Chapter Sixteen

My room isn’t as comforting as it once was. At this point, with the emotional rollercoaster I’ve gone through, it’s about as comforting as the basement. When I arrive at it, I collapse on the ground after my handcuffs are taken off and draw my knees to my chest.

I hope he’s okay.

Otherwise, this will be all for nothing.

Hours pass and I eye the door.

I hope he isn’t severely hurt. I can’t believe they carved my name in his skin. It is so awful. I have to see him.

I move to the door and try the handle, surprised to realize it’s unlocked. I push open the door slightly and gasp when I see someone walking by.

Shit!

I know where his room is… but getting there might be an issue.

I listen intently for noise and when I don’t hear anything I move out into the hallway and hold my breath as I begin to creep to Jay’s room. When I manage to get there without getting caught, I hesitate.

Should I knock?

I firm my lips and reach for the handle, twisting it and stepping into the room before closing the door behind me. It’s pitch dark. I don’t hear any sound but the thick smell of cigarette smoke clings to the walls.

He’s gone…

“What do you want?”

I’m startled when I hear the gritty sound of his voice. Like he’s been screaming. I move to turn the light on and when I do, I gasp. He looks sickly.

“Jay?” I step forward, reaching out for him where he sits on the end of his bed and he shakes his head. He recoils from me, a cigarette perched between his lips. A button-up shirt on, but it’s open and blood seeps through the side. He pulls it off angrily and tosses it to the ground.

“Oh god, Jay,” I cry out and move closer to him regardless of the way he winces.

“Don’t touch me,” He hisses.

“Stop it,” I reply, saddened by his disdain. I move over to his and press my hands against his chest when I stop just between his legs. He tenses beneath my touch. “Don’t pull away from me. Please?” I beg him and cup his chin. He jerks his chin out of my grasp.

“I told you to stop.”

“Does your side hurt?”

“Yes.”

I hate that. I absolutely fucking hate that. “I’m sorry,” I apologize.

“Don’t be. I made a mistake letting my guard down with you,” He says, his tone flat.

“No, you didn’t. Not to me.”

“Don’t say that. Your life is more in danger than you know.”

“I don’t care.”

He curses and puts the cigarette out on his arm, and I gasp, frowning.

“Please don’t do that. I don’t like when you hurt yourself,” I admonish him. He huffs angrily.

“Akira, stop!” He grabs a hold of my wrists pulling my hands away from him before he stands.

“Stop fucking acting like –” He throws up his hands, “Like this is some kind of relationship. I’m not your fucking boyfriend! I’m not! You’re a prisoner! I cut off your fucking finger, or did you forget that?”

I shake my head because it’s still sensitive beneath its bandage.

“I am nothing but another abuser.” He drops my arms and drags a hand through his hair before moving toward the window. His words sting. I grit my teeth to keep the tears at bay.

“You are not! You are different!”

“How?” He spins around to glare at you. “How the fuck am I different?”

Silence follows his questions.

“You can’t even come up with a valid fucking answer to that. I’m no different. I am a piece of shit. Just like the rest.”

He laughs mirthlessly.

“Welcome to fucking hell,” He snarls.

“I know you feel differently about me. I know I mean something to you…”

I move toward him. “And I know that it pains you to hurt me. So why are you doing this? Why are you pushing me away?” I question as soon as I get to him before I go to hug him. “If we only have one more night together, please… just let me stay.”

I look deeply into his eyes, acknowledging his pain, wishing I could take it all away.

“Let me sleep next to you. Just for tonight,” I plead with him and I see the pain in his eyes, the guilt, the anger, all of it. “Please, Jay?”

“Alright,” He says, sighing with defeat and longing. “You can stay.”

It feels like a dream as I move toward his bed. I pull back the covers, climbing into the solace of his blankets before I reach out for him. His hesitation is blatant on his face. He lingers beside the bed, on the precipice of all of the rules that have been beaten into him, and his happiness.

“Jay, please? Come to bed. Hold me…”

That last request is spoken with quivering words. I nibble my bottom lip, hating how vulnerable I am right now, but with his gaze sweeping over me, I find my longing growing until I’m grabbing his hand.

“Don’t hold back.”

He curses and lets me pull him to the bed. He climbs in beside me, and tenses beneath my weight as I rest my head on him, careful to avoid agitating the cuts.

“I’m sorry. This is all my fault. I never thought I’d feel the way I do. I didn’t think about how it would complicate your life—”

“You’re not the one at fault. I am,” He interrupts. He unconsciously begins stroking my shoulder with the arm he has rested over me and I sigh, melting into his gentle embrace.

“I don’t regret my feelings. Just my actions. And the outcome.”

“Why the hell did you agree to Dominico’s terms? You think you’ll survive in this game, but you won’t Akira. There are men worse than me. Men who chew women like you up and spit you out. You won’t come back alive!”

“Jay,” I say and shake my head. “Please don’t. I already know. I just wanted them to stop hurting you. I couldn’t take it.”

I gasp as I feel the urge to cry. Jay huffs and continues to stroke my arm.

“I can’t let this happen,” He murmurs low enough that I almost don’t hear him. I angle my neck so I’m looking at his face, but his attention is pointed toward the ceiling.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

He ignores me.

“Jay, I’m being serious. What the hell does that mean? Please don’t do something that will get you killed.”

“Oh, so it’s okay that you do, but I can’t?”

He groans and slides out from beneath me, despite the pain he’s in. I pout at the loss of his warmth and sit up to peer at him dragging a frustrated hand through his hair.

“You’re not fucking going, Akira.”

“I have to,” I say softly because I can feel him about to lose his shit. “I will be fine.”

I reassure him even when I don’t feel any truth behind those words. The way Jay keeps describing him says otherwise, and Dominico wouldn’t give me to someone that would make my life easier. I just know it.

But I have no choice. I will do this for him.

I climb out of the bed and go to him, stepping in his way so he can no longer pace the room. I press my hands against his chest softly and bore into his eyes with mine.

“Stop it. Stop fucking thinking for one moment.”

I glide my hands up his neck to cup his face.

“Stop thinking and kiss me.”

“What?”

“You heard me. Don’t waste this time like this. Give me as much of you as I can possibly handle. Drown me in you. I want enough to last me a lifetime,” I say truthfully. Pain flashed in his eyes, his jaw clenches and I notice the muscle lining it before he swallows.

I expect him to deny me again, to push me away and continue to pace the room frantically, but instead, he rests his hands over mine which cup his face. He sighs.

“Fuck, Akira.”

I blink, eyes widening and welling with tears that I desperately try to blink away. I inhale a slow, deep breath and just as I go to let it out, he presses his mouth against mine. He doesn’t let panic show in his kiss. He molds his mouth slowly and passionately until I’m moaning into his mouth as he slides his tongue into mine.

He is driving me wild.

Absolutely wild.

It’s awful but I don’t want to leave him.

At this point, I’d never go back to Will.

Ever.

I would rather die.

And I never believed in a million years I’d feel this way.