CHAPTER 36 CRIES

"How can I make my people feel valued? how can I love them without discrimination and justice when I have been so unjust to my own self."
Hot tears cascaded down like liquid acid on Medusa's cheeks. She looked at Zion shaking her head slightly, a sob breaking out, for once accepting the truth rather than fabricating an alternative dream world.
"One day, a single day father you show me a little love and I came back running to you.
Tell me....tell me did you deserved that?
You have forgotten me when I truly needed you. Yes, you did saved me father, you killed the abusive woman who carried me into her womb but tell me were you any different than her?
You took me to wars, showing such heinous deeds no thirteen year old should see, the bloodshed and massacre happening before my eyes were so brutal that I couldn't even breathe in the air filled with the smoke and burning flesh. What crime I had committed to be given such a cruel treatment...i was just a child father."
Her lips trembled as her whole form shook, Zion watched wide eyed, his hands shaking as he tried reaching out to her but she stepped back.
Rhysand growled furious, Zion did that to his Medi. His blood boiled with rage but the princess continued.
"You saw I could be used as a weapon and you didn't leave the opportunity, I had begged you.....countless times that I didn't want to kill but you dragged me to the battles.
Whenever I saw the mirror I didn't felt anything other than hatred towards my own existence, I had felt worthless, I loathed my own being.
You knew I was suicidal, I had attempted cutting my own throat three times....but I couldn't and that made me feel even worse.....a coward....I was just a spineless coward. And when you knew, not once did you came to me father."
"Medusa, I am sorry." She dry chuckled, her voice hoarse.
"The day my mate leaves me, you come to me not once apologizing that you broke me into the pieces, where was your apology then....for what you did to me where was your remorse....your conscience who killed their own child from inside.
The hurt dose not disappears magically father, it ate me from inside."
She looked directly into the eyes of Zion trying to see the reality for once but he couldn't meet her lilacs...he is ashamed, his form hunched, defeated.
"I was fifteen when I first met you Lucien, six years of friendship, all my love and loyalty to you is nothing but worthless....in vain.
I told you...my bestfriend that I felt wrong the day of war before Rhysand left me and you...you didn't even blinked once while lying straight to my face, meeting my eyes.
You backstabbed me, the one person who fight against the whole rouge army to keep you safe, to give you everything I thought you deserve."
"I am guilty Medi, I gave you so much pain, tell me how can I take it back, how can I make it right." Lucien asked, his eyes glossy searching her eyes for recognition of his once friend but found nothing but emptiness in those irises.
"As much as I love you Lucien, if Medusa chooses to never forgive you....I will support her, none of you deserve it...you don't deserve her." Celeste admonished her voice firm and hard leaving the side of her mate and coming beside the lilac eyed princess.
Medusa smiled sadly though tears as Celeste gave her a firm nod.
"Look at me Rhy." While all this Rhysand stood behind his mate, his form frozen and eyes wide unable to decipher anything as waves of intense anguish through the bond hit him again and again in his heart.... Medusa's pain and he knew he is a reason.
He met her eyes looking at her face searching furiously for something to tell him she didn't knew but one look at her and the realization dawned upon him that she did.
He shattered her.
"I had stumbled upon you talking to Elder Clesmond in secrecy, I thought I had done everything for you to believe me Rhy, to have faith in me....guess I was wrong."
She came close to him, holding his palm up her face, making him cup her cheek.
"I did this in the cave where I thought you would wake up with my touch but guess what Rhy, your hand slipped right past my fingers. I lost you then and unknowingly I completely lost myself.
I can't even say I am angry because you did every single thing for me... selflessly but tell me Rhysand, is your faith in me so little that you didn't even bothered asking me.....you wanted to leave me before, you did without any explanations and what I did....I took you back the second you came to me, I let you touch me.
I give you the reins of the heart, body and soul.
When I surrendered in the castle, I respected you enough to tell you, I didn't weaved conspiracies and feed you lies, I am truthful to you....always.
You decided to sacrifice your life, you knew what you were doing, it is a plan and yet you didn't found me worthy enough to asked me once if I could handle you being gone.I don't care about living Rhy, I have died thousand deaths when you laid infront of me motionless.
It isn't okay.....it isn't fine what you did, it isn't right when you deceive me...even for my well-being."
"Whatever your punishment will be....I accept it Medusa." She clutched him and cried, wailing pathetically as he stroked her hair, his own hands trembling.
"I was so engrossed in my own grief that I couldn't see what happened to me was toxic.
I am not mentally fit Rhy, I had always seek of acceptance because I truly never accepted my own self. The years of trauma have left me an insecure and a bitter soul, I don't deserve you Rhy...not now.
Your birth-givers were horrible people Rhy, the last thing you need is a mate sucking the energy out of your soul and dragging you down. The last thing you deserve is a person who would wear you down, spread poison in your happiness.
If I accept this now what I will teach our pups? The woman who knows nothing about self-love and self-respect is not fit for it.
I pushed all my problems and the way people treated me under rug, pretending each and every time that nothing is wrong.
I picked my pieces and fixed it only to be broken again and again so much so that now I don't feel like a person anymore, I feel like an object discarded each and everytime." Medusa rubbed her chest to ease the pain a little making Rhysand's soul weigh down with agony.
"NO! No no no" Rhysand clutched her tighter. His eyes bloodshot, brimming with tears as he mumbled the same word again and again.
Zion and Lucien couldn't speak and one of them recalled the horrible events that his daughter was thrust into because of him and Lucien felt like the biggest failure, a true traitor ,guilt eating his insides.
"I need to go Rhy, I need to heal. It's isn't fine what any of you did to me."
"Listen to me Medi! Listen to me baby...I will be a good to you, i will try harder....please, please don't go."
He cried making her sob harder.
"I-I am going for only to return to you Rhy, I love too much to destroy you.Do you trust me? "
"I trust you babygirl, I love you Medusa and for being so brave I am proud of you." He whispered kissing her forehead making her embrace him tighter.
**********
True love makes you grow and be a better version of yourself.
Medusa could have accepted him right away but that's not how life is.
Rhysand could have thrown a tantrum and be mad like an immature child but he truly loves Medusa and he himself needs to heal.
Years of abuse don't get whooshed out in a day.
Peace is important and it comes from within.
Tell me your thoughts.