Chapter 14

The past and doubts.

I swallowed hard, drinking some water.
"Yeah, you were an areshole." I tried to make joke out of it, but he was having none of it. He touched my hand, then leaned over the table so our faces were only couple inches apart. My heart was out of control, pumping blood through my veins way too fast. I needed to stop talking; I couldn’t do this right now.
"I couldn’t bear it; that another vampire tasted your blood, then you nearly died because of the fire, all because of me. I care more about you than you realise."
My throat was dry, and I had no idea what to say. Pressure was building up inside me, releasing tiny sparks of light through my fingertips.
"Nathaniel, I want to make this work, but I'm scared."
I didn't want to say how I really felt about him; the realisation hit me out of the blue. He was a Dhampir and I was an elf, so there were other issues that we needed to consider. I didn't think I cared about what my grandmother thought anymore—about my blood—or her will. I kept saying I didn't want to be in love with him—but what if I was already in love with him?
"We belong together, Julia. The sooner you understand that, the better."
My cheeks flamed. I wanted him to kiss me, but I held his gaze, inhaling sharply, licking my lips. He’d already burned me once; how could I be sure that he wouldn’t to do it again?
"What about my blood, Nathaniel? Underneath everything, you’re still a vampire."
“I've already proven to you I can control my thirst. Your scent drives me fucking insane, but I’ll deal with it," he paused, smiling. "I would never deliberately hurt you."
There would always be a problem with my blood. I couldn’t possibly have any feelings for him already; he confused me and corrupted my mind. I needed to take things slowly with him. I didn't want to love him yet, not until he was serious about me—but I was afraid it might be too late.
We spent a pleasant early afternoon together and, somehow, Nathaniel helped to lift the guilt about Rufus off my chest. After lunch, he took me to one of his favourite sweet shops in London where we had coffee and cake. When we were leaving, my phone started vibrating; I picked it up without thinking about who would be on the other line.
"Hello?"
"Hi, Julia, it’s Elena."
"Elena, hi, how are you?" I asked, my voice breaking. I should have called her, but I was scared that she would blame me for Rufus’s disappearance. I knew things I wanted to keep to myself, but she was Rufus’s wife. She had a right to know what was going on with her husband.
"Fine. I was just wondering if you could come see me today. I need to talk to you," she said in a small voice. I looked at Nathaniel and my internal fight began. She needed a shoulder to cry on, but I wasn't prepared sit with her and lie to her face.
"Sure," I replied, wanting to bite my tongue. “I’ll ask my date to drop me at your place."
She mentioned that she was going to email me her home address. I always separated work from personal life, but right now Elena’s husband was missing, and I couldn't pretend I didn't care.
"I need to go and see Rufus’s wife," I said to Nathaniel. "Did you want to take me someplace else?"
"I had a place in mind." The corner of his lips inclined into a smile.
"I have an idea of what you had in mind. Did it involve my bed?"
“You're the one suggesting it. If you want, I can come back later." He shoved his hands into his pockets. "Stop pretending you don’t want me inside you."
I flushed, and desire circulated through me; the air around us now tense with our erotically charged atmosphere. We both needed to have sex, but we also knew that this would just messed things up between us.
I smirked. "I won’t beg."
"Trust me, when your magic builds up, you will beg, and you’ll be at my mercy," he whispered. "Come on, let me drop you off."
"Yes, let’s go."
I had problems and I needed to see a doctor. Dealing with Nathaniel was easy, but when it came to knowing what love was, I was a mess. It was safer when we were teasing each other. That way we didn't discuss what we were both looking for. He had to show me that he was willing to give me what I wanted; he had to show me that he was willing to love me the way I was supposed to be loved.
Rufus lived in Dratford, which was an hour’s drive from central London. Whenever Nathaniel had a chance, he kept his hand on my leg and my energy was raving. My body tightened, but I didn't show him how much his close contact affected me. He drove in silence. We didn't have to talk; we’d said everything we needed to. Once his Aston Martin pulled outside of a small detached house, I was more nervous than before I’d gone out for lunch with him. I gave him a quick kiss on his cheek and jumped out of the car.
"Think about me, firecracker," he said, grinning, before he drove off. I rolled my eyes, but it felt good that I got everything off my chest today.
Elena opened the door before I had a chance to knock. She was a giant, like Rufus, with a pale complexion and long, straight dark hair. She invited me in, smiling lightly, while my stomach made a funny jolt. I hated that she had no idea if her husband was alive or dead. I looked around, searching for the kids.
"Tommy and Jessica aren’t here?"
"No, they’re with my parents."
"How are you holding up?" I asked, sitting in the living room. I had to act normal; she was a strong woman in her thirties, she didn't need to be pitied. We both knew that her husband was determined to live.
"I'm all right. The kids are missing Rufus, but they’re too young for me to explain what happened." She looked down at her hand, rolling her wedding ring on her finger.
"My dad keeps saying that they need him, so they won’t kill him."
“He's still alive, I can feel it," she whispered.
"Yes, Rufus is strong, he will keep fighting," I assured her. "My dad had some new evidence—"
"No, hold on. I think you should hear what I’ve got to tell you first," she said, cutting me off. She exhaled and looked away for a moment.
"Oh, right, yes, of course."
She placed her palms on her knees, looking lost. She probably wanted to tell me something important. My chest tightened when I thought about why I was here. If I hadn't started dating Nathaniel, Rufus would still be sitting by his wife, and I wouldn’t be having this conversation with Elena.
"I think Rufus was blackmailed," she said, looking serious.
"Blackmailed?" I choked. "Are you sure?"
She nodded and stood before she vanished into the other room for a moment. I stayed sitting in her living room thinking about Fiorillo. Elena wasn't stupid. Maybe she was aware of Rufus’s actions. Maybe she knew that Rufus was selling information about La Caz Pharmaceutical to a rival agency. I felt ashamed even thinking like that, but the truth was, that if we couldn’t supply him with staff, then he would have no other choice but to use a different agency.
"Look at this." Elena walked back into the room and handed me a mobile phone. "There is a text message from a withheld number. I didn't know that Rufus had two phones."
I looked at the screen, reading the text message she was talking about.
"I hope you thought long and hard about my request. I’m not patient. You know what’s going to happen if I don’t get what I want."
I stared at the message for several moments, then looked at Elena.
“It's withheld; anyone could have sent that," she told me.
“You're right. He must have been blackmailed." I instantly felt relieved. Rufus was probably forced to meet with Fiorillo.
"I don’t know what they expected him to do, but I know he obviously resisted. He refused to cooperate."
"Elena, I need to tell you something," I said. "Before I came here I wasn't sure if I should say anything, but I can’t keep this from you."
"Okay, I'm listening. I don’t think anything can shock me anymore."
I drew a breath and looked straight into her azure eyes. We were similar, we both refused to believe that people could do anything dishonest, so I told her what I found out. I explained how Kelsie, Kate, and I had questioned Fiorillo, and about what he revealed.
"I can’t believe you went there, Julia! That was dangerous," she yelled, getting up again.
I couldn’t believe it—she was giving me a lecture. "But I had to find out, and I was right."
"That doesn’t matter. If anyone had caught you, you’d end up in prison."
For a long awkward moment Elena didn't say any more and I felt no remorse. Rufus was missing. I had to do everything I could to help him. Finally, she looked at me.
"I should have gone alone," I whispered.
"Just stay away from trouble, Julia. Leave this to the police." She took a deep breath, her face flushed. "We both know that Rufus wouldn’t sell Paranormal Personnel out. This message only proves that."
"I know he wouldn’t," I agreed. We decided I should talk to Dad about Fiorillo. He knew what he was doing, and he needed more evidence, but I already knew how he would react. Elena had to understand that it was probably all my fault that her husband was gone. After a long hour of intensive conversation, she made tea.
"So, who was your date?" she asked, placing the tray on the table between us. Elena probably heard the rumours about me and Nathaniel. Rufus had more than likely told her that I dated him; it wasn't a secret anymore.
"Nathaniel. He showed up at my apartment, unexpectedly rescuing me from a hangover."
"La Caz?" she asked, and I nodded. "So, you’re back together?"
"No, we aren’t back together. He’s trying to win me back after he dumped me." I smiled weakly.
"Well, good luck to you" she said, hesitating for a moment. "Maybe I shouldn’t tell you this, but I don’t think he will make you happy."
"I started this whole mess with Rufus; if I hadn't gone out with Nathaniel then your husband would be here still," I said. "I ruined McGregor’s business after discovering he drained fairies and eleves in his club, so he went after me and he still wants revenge."
“There's more to it, Julia." She sighed. "You don’t know this, but Nathaniel La Caz and I went to the same university."
I blinked rapidly, wondering if she was winding me up.
"You went to Oxford?" I asked in disbelief.
She turned around, watching me intensely. "Yes, I got my major in English up there," she explained. "Caleb McGregor also studied there—he used to hang out with Nathaniel."
I had to swallow, but my throat went dry.
"Hold on," I said, rising from my seat. "What do you mean, "they used to hang out?""
"I met Rufus after I graduated, but Nathaniel and Caleb were in the same year. As far as I can remember, they used to be best mates." I stared at her, speechless. Nathaniel never said that he’d been a friend of McGregor’s.
"So, that’s how they met? At Oxford?"
"Yes, a few years ago it was much easier to attend prestigious universities. A lot of paranormals had wanted to graduate before the humans tightened their rules. McGregor and Nathaniel were the best in their year. They had money, power, and they often fed on humans. I kept away from gossip, but everyone wanted to hang out with them."
"He never mentioned he used to be best friends with McGregor," I said bitterly.
Elena smiled. "He wouldn’t have after what went on between them."
My chest tightened. "Which is?"
"They were both a year above me, but I'm only telling you what I heard from rumours. I don’t know if this is the truth. A girl caught McGregor’s eye; she was beautiful and intelligent, and he wanted her. Well, I heard that Nathaniel started dating her, snatching her out from under McGregor’s nose."
I stared blankly at my hands, my heart pounding. I felt sick, hearing the news about Nathaniel from someone else. "So, what happened after that?"
"They dated for a while and then McGregor vanished."
"Who was the girl?" I asked hoarsely. "A vampire?"
Elena pursed her lips and I waited.
"No, she was a human."
"He went out with a human girl?"
"Yes," she replied. "Are you sure you’re okay with me telling you this?"
"Yes, I need to know what I'm getting myself into," I said stiffly, feeling dizzy now that I knew why Nathaniel was so reluctant to explain his relationship with Caleb McGregor.
"They got engaged quickly after that; people kept saying McGregor was pissed off that Nathaniel took the only girl he’d apparently ever loved."
"No wonder McGregor wanted to ruin his business," I muttered.
"Everyone knew that La Caz would succeed. After he graduated he left the country with his fiancé, but when he came back, he was alone."
"So, after all these years, now McGregor finally found a way to get his revenge. He found out Nathaniel was dating me, and he wanted to give him a taste of his own medicine," I said, thinking aloud.
"Your theory fits, but bear in mind that this is just gossip. You need to ask him about it." I felt betrayed; Nathaniel had hidden this away from me. I knew he’d been engaged before, but I never asked him why he wasn't with that girl anymore.
"How is it possible that he was engaged to a human?" I asked, unable to keep the disappointment out of my voice.
"I don’t think he ever followed the rules. He had a reputation in Oxford—he was handsome, arrogant and smart. He could have any girl he wanted, but he chose her. McGregor wanted to compete with him, but Nathaniel won."
"And you don’t know what happened to McGregor after he vanished?"
"No, but people kept seeing him hanging with the wrong crowd. He left the country as soon as La Caz got engaged to that girl."
We talked a few more minutes, mulling over possible reasons why Rufus was the target. After that she called me a taxi, I went home. My head was spinning, and I couldn’t quite comprehend why Nathaniel kept all this information about himself from me. He didn't even tell me that he’d gone to Oxford, I hated that I kept finding out things like that from other people. Pure rage rose within me. He was with me all afternoon; telling me how much he wanted to fix things between us, but deep down, I knew he wasn’t entirely honest with me.