Chapter 19

Pressure.



I went to Yoga before I had to get back to work in an attempt to wash off my guilt. It didn't work and yeah, I should have known better. Quentin was going to spend the night with me tomorrow, so I knew I had to tell someone what kind of monster I’d become. It was Nathaniel who ended up coming over and we were only supposed to talk. Then came sex and my plan was crushed just like the bulbs in my bedroom during the night we spent together.
Kate would curse me out, but I could handle that, what I couldn't deal with was her disappointed face and the loss of respect she had for me. Kelsie would probably high-five me for finally seducing Nathaniel. She couldn't help it, although after everything was said, she might yell at me for being irresponsible. I knew that I had to take responsibility for my actions, but I needed some friendly advice, so I dialled Nicky’s number.
"Hey, Julia, please tell me that you’re going to call Ella?" she asked before I could even get a word out. My chest tightened, and I wanted to cry. I was so worried about sleeping with my ex, that I’d forgotten about my poor friend who I abandoned because I had to.
"I can’t, she won’t understand, and I won’t lie to her anymore."
"Julia, I can’t tell you what to do, but she’s confused. One minute you go to her house trying to sort out the friendship you used to have and the next, you’re not speaking to her. Ella needs an explanation."
Maybe I was wrong and from Nicky perspective it seemed like I had no soul, but I couldn't keep this to myself any longer.
"I'm sleeping with Nathaniel again, and I'm cheating on Quentin!"
A couple of people on the street looked over at me but I didn't stop and there was silence on the other end of the line. My pulse was racing, and I bared my teeth, waiting.
"What did you just say?" Nicky asked. I cleared my throat and took a deep breath.
"You heard me, I'm cheating on my perfect, loving boyfriend with my ex-boyfriend who is engaged to someone else." I didn't expect Nicky to start shouting or crying. I also didn't expect her to be silent.
"How did this happen? I mean, you’re pranking me, right?"
Then I went and started explaining how I bumped into him at the gallery first, then on the street, then again outside my apartment. Nicky didn't say another word until I was done. Then she told me straight to end it before anyone else got hurt.
"Oh, my God Julia, he’s only doing this to you because you’re unavailable, giving himself over to you because he knows nothing is ever going to happen."
Nicky had never met Nathaniel, but she was married and like me, she believed cheating was never good. She knew about each time Nathaniel had broken my heart in the past and she was only looking out for my best interests.
"I was going to do that last night but then everything went wrong when he started taking his clothes off." I looked to the sky wondering what I was doing and if I’d ever be able to escape from the love I held deep in my soul.
"Meet with him in a public place and tell him. I know you still love him, and all this time you wanted to hear him—"
"Nicky, I'm going to tell Quentin tomorrow. I can't do this. Me and Nathaniel… we’re just screwed up."
"You have to do one thing at the time, then fix things with Ella. Julia, I'm your friend and I'm not judging you, but you’re a fool. Nathaniel was never available, and he never will be. I can't tell you what to do but you’ll know when to make the right decision."
I thanked her and promised that I would sort something out with Ella. Nicky was right to an extent, but I had to make my own decisions. I felt a little better because I’d finally gotten this off my chest, but I needed to get a grip, put on my big girl panties and stop being such a coward.
I went to work that day with daunting emotions clouding my mind. The day at the agency wasn’t one of the easiest and Nathaniel kept sending me emails, telling me that he was planning to talk to Meredith tonight. I knew that I should have let him do it, but first I had to explain everything to Quentin. He deserved to know what’s happened, so I texted Nathaniel to hold on.
I covered my head with my hands trying to understand how I dropped myself in such a shit storm. Yeah, I still loved him, and I wanted him, but I kept wondering how we were going to get through this without hurting other people. The answer was clear: we weren’t.
A few vampires arrived asking me about work at La Caz Corporation. Throughout the night I was trying to erase the images of me and Nathaniel, but it didn't come easy because his name was everywhere.
In the early hours of the morning I left the agency and stepped into a dark night wondering what to do. I always promised my dad that I would take a taxi but tonight I felt like I needed to clear my head and just walk. The streets of Croydon were completely empty, and I knew that it was stupid, walking into the night alone with unstable magic, but hey, maybe I needed to get in trouble tonight, just to understand what was going on. I said my goodbyes to the ladies and started walking, feeling charged with thoughts about Nathaniel. Thoughts of Nathaniel consumed my mind and I wanted to dig a grave for myself because I felt so incredibly guilty sleeping with him behind Quentin’s back. Why couldn’t I just do the right thing? Why was I continuing to hold back the truth? I knew I didn’t want to hurt him, but it was already too late for that. I wanted to slap myself for being such a coward. Nathaniel was ready to tell Meredith straight away, yet here I was stalling. Why?
For a few minutes I was completely lost with my thoughts but the footsteps behind me alerted me on the spot. In a moment of déjà vu, I turned around thinking that maybe it was Jasper.
"Let me tell you, Julia, this was incredibly stupid," a familiar voice said. The colour drained from my face when I didn't see anyone. Thoughts and feelings began racing fast and I considered running but my legs went numb. No one was near me—I was alone. Then out of nowhere Tron and Alex appeared knocking me off my feet. Somehow, I didn't fall on my bum, because Tron caught me.
"Oh, my God, are you guys insane? Do you want to me have a heart attack?" I shouted while my heart pounded way too fast.
Alex cleared his throat and glanced at Tron, who looked freaking amused.
"Sorry, we were just trying a new spell," Tron shrugged. "Besides, I thought you were cleaver. Walking home alone in the middle of the night?"
I rolled my eyes. It was like I was listening to my father.
"Oh, chill out. I needed to clear my head, so if you’ll excuse me, I want to go home because I'm tired and pissed." I then turned around to walk away.
“It's time for another session. We have something more exciting in mind."
Alex didn't usually talk much—well, he never talked unless it was necessary—that’s why I stopped and took a deep breath before I turned around.
"Okay, what’s so exciting; the fact that I'm a killer and my parents are next?"
“Let's go, Miss Taylor, we have a bit of a drive," Alex muttered. I opened my mouth to start asking more questions, but they were already walking away. Their limousine was a few blocks away and I jumped in straight away. They weren’t talking to me while we drove, and I was eager to ask questions but for some reason I couldn't, and I had a feeling it had something to do with Tron’s magic. He just didn't want me to say anything.
It was five a.m. by the time his car stopped; a few more minutes and I’d have been snoring like crazy.
"So, is anyone going to tell me where we are?" I asked while we sat in the car. It was dawn but there was only blackness outside and I couldn't see where we were.
“It's a massive spell, Julia—mind blowing—and we want to see if you’re capable of creating such power," Tron said stroking his chin.
"I don’t understand. What do you want me to do? This would be so much easier if you would have explained."
"Pulsing, we are pulsing right now," he added. I lifted my hands with the expression that I still had no idea what he was on about, however they were already getting out of the car. When I noticed where we were it kind of hit me. My jaw dropped noticing that we weren't at Tron’s fancy home, but in the middle of nowhere surrounded by trees and darkness.
"What the hell is pulsing?" I asked but then I remembered Ella, so I added. "And when are we going to talk to Ella? She’s freaking out and I hate treating her like she doesn't mean anything."
"The princess doesn't need to be rushed and tonight is a perfect night for beautiful magic. You’re stronger than you think, that’s why we need to try this."
Okay, I didn't like the sound of that, or the way those two were looking at me. They made me stand further away from the car, a couple meters away from them. Tron was using his magic on me, forcing me to stop talking. This whole idea was outrageous. My work day ended, and I had a busy day tomorrow.
I walked through the wet grass until they told me to stop. Sparks started flying across my fingertips and the tingling in my back was annoying. My magic was calm, and now all of sudden I was getting these impulses, strikes of colour spreading all over me.
"What’s going on, Tron? Why am I feeling all these things?" I asked staring at both of them.
"We want you to pulse your magic and bring thunder and lightning," Tron requested, leaning against the limousine.
My head was splitting with the surging energy. I looked at them wondering what the hell they were talking about. This kind of magic was only accessible to fairies. I had half elf genes inside me, so there was no way I was even capable of doing such a thing.
"You’re kidding me, right? I can’t do that," I said creating a ball of light that stayed with me for a couple of seconds. "I can't do this whole pulsation thing. I'm unsettled, remember?"
"Julia, stop showing weakness and concentrate. Focus on pulsing your energy away from your body."
I wanted to laugh out loud, knowing they were only playing with me. This was my punishment for not sticking with their training and sleeping with my ex behind my current boyfriend’s back. Of course, Tron couldn't know about that, though.
Not arguing anymore, I closed my eyes and started imagining pulsing energy. My skin was burning but I imagined warm rain falling over me, dense, steamy air that I felt just before a storm. The silence was stimulating, and I felt the wind on my skin, as waves of pulsing energy jetted over my body. I had no idea what I was doing, but at this point I had to let go. My pores were closed, tingling, and the burning sensation increased my heartbeat. I stretched my neck hearing Tron’s voice nearby. His words seemed far away but when my breathing became laboured I let go of my magic. My feet left the ground and I spread my hands opening my eyes. Small pulses started crackling throughout my body and then it started raining. It was a light rain at first while I was sending my energy out. Then the rain became heavier and soon I was soaked right through.
"Julia, don’t open your eyes."
It was Tron again; this time his voice reached me, and I was ready to respond when I opened my eyes again and saw lightning flash across the darkened sky. The sound of thunder followed. When I dropped my hands, everything stopped, and silence rang in my ears.
Taking long pulls of air, I felt empty but calm. My power was gone, and I just created the most amazing thing I’d ever seen.
It took me a moment to get back on my feet but when I did I saw Tron and Alex standing by the limousine staring at me with thrilled expressions on their faces.
"What? What’s wrong, you guys? I thought you wanted me to do that."
Tron snapped out of his dreamy look and approached me.
"Your first pulsation. You’re learning fast," he announced proudly. I wiped the sweat off my forehead shaking my head.
"You must have helped. I don’t think I could do something like this myself," I said laughing.
"Julia, you are more powerful than you could ever imagine. Stop isolating your magic; it’s been years. It’s time to let go of your insecurities and embrace—"
"Hold on, so what are you guys saying, that I did all that, I called out the storm? No, this is impossible," I whispered looking back and forth from Tron then to Alex.
"You’ve always had it in you, but you didn't believe in yourself."
Tron sounded optimistic and I felt like fireworks exploded in my brain. My chest wasn’t tight and the guilt that I’d been carrying with me kind of eased off a bit. Okay, I still felt pretty crappy about cheating, but my thoughts were less graphic.
"What does this mean?" I asked walking around. "Will my blackouts stop; will I stop hurting other people now?"
"Yes, as long as you keep practising, blackouts shouldn’t occur anymore. It’s all about releasing your energy."
My body felt as if it had just gotten an injection of energy and light. Alex vanished shortly after that. For a moment he was next to me, then a second later he was gone. I was overwhelmed with my new skill, so I forgot to ask how he could just disappear. This was far more advanced magic than anything I’d ever come across.
On the way back, I kept asking about my next steps, worrying that maybe this was a one-time deal, feeling that if I didn’t get my blackouts under control my dreams might become reality. Tron assured me that everything was under control and I just needed to train harder.
It was daylight when we reached my apartment, but I was so pumped up with excitement that I didn't think I could go to sleep.
"I wanted to ask you about my grandmother." Tron moved on his seat, but his expression didn't change. "The favour, what was that about?"
"I owe something to your grandmother; she did something for me when everyone else turned their backs on me."
"Of course, but what did she do? I'm only asking because she never mentioned you. It’s strange that you just showed up like that in the agency."
"She used her incredible magical skills and helped me fix some of my affairs." He sighed. "But I'm not comfortable talking about it with her granddaughter."
"All right, suit yourself."
I bit my lip because I didn't want to keep asking him about my strict grandma, although at the same time, not knowing was killing me. Maybe my grandmother had an affair with Tron years ago, and now he was using me to get to her. When I got into my apartment I reached for her potion in order to get some sleep, because my mind wouldn’t shut down until I drank that magical liquid.