Doubts

I'm hysterical this afternoon. I want to be here when he arrives but I also don't want to. I'm nervous and this situation is putting me in a bad mood. I cannot allow him to dominate me, I cannot allow myself to be just another fool and fall into the traps those men use to blind us women.
I should have cut my losses when I had a chance, but I was weak... oh He's so sexy! And he fucks like noone else. I compress my lips. Yeah that's why you're so scared now Kira. It's one thing to have a fleeting affair and quite another falling in love.
Before I lose courage I dial the cell phone number.
— Hello?
—Hi Yolie. It's Kira. - I answer.
— Kira, hi. I thought about calling you a few days ago but I couldn't ask your aunt for your number... Is something wrong?
I’m silent for a few minutes, sighing, attempting to fill myself with courage.
— Look I know we hardly know each other and it may seem a bit disrespectful on my part but I need to know. - I sigh again exasperated - Do you have something with Patrick?
—Patrick? - she askes astonished.
—Yes, Patrick Amíntoros, Kyrios Alexandros's bodyguard.
She doesn't respond right away, I frown.
—No, of course not. I'm in a... ah... relationship with Alex... with Alexandros. I already told you that.- she explains.
I sigh in relief.
— That's why Patrick only had his number and yours on his cell phone. Do you know if he... - I sob. - If maybe he has a girlfriend or if he's in a serious relationship with someone?
—Who, Patrick?
—Yes, Patrick.
She is silent again, it is as if she is pondering what to answer.
— I have no idea, but I think not. I think he's single. - She's lying, I can tell, for a second her voice failed her.
I knew it, I knew something was wrong. That's why Patrick only comes to see me at extreme hours of the night or early morning.
I sigh in exasperation.
—Alrigt. Thanks Yolie. Hey, by the way, you're dissapeared.
— Yes. Sorry. Alex took me to Athens for a few days and then... there was an unpleasant incident with one of his ex... employees and I’m not allowed to leave the Villa, at least for now.
—Ah. That explains a lot of things. Well, I wanted to thank you again. Your contribution to the orphanage was a blessing.
—They aren't necessary. It was money that deserved been used for something beneficial. - she laughs
—You donated that money in the name of Kyrios Alexandros but I know that the initiative was all yours. You may not know it, but a few days later a construction crew showed up at the orphanage and within hours they fixed the leaks, replaced old furniture, swept the chimneys, repaired what could be repaired and disposed of a lot of useless things.The children are delirious with happiness. Those people also set up a small amusement park for them in what used to be the vacant lot behind the orphanage. Thanks again.
— Why do you thank me? I had nothing to do with it. I have no idea who those people were.
—They were Kyrios Alexandros’ people and I thank you because I know he did it ‘cause you motivated him. The Philipides family has lived here in Spiros longer than any other, we all know that the man is immensely rich and powerful but he had never shown interest in doing charity, at least not here on the Island.
— We even organized a thank you party a few weeks ago, Patrick said he would bring you and even Mr. Philipides promised to attend but they canceled everything at the last minute. The kids were a bit disappointed... but quickly forgot. They consoled themselves as soon as the cake was cut. Thank you once again, Yolie.
— They are undeserved.
—Save my number. When things improve maybe we could plan an outing together.- I offer.
—Maybe. See you.
—See you.
I hang up.

Good. We aren’t in a formal relationship, he never asked me for exclusivity. Besides, I'm convinced that Yolie lied, she did the best she could, but she lied. I´ve been taking the pill for years, to avoid setbacks, my... lifestyle, especially my sexual life, demands that I protect myself adequately, so my... encounters with strangers had always been carried out with a condom involved.
With Patrick... The condom never showed up. What can I say? This has never happened to me with anyone, this madness, this need to feel him without barriers, to fully enjoy him.

I purse my lips.
If Patrick is in a serious relationship with somebody, I'm not going to be the other woman. No sir! Tonight Kira Samaras is going partying.