CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT

Astra zipped up her box for the camp. She was ready to leave. She wrapped her hair hair up in a by and straightened her white shirt over her dark jean trousers.
'Are you set?" Jared asked from her living room. He had gotten to her place a little early.
'Yeah, I am good," she replied. Astra decided to forget all about what happened with Nicholas and move on. It did not really matter so much, and she was not exactly in her right senses when it happened, she could not also blame Nicholas either as she remembered inviting him to her bed. She also slept in the nude.
'Okay, then, let's get going," Jared said and helped her with her box. Astra wondered the reason why Nicholas wanted to make her jealous with Sarah as they got into the car. That part of the story was never really clear to her, she needed more validation in that respect.
'So tell me a bit about your friends, I don't want to be lost when I get there," Astra said. She really needed to stop thinking about Nicholas so much.
'Well, we are going with Ian, a very good friend of mine. He paints, but he is actually a resident doctor. He comes with his wife Patricia, they have two kids, a boy and a girl, but they usually leave them behind with Ian's parents," Jared started as they got into the car. They were driving to the cabin alone. So they were having a bit of a road trip.
'Then there is another of our friend, Wilson, he is coming with his fiancee, Rina, I would actually like to invite you as my date to his wedding," Jared said and Astra laughed, even though she was starting to get scared. She might be involving herself too deeply with him when she was not totally sure that she would be with him till the very end. If she was not sure she was even in love with him. She was still in love with Nicholas.
'And then there is Roger, but his wife, Jocelyn, just had a baby, and so he would not be able to make it," Jared said and Astra sighed.
'So many names. I hope I will be able to keep up," Astra said. Deep down, she was even more scared. Everyone else was bringing their wives or fiancee as their significant other. And Jared was bringing her. It was obvious that he looked at her in that respect, a wife to be or something like that. Astra was not sure what to do with that information.
'I am a bit nervous now," Astra said out loud. Jared was easy to talk to, it was one of the things that she liked about him, she could just go and on without feeling self conscious.
'Relax, everything would be fine. I am also kind of nervous too, and their my friends," Jared admitted after trying to encourage her. Astra rolled her eyes at his admission. It seemed the nerves were general.
Astra could not help herself, she laughed. 'Funny that you are telling me to relax," she said.
'We should talk, talking helps to calm the nerves," Jared said and Astra raised an eyebrow at him. Where did he hear that? Maybe distraction did help to calm the nerves, and talking was a distraction.
'Okay. So ask me a question," she said and Jared smiled.
'A little bird told me that you had to do plastic surgery. That you didn't always look like this. I don't take you for the vain type and I was not sure whether to believe them or not," Jared said and Astra frowned. It occurred to her then that Jared did not know much about her. He knew that she was once with Nicholas but he didn't know about the plastic surgery.
'I was in a fire accident. I was very down and depressed about the fire accident amongst other things and I was drunk. I sincerely do not remember how the fire started. It was my neighbour who saved me and bought me to the hospital. The situation was already very bad by then. My skin was already badly damaged and I lives that way for a while until, my alimony with Nicholas came. It was so much money, a friend suggested I use part of it for the surgery. I was able to get a discount of sorts," Astra said and she saw pity in Jared's eyes, she realized that she did not like it, not one bit.
'I am sorry to hear that. I would have not imagined. People can be very harsh with their judgments," Jared said and Astra agreed with him. People could be very judgmental without knowing the details. Astra hadn't even told him the entire story. She was not ready to tell him all the details yet.
'That's true," Astra agreed.
'I am sorry if it was a sensitive topic for you. It must have been a gruesome experience," Jared said. Gruesome did not begin to cover the experience. It was painful and scary, she felt like she was seeing death. The smoke was choking and almost killing her, and she hated herself for so long. She hated her body, she hated her mental health. She wanted to commit suicide for so long, it had taken her so long to normalize and love her self again.
'It was a hard time, but I have moved on and I am grateful," Astra said.
'That's nice. I don't even have any scars of the sort, so I can't totally say I understand. The only thing I have that is relatively close to a burn is when I fell from a tree when I was young, I broke my arm, I still have the scar from then," Jared said and Astra smiled. She was quite like a boy when she was a child and fell from a lot of places.
'My sisters were very girly girls and being a boy felt like rebellion. So it seemed like I had to do everything and then more. I was actually quite stubborn, made my parents go crazy," Jared said and Astra laughed. She could barely picture Jared as a stubborn child, he was so calm now as an adult.
'Wow, I did rebel a lot, but that was because I sensed that my parents preferred Charise to me. It did not help that I was actually right," Astra said. Her parents had not been the best kind and it still affected her as she did not know to react to unadulterated love. It still scared her.
'You have been through a lot Astra. I want to make it better," Jared said and Astra could not help her sigh. Jared did not know half of what she had been through. She was truly broken. She did not know if anyone could help her.
'I really want this to work Jared. I do," Astra admitted. Her heart was just too stubborn, it was loyal to a fault. Nicholas had hurt her multiple times but she still loved him, it was crazy.
'I think we will be able to make this work, you just need to put your mind to it," Jared said and Astra nodded. Easier said than done.
'I will try my best Jared," she said. Her best did not guarantee anything. The rest of the ride was so quiet that she fell asleep on the way.
'We are here, Astra," Jared said as he tapped her awake. Astra yawned as she looked around. The cabin looked very stylish, much more than she expected. It looked like a vacation house. Two other cars were already parked in front of the house. Astra figured they were Jared's friends.
'Finally," she said as she yawned.
Astra stood up and walked to the house with Jared. Astra could feel her heart beating in succession. It was terrible. She was so scared. She felt they would see through her walls and know that she did not love or deserve Jared and then she would be alone at the end. Astra did not remember being so scared, except when she met Nicholas' mother and she was quite a formidable woman. It was justified for her to be scared.
'Jared! And this should be Astra!" A small pixie like woman said as they entered into the house in a high pitched voice. Her hair was obviously dyed red and she looked like she belonged in a cartoon.
The lady enveloped Astra in a warm hug and Astra could not help but cringe. The lady was giving her pure unadulterated love and she was a farce. Everything about her was fake.
'I am Tricia. Ian's wife. Jared has told us so much about you," she said in a chirpy voice. Astra panicked for a moment. What had Jared told them about her? She wondered.
'Oh that's nice," she said. Before she could even process the entire situation, three other people came into the living room. Two very masculine looking men and a tall and very beautiful woman. She would have never imagined that someone so huge would paint. Her image of Jared's friends were lean and feminine looking men. She would have never imagined those macho looking men and one of them was a doctor.
'Good morning, Astra. I am Ian," the red head amongst the two men said. He even had a Scottish accent. Astra almost melted into a puddle, he was so hot. And to think he was a doctor.
Ian walked to her and gave her a bear hug, one equally as warm as his wife gave her.
'My name is Wilson," the other man said in what sounded like a French accent, he then took her hand and kissed her fingers. He actually seemed like an artist.
'And this is my lovely wife, Rina," Wilson said introducing the tall and beautiful woman.
'I can introduce myself, Will," Rina said with a cheeky smile before bringing her into a hug. It was warm as Tricia's.
'Don't hurt Jared. He doesn't deserve it," Rina said and Astra frowned. She felt guilt immediately.
Astra did not know how to react to the little threat.
'Did Rina just threaten you?" Wilson asked. It seemed like her expression have her away and everyone burst into laughter.
'Don't mind Rina, she is always so protective of Jared," Wilson said and Astra calmed. She was wondering if it was a sign that she should leave Jared after all. Maybe it was.
'Relax, Astra," Jared said and she nodded. She just had to relax.
CAHPTER THIRTY-NINE
Astra could say that she enjoyed the weekend with Jared and his friends. Apart from the awkward moment when Rina had warned her not to hurt Jared, everything else was fine. They seemed to take her like a sister and that was something that was rare to Astra. Like it barely ever happened that someone would take her so closely.
She even had some painting classes from the men and even bonded with the ladies. Both Tricia and Rina were actually good artists, something that Astra did not expect.
The weekend was full of laughter and vibes. She did not expect it to be so fun. She even grew closer to Jared. Astra was not still very comfortable with physical touch from him, but she could talk to him more, it was easy for her to tell him about Nicholas and about her family.
She learnt to make a few dishes from Tricia and Rina, and she as officially invited to Rina's wedding. It was not something that she would miss. Astra began to view herself with Jared. It was so easy to imagine herself as his girlfriend and they would go on dates, talk have fun. She even took a stretch and started imagining him as her
fiancee, as her husband. It was all so easy. She could bring herself to love him eventually and they would have children together.
Astra was all but day dreaming as she sat on her desk at her office. It was Monday but she had absolutely nothing to do, it seemed like the company knew that she would soon be gone and so they were preparing themselves for the outcome. Astra had not heard from Nicholas since that night and she did not have any plans of contacting him. She heard later that Thompson was missing and a missing person complaint was laid. It got her thinking that he just disappeared after telling her all of that. It was scary. Astra felt that he was kidnapped, but by who?
She was still pondering on her thoughts when her phone rang. It was Stephanie.
'Hey, babe. How are you?" Astra asked as she picked up the phone Ray was not still back and Steph's plans to leave him where going as planned. She had already gotten a place that she would stay. She was just looking for an opportunity to travel so that she would move.
'Ray is back Astra. I am scared. It doesn't seem like he suspects anything, and I don't know what to do, should I approach him, should I tell him that I am tired of the marriage, should I leave? I don't know Astra, I am scared," Stephanie said. Her voice was shaky and Astra could hear the fear in her voice.
'Relax Stephanie. Everything will be fine. Act as though everything is normal. That would be best. And when he is leaving next, you can leave then. That would be the best course of action. It would be a while before he would suspect that you are gone. Just try and act like everything is normal, for yourself and for your baby," Astra said. She figured it was better that your husband should throw you out than for you to literally run from him, and that was what Steph was facing.
'I don't know if I can pretend anymore. I just want to leave," Stephanie said, and Astra shook her head. From what she heard from Stephanie. It would not be sensible to just say that she wanted to leave. Ray would take it the wrong way and something will happen to her.
'You have been with him for so long Stephanie. Just a few weeks and I am sure he would be gone again. He never stays long. Do this for your baby Steph," Astra said.
'I will try Astra, just pray for me," Stephanie said.
'I will Steph, I will," Astra said. The thought of suing Ray to court came to her, but being in the system made her know that was not how it worked, and it was not so easy. She endured for so long, she was also so dependent on him. Stephanie may come out with nothing at the end.
After Astra ended the call, she took a deep breath and tried to calm herself. It hurt her that her friend was going through so much. It did not help that it was that time of the year again, her emotions were all disorganized. Astra walked into the bathroom as she could feel tears threaten to fall. She looked in the mirror and she could see red eyes that had seen much more than her time. All Astra wanted was to be happy, but she was so broken that it was almost impossible.
Astra touched her stomach and remembered once when it was swollen with child, she was still heartbroken about Nicholas then and for a while she hated the pregnancy, she did not want to birth the child. She would have opted for an abortion if it were not too late. It took a while for her to accept fate and that the child was part of her too, little did she know that even after acceptance, her child would be taken from her, and twice too. Life was too painful.
She washed her face with water and walked back to her desk only to see Jared standing in front of her cubicle with a concerned look on his face.
'What is wrong?" Jared asked her and she shook her head. He looked at her with patience and understanding eyes.
'Are you hungry? Should I get you lunch?" He asked instead.
'Let's go together then," Astra replied. The office was choking her.
'Do you want to get Chinese food again?" Jared asked as they walked out of the company and Astra shook her head.
'Can I drive? I want to go somewhere," Astra said. It did not matter to her that it would be far and that they might not be able to come back to work, she was not exactly in the right frame of mine.
'Okay sure," Jared said. He seemed the read the room.
'I was pregnant when Nicholas and I got divorced," Astra said as they started moving.
'What?" Jared asked. He was clearly shocked.
'He threw you out of his house knowing that you were pregnant? He is such a bastard!" Jared exclaimed and Astra shook her head.
'He didn't know I was pregnant. I don't know if it would have changed anything, but he didn't know," Astra said.
'Okay," Jared said. She knew the next question he wanted to ask was, what happened to the baby? But she also knew that it would be awkward and he wouldn't want that.
'Aileen would have turned four, three months ago," Astra said and Jared sighed. There were not so far anymore. She could feel tears dropping from her eyes. Losing a child was not what would wish for her enemies. She had almost gone crazy then.
'I am sorry," Jared said.
'I somehow managed to carry full term even though I was severely depressed. Holding her in my arms seemed to alleviate my depression. I was finally happy again, thinks were looking better. I was thinking of opening a book store so I could take care of her and still work, everything was going to plan, until it all turned in disarray," Astra said. She parked in front of the cemetery where Aileen laid. She needed to see her baby.
'I am sorry Astra," Jared said again, and Astra cleaned her tears before coming out of the car, and walking into the cemetery with Jared.
Aileen Tiana Michealson. In as much as she hated Nicholas then, she still had to admit that she was his daughter.
'Oh Aileen," she said as she knelt at her daughter's grave, the tears flowed hot and fast, she could not help herself, and to think that she had to pass through this pain again.
'I am so sorry I was not enough Aileen, mommy is so sorry," Astra said as she cried on the tombstone. Her heart broke as she felt the pain of her daughter being taken away from her again. It was as though she was feeling her daughter's cold body again. Astra did not like the feeling.
Astra felt Jared come close and wrap her in his arms, the feeling was warm, and though he was not the man she wanted beside her, she loved him in another way.
'She was already three months old you see, she was already trying to sit up, and her grip was getting strong, she would hold on to my finger and not want to let go, she would open her mouth in a toothless smile, she would tap on whatever surface she could bet her hands on, it was so fascination to me, the gift of being a mother and just like that It was taken away from me," Astra said as she cried in Jared's arms. It had been four years since she died. The pain did not seem to lessen. Astra could only hope that it would not hurt this much when it was ten years since she died.
'I am so sorry Astra, I don't know what to say, fate has not been nice to you," Jared said and Astra agreed. Fate had not been nice to her. All her life was from one problem to the other. Astra wanted rest, she need her happily ever after, that was what she truly wanted.
'I agree," Astra said. She did not want something like this to happen to Stephanie. Especially not because of Ray, she did not want her friend to feel this amount of pain. She had been through a lot too.
'I just want to be happy at the end. I am sure that is not so much to ask," Astra said, tears flowing down her eyes.
'I will make you happy Astra, I will try my best to make sure that you are happy," Jared said.
'I will try my best to make sure that you don't cry anymore, that you don't feel this much pain," he continued.
Astra was sure that he would keep his end of his promise. She trusted him that much, but would she let him love her? That was not a question Astra was sure she could answer.
'Let's go home Jared," she said instead. She needed some rethinking to do.