23

Jonathan is the one thing in my life that makes sense.

But there’s an undercurrent to his messages and I know he’s holding back. We have a time limit. In a matter of months, I’ll be graduating, and part of me suspects that Jonathan plans to leave this thing between us when I do.

As incredible and inevitable as the connection between us feels, he doesn’t want forever with me. He’s my professor, sixteen years my senior, and in a completely different stage of life to me. Our passionate fling is finite, destined to remain a heavy secret with an ending already penned in invisible ink.

I fight the sudden sting of tears as my phone buzzes again.

Jonathan: You okay, beautiful? You’ve gone quiet on me...

My heart clenches because even through the detached medium of text, I can hear the gentle concern lacing his words. In my mind’s eye, I can vividly picture the little crease between his brows, that soft look in his whiskey-warm eyes as he wordlessly conveys how much he cares.

Despite my silent pleas and hunger for more—for everything—with him, I already know the truth. For Jonathan, I’m just another bright shooting star destined to blaze through his sky for a finite moment before inevitably burning out.

With a sinking heart, I swallow hard and force a light, reassuring reply.

Me: All good, just dealing with the grueling torture of girl talk over here. You know how it is.

I paste on a bright smile as Maddy’s attention swivels toward me, her keen eyes narrowing shrewdly.

“Well, you’re certainly looking flushed and flustered over there, girlfriend,” she observes with a sly grin. “Hot and bothered by someone’s texts, hmm?”

The mischievous gleam in her eyes ricochets off the rawness of my emotions, hitting me square in the chest. I blink rapidly, suddenly overwhelmed by the stark reality crashing over me in waves. This thing with Jonathan is temporary—I know that. But God, does it have to be?

Why does the thought of him being out of my life for good make my heart feel so splintered?

“Just a little warm,” I deflect with a tight smile, my tone sounding fraught even to my own ears. Grabbing my latte, I take a hasty sip to disguise the tremor of my lips.

Lily frowns, instinctively picking up on my sudden shift in demeanor even if she doesn’t understand the cause. “You okay, Cathy?”

Her soft concern is nearly my undoing. Because no, I’m not okay—not at all. I’m falling deeper and harder for Jonathan with each passing moment. And very soon, I’ll have to untangle myself from this beautiful, sublime thing we’ve created.

The thought is devastating. Shattering. Because he’s become my gravity, drawing me in with an inescapable pull. And I fear what losing that grounding force will do to me.

Mustering all my strength, I force a watery smile and nod. “I’m fine, really. Don’t worry about me.”

Even as the platitude rolls off my tongue, my phone buzzes again with Jonathan’s next text, making my chest ache with longing for him—for more. I bury the sting of rejection and stand. “Just need to find the bathroom. I’ll be back in a sec.”

I ignore their looks and hurry through people sitting at tables chatting and eating. Some glances catch and linger, probably because I’m charging past like a whirlwind. They all look so happy. So carefree, and for a moment I’m jealous. I want to be like they are. Lost to easy relationships and free to love who they want. I squash that thought as soon as I have it. No one’s relationships are easy. There are no exceptions.

I’m so lost in my world, I don’t notice a figure block my path until I nearly slam into him. “I’m sorry.” I think it’s a waiter and step back to let them pass.

Hard hands grab my elbows and I look up into Chris’s face. My breath punches from my body and my mind stutters. I should be yelling for help. For Lily and Maddy. But nothing comes out except a wheeze. “Why are you here? How did you find me?”

He picks up his employee lanyard. “Not hard to find out where the daughter of the boss is going to be.”

“I don’t want to talk to you here,” I hiss. I want Chris far, far away from here. I’m aware of several glances in our direction and a couple of raised voices. I could cause a scene, but I don’t want anyone to know I’m talking to Chris. Don’t want any more connections made between us than necessary. “Anything you want, you can ask at Midwestern when I’m back.”

Chris quirks a brow and my stomach sinks. He wants something else. I’ve already given him so much. There’s never going to be an end to it.

“I heard on the grapevine Tim Hodgers is retiring. Going to live in Barbados for a year or so after he gives up working life.”

Tim has been with Blue Sky since the beginning. He’s known me since I was little and is like an uncle to me.

“What about Tim?” I don’t need to ask but I’m going to make him say it anyway. I see the greed sparking in his flat eyes.

A slow smile plays on his lips. “I’ll spell it out for you. I want you to put in a word to dear old Dad about me taking his position.”

“Tim is the COO. You need a degree in Business Administration, a proven track record of outstanding performance, proven experience, an understanding of HR, finance and marketing, working knowledge of data analysis, an aptitude in decision making and organization and leadership skills.” Not to mention Chris has none of those attributes. He can barely keep up in class. In fact, I’ve overheard complaints from fellow classmates how they’re rewriting the mistakes he makes so they can actually pass the group assignments.

“Lucky I don’t need any of that when I have the good word you’re going to be putting in for me,” he says.

“You can’t do the job, Chris,” I snap.

His gaze flicks to somewhere behind me. “Then I’ll just have to give you a little taste of reality to help you work out a way.”

My blood goes cold. “What do you mean?”

“Cathy. You mentioned the word pee and then we realized we can’t possibly go shopping on a full bladder,” Maddy calls over the crowd.

I turn to see Lily and Maddy approaching. I spin back to see the empty space where Chris once was and the gentlemen’s bathroom door closing.

“Was that Chris Adam?” Lily says. She’d know him. She’s been coming to Blue Sky with Tophy on a regular basis.

“Yeah. He had to tell me something. Not urgent. Just a wedding-y thing they’re doing at work for Dad.” I add, when a frown creases her brow.

She pins me with a direct stare. “He looked kind of serious. I know it’s none of my business but…”

“But what?” Maddy says.

Lily seems to choose her words carefully. “The guy isn’t as professional as others at Blue Sky…you’d tell me if anything was wrong. Wouldn’t you?”

She’s far too perceptive for her own good. And mine. I avert my face and wind my arm about her waist so she can’t see my expression. “Of course I would. Now, shall we get to the bathroom? We have shopping to do!”

I swallow hard against the roiling nausea in my gut, because one thing is abhorrently clear—I’ve severely underestimated just how far Chris is willing to go to get what he wants from me. And now I’m left teetering on the precipice of a grim reckoning, his ultimatum hanging over my head like the blade of a guillotine.

Do what he asks, betraying everything I believe in to pave his way into a life he doesn’t deserve. Or refuse, and face the consequences of his retaliation against me, suffering through whatever torment he deems “motivating” enough to bend me to his will.

Neither option is acceptable, which means I’m officially out of options.