Chapter 47 Lay Waste To A Memory

I am on my knees in front of my princess doing what would possibly be the scariest thing in my life. Declaring a love that I know is beyond compare. Never have I been so sure about anything, this ring has burned a hole in my pock since the day that she went missing. Yes, I do know that we are only but very new in our relationship, but there is nothing that ever felt so right. I think I will simply fall into an abyss if she rejects me. Her hesitation, however brief it is, is going to give me the answer to the question that I so desperately seek. I can simply not bear to think what I will do if she says no.
?"Christian, I am not ready," the words, the very last words that I expected to hear, the very words that form over her deep cherry lips simply knock me over the edge. I can stand for her to be mad at me, but I thought we were ready. I thought our relationship was ready. I thought that if I do this that everything will be fine.
Yet, "I don t understand princess?"
"You just threw me out of our home. It came to you so easily to you. I don t know if I can trust you. When will you do it again?"
"But princess, I told you I am sorry."
"Telling and saying is complete two different things, Christian. Your apology is coming from your mouth be not your heart."
The mere words cut me deeper than a thousand knives. I ruined what was sacred; all because I cannot control my temper, but yet, I cannot stand being betrayed. So does this justify me being on my knees in front of her giving her my entire heart and soul? What a silly thing to even consider, yes it does. But I am being rejected and it kills me. The only peace my heart shall have is that we will still remain together and things can go back to the best normal that we can be.
That is what I would like to believe, so as I rise from my knees, I take her hands for the second time tonight, "Princess, at least let me take you home."
"No, Christian. I have a new home now, a home from which I will not be thrown. So you can go back to your home." She pauses for a brief moment as if she knows what my next words will be, "And please don t expect me not to work here. If you want to throw me out, then please do, but I need to work to live."
"I will look after you princess."
"No, I am no one to look after, if anyone looks after me then it is me. Now if you excuse me I must get back out there before Josh has my ass."
"Well, I am the boss."
"You are not pulling that card with me. You either fire me or let me get back to my job."
"Princess, please."
She immediately cuts me off before I can say yet another word. The determination is in her eyes, she is sure of this than she has ever been in her life before. She has, and I would love to believe so, but she has given this some great thought and nothing that I am about to say is going to make her feel any other way.
…Cassandra…
Never did I think that Christian shall treat me in such a way. My temper so wants to boil out of control. My anger has now reached its peak, how can he think that proposing to me is going to make anything better. I cannot believe the words that are coming from his mouth.
Now let us take this into perspective, I have had my fair share of my own lies. And yes, it might have caused for a rather trying time in our relationship, but nothing justifies what he has done.
This stings my heart beyond belief, being rejected by the man you love. He shall not see my tears; he shall not have the satisfaction of seeing me break down. Yes, I have done this so many times, but god, this hurts hard. It cuts deeper than a thousand knives. And to they cut deep. Rejection by the one that you love with all your heart and soul is a death sentence. Did I ever see such rejection be done upon me? Never in all my years did I once foresee that I shall ever hurt so much.
And as for this Christian on his knees in front of me, the mere sight of it brings a new burn to my core. It burns a hole through my heart just having to face a man that I have given my all to. I want him to be gone; I want every trace of him to be removed from my life, from my existence. I shall not stand for been treated like this when we find ourselves in a soul-bonding union. He is my only true love right now, but as for the immediate future, he does not exist.
Once I have changed, I make my way out of the dressing room. As I reach for the door, I see him following shortly behind. I can see the fury in his eyes and I know that he is about to lose control. I wish I could say that it is because he loves me, when in fact it does, but it is not helping the both of us at all. So I snap my head away from his sight and continue to go out of the door. The simple sight of him breaks my heart all over again, the rejection cuts deep.
…Christian POV…
As she makes her way to the dressing room door, the tears that have been threatening to consume my eyes and edge their way down my face come rolling with such great force. The raging anger that is suffocating every corner of my body lets loose like a beast. As far as my feet take me into the room, every single object that finds itself in my path shatters in pure brute force against the wall. The very place that we made love not so long ago, the very lingerie that she wore the first time we met is ripped to shreds until there is nothing but small pieces of fabric scattered over the floor. The chair she sat on where she so elegantly put those red stilettos on, finds its way through the dressing room, There is glass shattering into fragments of nothing. I ram my fist with a hatred so raw in the mirror where she watched her reflection, hundreds of pieces cutting at the skin of my hand.
I lay complete destruction to everything that is and was a part of her until I can say that for now, for this minute, I shall be rid of any thought of her. And when she returns into the passages of my memories, I shall do it again and again until every trace of her has been taken from my life. I am angry, I am furious. She takes herself away from me.
But this thought only but exists for a few moments, and she finds her way back into the very place I do not want her to be, she is in my head, and I want her out.
But for a brief moment, I see her enter the dressing room again, my heart skips a beat in total happiness. Has she come to her senses after all? Is she here to help me make right what I have wronged?
So as she scans over the destruction that I have caused, I can only see the disappointment in her eyes. I know that once again I have proven to her that I am not the type of man she wants in her life. I am the man that has thrown her from her home. But can she not see that love is what drives me and it is love that is tearing me apart. I need her, without her, I am nothing but a shell of a man. But she obviously does not seem to care. But yet I still believe and I still hope.
And as she walks up to me, I think for one brief moment that this is it, she is coming back into my arms, but I am sorely mistaken, "You can wipe that excited look off your face, I am only here to get my phone."
Her very words sting worse than any prick of a needle that is shoved into your heart. I want to believe that she is only furious and these are the words of a woman that is mad. Yet I know that is not true.
So as for what will be the final time, she exits the room, and with the greatest of force, she slams the door so hard that it vibrates against the mirrors that are left on the wall.
What have I done?