Crushed

**Allie's POV**
Exactly three weeks later and I was putting the finishing touches into my packing.
What do you pack while visiting London in January, you might ask?
LAYERS.
According to Nate, it wasn't nearly as cold as New York, but from what I read, it was rainy. I'd rather have ten degrees over forty and wet any day.
Regardless of the rain, though, I was excited. I even volunteered to help plan, but when we both sat in front of the computer to choose a place to stay, he vetoed me immediately. Personally, I liked the idea of staying in Claridges Royal Suite, but he claimed it was too "pretentious" and a "waste of money". Yea, maybe 2400 square feet, two bedrooms, and a personal butler was a bit much for two people, but I wasn't used to living any way else.
So instead of getting the Queen treatment, he found a two story house to rent near where he grew up in Notting Hill for the month of our stay. House being a loose term, of course, because it was less than 700sqft. A HOUSE. He wouldn't let me see pictures, but he said it was more comparable to an American condo than what I would consider a house.
"Trust me, you'll love it." He insisted when he found it, his gold eyes pleading and teeming with excitement. How could I say no?
So here I was, shoving my third pair of boots in my fifth suitcase, ready to embark on my first trip as a married woman a day before my 'required' appointment. We hadn't told my dad I wouldn't be there, but I did secretly purchase an at home pregnancy test without telling Nate.
I hoped that maybe if I actually were pregnant, I'd be able to use that as an excuse when my dad inevitably lost his shit over my disobedience. Cowardly, I know, but I couldn't help it. I was scared.
"Oi, I thought you were going to pack light." Nate said with a chuckle, leaning against the doorway, watching me pant with exertion. I placed my hands on my hips, trying to regulate my breathing.
"I am. This is light." I stated proudly, nodding to my pile of luggage. He shook his head in amusement, tapping on the wooden frame as he righted himself.
"Sure. Well, I'm heading to the office to go over our final plans with Rob and Wells. Don't worry about your bags, I'll get em when I get back. Four hours til liftoff." He winked, and just like that, he was gone.
"Perfect." I mumbled to myself, rushing to the bathroom and opening the little drawer where I kept my tampons. I had had a period a week prior, but it was light, so according to WebMD, I could still be pregnant. And with the amount of sex we'd had since our first time, I had a good chance of it. I dug around until I found the small box, shutting and locking the door behind me. Three minutes. Okay, I could do that.
I took a deep breath, pulling down my jeans and panties to take the test.
Please, please, please be pregnant.
Wasn't this just lovely. Never in my life did I imagine I would be sitting on a toilet at twenty six, married and begging to be pregnant. It was official. I'd lost my mind.
But as I sat there, going over in my head all of my reasons for hoping for a positive test, I realized that pleasing my father was the lowest on my priority list. The first?
Seeing the beaming smile on Nate's face when I told him he was going to be a dad.
I pulled up my pants, washed my hands, and began to pace. I was suddenly aware of the transformation my bathroom had undergone since moving Nate into my room. He didn't just come here to sleep anymore. No, he was a full blown resident. Not like he took up much space. He had a small space in one of the many storage pantries where he kept extra soap, his cologne, and his shaving supplies.
A smile crept over my face when I remembered the day I told Gretchen that I wanted to move him into my room. She looked at me like I'd lost it, clarifying it at least three different ways before flashing me the biggest smile I'd ever seen on her. It took her and Wells less than thirty minutes to get the guest room emptied and cleaned, but then again, he had barely even lived in it.
The best part? He didn't know I was doing it. Once he saw what I'd done, he treated me to an entire afternoon of amazingly romantic sex and whipped cream covered strawberries, a dessert I didn't bother confessing to Alex.
To be totally honest, I was falling for Nate. Hard. It sounded ridiculous, seeing as he was already my husband, but for someone who'd sworn off men altogether, it was a huge deal. Even scarier was that I didn't even mind anymore. Last night post-sex I almost let the "L" word slip. Thankfully we were interrupted by Cooper calling to establish our plans for visiting him.
I wasn't ready to say I loved him just yet. I was terrified he wouldn't reciprocate and I just couldn't handle that level of rejection. Not when we were still so fresh.
The hushed and subtle chiming on my phone indicated that my three minutes were up, freezing me in place. This was it. Time to see if we were expecting. I took a deep, cleansing breath before stepping up to the marble counter.
Oh.
Not pregnant.
What? No, that couldn't be right. I picked it up, reading it over and over as if it would suddenly change the digital reading, striking the word 'not' and completely making my day.
But no. Those two taunting words cut deep, and I wasn't prepared for the rush of sorrow, disappointment, and emptiness the negative result would bring. We'd only tried for less than one month, but I still felt as if I'd failed him somehow. I never missed taking my vitamins, I ate healthy, I even stopped drinking and using.
I knew what Nate would say if I told him, too. He'd say that it's okay. That there was always next month. But I didn't want to wait another month, damn it!
Before I knew it, I was sobbing into my hands. Messy, sloppy, ungraceful sobbing not fitting for an heiress like me, but I didn't give a shit. I was crushed. I cursed my body. I cursed my father. I damn near cursed Nate, but stopped when I realized how terrible that was.
A sudden knocking on the bathroom door pulled me from my bout of self-pity, and I tried desperately to clear my face of my tears.
"Allie?"
"O-one second!" Shit. I jumped into action, burying the test deep into the lidded trashcan before running back to the sink to splash some water on my face, thanking the heavens that I hadn't worn any makeup. After patting my still swollen eyes once more with a fresh hand towel, I unlocked and opened the door with a smile.
"Ready- Oh!" He didn't speak a word before rushing in and taking me tightly in his arms, burying his nose in my hair. The warmth of his touch instantly comforted me, and I wrapped my arms around his thin waist as I waited for him to explain himself. When he didn't, I spoke up. "Nate?"
"I thought you could use a hug." He mumbled against my head, trailing his palm up and down my back in a soothing gesture, making my heart beat double. He thought I needed a hug. I breathed out a laugh, squeezing him tighter and nuzzling his chest with my nose. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"No need. You've already fixed it." He lifted his head, pulling back enough to meet my eyes.
"I have?"
"Mhmm. I think I'm ready to elope to England, now." He laughed, his brilliant smile melting away my sorrows.
"We're already married. Consummated and everything." He poked at my ribs and I slapped his arm with a teasing glower. "However, if you want to run away to live in England, I'd be willing. We'd just need to talk Wells, Rob, and Gretchen into joining. Easy."
"I've given you a month, don't be greedy." My lips upturned as I stood on my tiptoes, pulling him down by his shirt for a kiss. His smooth as silk lips parted for me, filling my mouth with his sweet, heated breath as my tongue sought his. His hands lowered, finding rest over my ass and giving me a firm squeeze whilst pulling me flush. I grinned against his lips, fisting his shirt in my hands. "What'd I say about being greedy?" I scolded, and he groaned in complaint, bending down to hook his hands between my thighs, hoisting me onto his hips as I squealed.
"Then let's get you on that plane, Alexandra Anthony. I'd like to see how you taste ten thousand meters in the air."