Up to the eyebrows

Malena Milly

They're going to find out that I lied to them, and then... well, I'm going to be in big trouble.

Not to mention the fact that Kane is supposed to already be storming this castle, and he's not.

I need to convince Gene to do something to throw off the ET1s, but when I knock on the open door to his office, he's asleep at his desk, head resting on his arms, drool dripping from the corner of his mouth.

He's a helpless man-child, and I absolutely hate him. He hates Kane too, but I also love him, and that may seem complicated, but it's the truth.

Gene, on the other hand, I'm ready to shake him until his head comes loose and then comes off his neck and rolls on the floor. At least he bought my story about someone else being responsible for killing that guard. He's a fuc... idiot.

So I can't help but stand at the door and scream his name at the top of my lungs to wake him up. "Gene!" I shout.

He jumps up, slamming his knee on the underside of his desk, yelling, “Mom?” followed quickly by, “Ouch!”

I shake my head as he stands and rubs his leg. He looks at me with a frown. —You're not my mom... mother. What are you doing in my office, Malena Milly? You know I cannot be tempted by your seductive ways.

I roll my eyes. —I'm not trying to seduce you, Your Majesty.— It hurts me a little inside to have to call him that. —I just came to ask you what your plan is when those ET1s find Kamila and come back here to fight you.

His eyebrows furrow as he looks at me, clearly bewildered. —Kamila?—He repeats. He puts his hand to his chin. —Do I know a Kamila?

I want to hit him on his stupid head.

—Yes, you know her. “She is the Nurturer,” I remind her.

-Oh, true. That Kamila,” she says. -I'm confused. I thought Kane was going to wait for those babies to come out of her and then kill them all. Why is it taking so long? Can't she force the babies out? Can't she lean over and yell at her vajayjay and order them out? Or is he just not as powerful as me?

I look at him, feeling pretty silly myself now. Is it possible for someone to be as stupid as him? "How many times did your mother drop it on your head when you were a baby?" I ask.

She blinks a few times, shrugs her shoulders and says, "Well, I don't know, Malena Milly." I was a baby. Babies are stupid. I wouldn't remember that.

My gut tells me it was a lot. He probably fell out of bed on his head every day for a few years to be so stupid.

“King Gene,” I say, closing the distance between us, “this is serious.” Those ET1s are going to be furious when they get back here, especially if something happens to those babies or that woman. Listen, you started all this, right? It was your idea to bring them here and bring her here. Now, you have to get your act together to fight them.

He looks like he's about to tell me something clever, but then he frowns, rubbing his chin again. —You know, she had never thought about it. Is that... an option? She wasn't aware that... shit could fight.

"What?" I ask, thinking I can't really be listening to this.

—I mean... it's part of me. I always flush it down the toilet, but maybe I should take it out and give it a chance to crawl, like those babies. Maybe she could fight too?

I feel like I could vomit, imagining him scooping her shit out of the toilet and trying to train her to fight on his behalf. “I know you're the king, and I'm supposed to respect you,” I begin, “but you're a sick fuc... idiot,” I tell him.

He looks at me with wide eyes. -How dare you!

—Listen, I'm trying to help you. Did you know that there is a secret pas...age where the door leads to the middle of the forest? Anyone could enter the castle that way, and Kane knows where it is.

He slaps me with his hand. —Yes, I know about that door. But do not worry. It's locked.

"It's not locked!" I tell him. "I know because I..." I stop, realizing that I can't tell him the truth, and I don't want to be as stupid as him. —I know because Kane told me. Even if it were locked, it wouldn't be too difficult for a competent ET1 to lead his army through that door and straight to your castle.

I have to specify a competent ET1 because I don't know why Kane hasn't done this already. He certainly didn't need the key, and he certainly didn't need me to be the guinea pig.

“Do you really think those big, bad ET1s are going to come after me?” King Gene asks, looking a little terrified.

"Yes, I do!" I say, waving my arms in frustration. "I think they're coming for you, and I think you need to figure out what you're going to do about it." If you have other allies out there, you better call them and bring them here immediately.

“That's easy enough,” he says with a shrug. —I have ET1 Kane.

"No, you don't!" I yell at him. —ET1 Kane is not your ally! He's planning to storm this castle through that door I just mentioned to you as soon as he figures out what to do with Kamila and the attacking ET1s. I'm telling you, Gene, you have to figure this out! Do you have other ET1s who are still loyal to you, or are they all just interested in the throne?

Sweat beaded on his forehead as he looked at me over his desk, shaking his head. "I...I don't know." Her lower lip stuck out, and it looked like she was about to cry.

“Now is the time to find out!” I tell him. -Call them. Pick up the damn phone and call the people you think could help you.

That's all. That's all I can do. I know how to get out of this castle. I need to seriously consider what my next move will be. Do I really want to be here when everything goes down? No, not really, especially if the mess turns out to be your own poop balls that you scooped out of the toilet.

No. I'm leaving.

I turn around and walk back to my room, but I can't just run away at this point. I have my own army, but it's small, and until now, they've been practically useless. I have my own pack, but they can be easily outnumbered. That means... I'm in a precarious position, and I have to be careful, or I'll end up in as big a mess as Gene.

And I don't like playing with my poop...