Chapter 15: Why can’t I hate him?

Kara’s POV:

My heart thumped aloud with extreme fear and anxiety when I heard Duke Orville’s stern question. Since the moment I entered the manor last night as per Arnold’s deal, I knew I must stay hidden from everyone’s eyes, especially from the Grand Duke, or else it might endanger my life… But falling victim in the hands of my wretched fate, not only I was discovered by him, but I also ended up sleeping with the Duke himself!

Darn it! But amidst the anxiety gushing inside me, I knew there was no way I could tell the truth about the deal Arnold proposed to me last night. Otherwise, who knows I might end up getting even stricter punishment when his son is at fault again!

“Didn’t you hear my question?” While I was fidgeting and twitching my fingertips, I heard Duke’s cold rumble once again which ran a dreadful shiver down my spine. He seemed quite vexed when I lifted my fearful eyes at him, as he further added, “I clearly remember giving you the order to stay at the garden hut. Then, what were you doing inside the manor last night, without my permission?”

My lips pursed when an idea struck my mind, and I quivered in a clumsy voice, “I…I…p-picked the backdoor lock to come inside here.”

“What?” I felt his icy glare fixated on me, while his facial expression darkened a little. Keeping a brief pause, he questioned, “You picked the door lock? But why?”

“W-What other choice did I have?” I knew if I had opted to lie, I would stand on my ground to face him confidently without catching suspicion.

Holding up my sorrowful gaze, I mumbled, “It was too cold outside last night, probably the coldest night of the year. Without a furnace or a heater, my body was freezing up from the cold, and it led me to think that perhaps I wouldn’t be able to make it through the night! Besides, I had been starving for days… Thus, to save myself, I had no other choice but to pick the backdoor lock to come inside. I know I am being shameless, but I didn’t have any other choice…”

I dared not to look into his eyes as I blurted out those excuses, but I could feel his ocean eyes intensely gawking at me. My legs started trembling from fear while I bowed my head down, and pleaded, “I know I shouldn’t have disobeyed your command, Master. I am truly sorry, I know you must be too irked with me at this point, but please…do not give me the death penalty, I beg you—”

“Did you eat or drink something here?”

But before I could finish my plea, I was hit with another stern question from him, which mustered my courage to finally meet his gaze. This time, his eyes weren’t glowering his contempt and hatred, but they looked sincerely concerned for me. Does that mean, he’s buying my excuses?

Holding onto my grim expression, I murmured to him, “I…was badly starving, so I stole a glass of milk and a few cookies from the kitchen. Other than that, I really didn’t touch any other food, Master…”

His grimace turned a bit darker from my answer when he uttered in a cold note, “You do realize that you weren’t acting like your usual self, last night, right?”

Lifting my flustered face down from him, I could understand he wanted to point out how humiliatingly I seduced him last night. I must have been really out of my mind to commit such a fatal mistake.

But now when I have a chance to speak up, I confessed, “Yes, Master. I..know I must have acted very indecently last night, and…I don’t have words to put in my defense. I know you must be very disgusted with me, but please trust me…I didn’t know what I was doing! My body reacted on its own as if I was possessed, and…and…I…”

“I didn’t find you disgusting.” This time I was taken aback by Duke’s sudden declaimation that rendered me speechless for a brief moment. When I lifted my head up, I saw him standing up from his chair and calmly walking towards me, “There might be a possibility that you were drugged last night.”

Drugged? I only ate the almond milk and cookies that were delivered to Arnold’s room, so who would bother to drug me? And if that was Arnold’s doing, then shouldn’t he have tried to pounce on me in the garden hut, rather than bringing me here? No…this really doesn’t make any sense.

However, upon reaching close to me, I saw Duke’s expression had turned quite remorseful this time. He fixated his concerned gaze on me while his words sounded sincere, “I am not holding you accountable alone for what happened between us last night because I also feel equally responsible for it. We did commit a grave mistake, and it shouldn’t happen ever again. I know you must feel contempt towards me now, right?”

I don’t know why I felt a throbbing pain deep down my heart when I heard Duke’s words this time. Indeed the night we spent together was a mistake, but I know I have given all of my firsts to this man willingly, it wasn’t forced on me.

But now that I hear from him directly, I wonder…why don’t I feel disgusted being held by him? Even when my entire body is sore and aching, why can’t my heart hate him?