36 - Distancing.

***POV ISABELA***

My life was turned upside down. One moment, I was the happiest person in the world, next to my husband; the next, I wanted him to stay as far away from me as possible. It became a mixture of emotions that I didn't understand, but after all his actions, I could finally see clearly.

I realized that I had become accustomed to having him by my side and that I would do anything to keep our marriage, not out of love, but out of habit.

I got attached because he became the center of my life. He became the most important thing to me, but in doing so, I lost my sparkle. We weren't as happy as we used to be. We argued about everything; any little thing turned into a fight. These arguments turned into fights, which then turned into insults. I blamed the world for his behavior and the way he treated me, and I began to think it was my fault.

Gradually, I stopped smiling as I used to. I wasn't happy, but I didn't realize it. Everyone around me noticed that I had lost my shine, my drive, and my determination to live and achieve my goals. Yet, I insisted on staying in this failed relationship—for myself, for him, and for our daughter.

I dimmed my light because I could no longer smile as before. I couldn't be that happy and determined in everything I did. But tell me, how can someone radiate brightness and happiness if they aren't happy? If they're going through things, they don't even understand or know why.

Years went by in this turbulent life, not knowing what was happening, but I just thought that if I had accepted to marry him, I had to make it work, no matter how. I just had to make it work.

I accepted insults, offenses, fights, and arguments that, in a sane coexistence, I would NEVER accept. But one thing I would never accept was betrayal. I would never accept it, and when I found out that Daniel was having an affair with his secretary, I made the decision I had been postponing for years. It was painful because it was a 15-year relationship, with a daughter involved. The process leading to the end was painful; I cried every day, but the breakup was the best thing that happened to me. Today, I smiled again, I shined again, and I regained my drive in life.

And then he surprised me once again, starting to have jealous fits because I was living my life and being happy. Worse were the threats he made; they shook me to my core. I know I wasn't the perfect wife; I had my faults, but I NEVER imagined he would say such words to me.

Now, after picking up the pieces, I ask for forgiveness from myself. I ask for forgiveness for having accepted and allowed myself to go through what I did with that man I once thought I loved. But today, I made a promise to myself that I would NEVER go through that again. For a man to be by my side, he will have to show and prove every point that I consider important to have him by my side. I will NEVER have to win over a man again. From now on, HE will have to win me over. He will have to be worthy of the AMAZING WOMAN THAT I AM, and no, this is not arrogance. This is being a mature woman who will NEVER again accept just anyone in her life.

“I don't want to bother you,” I hear Noah's voice. I turn my face towards the door where he had opened it slightly, peeking his head in. After Daniel left, I asked Noah to leave me alone. I needed to think. I didn't want to say anything that could hurt him.

“You can come in,” I got up from my bed and crossed my arms over my robe.

“Are you feeling better?” He seemed hesitant to talk to me.

“I managed to think a little,” I sighed. “I'm sorry for all this. I understand if you want to stay away...”

In two steps, Noah was in front of me.

“Are you crazy?” He asked. “That never crossed my mind! I've already told you how I feel, and I'm not leaving your side, even if you try to push me away,” he joked. I tried to keep a neutral expression but failed, and we ended up laughing together.

We stopped laughing and stared at each other for a few minutes. Noah raised his right arm and caressed my face.

“I'm with you, and I'm not giving up," he smiled.”

“Thank you... for everything.”

“Do you want to talk now?” He asked cautiously. He wanted to know why I was afraid around Daniel and why I felt cornered.

“There's not much to say...” I sighed. “My fear of Daniel is only because of my daughter. I'm afraid he'll turn her against me. I can't imagine my daughter hating me.”

“It's impossible for anyone to hate you.”

“Isis is her father's pet. She believes everything he says and always wants to please him. I'm afraid he'll poison her mind against me.”

“She's not a child anymore, Isa. Does she think that now that you've left her father, you'll stay single forever?” He asked.

“You're much younger than me, Noah. She would never accept it, and you know it's not just my daughter. Your father wouldn't accept it, and the press would tear us apart.”

“We've talked about this; let's keep everything under wraps,” he held my face to look into my eyes.

“It's no longer under wraps, Noah. Daniel found out! Do you think he won't blackmail me with this?”

He sighed and clenched his jaw, showing his irritation.

"What do you want to do?" He asked.

I looked away from him to the door, unable to look him in the eye.

"No," he said again, making me look at him. "Don't even think about saying what you're thinking," he pleaded.

"It'll be better," I said softly.

He shook his head quickly.

"Better for who? Tell me!" He was furious now.

"Don't complicate things," I ordered.

"I'm not going to accept losing you, Isa. I love you, damn it. Do you think I'm going to take that lightly?" He asked. His eyes were filling with tears.

"Can we give him some time to forget all this?" I suggested, my heart aching.

It wasn't what I wanted, but I couldn't lose my daughter's love.

"Are you thinking of leaving me?" He asked softly, his voice breaking.

"I'm sorry..." I begged.

"No," he took a step back. "I'm so tired, Isabela. Every time a barrier appears, you want to leave. Let's face it together!"

"I'm sorry if I'm too weak," I turned my back to him so he wouldn't see my watery eyes.

Like it or not, I was in love with him too.