Please Don't Leave Me

I smelled him. I felt him. He was wrapped around me, caging me against the back of the couch. I would have laughed when I opened my eyes, seeing the two of us clinging to each other as we slept in the small space, but I quickly remembered the events from the night before.

It was hardly a time for laughter.

He was snoring lightly, and I took a moment to look him over. He was dressed in a t-shirt and jeans and had obviously taken a shower at some point because there was no hint of the liquor I had seen him consume.

I brushed my fingers through his hair, and he tightened his embrace in response. When his eyes popped open, my heart stuttered.

"Hi," I said quietly.

"Hi." I wasn't sure what to say, or even where to start.

"I am so sorry." His voice cracked as he too struggled for words. "I'm so fucking sorry."

The truth was, I'd already forgiven him. I didn't know if that made me stupid or naive or foolish, but it was just the way it was. I understood why he reacted the way he did, and perhaps if I'd been in his shoes, I would have done the same thing.

I didn't want or need Nicholas to breakdown or grovel for me to see how much he regretted his actions. It was written plainly across his face.

"I know you're sorry. I'm sorry too. I should have told you sooner about the creepy guy following me. It would have saved us both a lot of grief."

He shook his head. "You didn’t do anything wrong. You have every right to hate me after what I said." He swallowed a few times. "Please don't leave me though. Please." The desperation in his voice only made my heart hurt more.

As if I could ever leave him like that. "I'm not going anywhere."

His eyes darted down and then back up to meet mine. "I'm also sorry for ruining your birthday. I swear I will make it up to you."

I sighed. From the sound of his voice, he was beating himself up far more than I ever could, even if I wanted to. "You know what I want the most?"

"What?"

"For us to talk this all out, and figure out what to do next. The best birthday present you could give me is to trust me." I put my hand on his face and rubbed my thumb along his cheekbone. "Believe me when I say I would never hurt you like that."

"I do. I'm sorry I doubted you for even a second."

He kissed me and I let him. I wanted the proximity. Even pressed together like we were, it wasn't close enough for me. Except for one thing.

I pushed him away a few seconds later. "I'm sorry. I really want to talk, and I really want to kiss you, but if you don't let me up immediately, I'm going to pee all over the couch." This pregnancy made me want to pee all the time.

He laughed and the sound of it made me break out into a smile.

We had so much to set right, to talk through, to settle between us, but I also knew then that everything would work out. We were going to be okay.

"Why don't you go ahead upstairs?" he suggested. "I'll grab some breakfast from the kitchen and we'll eat it in bed."

"You don't have to go to work?"

He shook his head. "Not today. Today, I'm taking care of you."

I nodded and gave him another quick peck. He helped me up off the couch and I hurried up the stairs to our bedroom. While in the bathroom, I took a quick shower and put on one of Nicholas' t-shirts and a pair of shorts.

He was already waiting for me when I walked back out. I bit my lip at the sight of him sitting against the headboard in only his boxers, munching on a bagel.

‘Damn hormones. This was so not the time.’

I climbed up and sat down next to him, eating the bagel and strawberries he'd brought up for me. We kept peeking over at each other, although we remained silent through most of our breakfast.

When we were done eating, Nicholas set the plate aside, and pulled the sheets up.

"Would you lie down with me?" The butterflies were back.

I snuggled in close, enjoying the way we fit together perfectly. Nicholas pulled the sheet over us to form our own little cocoon.

"Tell me what happened yesterday," I said, as soon as we had settled.

He brushed a piece of hair from my face. "I'm going to tell you everything, because I don't want to keep anything from you. I just hope I don't hurt you any more than I already have." He sighed and kissed me. "I love you."

"Nicholas, just tell me. The worst hurt I could imagine is you telling me to leave, and we're already past that."

He winced at those words. "God, I'm so fucking sorry."

I blew out a gust of air. "I know. Just don't do it again. I'm not sure I could handle it." I stared at him for a few moments. "I'm serious."

"I won't. I promise." His voice was thick with sadness.

I wasn't trying to make him feel worse, but I also wanted him to understand how much he hurt me.

I nestled in tighter. "Okay. Now tell me the rest."

He took a long inhale of my hair. "I got out of my meeting yesterday morning and found a large envelope on my desk. Julia said it was delivered, but there was no return address. Inside there was the folder of pictures and a piece of paper that said 'History repeats itself'." Anger flashed in his eyes, but his gaze stayed on me. "Fuck, baby, I... I just lost it. It was like something in my brain snapped.

"I was stupid. I didn't think at all. I didn't stop to consider it was a set-up. All I could see was him touching you. Looking at you." His hands came up to cradle my face. "I told you how devastated I was after seeing Rosemary with him. But I feel a thousand times more for you than I ever did for her. I love you. You're pregnant with our baby. When I saw those pictures, it was like my whole world was ripped from me. I just went crazy."

My heart ached hearing the pain in his voice. I took his injured hand in mine, kissing his chaffed knuckles. "What did you do?"

"Well, I think my office was destroyed. My cell phone was the first casualty after I threw it at the wall." He tried to give me a small smile, but it didn't reach his eyes. "I... uh... screamed at Julia to get me a meeting with Hector. That fucker agreed immediately. It should have been a red flag to me, but I was clearly not thinking. He set it up at some restaurant, probably knowing I'd kill him if we were alone." He looked down at his hands. "I wanted to kill him, Willow. I did."

It scared me a little when he said that. I could see he meant it.

"So you met him at a restaurant?" I urged him, trying to change the line of conversation back on its original track.

He put his arms around me again. "Yeah. John didn't want to let me go in alone. He actually shouted at me because he knew how out of control I was." He chuckled and shook his head.

I wanted to give John a hug.

"Anyway, I walked in. He was already there. The bastard just smirked at me. It took every ounce of strength I had not to attack him. And he knew it. He knew I was hanging on by a thread."

"What did you say to him?"

"I asked him why." He shut his eyes and pressed his forehead to mine. "He basically confirmed he's an asshole who just wants everyone to be miserable. And seeing me happy wasn’t something he could stand. When he started talking about you, I lunged at him."

I tensed. "Did you hit him? Are you going to be in trouble?"

The last thing I wanted after this mess was Nicholas arrested for something.

"No. John showed up, grabbed me, held me back. He basically dragged me out of the restaurant before I could touch him."

Now I definitely had to hug John. "What did Hector say about me?"

He shook his head. "You don't even want to hear it. I'm not sure if I can repeat it. I know it was all lies."

It must have been pretty awful, and I thought it best not to hassle him for more details. I shivered and burrowed my face deeper into the crook of his neck. "What did you do then?"

"I just took off."

"What do you mean?"