Chapter Ten

Gone…

Phoenix is gone.

The detriment of that word is obliviating. I throw myself off the bed and race to the door, a scream bubbling on my lips.

“No! You’re lying!”

When I get to the door I grab the handle and rip open the door but Jay is there, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me back into the room. The door is kicked shut by his foot. I struggle within his hold.

“I have to see him. I have to get my dog!”

I knew I shouldn’t have left him. I should’ve begged and screamed for Jay to take him. It’s my fault. It’s all my fucking fault!

I shriek when he dumps me back on the bed. I make another break for the door and he curses, moving to grab me again and this time he holds me firmly to his chest without letting go as I kick and scream.

“Akira,” He rasps into my ear as I continue to struggle but the fight inside of me has not died down yet.

“No! That bastard! That fucking bastard! The only thing left that I loved! Kill me! Just fucking kill me!” I sob and stop kicking. Now my body vibrates as I cry in his arms. My chest heaves with uneven breaths. It feels tight as if someone is squeezing each lung.

The last thing I fucking had.

Will has taken it.

Even without my freedom, I loved Phoenix. That was why I held on. Now I have nothing.

Jay continues to hold me as I sob. I’m tight to his chest, a comforting straight jacket during my moment of depletion.

What am I even fighting for?

It feels like an eternity of anguish. Eventually, my energy drains and my stiffness becomes rigidness in his arms and he sets me down on the bed. I don’t put up a fight or make a break for the door. I sit there, hands in my lap, eyes move down to the floor.

“He’s taken everything from me,” I croak. My voice sounds pathetic - broken words evolving by abused vocal cords but I don’t care. “Everything.”

I blink and sniffle.

I just don’t care what they do anymore.

“Do what you will to take him down. Chop me into fucking pieces. I don’t care. So as long as he’s destroyed in the end.”

I rise from the bed, turning away from Jay as I move to the bathroom. He watches me silently as I go into the bathroom. I blink away the tears that continue to well in my eyes as I move to turn on the shower. Once it’s on the steam fills the room and I step back.

I should’ve known marrying him would end me. He was different before the engagement.

A memory of the first time he hit me surfaces and rage fills me.

He got worse as soon as I said ‘I do.’ Why didn’t I just get out when I had a chance? Why did I stay?

I swallow the lump in my throat and move to pull off my shirt but instead, my legs give out and I fall to my knees. My hands smack against the floor. I stare ruefully ahead.

Maybe Jay will just let me starve to death in the bathroom. Expire on the damn floor. Guess it wouldn’t make much of a difference to me.

I remain still on the ground. I’m surprised when I hear footsteps and feel him behind me. He kneels, I realize, and then begins removing my shirt.

“W-what are you doing?” I question. He’s wordless as he helps me take off my shirt.

Is he really helping me right now?

“I’m fine,” I snap and smack his hand away and he moves so I can see his face. He begins helping me remove my shirt again and I go to smack his hand away once more but he grabs my wrist.

“Enough! Let me fucking help you,” He grumbles sternly.

“Why? You don’t owe me anything. You are my tormentor. The man who will make sure I don’t walk out of here alive. You don’t need to be nice to me. Not at all.”

“Stop fucking questioning my motives. I’m helping you. That’s the fucking end of it.” His jaw tenses as he moves his hand to my shirt again. “You can keep fighting me but I don’t think you have the energy.”

He’s right.

The asshole.

I let him undress me. He pulls off my shirt but he’s modest about his gaze as he frees my breasts. He then stands, helping me stand. He wraps an arm around my waist and begins helping me take off my pants.

“W-why are you doing this?” I can’t help but question him.

I don’t want him toying with me.

“Don’t show me kindness you don’t mean. Don’t mess with me.” I reply with a small voice. “I can’t… I can’t take it.”

Not now.

He tenses as I step out of my pants. The tension in him is evident as he leads me to the shower that’s warmed. He helps me step in and my legs wobble once in. He curses and kicks his shoes off.

“What are you doing?” I panicked. He releases me for a moment as contemplation passes in his gaze and I stumble a little, using the bathroom wall to catch myself as dizziness takes over. He climbs into the shower, fully clothed just to catch me from falling.

“Jay--”

“Fuck, Akira.” He shakes his head.

“I loved Phoenix. And now I have nothing.”

“Jesus,” He curses beneath his breath. I eye the shirt he has on which has now become soaked. I take fistfuls of his wet t-shirt, eyeing his moist lips.

I kiss him. My lips are uncertain when I lean forward to graze them against his. I’m waiting for his reaction, for the forceful push and the look of disgust but it doesn’t come.

I just don’t want to feel this pain.

None of it.

I begin pressing more deeply against his mouth and he responds, kissing me back slowly. His mouth is perfect and skilled as he teases his tongue against my bottom lip. I open and let his tongue caress mine.

Will can parish.

I hope they torture him.

The same way he did Phoenix.

That sick fuck.

Jay groans against my mouth when I press my naked body against his clothed body.

“Akira!” He moans and the sound is distracting.

Just what I need.

I began pulling off his shirt which he helps me do before I wrap my arms around his neck.

“Akira - we should stop,” He says but his tone makes him sound like it’s the last thing he wants to do. I gasp when I feel his erection against my belly through his jeans.

“I can’t,” I admit before moaning and moving my lips to his neck, placing a hot trail of kisses all the way down to his collarbone.

“Akira,” He says more firmly before he pushes me away gently while keeping his hands on my shoulders to hold me steady.

“Can you promise me something, Jay?”

He looks hesitant. I widen my eyes, frantically holding his shoulders.

“Please?”

My lip quivers and Jay’s eyes narrow.

“Promise you what?”

“Will you please be the one to do it?”

“Do what?” He frowns with confusion.

“Kill me. Don’t let Cross or anyone else do it.”

He looks taken aback by my request.

“Why?” He says coolly.

“I just want you to do it.”

It’s strange but I wouldn’t trust anyone else. Maybe Jay will show me mercy and make it quick. Cross definitely wouldn’t. He’d have to come a couple of times after forcing himself on me before he even began the process.

I just know it…

Jay bites his lip hard.

“Promise me,” I beg.

“Fuck, fine.” He states. “I will. I’ll do it.”