29 - Lying doesn't reduce suffering, it increases it threefold.

***POV NOAH***

Twenty-five missed calls and countless messages went unanswered. 

I was freaking out. 

I took another sip of my whisky to try and calm down. I was about to go to Isabela's house, but I knew that woman well and I knew she wouldn't like it one bit if someone saw me going into her house. 

But, damn it... 

Why doesn't she answer my calls?

Why doesn't she at least answer my messages? 

I'm even thinking that she's scared that I've declared myself and won't want to see me anymore... 

But she also declared herself and said she felt the same way. 

I don't understand...

What the hell could have happened? 

This morning everything was fine, and we arranged to see each other in the evening, as we have been doing for the last month, but now she won't answer me. 

I'd told her I wanted her to see my house. What an idiot! I'd prepared dinner for both of us and even decorated the house. 

Asshole. 

I got up from the sofa, shaking my glass to mix the whiskey with the ice, and turned it over in one go. 

I can't stand here and not know what happened... Isabela isn't the kind of woman who disappears without giving any satisfaction. If she hadn't wanted to meet me, she would have told me. 

I put the empty glass on the table, picked up my car keys and wallet, and left my house. 

(…)

I park my car across the street and watch her house from afar. The lights are on, which means she's home. Why the hell isn't she answering?

I tried calling her once more, but now it was falling straight through to voicemail.

I remembered her friend, Alex Roux. I looked him up on the Internet and soon got his number. I dialed the number and heard it ring.

"Hello," he said when he picked up. I sighed. "Who's that?" he asked.

"Alex, it's me. Noah." I said, looking at the house in front of me.

"Noah," he laughed nervously. "Where did you get my number?" He wanted to know.

"Sorry, Alex, but that's beside the point. I'm worried about Isabella..." I paused: "She's not answering me, nor does she reply to my messages. Do you know if anything has happened to her?"

Alex was silent for a long time, and I even checked to see if he had hung up.

"Alex?" I called him.

"She's fine," was the only thing he said. I felt a certain relief at hearing this, but my heart was still tight.

"Are you with her?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"No." He lied blatantly. His car was parked in front of Isabela's house, making it clear that he was there.

Why did he lie?

I wiped my hands across my face, nervous about this shitty situation.

“Hum,” I didn't know what to say. Was upset. “Alex, if you manage to talk to her, ask her to call or text me. I'm really worried.”

“Of course,” he just answered. I could sense that he was nervous for some reason, and I have to say that he's a terrible liar.

“Thanks, Alex,” I said before hanging up. “Shit!” I cursed, throwing my cell phone on the seat next to me. 

I thought and thought, but I couldn't find a good justification for being ignored by Isabela and for her friend having to lie to me. Of course, she doesn't want to talk to me. But why? What have I done? 

I avoided getting out of the car and knocking on his door. I started the car again and left the street, driving aimlessly through the city.

Let it hurt, but let it be the truth. Let her rip half my heart out, let me feel depressed and down for a while, but let it be reality. Even if I feel like I've been hit by a big truck, but don't make up lies. Don't lie to me. I accept going through everything, but I want the truth, I know I'll get my act together. I've always been honest with her and I expected the same. Lies don't reduce suffering; they increase it threefold.

I hardly realized, when I was in the bar I always used to go to before I met her, that every night or whenever I wanted to disappear into the world, I came here. A deserted bar. That's where I met her.

I got out of the car, putting my keys and wallet in my pants pocket. I walked into the bar and saw Liam wiping down the counter. As soon as the door made a noise when I entered, her eyes met mine.

“Wow, what a nice surprise, my friend!” Liam came around the counter and approached me. He shook my hand and gave me a brief hug. “You've been missing a lot lately. Why?”

“I'll have the strongest drink you've got.”

Liam stares at me for a while, surprised and suspicious. 

“What's going on?” He asked, turning back to the counter. He picks up an American glass in front of me and pours the yellow drink. 

“I'm being made a fool of,” I sighed tiredly, “and I can't even get angry with her. Who can? She's perfect.” I confessed, drinking all the liquid in the glass, and pointed to it, giving a clear signal for my friend to fill my glass again. 

“You're in love, my friend,” Liam says, pouring some more into my glass. 

“Why do you think that?” I asked. I already knew I loved that woman, but I wanted an outside opinion.

“Your eyes sparkle when you talk about her...”

“And you're right,” I laughed bitterly, “I do love her. But I don't think it's mutual... Well, until this morning I thought I was... but now everything's gone to shit...”

“Do you want to tell me what happened?”

“I want to get my fill,” I drank another glass. “Forget this fucking life!”

“Take it easy, my friend.” He put his hand on my shoulder.

“Fill the fuck-up for me!” I asked for another glass. 

Liam poured me another glass, but he looked at me reproachfully. 

“If you don't have people like me, you'll go bankrupt, my friend.” I joke. 

“I know, and I hate seeing people suffer. If I could, I'd take all the suffering out of the world.”

“Something impossible, I'd say.” Another glass.