Chapter 35: RISING OF THE PHOENIX

The only thing that got her through was the fact she didn"t want to keep going around in circles anymore. She didn"t want to keep analyzing and doing a stock-take of all that Laura and Valerie said and all that had happened between her and Leo.
That was when Rachel began to shift her focus, consciously moving on from what had happened to what would be happening in just a few short months.
She began focusing on the type of mother she wanted to be, planning how she wanted the baby and her life to look, restructuring the vision for her future to be just the two of them.
She also knew that in her current state of mind she wouldn't be able to be the mother that she wanted to be.
So, after taking stock of the current state of her mind, she realized that she had about six months of pregnancy left, which meant she had six months to heal herself to be able to be the best version of herself for her baby.
She sat and planned about the type of life she wanted to provide the baby. She spent endless hours scribbling down hopes and dreams for their future together.
What that exercise of mind did was, it shifted her focus from the past to all that would be happening in the future and working on the present.
Shifting her focus wasn't that easy for Rachel; it was almost like re-training her brain.
But just shifting her focus from past to present helped her to make space for her heart first to heal and then to allow it to open again for academic and personal struggles.
Rachel got a scholarship to an exclusive private university meant for the incredibly wealthy.
Little did she know how much those wealthy, pampered students hated students coming from economically poor families.
She learned firsthand how single mothers were vilified in society. She experienced people's negative judgments who made it clear that they thought she was heading for a failure in life and career, assassinating her character with every available opportunity.
Rachel believed that being a single mom would be challenging but it also couldn't be denied that if she worked hard and prioritized right, she could achieve and succeed as a solo and sole caregiver.
In spite of all the struggles and sarcasm she faced, she got good grades in academics and stood up for herself.
Rachel made a name for herself by being a university valedictorian and an exemplary ideal for women empowerment.
Before she left the university after completing her masters, she was invited for an interactive question answer session with the freshers coming to join the university in the auditorium.
"Rachel, were you a teen mom, still studying in high school ?" asked a student.
"No. I already had a Bachelors degree and was about to pursue my Masters degree when I got pregnant. Once I got my mind in order, I accepted being a mother and became determined to continue my educational journey after graduating," Rachel replied.
"You're a single mom, so was it easy to stand on your own without a partner ?" the host asked after introducing Rachel to the audience.
"No, it wasn't easy. I had lost a man, a friend, a partner, but I soon realized that I hadn"t lost myself," Rachel responded in echo of grand applause.
"How did you move forward ?" asked a student from the audience.
"So, I embarked on a quest to reclaim myself, to turn this breakup and pain into an opportunity for renewal and self-discovery, rather than an excuse to feel sorry for myself. I tried all sorts of things, from reconnecting with old friends to blocking my ex on every single social media channel imaginable," Rachel explained.
"Is pregnancy a hindrance in achieving your personal or professional goals ?" asked another student.
"My answer would be no". It"s never, ever been a hindrance. It never was a hindrance. I'm proof of that. Not in any way has it come in the choices that I've made. Being married or single, when I decided to have a child, I don"t think any of it had any bearing on my professional life. People around me had a lot more to say, but it didn"t have any bearing on my professional life," Rachel asserted.
"In retrospect, how do you see yourself as a single pregnant girl who had to fend for herself ?" asked a girl who was in quite a later stage of pregnancy herself.
"Being left pregnant was the most beautiful undoing of my life which helped me to build it into the masterpiece that it is now. But all said and done, it's also about your level of perception and conviction that how you choose to see all the good, " Rachel replied.
"How is it in your case ?" asked the same student.
"It basically forced me to step out of my comfort zone, to go for it alone, to seek happiness within my heart. It made me see through myself and the level of my strength in a completely new light," Rachel replied confidently.
"How has your academic journey been ?" asked a boy sitting in the audience.
"I earned a Masters degree in one year, and went on to enroll in a doctoral degree. In essence, I graduated from college faster than virtually all students in my entering classes- married, divorced, single, and with and without a child," Rachel said.
"How did you support yourself and your baby financially ?" asked another student.
"I supported myself and my baby by taking tuition classes in my neighborhood.
I worked from home, teaching English online to kids in different parts of the world," Rachel answered.
"Then how did you manage your own studies and college attendance ?" asked a curious student.
"Monday through Saturday, I used to wake up and start teaching at 3:30 am and I was done by 6:15 am. And then, I used to do weekend evening classes that went from 7-9 pm. It was a crazy schedule but my little one was always sleeping while I worked and then I also had all day to attend college and play with my baby boy in the evening !" responded Rachel in the midst of all appreciation.
"What was the hardest part of being a mom ?" asked another pregnant student.
"Probably the hardest part was hearing my son, Alex say, It"s okay, Mommy, I know you have to study," when he wanted to play or whenever I was still catching up for an exam," Rachel shared.
"What helped you to cope up with the stress during that time," asked a student sitting in the front row.
"I used to scroll online to learn from several dozen single parents who shared their stories and challenges and they are all successful personally and professionally," Rachel said.
"Do you think that these sites glorify single parenting ?" the host of the show questioned.
"No ! They didn"t glorify single parent families or two-parent families. The authors who were single parents wanted their stories to be told; they wanted their successes to be noted; they wanted to encourage other children and families to do their best under any given circumstances," Rachel firmly replied.
"And that is why you agreed to collaborate with us on this piece of interactive session ?" the host asked.
"Yes, sharing my journey with you all is cathartic and refreshing. I'm giving voice to the voiceless and to those who have been silenced based on this or that study and report on single parenting," Rachel responded. "I'm sharing all of this because when people hear the phrase "single mother," it often evokes images of failure and hardship. I've challenged the stereotype of what a single mom is," she added.
"Do you think those who grow up in single-parent homes due to divorce or loss of a loved one are not as negatively stereotyped as those who have children 'out of wedlock', which is a phrase that makes us cringe even today," asked a single mom.
"I can identify with all of the negative and dismal comments you might face as a single mom. I was determined, like you, to defy those stereotypes and associated odds. This isn't the lottery yet the odds are real. I was going to gamble, so to speak, on beating the odds that said I couldn't win and succeed at reaching my goals," said Rachel in the midst of thundering applause.
"What is your mantra for being happy ?" the host asked the final question.
"Being happy doesn"t mean forgetting everything that came before happiness. Being happy sometimes depends on accessing painful memories and feelings, even when they are ancient history. If you take in your experiences instead of treating it like a tragedy or trying to control or change it, you'll know in your heart how much you've grown and healed."
Rachel was at that stage now where she had a lucrative job and little stability with her toddler in personal life. She had never been happier in her life as she got to do something she always loved personally and professionally.
She spent her days inspiring other women how to move through hurt or how to reach their full potential in business or life and be finally at peace again.
Rachel admitted to having more money than she knew what to do with and it's a stark contrast to when she lived on an empty stomach or one meal per day in the university.
Rachel never used her money to enforce any sort of power dynamic. It was just a thing she had and it soon became a vehicle to alleviate some stressful issues that plague those who are economically poor.
Today, after seeing Leo, Rachel thought about how her life would have panned out if they had stayed together.