30

Sienna sang the lyrics to her new songs quietly to herself, keeping her promise to Damien for reasons she couldn't quite fathom. Maybe it was gratitude, or guilt, or the need to quiz him for further information about her real parents.

She liked the songs. Liked them so much that she'd downloaded the entire albums and was now brimming with political knowledge. Sienna now understood the meaning of Patricentricity, as well as Zionism and McCarthyism. Instead of doing her homework, she'd researched these topics, happy to have a respite from dwelling over Adrian's feelings or lack thereof.

When she saw Damien, she felt herself smile and couldn't wait to tell him how much she liked the band he'd introduced her to. The strangest thing was her relief over the fact Adrian hadn't arrived yet. Usually, she couldn't wait to see him.

She ran over to him, smiling widely.

"Hey," she said.

Damien's eyes widened and he took a step backwards. "Sienna? You changed your hair?"

"Oh, yeah," Sienna twisted a strand of her newly black hair around her fingers. "I wanted a new look."

Instead of her usual figure-hugging clothes, she had opted for a baggy T-shirt and jeans and had gone with a simple line of black eyeliner instead of the full face of make-up that took up hours of her time.

She looked like one of them. Almost. Getting the right accessories would require a little more work.

"Does Adrian know?" Damien asked.

Sienna took a deep breath and looked at her feet. "He told me to... erm... dress and do my hair different. The blonde bimbo look wasn't doing it for him."

It was difficult not to roll her eyes as she spoke these words. Her look had been honed over many years of striving for physical perfection. To be told she wasn't good enough... it hurt deeply.

If she were to be completely honest with herself, he hated the new look and felt hideous. A fake and a frump.

"I see you took the song meanings to heart then," Damien scolded, narrowing his eyes.

"But I read up about Hailie Selassie," Sienna said, hoping to gain his favour.

"Irie," he said in a thick Jamaican accent and smiled at her.

"Oi oi," Adrian greeted from behind, making her heart thud in her chest.

She turned on her heels to greet him, hoping he wouldn't find her new look as hideous as she did.

He didn't say anything, just looked her up and down and started talking to the others about something he'd won on a game.

"What do you think of Sienna's new look?" Erin asked, probably sensing the waves of tension Sienna was giving off.

Adrian turned and looked her up and down with a scowl. "I thought I told you I'd summon you if I wanted you here?"

The words hit her like a slap in the face.

"S—sorry," she muttered, barely able to choke the words out. She did manage to turn away from him in time for him to miss her tears; tears that swelled up and spilled down her cheeks within a matter of seconds.

'Why am I so emotional?' she asked herself. Crying like a baby wasn't something she did often, and especially not in front of other students.

Tamara, Rose, and a couple of her other friends—Shanika and Tamil—formed a protective circle around her as she walked across the stark, grey concrete courtyard.

"Oh my God, what is with the new look? Are you part of Damien's little gang now?" Rose asked.

Sienna couldn't speak. She shook her head. She wasn't part of any group anymore. Just an outcast, set adrift in a cold sea of loneliness.

"Aww, Babes," Tamara said, pulling her in for a hug. "You know we'll always love you right?"

For some reason, these reassuring words triggered her tears to evolve into full-on sobbing.

'Why would anyone ever love me?' she thought, unable to believe it.

The girls huddled around her, forming a protective barrier as they guided her down the dimly lit hallway to the girl's toilet. It smelled faintly of urine and used tampons mingled with the freshener the cleaners used to mask the scent. She looked into one of the three mirrors, seeing her red and swollen eyes smeared with the black liner she'd spent hours perfecting last night.

"Here," Rose said, pulling make-up and wipes from her bag. The make-up remover stung her sore eyes as the girl cleaned her up with gentle, delicate fingers. She used an assortment of creams and powders to cover the blotches before passing her a kohl liner.

"Thank you, girls," Sienna said as they finished up, peeing, and washing their hands before exiting the bathroom.

"What are friends for?" Rose smiled.

As they filed into the classroom Sienna had to make a vested effort to keep from glancing over at Adrian. If he didn't her around then screw him, she wouldn't do all the weird little things that he seemed to like so much.

Deep down she knew the threat she'd issued in her mind was an empty one. As soon as he beckoned, she would go crawling back to him, despite not wanting to. Despite the fact she was raging and tearing herself apart on the inside.

'Is he doing this on purpose?' she wondered, staring at the back of his head.

At lunchtime, he didn't call her over. She didn't want him to. She sat at the picnic area, eating her salad with a plastic fork in the sun, trying to enjoy the little pieces of dressed avocado and not think about the evil one.

She looked up when a shadow blocked her precious sunlight.

"Hey, Damien," she said, squinting up at him.

"I'm going to put some more music in your phone," he told her. "If you're going to dress like us, you should at least have a basic knowledge of our culture."

"I don't know why I bothered," she told him. It was how she felt. Like every effort she made was ultimately futile and pointless.

"That's the spirit," he said, giving her a dour look. "You're already fitting in."

Sienna laughed for the first time since her bout of tears.

"Why are you so nice to me?" Sienna asked.

"I am?" Damien frowned.

Sienna nodded.

"Is it something to do with what you said the other day... about my real parents," she asked.

"I shouldn't have said anything. It's just... when I saw your reaction to that movie, I figured you knew," he said.

"I don't," she told him. "I don't remember anything."

Damien looked away; eyes focused on something in the distance. When he looked back, she noticed how blue his eyes were. With his eyeliner, his eyes had always just looked black from a distance.

'Why am I only noticing this now?' she thought. She'd seen him up close on multiple occasions in the past few days. The only explanation she could dream up was the harsh sunlight shining on his face.

"I think that's for the best," he said.

He was right, technically, but she was still desperate to know. It was her life after all. Her history.

"Will you tell me what you know?" she asked without thinking, surprising herself. "Please?"

When the others noticed their illustrious leader was missing, they descended on the table like a pack of wolves closing in. Oddly, Scarlett wasn't with them.

She didn't want to risk speaking to Adrian, so texted her to find out.

"I'm off ill," Scarlett replied, way too quickly for a girl who was meant to be sick in bed.

'I bet she's sneaking around with Riley,' Sienna thought, smiling to herself.

"Have you shagged him yet?" she asked, adding a few winking emojis.

"It was SO good!" Scarlett replied, making her giggle.

"What's so funny?" Adrian asked her.

"Just memes," Sienna lied, trying not to look at him. She sat and waited for him to say or do something mean, but he started talking to Erin, probably to make her jealous.

She figured two could play that game.

"Damien, will you meet me after school?" she asked.

"For?" he asked, raising his eyebrows. He looked so suspicious.

"You know... what we talked about earlier?" she prompted. “My parents.”

He looked away. “I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

Sienna grabbed his hand, staring up at him with wide eyes. “Please, Damien.”

"Are you one hundred per cent sure you want to do that?" he asked.

Sienna nodded, looking up at him with sad eyes.

"Okay,” he agreed.

“Oh," he added, eyes widening. "Pass your phone back, I thought of another song."

As Damien fiddled with her phone, he told her to listen to the songs and see what she liked, and he'd fill her phone with better music based on this. He made a face and held up her phone.

"Like a G6?" he asked with a mocking grin.

"What? It's a tune," Sienna defended herself, feeling like a dork for the first time in her life.

"I'm gonna see what else you have in here," he said.

"No, don't," she squealed, trying to grab the phone from him.

"Oh my God, Justin Bieber. She's a Belieber!" Damien announced, ducking and weaving with her phone while singing, “I was like ‘Baby, baby, baby, oh!’”

She eventually managed to wrestle it back from him as the others giggled. Even Adrian. Things were looking up.

When they took their empty wrappers and half-eaten fruit to the bins and walked inside Sienna noticed she had a text from Damien.

'He must have dialled himself from my phone,' she thought.

"Meet me at the skatepark after school if you still want that talk," it said.

"Okay, thanks, will do," Sienna replied. She usually put two xx at the end of every text regardless of who the recipient was. For some reason, it felt weird with Damien. She decided to put one as not to be rude.

When he replied with an "X," she couldn't help but smile.