Chapter 11

“I thought I could endure. I thought I could hold on until she was safely back in my arms. I thought a lot of crap that just wasn’t true. Now here I am, falling apart, dying inside.” ~Costin


Costin held the phone in his shaking hand. Fur sprouted on his flesh as he fought to keep his wolf in check.
“Costin?” Decebel’s voice rumbled on the other end.
“I know it’s early,” he began.
“Don’t worry about that. Are you alright?”
Costin was shaking his head and then realized his Alpha would need words. “No.” He didn’t mean to growl but his wolf was the one that responded. The wolf was done. He was done waiting for someone else to find her. He was done allowing the man to be in control.
“I need someone to care for my pup,” he told him.
“Is Titus alright?” The concern in Decebel’s voice would normally have endeared Costin, but at that moment, everything was simply getting on his nerves.
“He’s fine. He’s still asleep. I’m holding on by a thread, Dec. I’m not safe. Please have one of the females take care of him until I’m able.”
The silence on the other end was torturous. Costin needed to know that Titus would be taken care of.
“Done. What about you? What do I need to do about you?”
Costin bit back the growl. “I’m dealing. I told you if it got completely uncontrollable that I’d let you know. I just need some time to think—and some space.”
Costin bit his lip as he awaited his Alpha’s decision.
“Fine. I’ll give you some breathing room. But you need to come to the Romania pack mansion this evening. That’s an order,” Decebel growled using a little bit of his Alpha power.
Costin held his wolf back from growling at the order and then answered. “I will be there.”
As he ended the call, he heard the pitter patter of little feet and turned to find Titus walking into the living area, rubbing his eyes and yawning.
“I could go with you,” Titus said, making it clear that he’d heard at least some of the conversation.
Costin knelt down on one knee and held his arms open to the little boy who’d stolen his heart. “Not this time, Titus. I love you. I will be back and I will have your mommy with me.”
Titus squeezed him tightly and Costin didn’t want to let go but knew he had to. He was one kill away from becoming feral and he wouldn’t put his son in danger. He’d never hurt his cub, but that doesn’t mean the boy wouldn’t be collateral damage.
Two hours later, there was a knock at the door. Costin opened it to find Zara, the young teen who’d they’d rescued with Titus. She looked a little better than when he’d last seen her; she no longer wore the vacant expression she’d borne when they’d taken her out of that coven.
“Your Alpha asked Vasile if I would be willing to come hang out with Titus,” Zara explained.
“Hi!” Titus grinned from just behind Costin. The little boy scurried around his dad and wrapped his arms around the girl as if he’d always known her. She leaned down and patted his back awkwardly as she glanced up at Costin.
“How would you like to make a new friend and hang out for a bit?” she asked him, pulling back to look at him.
Titus nodded. “The angel said you would come. She said a lost girl with sad eyes would be found and that she would need a friend.”
Zara smiled. “Well, your angel was correct. I do need a friend. Do you think you’re up to the task?”
“I can sure give it a try.” Titus looked over his shoulder at Costin.
He nodded and Titus turned back to Zara. “Let me get dressed and then I’ll be back. Don’t leave,” he called over his shoulder as he ran from the room in search of clothes.
Costin stared at the teen; she didn’t fidget. Impressive. He wondered why, if she was really up to watching a child when she hadn’t been able to leave her room for the past few days.
“You look skeptical,” she said as if she could read his mind. “Alina came and talked to me. And to hopefully put your mind at ease, let me just tell you that I’m not like, crazy or anything. I would never hurt a child or let anything happen to him.”
“Did Alina tell you why she was asking you to do this?” Costin asked.
Zara brushed the hair back from her face and slid her hands into the front pocket of her jeans. “She said that sometimes, after a crisis, or life-altering event, the best way to heal is to be needed and to help others. Taking the focus off of myself and not allowing myself to wallow in something I can’t change. She said it was okay to mourn what I’d lost. It was okay to hurt and be angry. But she doesn’t want me to stay in those places. She wants me to move forward. The best way to move forward is to stop looking back.”
“Alina is one of a kind,” Costin told her and he wished he could smile to make the words more caring and less robotic. But there just wasn’t enough of him left to smile.
Costin wasn’t sure that this girl, who was dealing with God knows what, was the best person to care for his son. But Costin trusted Alina. He didn’t trust his wolf right now and when he felt a growl rolling up in his throat, he quickly turned away from the girl.
“He eats pretty much anything; don’t give him a lot of sugar. Bedtime is at 7:30 p.m. Don’t let him talk you into staying up later. Make sure he brushes his teeth.” Costin paused to think if there was anything else but his mind was a mess of anger, frustration, pain, and sorrow.
“Do what you need to do,” Zara told him. “I promise I’ll take good care of him.”
Costin waited for Titus to return and then picked the little boy up. He hugged him close, telling himself that he was doing the right thing, though it felt as though the rest of his heart was being torn from his chest. Sally had taken most of it, but Titus also held a piece of it.
Titus pulled back and put his small hands on either side of his face. “Don’t worry, Daddy. Mommy isn’t gone. She’s just a little lost.”
“I love—” Costin stopped as he choked back tears and then tried again. “I love you, Titus. So, so, much.”
“I love you, Daddy. I’ll be here when you get back.” Titus smiled at him and Costin felt that smile all the way to the dark places in his soul.
Costin pressed a kiss to his forehead and then set him down. Zara took Titus’ hand and began to lead him from the room while saying something about breakfast. Costin wasn’t exactly sure what she’d said because the constant growling in his mind was getting louder. His need to get out of the room, away from the four walls that were closing in on him, was like an itch that couldn’t be quelled no matter how much scratched it.
He glanced at the door and then over to the window. It would be a long jump, but it would also be faster. That was the only reason his wolf needed. Costin phased, letting his clothes tear away from his body and, once in his large wolf form, he ran headfirst at the window.
His head hit the glass and it didn’t even slow him down. He could have opened the window but then he wouldn’t have gotten to crash through it. Violence, blood, and death. Over and over his wolf snarled in his mind. There was no escaping it, no sating it, except with her. He needed his mate.
His paws hit the ground with surprising ease considering the height from which he had jumped. There was no pause in his movement. His body was fluid and powerful, like a raging river as he flew into the forest. Costin didn’t know if he would be able to pull himself back to take control of his wolf if he let the beast out to hunt. The darkness inside of him had grown, despite the fact that there was still a bond, albeit an empty one, somewhere in his mind. The thought spurred him on and his legs moved faster. About two miles into the run he caught the scent of a large animal. He stopped and stuck his nose in the air, sniffing. When he had a lock on his target, he took off like a bullet.
Finally, he could let go and give into the needs of his wolf. His mouth watered with the coming meal and his heart beat faster, assisting his muscles in getting the oxygen they needed. When he was within a few feet of his prey, he realized his mistake. It hadn’t been just a large animal, but a large group of animals. A heard of wild boar grazed in the trees near a small creek. It had been a while since he’d fought such a formidable foe and never without the help of his pack. But that was then. That was before he’d lost his mate and his soul.
His muzzle pulled back in a silent snarl. He took one step, then another, and another. His heart was pounding fast as adrenaline flooded his body. But it wasn’t just adrenaline that was flowing through his veins when he finally lunged, teeth bared, and claws extended. There was darkness infiltrating his very cells, and as his teeth sunk into the shoulder of the first boar, he could hear the darkness whispering in his mind, urging him to kill, to maim, and to bathe in the blood of his prey. Costin gave himself over to the darkness. He had been fighting it for so long and then Sally, his true mate, had come. But she’d been taken from him in the blink of an eye and, just like that, the darkness was back. Without her, he felt as though the sun had been forever eclipsed, along with its comforting warmth and light.