Another loss

/-Riley-/

'I'm sorry but he'll be hanging on one'. Those words keep ringing in my head as I stroll down the street. Hanging on one, isn't that as good as death?.
Why are you doing this to me? Why did you have to take drugs? Not just anyone but heroin. What were you thinking?. I shouldn't be blaming him. Those empty brains are the ones to be blamed.
If their mom's took heroin each time life frustrated her, would they be here to administer doses to someone else?.
I suddenly notice I'm going to far from the hospital. I thunk of turning back but decide against it. Being there would constantly remind me that I'm the reason Dean's in that condition.
I hail a cab and head home. My throat feels so dry. I open the drink to get a bottle of water but my eyes land on the strawberry juice. A wide smile curves on my lips as I reach for it. I wonder why Liam didn't see this one. He dumps every strawberry related thing in the bin.
I'm about to stab it with the straw when the doorbell interrupts. I groan and drop it. It's like the person was just waiting for me to return home. I drag my feet to the door and pull it open.

"Jamie?". He smiles and walks in.

"I expected to find you behind the covers sucking but you look perfectly fine. So why have you been skipping school without me?" He asks.

"You couldn't have come down here to ask that" I roll my eyes. I'm mad he didn't let me enjoy my drink.

"Well I did cause that's what friends do. So any excuse?".

"Things have gone from bad to worse. School is the last thing on my mind right now" I sigh.

"Bad to worse? What did Dean say this time?" He asks.

"It would have been bearable if he said something. He just choose to break contact with reality" I say.

"You've totally lost me, sorry" He blurts.

"Dean's in coma. Heroin overdose" I tell him and his jaws drop. I walk over and pull up his jaw. He keeps staring at me in shock.

"He's into drugs? I thought Dean was clean" He says after recovering.

"His playthings did the job. They claimed it was the only way to solve misery" I say smoothly, concealing my bitterness.

"They gave him heroin to relieve him? If everyone did that, would earth still have people?. How were you guys even able to keep this from the press? I bet a crowd of well wishes would have taken over the hospital by now".

"I don't know. Those reporters are the last people on my mind right now. Dean's been unconscious for almost a week now. Five days and we're not even sure he'd survive it. His chances of passing on are ninety-five to five. Those fools had to top the dose since their genius minds thought it'll work faster that way and they ran off after he passed out. They left him to suffer for their mistakes. He simply locked himself in and suffered in silence, topped it with alcohol and here we are. He's at the verge of loosing his life". I don't bother concealing my anger.

If I had a means, I'd strangle them myself. We can't even take legal actions against then cause that'll simply tag Dean an addict. Especially since Rhett got it with his permission. What was he even thinking?.
Right! He had turned a drunk. How reasonable could he have been?.

"Riley, it'll be okay. He'll pull through it. I know he will" He assures me.

"Thank you though it's kinda hard to stay positive now" I say.

"What you believe will work for you. Just believe he'll be fine and trust me, he will".
I nod and head back to my juice. I ignore his prying eyes and stab it. I taken a very long sip and grin.

"Now what's better than a cold drink on a bad day?".

"That would be heroin" Jamie shrugs and I chuckle. I drop the juice and serve him orange juice before returning to my drink. We drink in silence until I feel a sharp pain in my stomach.

"Are you okay?" He asks. I nod briefly since I feel nothing for a moment. Then the pain hits with full voice and a cry escapes my lips. I clutch to my stomach and reach for Jamie with my other hand.

"Riley, what's wrong with you?"He asks but the pain won't let me answer him. I almost slip off but he quickly wraps his arms round me. I keep groaning and gasping. I can barely breathe.

"Oh my God, you're bleeding" He gasps before lifting me. Bleeding? How? Why?. I can barely keep my eyes open.

"My baby" I mutter before darkness embraces me.
*
*
I open my eyes slowly but the light hurts my sight. Where am I? What happened?. I make another attempt and successfully open my eyes. I scan my environment.
White paint, blue curtains, drip stand. Am I in a hospital?. Everything flashes in my head immediately. My baby!.

"You're awake" Jamie smiles.

"What happened? What about my baby?" I ask and Liam walks in at that moment with Renzo.

"You're finally awake. You were out for hours" He says forcing a smile. Now that's unusual. Liam would rather frown and glare than force a smile. He doesn't like faking emotions.

"What about my baby?"I ask again but no one's willing to answer. There's this emptiness I feel and I pray my guts are lying.

"Liam? Jamie? Why isn't anyone talking to me?" I ask.

"The baby...your baby..." Jamie trails off and stares at Liam.

"My baby, yes? What happened?Why was I bleeding? Talk to me, somebody" I yell.

"Is gone. You had a miscarriage" Liam finally speaks.

"A what?" I ask again to make sure my ears aren't deceiving me.

"A miscarriage. You lost the baby" He says sadly. My world seems to come to a stand still. First Dean, now my baby.

"My...My baby...My baby is gone...My baby...his baby.."I mutter in disbelief. A miscarriage, how?.

"Riley, please calm down.."Jamie places a hand on my shoulder but I shrug it off.

"Don't touch me. I lost my baby. Dean's baby. The reason he's battling with his life. I lost it and now you're telling me to calm down?" I yell.

"Riley please...."

"Shut up! All of you. I don't wanna hear anything. Where's my baby? Where?". My throat burns from screaming but that doesn't even bother me now. Dean's gone and now the baby's too.

"Riley...."

"Get out" I snap.

"But you...."

"I said get out. All of you. I don't want your pity. Leave" I yell. Liam tries to say something but Renzo stops him. He leads him out.

"Just know we're here for you" Jamie says before leaving. I look down at my tummy. I caress it as tears cloud my eyes. It's gone. My baby's gone.

I walk to my bed and sit. My baby's gone. I hold the tears in, refusing to let them pour. I stare at the ugly wall. My baby's gone.

"Dean, our baby's gone. Gone and you're not even here. I'm all alone. I'm alone. You're all gone. You're all gone. I'm alone. It's just me again. Plain Riley. Lonely Riley. I have no baby. No husband. Just Riley" I choke fighting back the tears.

I don't want to cry. I don't want to let it out. I want to bury it all in. I don't want to feel better. I can't feel better. My life has been nothing but pain. I don't want to let it out.

I lie on the bed and hug the pillow tightly. I'm all alone. It's just old Riley. No Dean. No baby. Only Riley.

"Please let this nightmare end. Let me wake up before it consumes me. Please wake me up. Someone wake me up, please".