going for sentimentality. Of course. I smiled softly, losing myself in his heated gaze.
Most men wouldn't hesitate to take advantage, especially of a girl throwing herself at them, no matter where the location. But Nate wasn't most guys. He was… different. And no amount of bias or denial could dispute that.
"Thank you." I whispered, my hand absentmindedly seeking out the softness of his freshly shaven jaw. His eyes flickered back to my lips, and he licked his. He wanted to kiss me. He didn't want to have sex, but he wanted to kiss me. My heart swelled, and not even my anxious soul could keep me from obliging. So with all my remaining admiration, I leaned forward, accepting my first ever kiss with my husband not under the guise of our contract.