I Missed This

His lips were back at my ear again. "Relax, Willow. Here..." he broke off, massaging my thigh a little before lifting my leg and nudging his knee between mine. "Open up for me."

It had been so long, and I was too tensed with excitement that I was inadvertently making it difficult for him to get it in. I focused on his chest rising and falling against my back, calming with each breath I took in time with his.

With his caution and trying to be tender, it took longer than normal. But finally, he filled me, and I bit my lip, moaning from the feeling. One of his arms was nestled under my neck, his hand on my breast, while the other gripped my hip as he pumped slowly in and out of me.

"Is this okay?" he asked. "Does your head hurt? Anything?"

"No. It’s fine. This feels good."

And it did. It felt great. Yet... something was off.

I tried to twist around enough to kiss him, but it wasn't the easiest task. Twisting my body was the one thing that still hurt my ribs. His lips met mine briefly, before nipping along my jawline.

"I love you." My heart pounded from his words, but I still couldn't enjoy being with him like I usually did.

"What's wrong?"

I shook my head. "Nothing." I grabbed his hand from my hip, bringing his arm up and around me, thinking it would help if he held me tighter.

He stopped moving, staying inside me. "Tell me what's wrong. Are you hurting? I can stop."

"No. Don't stop. Please. You aren't hurting me." I sighed and turned my head toward him, and he helped me out by leaning over me. "You'll think I'm stupid."

"I would never think you're stupid. Talk to me."

How did I explain what I was feeling? I didn't even really understand it.

"I just...I don't know. I guess I miss..."

Ugh. This was so hard. He was going to think I was an idiot.

"Miss what?" He brushed the hair from my face so I couldn't hide from him. I rubbed my belly.

"Well... before... I really loved it when you were able to be on top of me. I don't know. It just felt closer. I mean... I know we can't do that now because of the baby. It's just... I miss it. This doesn't feel close enough."

I liked him covering me. I could see him better. Smell him better. It just felt better. More intimate. Warmer. What I wanted most right now was to feel him all over me. That's what I needed and had been without for too long. Would he understand that? I watched his face for any sign he thought I was being ridiculous, but he only smiled and kissed me.

"I miss it, too." He rubbed my arm and nuzzled my nose. "Let me try something."

He reached over to grab the blanket and covered us both up, tucking us together in a tight cocoon. Even though it was pitch black, it did feel like we were closer in the small space.

"Tell me if this is uncomfortable." He used his arm under my head to partially prop himself up, his chest resting over my side instead of against my back, making sure not to put too much weight on me.

It was easy to find his lips in this position, and he held me as tightly as he could. I moaned into his mouth when he pulled out and pushed back inside me again.

This was what I wanted. He was surrounding me. I felt him everywhere, his taste and scent flooding my senses. He knew exactly what I had needed. He understood and made it all better. He made it perfect.

Tears welled in my eyes because it meant as much to me that he understood as it did to make love to him.

"You feel so good." His soft words against my lips made me tremble.

He moved gently—made it so special—and I didn't need any pounding rhythm to the peak. All the emotions and sensations I was feeling at the same time were a bit overwhelming, but exactly what I'd yearned for. A few tears spilled from my eyes and he kissed them away.

"I love you so much," I said, my fingers digging into the skin of his arm as he brought me to the brink.

My release wasn't the explosive, blow-me-away orgasm I often achieved with him. But it was no less satisfying. It was warmth, pleasure, love... all rolled together and pulsing inside me. I felt like I was floating in bliss when his lips left mine, his head burrowing against my neck. He groaned and pushed deep, his hold around me tightening even more as he came.

We clung to each other afterward. Maybe for minutes, maybe for hours. I didn't know. Perhaps he'd needed the reassurance and affection as much as I had. Things weren't exactly back to normal, but we had created our own new normal.

.

The next morning, Laura stared at the two of us often, shaking her head and hiding her smiles. The three of us were in the kitchen, getting everything ready for our guests. It was the official Rowe Christmas in February.

Nicholas and I probably deserved the stares, because I couldn't stop my giggles from bubbling up, and he sported a permanent grin while he played and teased. After we'd broken the intimacy seal the night before, we had round two in bed at dawn followed by round three in the shower.

The bench he'd requested in there was useful for more than just helping me wash, that was for damn sure. Needless to say, we were both sated and happy, and we weren't hiding it very well.

I laughed at Nicholas, dressed in his apron, hindering more than helping Laura prepare the dishes. I was perched on a stool, decorating gingerbread men, because neither of them would allow me to be on my feet for very long.

I stuck my tongue out at him. He licked his lips. "I can think of much better uses for your tongue."

I shook my head while Laura swatted him with a towel.

"Why not something traditional like Nicholas Jr.?" she suggested. That didn't sound awful to me, but Nicholas shook his head.

"No. I'd rather he have a unique name."

He glanced around, his eyes lighting up. "Like Almond."

I threw an piece of candy at him. "My son will not be named Almond Rowe!"

All three of us were in hysterics when the doorbell rang, and it wasn't long before everyone had arrived. It was a sea of hugs and kisses, each one of them telling me how happy they were to see me up and around and back home again. Even Virgil was sappier than usual, hugging me and ruffling my hair.

I loved each and every one of them. And Nicholas.

I didn't know it was possible to feel more for him than I already did, but it happened anyway. Not only had he arranged this late celebration just for me, but he made it special in all kinds of small ways. He may have vetoed the traditional route for our baby's name, but he was pulling out every tradition in the book for our Christmas. Everything from stockings hanging, carols playing throughout the house, serving eggnog... he even put on a Santa hat at one point. Nicholas was usually the antithesis of jolly, but his seeing to every detail to make me smile was something I'd never forget.

After we ate, I stopped him as we made our way to the library, pausing underneath some mistletoe he'd put up over a doorway. I grabbed his shirt, pulling him down to kiss me.

"Thank you for all of this."

He opened his eyes and smiled down at me. "Are you having a good time?"

"It's all wonderful. This means a lot to me." Did he know he'd given me everything I always wanted?

"All I want is for you to be happy."

I hugged him as hard as I could. "You always make me happy."

He sighed into my hair, but didn't pull away. I knew he was still feeling guilty—and perhaps some of his going above and beyond was an attempt to compensate in his mind—but it was progress for him to not rebuke my acknowledgement of how he made me feel.

Maybe time really was all he needed.

Eventually we joined them all in the library, where the presents were piled around the tree and the fire was roaring. He pulled me down to sit between his legs on the couch, and we watched Geoffrey and Lory dispersing the gifts around the room.

It was a good thing I'd gotten most of my shopping done before my fall.

The atmosphere was loud and raucous, ten different conversations going at the same time, plus some wrestling breaking out between Geoffrey and Francis over whose gift was whose. I leaned back against Nicholas' chest, loving every second of it. He made it even better when his arms came around me, his hands rubbing continuous circles over my belly.