Chapter 30: In which she has her hands tied.

"What...."
I stared at the pictures, my heart breaking at the thought that I was too late. I could've done something earlier but I can't now. It's too late. My hands are tied. I promised Sam, my twin, my blood that I wouldn’t let Nate in on our secret and now I can't tell him anything.
Why? Why did this situation have to arise when I was finally happy? Just when things in my life were going right for once?
"Sav, you trust him but I can't. And this is bigger than just you and me. This is about bringing justice to our mother. You were with her Sav! You were there for her to ease her sufferings. You were there for her when she died. I wasn't. I couldn't be there!"
My heart broke for Sam too, for he had been denied even a final goodbye to our mother. The only times he'd been able to call was when our father had been out of the house and his caretaker was sleeping or otherwise occupied. He'd been caught twice and had been locked up in his room for a whole week with no contacts with anyone…he had been only six years old at the time. Then he had been sent to boarding school in Australia, cutting off all contact with us. He hadn't been aware of mom's cancer or her death until it was too late. He had come to know about it only when he graduated high school and he came to visit me straight from the airport. He had been devastated to see me in foster care and our mother gone forever.
But now as I stared at the pictures, I felt a chill down my spine.
Samuel had been right. Someone had been following him. Because almost all these photos were of us in that abandoned park that I'd gone to visit him an hour ago.
Me touching his face; him holding my hand; me leaning against his shoulders; him kissing my forehead, but taken at such angles that they looked like we were kissing. The lack of light told me these had been taken from a cell phone and from not too far a distance.
"Why don't you answer me, Savannah?" Nathan's voice snapped me out of my shocked trance. Looking up to face him, I stared at him as if seeing him for the first time. Suddenly, my legs gave away and collapsed onto the floor the next instant, my mind and body frozen from shock.
"Savannah!" He was next to me in an instant, crouched down to my level, his hands wrapping around my shoulders to steady me. "What's wrong?"
I shook my head, unable to do anything more. I felt completely drained. My hands and feet felt numb and my throat felt scrubbed raw.
He let go of me when he was sure I was okay, and collapsed next to me on the floor, elbows resting on raised knees and his head in his hands. He sighed audibly. "Say something Savannah, or I'll keep assuming the worst."
I tried to, but my mind had gone numb from fear. Who took the photos? Why didn't we know we were being followed? The phone could be kept silent and the flash off during taking the pictures, but from that close a distance? Were we so engrossed in our conversation that we didn't even notice? Was this really it?
"He isn't my boyfriend." I answered when my brain started to snap out of its haze and the invisible hands squeezing my heart eased their grip. "There's only you. No one else. No one."
I tried to make him understand. To make him believe. But I had no idea how to do that without exposing Samuel, and that's something I couldn't afford at this stage. What if it was Na- NO! I refused to believe it was him! Nate would never do such a thing! Besides, he’s the one who received the photos and he himself is shocked.
"If that's true then why were you with him? Who is he anyway?" He sat with his legs crossed in front of me, looking into my eyes accusingly. "Why did you lie?"
His voice was strained. Drained of energy just like mine. "I had to. And I can't tell you that yet, Nate. Please, you have to trust me on this!"
"I told you I hate liars, Savannah! How can I trust without an explanation?" He snapped. "What's holding you back that you had to lie to me? Why not tell me you're going to meet your friend? If that is what he is!"
"I didn’t cheat on you! He's not my secret boyfriend, so stop implying that!" I snapped back.
"But you can't tell me who he is? Is this a joke! Has this been your plan all along? To use me? To pretend to love me-" He stopped midway and looked at me wide eyed. But the damage had been done.
Taking a deep breath, I stood up on shaky legs, refusing Nathan's hand when I threatened to tumble down again. He rose with me.
"I can't tell you who he is to me because it's not just my secret to tell. There's a lot more at stake here than just us, and I can't let that all go down the drain." I looked at him straight in the eye and told him as much as I could, making sure he understood each and every word I said. "You are right. I came here to deceive. I came here to betray and I came here to take revenge. But not on you; never on you. Meeting you, being with you...loving you...they're the greatest gifts I ever had. Please don't taint this by implying otherwise."
Nathan sighed and rubbed his face with both hands and ran them through his hair. He shut his eye, taking deep breaths before opening them again to look into my eyes. "When can you tell me?"
Just hold on till Christmas. Everything will be fine then.
"Christmas." I answered using Samuel's words. "Everything will be clear by then. I know it's hard right now, but I'm asking you to give me some time to clarify things. Can you do that?"
He looked at me for an eternity. Eyes so blue and hurt that it broke me to not be able to hold him. His gaze so intense that I wanted to turn away and run, but I held his gaze. I wasn’t at fault. I was seeking justice for my dead mother. I was not at fault! I had to keep repeating that in my mind to not break under his hurt gaze.
He was the first one to break eye contact. And then he was pulling out something from his pant pocket. It was only when he placed it on his bedside table that I felt my heart almost leap out of my chest.
It was a tiny red velvet box. Too small to fit earrings of any shape, but small enough...to fit a ring.
Nate looked at it with a mocking smile and then shook his head as he looked at me. "Trust…okay. I'll give you until Christmas to clear things between us because I’m trusting you with my heart this one last time. After that, we're through."
Tears welled up in my eyes, a broken sob caught in my throat. I wanted to cry. I wanted to yell. To kiss him and to hold him and never let him go. To tell him that whatever he thought was wrong and Samuel McKenna was my own blood, my twin brother. But that would lead to a whole new set of questions that I couldn't answer right now. Samuel's life could very well be in danger. Who knows what would happen to him if they found out about our plan. If my father could let my mother die without a second thought…who knows what he would do to Sam?
"Alright." I didn't meet his eyes as I took my purse from where I'd dropped it on the floor...and left the room.
Nathan followed. "Where are you going?"
"Home."
"Thank you for coming into my life again, Nate."
"Thank you for turning this house into my home, Savannah."
It had hardly been a month and a half before we'd spoken those words to each other. And now, I no longer felt welcome. I knew he'd try to keep me here, but it'll be hard to look at him every day and see cold blue eyes gone emotionless, than the warm electric blue so filled with love that greeted me every morning.
"Savannah, there's no ne-"
"Yes there is." Then I voiced my thoughts. "I know we can’t go back to how we were Nate and I can't go through that…I'm not that strong." I said as I opened the front door.
"Savannah...don't." He stood by the open door, but still it was only his voice. He made no movement to stop me.
Maybe that was what I had been waiting for? A physical indication that he wasn’t going to let go? And when he didn’t move, it solidified my resolution. I couldn’t live under the same roof like complete strangers who couldn’t trust each other, not with Nate.
"I'll see you at office tomorrow...Nathan. Please have Roan send my belongings." I was about to call him 'sir', but that would have broken us apart this instant. And he had given me time. All I could do was hope that everything went according to plan.
"I'm sorry." I told him when he didn’t answer and then, I was out the door and on my way to my small, rundown apartment.
It was only after I was inside my apartment that I let the tears fall, somehow managing to remain calm the entire cab ride home. And then, the tears didn't stop.
But it was also then that I remembered I'd forgotten to ask him the most important detail.
Who had sent those images to him?