21

Adeline looks to her best friend Maddy, and then to me, standing on her other side. She clutches her gorgeous bouquet tightly. We’re dressed with no less class, in lilac gowns from the same designer. As I step, the hem kicks out and flows around me. It’s different to the jeans and hoodie I wear day to day.

“Well, here goes everything,” Adeline whispers.

“You can do it, babe,” Maddy says.

Our feet tap over the shining wooden boards as we cross the dance floor to where Dad waits. Standing next to him, Tophy smirks at me. I stifle the urge to poke my tongue out at him. Lily clears her throat and Tophy loses his smirk. I let my own grin play in my lips and laugh to myself. Sucker. Tophy sees me. His eyes narrow and I know he’s not going to forget. That’s okay, I’ll sit next to Lily all night. If she tells Tophy to knock it off, he’ll contain himself. Next to Lily sits her friend, Jen, whom I’ve met these last three days while we’ve been getting ready for today. Her bubbly personality and general quirkiness has had me in stitches.

I mentally list off everyone sitting on that table as my friends. My family.

I register the thirty or so people scattered on other tables as silhouettes. I know them all well. Goods friends of Dad and Tophy’s, one or two very close business people who go way back to when Dad first started Blue Sky, and who he would classify as his friends. It’s a small wedding. Especially small considering its for one of New York’s biggest and richest bachelors, but Dad and Adeline only wanted their closest here. Adeline’s mother is her only family. The last thing Tophy would do is invite his parents. And Dad and I have each other.

I can’t help but notice the stunning decor that surrounds us. The air is heavy with the scent of fresh flowers—roses, peonies, and orchids. Flower arrangements matching Adeline’s bouquet cover the banisters. Artful, huge vases filled with fresh flowers are set on each table. The space is filled with elegant art deco details, from the bold geometric patterns in the marquetry floor to the impressive chandeliers that hang from the ceiling. The room is furnished with comfortable yet stylish velvet couches and chairs in deep jewel tones, which are offset by the stunning gold accents throughout the space. Everywhere I look, I see little touches that reflect the glamour and sophistication of the 1920s, from the gleaming brass sculptures to the sleek black granite bar top. This place truly defines luxury and opulence. I’m amazed, and yet not, that Dad considers this a small venue that would still hold three times more guests than our small wedding party.

Despite the opulence and the closeness of everyone here, a slither of loneliness slides through me. Distance greater than the physical miles that separate Jonathan and me started that Sunday when I asked him to build a business with me. For the millionth time, I wish I could go back in time and unsay those words.

In the two weeks since, he’s been caring. Gentle. Loving. We make love every day, but I still leave his apartment before dawn under cover of darkness so no one sees us. He studies our surroundings before he reaches for me. He averts his gaze when I walk into his lecture room. I’m still his student and he’s still my professor. He’s always careful no one should know about us. It’s not the same as those few sweet, carefree days in the cottage by the lake. Wish we could always be there.

Logically, I know it has to be this way, but my heart is not my brain. A crack has webbed between us and I don’t know how it can ever heal. The longer we’re like this, the thicker and more scarred that crack will become.

I always come to the same conclusion.

It hurts to know there is no future between us.

I want there to be one. But that is the impossible wish.

A small band set unobtrusively along the back wall plays Etta James’ ‘At Last’ and a woman begins to sing. Dad gathers Adeline against him and kisses her when she approaches him.

“Dad, you were meant to wait for the ‘now I announce you husband and wife’ part before you kiss her,” I laugh.

“Since when have I ever been one for propriety?” he says. My dad is joking. He’s so alive. So happy it makes my heart burst to see it. Adeline did this for him.

“I’m not meant to see my father kiss my stepmother,” I say.

Adeline eyes flare. “You take that back. You’re my best friend. Not my daughter.”

“Hey, I thought I was your best friend.” Maddy winks at me.

“The two of you can be both be my best friend. Equal, at the same time. Just like Dominic is my best friend and my husband.” Adeline places her palm on Dad’s chest. He smiles down at her, indulgence plastered on his face.

“Not yet, you’re not.” I raise my brow and she laughs.

The celebrant clears her throat and looks over the tops of her gold-rimmed glasses. “Which is exactly why we’re all here. Shall we proceed?”

“Good idea.” Tophy knocks Dad with his well-tailored shoulder. “You’ve got the rest of your life. I, for one, would like to end the formal part of the night and get to the food service.”

“Looks like I’ve been told and I’m only too happy to comply,” Dad says.

Adeline hands Maddy her bouquet and we both step to the side, while Tophy stands back a little near Dad. Dad collects Adeline’s hands in his and I witness their pure love for each other. I imagine swirls of pink and golden sparkles flowing around them as their words and love bind them together for the rest of their lives.

Dad swoops in for a lingering kiss and when Adeline eventually draws back, she has to blink to clear her eyes. The photographer subtly directs us as he wants us and takes photos that only we’ll see. A few of our friends take photos on their cell phones. A twinge of discomfort tenses me, but these are people I’ve known most of my life, and never once has anything been leaked to the public about me. I know it’s difficult, but Dad has always respected my privacy.

Then I step back and the photographer takes the official photos he’ll send to Blue Sky’s publicity team. While that’s happening, I sit next to Lily. Just like Dad lights up around Adeline, Tophy lights up in the same way with Lily.

It does my heart good to trash talk Tophy with Lily while he’s stuck with the photographer. He’s within hearing distance and he can’t do a thing about it. Lily catches on and I spend an amusing half hour watching Tophy squirm. The photographer releases both him and Maddy to take some couple shots with Dad and Adeline.

“Tophy has been very busy with work lately. He said he’s been pulling some late nights at the office,” Lily says, light dancing in her eyes.

“He often says he works late.” I make sure to use air quotes. “But I think he’s joined a secret underground knitting club.”

Lily sits back and taps her bottom lip. “Come to think of it, I do think his sweaters have been looking more professionally made lately.”

“Next thing you know, he’ll be sipping chai lattes and discussing the latest skincare trends. I’m going to have to start calling him Tristina if he keeps this up.”

Lily works to keep her grin off her face. “With his golden, all-American boy-next-door look, it suits him.”

I see him coming over here as though he was on the stretched end of a rubber band. “Tell him that if he wants to borrow my sequin pants for his next knitting circle meeting, I expect them back clean and without any stains. I’m still scarred from the last time he spilled the mocha frappe on my favorite T-shirt and denied it was him.”

Lily nods. “Consider it done. He’ll appreciate the fashion tips. He might even take you up on that offer.”

“I’d better hide the sequin top that goes with the pants. I don’t think the world is ready for Tristina’s full glittery glory just yet,” I say.

Tophy takes up the tumbler of neat whiskey and sips. “You two are just jealous of my mad knitting and latte skills. Just wait until I make you both matching sweaters in the most garish neon colors I can find. You’ll be begging for a chai latte and a seat at the knitting circle then, I guarantee it.”

Lily and I both break into giggles. I talk to the most relaxed version of Tophy I’ve ever seen. And then I talk to Lira. I learn her doctor’s name is Sam. They’ve been dating for two months and he absolutely adores her. Dominic and Adeline come over, having been released from their photographer and it’s whirlwind of well wishes and congratulations and laughter. We eat. Dance. Sweat. Drink. Eat.

At one stage Lily misplaces her cell when we come back to the table after dancing to Whitney Houston’s ‘I Want To Dance With Somebody’, but then she finds it on the floor under the table and she’s happy no one stood on it and smashed the screen. I’m out of breath, having had far too much to drink and I want to pee.

“Be quick. We’re doing speeches soon.” Adeline waves me off and I take my leave.

“Yeah, and Dominic wants to get those done and out of the way as fast as he can. The sooner that gets done, the faster he can get his wife out the door to start their honeymoon,” Tophy says. His tie is flung on the table and he’s loosened the top button of his dress shirt.

I chuckle as I weave through the tables, because he practically sleeps in a tie. I head to the little corridor to access the bathrooms. My blood instantly freezes when I see a flash of familiar blond hair. But it can’t be. There’s no way Chris could be here. Everyone was given a special pass for the wedding. No one could have gotten through security without it. Dad only hires the best.

A hand grabs my elbow and I spin, heart pounding but it’s only Maddy. Her brow pulls into a frown at whatever she sees on my face. “Everything okay?”

I spin back the other way but all I see is the door to the male toilets slowly closing. “Did you see a tall blond man?”

“You mean Tophy?” she asks.

“No. I mean one that’s a little bit older than me.”

Maddy rises on her toes and scans the area, her eyes wide. “Oooo. Mister tall, light and handsome, you mean? Where are you, my Viking knight in shining armor?”

“Believe me, this man is no white knight you want anything to do with,” I mutter.

Maddy falls back to her heels, her brows drawing together as she pins me with a close stare. “Who is this guy?”

“Don’t worry. I think…I think I was just seeing things.” I grab her hand and tug her toward the bathroom. I’m seeing things. It’s just stress. It has to be. “We’d better be quick. They’re bringing the cake out. Let’s be quick so we can keep on enjoying ourselves.”

I let out a breath when she steps after me following a moment of hesitation, and I pretend that the barbed wire ball isn’t shredding my stomach into a bloodied mess at the thought that Chris may actually be here at my dad’s wedding.