Chapter 5

“I want to live. I know that I need to live, not for myself, but for someone else—someone I haven’t met. But I’m lost. I feel so very lost.” ~Jacque


Jacque felt nothing but peace. There was no pain, no anger, and no fear—just peace. But even as she experienced this wonderful feeling of peace, a doubt lingered. Something nagged at her. She knew that she couldn’t stay where she was. She wanted to live. She wanted life in all its messy glory. And she couldn’t live if she stayed in this blissful peace. Jacque wanted to feel pain because then she’d also feel the joy of healing. She wanted to feel anger, because after she felt the anger, then she would feel forgiveness and mercy. She wanted to feel fear so that she could appreciate the wonderful feeling of safety. She wasn’t ready to die. Jacque wasn’t afraid of dying, but she was afraid of missing out on all the life she had yet to live.
Jacque could hear chanting—a soft beautiful voice, someone powerful. Jacque could feel herself being pulled along by the magic in the words. She wanted desperately to cling to those words, to let them drag her out of this darkness. She wanted to scream, Here I am. I’m still here and I want to live! But her mouth wouldn’t work. Nothing worked. The only thing she knew to do was to focus all of her consciousness on her life— to remember all that she’d had and all that she was going to have. She wouldn’t give up, not as long as there was still hope that she could return from wherever it was that she was now stranded.



Fane didn’t understand what was happening. He wasn’t dead, but he sure as hell wasn’t alive either. He was angry and scared. His last memories were of his mate covered in blood. Her heart had stopped and his had stopped right along with it. They were one and his wolf couldn’t live without its mate. He remembered there was a baby, their baby, but he hadn’t seen it. And he was sure that Jacque hadn’t seen it either. They’d been ripped away far too soon and he was so very angry.
Fane could still feel his wolf and he decided that this must be a good sign. Perhaps, their lives weren’t over after all. But he didn’t know where he was or how he could escape. Other than the wolf he felt pacing inside of him, he couldn’t see or feel anything else. He reached for the bond in his mind but there was nothing there; he was alone. His wolf wanted to howl, a desperate cry for their mate, but nothing worked. He was just there, wherever there was. Fane thought his fate was worse than death, floating in nothingness with no way to feel his mate or hold his child. He didn’t want to give up hope, but he also didn’t want to stay in some weird stasis state either. Fane would either figure out a way to let go of what little life was tying him to the world or get himself back to the land of the living. Somehow, something was going to change.



Peri felt something change. Jacque’s spark of life, what minuscule amount there was left, had grown a little bit stronger. It felt as though the girl was beginning to fight to get her life back. “That ‘a girl, Red. Don’t go quietly into the night. Not yet,” Peri said quietly as she stared down at the redhead who had become one of her dearest friends. The young girl was thin and her skin was so pale it was nearly white. The usually strong and determined female wolf had been reduced to a living corpse. Surely the Fates didn’t mean to rip the young parents away from their brand-new child. Surely they weren’t that cruel. Peri snorted to herself. “Yes, yes they are that cruel,” she growled.
In her long life, she’d dealt with the Fates countless times, and she knew that their decisions were not based on emotion, but on the need to maintain a cosmic balance. How much good was still needed in the world to counteract the darkness? How much evil was too much? And who needed to be culled? The Fates were strategists that kept the realms, all of them, in order. That didn’t mean Peri had to accept or agree with their decisions. And as she’d proven before, she wasn’t above breaking the rules and telling the Fates to jump off a cliff—not that the Fates could jump off a cliff. And even if they could, it’s not like it would hurt them.
“Great, now my mind has been reduced to endless, pointless chatter,” she huffed.
Peri felt him standing behind her before she heard his voice. Her mate, being the hardheaded werewolf that he is, had come to her even though she’d told him not to.
“You are using your very life force to keep two people alive and you expect me to stay away?” Lucian asked her, his voice gruff with the emotions she could feel swelling inside of him. He was worried about her.
“I expect you to be taking care of those dominant males at my house.”
Lucian chuckled. “I know that you are used to having everyone obey your commands without question, my love, but I’m no ordinary wolf. Your health is my primary…no my only… concern. Someone else can babysit the wolves. I have my mate to think about.”
“But then who’s going to keep them from killing each other or, worse, getting blood all over my furniture? Or even worse, peeing all over my furniture?” Peri was standing in two inches of warm water with one hand on Jacque’s chest and the other on Fane’s. She’d been standing there for three days, attempting to, somehow, keep the pair from slipping into oblivion. But a fear that her efforts were futile was growing in the back of her mind. She felt as if she were trying to hold seawater cupped in her hand. The harder she tried to hold on, the more Peri felt them slipping away. She couldn’t let them die. They’d just had a baby, for crying out loud. They could not die.
“Is that really your decision to make?” the voice of reason that was her mate asked. “You aren’t the Fates to determine the outcome of a person’s life, beloved,” Lucian continued. “As much as it hurts, sometimes you just have to let go.”
Peri could have kept it together if he’d stopped at the question. But no, he just had to keep pushing. Her power was swelling as her anger rose and she knew light would be pulsating around her. Lucian had stepped around her and her patients so that he stood directly in front of her—bad move on his part.
Peri knew that her power would have driven most men to their knees, but her mate was a dominant male. He was powerful in his own right. So instead of falling to his knees, he gritted his teeth and continued to meet her stare.
“Mate,” he breathed. “Perhaps, you should let—”
“I WILL NOT LET THEM GO,” she bellowed and the force of her power behind her voice shook the windows and sent a shudder through the foliage surrounding them in the garden room. “Ask me to give up my immortality, ask me to give up the chance to bear children, ask me to give up my own life. Ask me anything else, but do not ask me to give up on them!”
“Who are you to decide such a fate?” Lucian repeated, growling at her now. “Who are you to decide life and death, yours or anyone else’s?” He took a step closer.
Brave man, Peri thought to herself.
“Who are you to tell the Fates that they got it wrong and that you know better?” Another step closer.
He must have a death wish. Peri’s eyes narrowed and she could feel the heat of her power growing with his every word.
“Who are you—”
That was it. She couldn’t control the amount of power that rushed out of her. It poured out of her hands, her eyes, and her soul, causing the entire room to flare with so much light that Lucian had to put a hand over his eyes.
“I AM PERIZADA, HIGH FAE AND AMBASSADOR,” she roared and light shot from her mouth as well. The windows shattered and the wind from outside whipped through the room blowing the plants around so that their branches looked like arms hailing the woman before them. “I have lived thousands of lifetimes! I have served thousands, saved thousands, fought thousands, and still, I stand! I will not turn away from those under my care! I will not stop fighting for them!”
A resounding silence fell upon the room. The wind was suddenly gone, the bright light from her body slowly fading. She stared directly at Lucian. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, she whispered, “Until death’s kiss steals the breath from my lungs and its withered hand stops my ancient heart, I will not give up on them.” Lucian felt the power of these words, more mighty even then when she’d yelled, as a thunderous blow, finally staggering him. The light was gone and all that was left was a quiet rustling of the leaves from the windows that no longer had glass in them. Peri’s chest rose and fell as she attempted to regain control. It was in between those huffing breaths that she heard a soft groan.
She glanced down from her mate to Jacque and Fane. Her clenched jaw fell open and she felt what little breath was inside her rush out. They were moving—eyelids were beginning to open, chests were rising and falling, pulling air into their lungs. Their hearts were beating. They were alive.
Peri looked back up to Lucian who had a small crooked smile on his radiant face.
“You baited me,” she accused though her words were gentle.
He shrugged. “I never doubted your power, love. It simply needed a little push. Just so happens, I am a wolf who thoroughly enjoys pushing you.” He closed the distance between them and raised her chin with his hand, holding her there. “I am proud of you. I love you.” Lucian pressed a soft kiss to her lips and then stepped back.
Peri had never realized how much she’d needed to hear those words: I am proud of you. Her mate found her as a woman of worth and that touched her to her very soul.
“Alston will take me back to our house. I expect to see you soon.” His eyes narrowed and began to glow. “Very soon, Perizada. My wolf misses his mate. And I am in agreement with him.” He turned and walked from the room before her tongue could form words. She waited until he was no longer visible before finally stepping back and looking at the mated pair. They were both nearly sitting up. They seemed weak and were slowly pushing their bodies upright with their arms. Peri wanted to help, but she also wanted them to do it on their own, to prove to her that they were really alive.
Jacque’s head gradually rose and her eyes met Fane’s. It took two heartbeats before he had lurched forward. Probably meant to lunge, but, hello, he’d been almost dead so lurching was good. His arms reached for his mate and, just as he reached her, his legs gave out and he fell face first into her chest.
“Umph,” Jacque breathed out. She looked down at him; he wasn’t moving but he was still breathing. Then Jacque looked up at Peri. “Well, this just got awkward.”
Peri laughed and it felt so, so good. “I don’t care if he strips you and ravishes you this instant.”
“Don’t tempt me,” Fane’s voice came out muffled as he interrupted.
Peri just continued. “As long as you both keep breathing, by all means, have at it.”
Jacque breathed in Fane’s unique scent. It washed over her and calmed her anxious wolf. They were alive. She didn’t know how, but all that mattered was that they were alive and would be there for their baby.
Her head snapped up. “Baby,” Jacque sputtered out and pushed Fane aside, not concerned that he fell face first into the shallow water. She jumped to her feet, her adrenaline pulsing through her body. “Where’s my baby?”
“Our baby,” Fane’s voice quickly followed as he stood, only much slower.
Jacque waved a hand at him. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever. Where’s our baby?” she asked again, staring at Peri. Jacque was able to ignore the pain she felt in her lower body. She was able to find energy where none had been. She could probably shove aside a mountain if it meant she could get to her child.
Before Peri answered her, the high fae made a motion with her hand and muttered under her breath. The water was suddenly gone and they were in new, dry clothes. It was good to have a high fae as a friend.
“Thank you,” Fane said as he stepped closer to Jacque.
“Let’s get you more comfortable and then I will bring him to you.” Peri placed her hands on each of them and flashed them to their suite. She pointed at the couch and told Jacque to sit.
“Sit on her if she won’t keep her butt on that cushion,” she barked at Fane and then disappeared.
“I love you,” Fane said as he sat down beside her.
Jacque turned to look at him and it finally hit her that they’d almost died, that she might never have been able to see that face again. Tears fell from her eyes as she leaned forward and wrapped her arms around his neck. Fane’s arms went around to her back and his strong hands pulled her tightly against him.
“I love you back,” she whispered against his neck where she’d tucked her face. His skin was warm against her own and her wolf rumbled with the satisfaction of finally touching their mate. Fane held her as they waited for Peri to bring their child to them. He murmured a few things in Romanian to her and she blushed when he sent the visual images of those words through their bond to her mind. He was trying to distract her and it was mostly working.
“Jacque.” She turned as she heard her mother’s voice. Her heart leaped at seeing her mom but then her eyes fell to the wrapped bundle in Lilly’s arms, and Jacque was sure her heart was going to beat out of her chest. She stood up and walked over slowly, feeling as though she needed to be quiet so that she wouldn’t scare him.
“He’s beautiful.” Lilly’s smile beamed at her.
Jacque held out her hands and her mom transferred the little boy to her arms—the boy that she and Fane had created. And he was beautiful.
“Fane,” Jacque said, not wanting him to miss anything. She sucked in a sharp breath as the small child opened startling blue eyes that seemed to warm as he stared up at her. “Do you recognize my voice?” she asked. He continued to gaze at her intently and Jacque felt as though he was as mesmerized as she was. She wasn’t just seeing him for the first time, he was also just seeing her for the first time—the owner of the voice that he’d heard the entire time he’d been growing inside of her.
“Say something,” she said looking quickly up at Fane and then back to their baby.
“Slate,” Fane said softly. “Your name is Slate Lupei.”
Jacque looked at him from the corner of her eye. “I like it.”
“I’m going to step out and let you guys spend some time with your little one,” Lilly said as she patted Jacque affectionately. “We can talk later.” She paused and stared silently at her. “I am so glad you are alright.” Jacque could tell that her mom wanted to say more but she was trying to give her and Fane time to meet the child they nearly never knew.
“Love you, Mom.” Jacque smiled at her and then looked back down at Slate. She didn’t hear the door open or close. Her focus was solely on her little boy. She carried him over to the couch and sat down. Fane sat next to her.
“He’s strong,” Fane said as they watched their son try to hold his head up.
“He’s trying to look at you.” Jacque grinned. “Here” —she held him out to Fane— “you hold him.”
Fane took the child in his large arms. Her mate’s huge frame made their child look as tiny as a doll. She watched in awe as her strong mate was reduced to a babbling, love-struck man as he talked to Slate. It was the best thing she’d ever seen—her love, holding their child.
Jacque simply observed, wanting the moment to last forever. Several minutes later a bright light flashed in the room and then dimmed to a less intense white glow. That glow surrounded a glorious sight.
“Great Luna,” Fane said reverently. He clutched Slate to his chest as he slid from the couch onto one knee and bowed his head. Jacque followed suit. Her heart was pounding almost painfully in her chest as she waited to see what the goddess would say.
“This is the second child to be born to my wolves in eighteen years.” Her voice was soothing and as warm as the glow coming from her body. “Rise, Jacquelyn and Fane,” she instructed.
Both Jacque and Fane stood, raising their heads at the same time to look at her. The Great Luna walked toward them until she stood a foot away. Her eyes were on their child and her face held all of the love that Jacque felt toward Slate.
The goddess reached out her hand and laid it on the child’s forehead. She closed her eyes and spoke in a soft voice “You are marked for greatness, Slate Lupei, son of Fane and Jacquelyn Lupei, grandson of Alphas Vasile and Alina Lupei, grandson of Queen Lilly of the Warlocks, and Alpha Dillon Jacobs of the Colorado pack. Change is here. It begins with your parents but will be continued by you and your future mate. I bless you as a child of mine. I have created you and I love you. Stay on the path set for you and I will not let your feet falter. Remain true to the purpose I have for you and you will be victorious. Your plight will not be free of hardship or pain. Your journey will be wrought with trials, enemies, and temptations. Do not be swayed. Do not give up. Do not back down. I have gone before you, I have seen what is behind you, and I will always be with you. Be strong, little one.”
Jacque felt tears on her cheeks as she stared in awe at the Great Luna. She was speechless. Her mate was, thankfully, able to talk for both of them.
“Thank you for blessing us with a child,” Fane said reverently.
“Fane and Jacquelyn, you have already faced so much. You have fallen many times, only to get back up again. Never stop getting back up. You still have much to do in this world. I am with you. I will hear you when you call. I love you both more than you can understand.”
Jacque felt that love wrap around her and she let out a calming breath. There was another flash of light and then the goddess was gone.
“Do you feel stronger?” Jacque asked her mate.
Fane nodded. He walked back over to the couch and sat back down. He seemed to be at a loss for words. Jacque sat next to him, her body no longer weak from the near-death experience. Whatever the Great Luna had done, it had restored their bodies.
“That was intense,” Fane’s voice rumbled as he stared, wide-eyed, at their son.
“Understatement, wolf-man. Major understatement,” Jacque said softly.
There was a soft knock at the door, interrupting their shock.
“Come in,” Fane said.
Alina pushed the door open and stepped inside. She looked strong and regal, as always, but Jacque could see the fear, joy, and love all mixed together in her eyes.
“He’s beautiful,” she told them. “I got to spend some time with him while you—” She paused, the words too much for her to say. She smiled and then said, “He’s a good baby. Like his father.”
Alina was looking at Fane as though the moon and sun rose and fell at his feet. Fane saw it too. He took several large strides and, just as Alina’s tears began to fall, he wrapped her in his arms.



Alina had told herself that she would be strong. She’d told herself that when she saw him she would not be a blubbering idiot. It was why she’d waited to come see him. When Vasile told her that Fane and Jacque were awake, her first instinct was to run to him, grab him, and never let him go. But she was no longer the first woman in his life. It was not her job to hold him first. She wanted to let Jacque be what she was—his mate. Then she’d get to hold him. Vasile was choked up as well and only shook his head when she’d asked if he was coming to see his son. “I will speak with him soon,” was the Alpha’s reply.
Alina knew that he’d already gone to their room, right after Lilly had left. But he hadn’t gone inside. He’d simply stood outside their door, leaning with his back against the wall and crying at the sound of their voices. He was giving them their time as a family. He would give Alina her time and respect as the woman who’d carried their son for nine months, bore him, held him, and nursed him. Her mate was a man of high character with the ability to lead by serving. In this, he was serving her.
As Fane released her from the hug, he pulled back and looked at her. “Want to talk?”
She laughed through the tears. “That would be good.”
Fane looked over at Jacque and she smiled. “Please, go,” Jacque said. “I’m good; we’ll be here when you get back.”
He turned back to Alina and then led her from the room. They walked in silence, the sounds of their feet hitting the floor echoed off the walls. As they rounded the first corner, Alina knew he was taking her to the Serbian pack library. Usually, he would have taken her to the garden room, but at the moment the garden room didn’t hold the greatest memories.
He entered first, as was a custom of their species and she followed him. When they were both seated, Alina looked at her son, really looked at him. He had grown into a strong young man, with good character, compassion, and the ability to serve when needed. One day he would be a pack Alpha and he would be a great one.
“There is nothing,” she began, willing her voice to be steady, drawing on the calm, unwavering strength of her wolf, “in this world that a parent wants for their child more than to see them grow into healthy, vibrant, respectful, kind, loving, giving, and merciful adults. This world is filled with just the opposite and I can only hope that your father and I have taught you these things. But even if you had turned out to be a terrible person, if it meant you’d be alive, then I’d take you.” She let out a shuddering breath as she remembered his body, lying lifeless on a table. “There is nothing worse than a child dying before a parent. It isn’t right. Watching you, wondering if you would pull through, wondering what I would do if you didn’t, was the worst kind of torture. Without being too sappy” —she laughed and wiped from her eyes the tears that hadn’t fallen— “I just want you to know how much we love you, regardless of who you once were, who you now are, or who you will become. You will always be ours.”
Fane wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. He whispered words to her in their native tongue and pulled her even tighter when a small sob finally broke through the armor she’d put in place.
“I couldn’t have asked for better parents,” he told her. “And you, mama, will always be mine. You will always be the first woman to have owned my heart. I know it must be hard to watch your only son leave your den for another and lose the bond we once had.”
She shook her head and pulled back to look at him. “No. We didn’t lose our bond, it simply changed. It morphed into what it is supposed to be when you find your true mate. Once upon a time, you looked up at me as if I was the most wonderful thing you’d ever seen. You raised your arms up to me so I would hold you close. You came to me for every injury, every victory, every joy, and every loss. And that was as it should be, but now…” She pulled out of his embrace completely and held one of his hands in both of hers. “Now you belong to another. You have a different bond. You go to her with open arms to offer comfort and love. You go to her for every injury, victory, joy, and loss. She is the one who should be the salve to your soul. And I am so very thankful that you have found her. Does it hurt to have our relationship as mother and son change? Yes. But is it worth it? To see my son love his mate just as I’ve been trying to teach you for all those years through the love I gave, freely, without expectations and unconditionally, it is more than worth it. It is incredible and no words can truly describe it.”
“Thank you,” Fane said simply.
“It has been my honor, Fane Lupei.” She stood, patting her thighs and letting out a quick breath. “I do believe you have a mate and new son, which I will be stealing away as soon as you offer, so you should get back.”
She hugged him but this time it didn’t feel like she was losing something. This time it felt as if she’d gained something. He was her son, but he was also her friend.
Now another young pack member crept into her mind. If only she could be so honored to be a mentor, a parent of sorts, to Zara, then Alina would be fulfilling her role as pack Alpha.
Alina watched him leave and felt some of the pain dissolve from her heart. She sat back down on the couch with an unbecoming plop for an Alpha female. Alina nearly laughed. It felt good to almost laugh. And then she did laugh because it was hilarious that she thought feeling like almost laughing was funny. Her daughter-in-law would say she’d fallen off the deep end. She might be right.
“The only place you are falling is into my arms.” She heard Vasile’s voice through their bond.
“My love, if that was your idea of a pick-up line, you should tuck your tail and head the other direction because that was just awful. Almost, Jen would say, creepy awful.”
He laughed and Alina felt his humor and it relaxed her even more.
“You’ve done your duties as Alpha and mother. Now come take care of your mate,” he growled at her. She knew he was teasing her—sort of.
“Sorry, Alpha, but I think I hear Thia calling my name. She obviously has need of her aunt.”
Vasile huffed, making her smile widen.
“And what of my need of you?” His voice came from behind her where he stood in the doorway.
She stood and slowly walked to him. He held the other half of her soul and that connection pulled her to him like the moon pulled the tide. Once she’d reached him, he didn’t hesitate. He wrapped a muscular arm around her waist and pulled her against him. After all the decades upon decades that they’d been mated, being in Vasile’s arms never got old.
He leaned down and pressed his mouth over the bite that marked her as his. He nipped it and then kissed the flesh. His mouth traveled up her neck and stopped right beside her ear. Vasile’s warm breath blew across her skin and Alina sucked in a sharp breath. After all the decades, he hadn’t lost his effect on her.
“I think little Thia can wait,” he whispered in her ear, his lips brushing lightly against her flesh.
Alina couldn’t think straight, not when he seduced her and made it very clear that he still wanted her after all these years.
“Thia can wait,” she heard herself agreeing.
Later she might be embarrassed by the fact that her mate had shut the door behind him, locked it, and then proceeded to finish what he’d started. Yes, later she might feel that way—much, much later.



Bethany walked slowly around the suite that Decebel had provided for her and Drake. Jen had led the couple through a maze of twisting hallways nearly twenty minutes ago, Drake holding her hand and grumbling the entire way. With a warning to Drake to steer clear of the rest of the pack, Jen had slammed the door on them and Bethany distinctly heard the words fleabag and neuter through the door as the blonde stomped away. Drake had told Bethany to make herself at home, muttered something about smelling like a mangy mutt, and headed through a doorway that she guessed led to the bedroom. She’d heard the shower come on and decided to explore the suite while no one was watching her every move—not that she minded Drake’s eyes on her, but it did make her feel a little self-conscious.
As she surveyed her surroundings, she could tell that no one lived in this suite. There was no warmth. No pictures adorned the walls. No little mementos decorated the end tables or shelves on the walls. No memories had been made in this place. As she stared at her sparse surroundings, her mind wandered, bringing her back for a fleeting instant to her own home. She could smell fresh bread baking and see pictures, drawn in crayon, stuck to a white refrigerator. Tears slid into her eyes as, for only a moment, Bethany remembered her own home. She reached out desperately, trying to catch hold of the memory—to feel again the warmth, the love from her family—but it was gone.
As the memory faded, she noticed that the furniture in this room was very large. The couch was brown leather and there were two matching chairs on either side. The end tables looked as though they’d been made by hand out of wood that had been hand cut. Each was unique and beautiful. The coffee table was the same—hand-cut wood with the knots from the tree visible in some places. Bethany walked over to the windows that lined the back wall. The curtains were made out of a soft, but thick brown fabric, unlike anything she’d felt before.
“They’re suede,” a deep voice rumbled from behind her.
She looked over her shoulder to find Drake in a pair of jeans pulling a red t-shirt over his head. He’d been shirtless the entire time he’d been in the cage, but for some reason, seeing him outside of the cage, freshly showered, had a different effect upon her. Her cheeks warmed and she turned back to examine the suede curtains.
“Brown seems to be a favored color,” she said teasingly.
He chuckled. “Our own rooms are decorated to our taste, but this, this one was set up as a generic suite for visiting guests. I guess they wanted neutral colors.”
“The color isn’t bad…it just feels empty,” she told him. “Not super inviting, I mean.”
“You can change whatever you want.”
Bethany turned around, her eyes wide. “Change?”
His hand swept over the room. “If there’s anything you don’t like, you can pick something different.”
“But this isn’t your suite,” she pointed out as if he didn’t know.
Drake walked toward her, his steps slow as though not to startle her. Bethany wanted to roll her eyes. She wasn’t a frightened rabbit. Wait, maybe he saw her as a rabbit. “Do you see me as a rabbit?” she blurted out before she could stop herself.
He paused his pursuit and tilted his head slightly. Seeming to come to a conclusion, he continued forward. Once he was standing less than a foot away, he reached up and placed a hand on her neck wrapping his fingers around the back while his thumb stroked the sensitive skin just below her chin. “First, I would like it to be our suite—a place we can both call home—a place of warmth that reflects our shared lives. Second, I see you as my mate and I would never describe someone as brave as you as a frightened rabbit.” He paused as he continued to stare down at her. His touch was affecting her in ways that she didn’t really understand, but she liked. “I will sleep on the couch and you can take the bedroom.”
Bethany tilted her head to the side to look at the couch. Sure, it was big, but not long enough for Drake to stretch out comfortably on. She shook her head. “No, I can take the couch. I’ll fit better on it than you will.”
“I want you to feel comfortable and safe, Bethy. And I’d prefer to sleep between you and the front door.”
He wanted to protect her, Bethany realized. Jen had been right; these werewolves took protection to a whole new level. Assuming any argument would likely be fruitless and only stress him out or cause more problems, she consented.
“Alright, if that is what you want,” she told him, staring up into his eyes that, though some might call grey, she saw as a shimmery silver color.
“Sometimes what we want and what we need are miles apart,” he told her. “I want to be able to give you space so that you don’t feel smothered. I know that you are probably still very confused. But I need to know you’re safe and I need to be near you. That is not something that I can change. That is an instinct that is controlled by the wolf.”
Bethany could tell that those words had been difficult for him to say. She felt through the bond that Drake was ashamed.
“Is it really shameful to need someone?” she asked him, truly wondering. Because if so, then she should feel ashamed too because she was rapidly coming to understand that she needed him as well. He made her feel wanted, safe, and cared for. Those were things she had not felt in a very long time. Drake gave her somewhere to belong again—a new family, a replacement for her family that had been ripped away from her. She didn’t want to feel ashamed of needing him.
“No,” he answered quickly and pulled her closer to him.
She could feel the warmth from his body seeping out of him and into her. She wanted to get closer, so she did. Bethany took another step, closing the gap between them so that their bodies were now touching. Drake froze. She didn’t even think he was breathing. Had she done something wrong? She started to take a step back but Drake dropped his hand from her neck and wrapped both arms around her waist and pulled her even closer. She held back the sigh of relief his embrace brought, but just barely.
“There is no shame in needing someone, Bethany.” His voice was rough with emotion and that same emotion filled his eyes. “I am ashamed because I feel like I am taking your choices from you. I don’t want you to feel like you went from one prison to another. I fear that you will one day resent me if I don’t let you go and experience life before deciding to commit to me.”
She blinked several times as she mulled over his words. She understood what he was saying, but she also thought that there could be a way where they could both get the things they needed.
She took a breath before looking back up at him. “If I want to go back to America, would you come with me?”
“Yes,” he answered without hesitation.
“And if I want to go to” —she thought about the few countries that she could remember learning about when she was a girl— “China, would you go with me?”
“Yes.”
“And if I wanted to get my first cell phone, will you help me get one?”
“Of course,” he answered.
“And if I decided, after all the time we’d spent together, to leave, to live a different life than this one, would you let me go?”
His answer did not come as quickly this time. “I” —he swallowed— “I would if I could. If you didn’t want to be with me…I would let you go.”
Bethany believed him, but she could tell that there was something he wasn’t telling her. “But?” she coaxed. “What are you not saying, Drake?”
He closed his eyes. “I love it when you say my name.”
“Don’t try to distract me,” Bethany said dryly.
After several seconds, Drake opened his eyes. “I would let you go, but…” He emphasized the word. “In order for that to happen, I would have to request that my Alpha put me down.”
“Put you down where?” she asked. Her brow furrowed deeply and her lips thinned. She didn’t like the sound of that.
“I don’t want this knowledge to sway you, love. I want you to make whatever decision you feel is best for you, not based on my actions or reactions.”
“Please, Drake, tell me what that means.”
Drake sighed. It was heavy, as though he felt the weight of the world on his shoulders. “It means he would have to kill me.”
She jerked back out of his arms. “What?” Her voice rose an octave and filled up the room.
“We are not human, Bethany. We do not respond to things as humans do. We are Canis lupus and we have our own ways. I know it’s hard to understand them if you’ve not grown up with them your whole life.”
She didn’t even know what to say. She literally held his life in the palm of her hands. “So, if I choose to walk away—” She took in a quick breath. Bethany’s hands were shaking and she didn’t understand why. “That would mean the end of your life? Just like that?”
Drake’s shoulders were tense and his mouth drawn into a hard line. He looked as if he’d rather eat nails than have this conversation. But Bethany wasn’t going to let it go. It was just too important.
“We should probably sit down for this conversation.” He motioned to the large, and suddenly inviting, couch.
She sat on one end, turning her body so that one leg was pulled up on the side while the other dangled. Drake sat, but he didn’t lean back. Instead, his elbows rested on his knees as he leaned forward. His hands were clasped together and his chin rested on the fist they made. It took so long for him to begin speaking that Bethany was kind of worried there would be a vampire apocalypse before she got the answers from him, but after several long minutes, he finally spoke.
“When a wolf finds his true mate, he has found the one woman he will spend his life living for or dying for—the only woman. She holds the other half of the male’s soul, and he holds hers. We mate for life, literally. If a mated pair has completed the Bonding Rites, then their fates are tied. If one dies, so does the other. We cannot live without our mate.”
That last sentence was said as if Bethany had asked him to live without air. And maybe she had.

Jacque's Limbo: Clinging to Life for a Newfound Treasure
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