Chapter 54 Regrets & Revenge

I am looking into brown eyes that do not fully understand what I am saying. Yet, I know that she does; she does not want to face the reality. It is hard and terrifying to have to come to face with what will be the biggest decision you shall ever make in your life.
The thing is, Cassandra is my life.
And if I could, rather if I would want to, which I do not, I would have done things differently. But the fact is that this shall go ahead, and if she has to reject me, once again, then it shall be with great sorrow and pain that I shall face her when I take the life of her father.
I shall never, and I shall rather die, but it shall never hurt the woman that I love with all my heart and soul. But there is one thing that she needs to understand.
"Princess, I know that right now I stand a great chance that you will turn around and leave me. Should you leave, then you would break my heart beyond compare."
"Christian, you need to understand then that I shall break my father and my mother if I wish to stay."
"I am so sorry that it had to come to this, but I think you have been expecting this day to come, and somehow you would have played in your head what choice that you have made."
"Yes, you are right, I have. But when I made that choice, then I am pulled back to reality, and I change my mind. But the sad fact is, this is reality."
I pull her that fraction tighter in my arms, closer to a chest from which a heart can burst out any minute. Her voice hitch, and I listen as those tears come stronger than a raging river down her cheeks. She is hurting, and so am I. I cannot bear to think that I shall lose her…not again.
We seem to be losing each other more than we are locked into each other s arms. Guess this world is ruthless; it takes and does not ask any questions. It will take her if it wants to, and it will kill me in return.
But I am a very stubborn man. I did not, and taught I was well by my father, but I did not become a ruthless and feared man if I did not live with pain if I was not killed inside every day.
Love made that little bit of a difference in my life; it gave that softness to an edge that was far too rough. It taught me to think of someone else before I even considered my needs. Cassandra has made me soft; only see can look into these brown eyes and make my heart crumble, but she can kill this heart as well.
And this heart, the real heart, is beating at such a drum that I can feel it been ripped from my chest. Now is that truly not also the real heart that has a feeling?
Cassandra, my princess, is the only one that holds the key to this beating pound of flesh, in its real or another form.
And she knows that.
"Princess, you will make your decision today, and I will not do anything to force you to make that choice. But, please just know this."
I cup her face between my hands and seek that sparkle in her eyes.
"Princess, every time that you leave through that door, you slice open and take my heart with you. You have sliced me so many times that there is nothing left to take. Every time you come back, you light a flame in my soul. You heal those pieces that you take. I have learned to love you with my soul, for my heart is too fragile and too easy to take."
I watch as the tears tickle the corner of her eyes and burn black crevices into her soft skin. She starts to stutter as she tries to answer me, but the moment is too much to bear. I gently lay my lips on her eyes and kiss her tears away.
"Princess, my soul, will miss you, my heart will break, but it will be my essence that you take."
"Christian, you, this man with nothing but inches of perfection, yet a heart that is as delicate as the space that from where it is beating, you deserve the best that only the greatest woman can give. You need that woman by your side that will let you rise through this war. That woman that shall hold your hand as you take and do what it is that you feel that you need to do. The question is, am I that woman?"
"You are not just any woman; you are a gift from the hands of an angel. You have been filled with all those things that the mind can only dream up in moments of total ecstasy. You and me, we were built for each other, not by the hands of our parents, but our destiny has always been written in the stars. If I never took that leap and step into that shower with you that day, we would have still met. If not now, but soon, we have always been meant to be here, like this, until the day that one of us stop existing. And then beyond that, we will still live within each other."
And I don t think there is really much more, for words don t need to tell, but there is nothing more I can or want to say to make her understand how important this is for me.
I am a man that is about to either lose the reason why this heart drums to a melody every day, or I shall find that newfound reason, that purpose, that will take me through the difficult times that are to come.
"Princess, I only want you to understand one thing. I am the Head of the Caine Crime Family, I am a Mafia Boss, and I will always be. Yes, this was a right I was given when my father passed away. Now I could have ended his legacy with his last breath, but I want this. This is me. This is Christian Caine."
"God, Christian, I am starting to think that you are a lawyer, for you are stating your case so confidently."
I only but chuckle at her as I pull her back into the tightness of my chest. Her body is still trembling, and that heart of hers is pounding with purpose against mine. I will not make this any harder on her than it is already.
"Princess, if you need to think of this, then you must."
"You want me to leave and slice your heart open?"
"Well, preferably not."
"Somehow, when I leave this time, I think that I will be taking your soul."
"I think you might even be right, for it does take a soulless man that wishes to rage a war. But the war in my heart is far greater than the one that is waiting outside."
"This war, this thing that you must do, will this bring the peace that you need? Will it bring the justice that your father deserves?"
"Do you want me to be honest with you?"
"Yes, always."
I lead her back to the chair and sit her down with another whiskey in hand. It is ten in the morning. We are good onto our fourth glass, and we are talking about ending the lives of men, men like me. Ruthless and hungry for power and revenge.
"Yes, princess, if I were not going to do it now, I would have done it soon in the future, and it would have always ended up the same way."
"Then let me ask you this. If the roles were reversed if you were my father, would you still have taken revenge?"
"We both know that it does not need to be reversed. Your father is coming after me, whether or not I am about to do the same."
She drops her head down and stares at the glass in her hand, it is slightly trembling, and I know that she knows that what I say is the truth. Her father, whom I am sure, has told this to her already. So either way, she is losing one of the men in her life. But, and do I dare to say this, who abandoned her for years and let her think that he was dead.
"I love you, princess. And love, those four letters that are supposed to define a feeling in one word, is not enough on its own to tell you what I feel deep in my soul for you. There are so many other words that shall define our relationship in the months to come, but please let regret not be one of them."
"Christian, you are right; my father did tell me that he will come after you and that if I knew what is best for me, then I will stay away from you. Now, that alone makes me feel like I am only but an object, and object that does not feel love half of the time."
"Princess, I am sorry."
"Wait, let me finish. We both know that I have been promised to a man that I hate more than anything that brings me displeasure in the world. You realize that you shall need to kill him as well?"
"That is a whole other war on its own. That will be me claiming more than what I possibly need. But I will claim it with a smile on my face."
"Fair, then let me ask you this. You have been promised to someone as well?"
Then it hits me; the whole time while I have been running to make my princess mine again, I have forgotten about Veronica. She is another problem that is waiting to blow up in its own spectacular way.
"Princess, there is no need to kill the woman. She just needs to be shown the error in her ways."
"Then, I shall be the one that will be showing her those ways."
"What do you mean?"
"Mr. Caine, I have no idea; I cannot even begin to understand the danger that I am letting into my life. But, this danger, which is you, Christian. I am willing to, and I will do it over and over, but I will walk into this danger. I want to be by your side until the day that your side is not there anymore, and beyond that, you will still be the danger in my life."
"Does this mean?"
"I chose you; I will always choose you."