CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE

Astra could say that she enjoyed the weekend with Jared and his friends. Apart from the awkward moment when Rina had warned her not to hurt Jared, everything else was fine. They seemed to take her like a sister and that was something that was rare to Astra. Like it barely ever happened that someone would take her so closely.
She even had some painting classes from the men and even bonded with the ladies. Both Tricia and Rina were actually good artists, something that Astra did not expect.
The weekend was full of laughter and vibes. She did not expect it to be so fun. She even grew closer to Jared. Astra was not still very comfortable with physical touch from him, but she could talk to him more, it was easy for her to tell him about Nicholas and about her family.
She learnt to make a few dishes from Tricia and Rina, and she as officially invited to Rina's wedding. It was not something that she would miss. Astra began to view herself with Jared. It was so easy to imagine herself as his girlfriend and they would go on dates, talk have fun. She even took a stretch and started imagining him as her
fiancee, as her husband. It was all so easy. She could bring herself to love him eventually and they would have children together.
Astra was all but day dreaming as she sat on her desk at her office. It was Monday but she had absolutely nothing to do, it seemed like the company knew that she would soon be gone and so they were preparing themselves for the outcome. Astra had not heard from Nicholas since that night and she did not have any plans of contacting him. She heard later that Thompson was missing and a missing person complaint was laid. It got her thinking that he just disappeared after telling her all of that. It was scary. Astra felt that he was kidnapped, but by who?
She was still pondering on her thoughts when her phone rang. It was Stephanie.
"Hey, babe. How are you?" Astra asked as she picked up the phone Ray was not still back and Steph's plans to leave him where going as planned. She had already gotten a place that she would stay. She was just looking for an opportunity to travel so that she would move.
"Ray is back Astra. I am scared. It doesn't seem like he suspects anything, and I don't know what to do, should I approach him, should I tell him that I am tired of the marriage, should I leave? I don't know Astra, I am scared," Stephanie said. Her voice was shaky and Astra could hear the fear in her voice.
"Relax Stephanie. Everything will be fine. Act as though everything is normal. That would be best. And when he is leaving next, you can leave then. That would be the best course of action. It would be a while before he would suspect that you are gone. Just try and act like everything is normal, for yourself and for your baby," Astra said. She figured it was better that your husband should throw you out than for you to literally run from him, and that was what Steph was facing.
"I don't know if I can pretend anymore. I just want to leave," Stephanie said, and Astra shook her head. From what she heard from Stephanie. It would not be sensible to just say that she wanted to leave. Ray would take it the wrong way and something will happen to her.
"You have been with him for so long Stephanie. Just a few weeks and I am sure he would be gone again. He never stays long. Do this for your baby Steph," Astra said.
"I will try Astra, just pray for me," Stephanie said.
"I will Steph, I will," Astra said. The thought of suing Ray to court came to her, but being in the system made her know that was not how it worked, and it was not so easy. She endured for so long, she was also so dependent on him. Stephanie may come out with nothing at the end.
After Astra ended the call, she took a deep breath and tried to calm herself. It hurt her that her friend was going through so much. It did not help that it was that time of the year again, her emotions were all disorganized. Astra walked into the bathroom as she could feel tears threaten to fall. She looked in the mirror and she could see red eyes that had seen much more than her time. All Astra wanted was to be happy, but she was so broken that it was almost impossible.
Astra touched her stomach and remembered once when it was swollen with child, she was still heartbroken about Nicholas then and for a while she hated the pregnancy, she did not want to birth the child. She would have opted for an abortion if it were not too late. It took a while for her to accept fate and that the child was part of her too, little did she know that even after acceptance, her child would be taken from her, and twice too. Life was too painful.
She washed her face with water and walked back to her desk only to see Jared standing in front of her cubicle with a concerned look on his face.
"What is wrong?" Jared asked her and she shook her head. He looked at her with patience and understanding eyes.
"Are you hungry? Should I get you lunch?" He asked instead.
"Let's go together then," Astra replied. The office was choking her.
"Do you want to get Chinese food again?" Jared asked as they walked out of the company and Astra shook her head.
"Can I drive? I want to go somewhere," Astra said. It did not matter to her that it would be far and that they might not be able to come back to work, she was not exactly in the right frame of mine.
"Okay sure," Jared said. He seemed the read the room.
"I was pregnant when Nicholas and I got divorced," Astra said as they started moving.
"What?" Jared asked. He was clearly shocked.
"He threw you out of his house knowing that you were pregnant? He is such a bastard!" Jared exclaimed and Astra shook her head.
"He didn't know I was pregnant. I don't know if it would have changed anything, but he didn't know," Astra said.
"Okay," Jared said. She knew the next question he wanted to ask was, what happened to the baby? But she also knew that it would be awkward and he wouldn't want that.
"Aileen would have turned four, three months ago," Astra said and Jared sighed. There were not so far anymore. She could feel tears dropping from her eyes. Losing a child was not what would wish for her enemies. She had almost gone crazy then.
"I am sorry," Jared said.
"I somehow managed to carry full term even though I was severely depressed. Holding her in my arms seemed to alleviate my depression. I was finally happy again, thinks were looking better. I was thinking of opening a book store so I could take care of her and still work, everything was going to plan, until it all turned in disarray," Astra said. She parked in front of the cemetery where Aileen laid. She needed to see her baby.
"I am sorry Astra," Jared said again, and Astra cleaned her tears before coming out of the car, and walking into the cemetery with Jared.
Aileen Tiana Michealson. In as much as she hated Nicholas then, she still had to admit that she was his daughter.
"Oh Aileen," she said as she knelt at her daughter's grave, the tears flowed hot and fast, she could not help herself, and to think that she had to pass through this pain again.
"I am so sorry I was not enough Aileen, mommy is so sorry," Astra said as she cried on the tombstone. Her heart broke as she felt the pain of her daughter being taken away from her again. It was as though she was feeling her daughter's cold body again. Astra did not like the feeling.
Astra felt Jared come close and wrap her in his arms, the feeling was warm, and though he was not the man she wanted beside her, she loved him in another way.
"She was already three months old you see, she was already trying to sit up, and her grip was getting strong, she would hold on to my finger and not want to let go, she would open her mouth in a toothless smile, she would tap on whatever surface she could bet her hands on, it was so fascination to me, the gift of being a mother and just like that It was taken away from me," Astra said as she cried in Jared's arms. It had been four years since she died. The pain did not seem to lessen. Astra could only hope that it would not hurt this much when it was ten years since she died.
"I am so sorry Astra, I don't know what to say, fate has not been nice to you," Jared said and Astra agreed. Fate had not been nice to her. All her life was from one problem to the other. Astra wanted rest, she need her happily ever after, that was what she truly wanted.
"I agree," Astra said. She did not want something like this to happen to Stephanie. Especially not because of Ray, she did not want her friend to feel this amount of pain. She had been through a lot too.
"I just want to be happy at the end. I am sure that is not so much to ask," Astra said, tears flowing down her eyes.
"I will make you happy Astra, I will try my best to make sure that you are happy," Jared said.
"I will try my best to make sure that you don't cry anymore, that you don't feel this much pain," he continued.
Astra was sure that he would keep his end of his promise. She trusted him that much, but would she let him love her? That was not a question Astra was sure she could answer.
"Let's go home Jared," she said instead. She needed some rethinking to do.