CHAPTER 22: Even more confused...

Celeste
I wake up the morning after my date with Ryu, and all of a sudden, I get a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. That's it. All three dates. I have to seriously consider which, if any, of these guys I see a future with. I thought that after spending some alone time with all of them, the choice would become crystal clear. I was so wrong. These are three of the most amazing men I have ever known, outside of my father. I thought I would see something I truly disliked about these guys on our dates, and it would push them out of the running. Each of them are so amazing that I couldn't find even one thing. Any girl would be lucky to have any of them.
I have to snap out of this. As much as I hate to admit it, I have to call in reinforcements. That can mean only one thing. I quickly get ready and head downstairs for breakfast. Everyone is already there and chatting away when I arrive. I get my breakfast and some muchneeded coffee and sit down next to Daddy.
"Good morning, Celeste. I was wondering if you were coming down for breakfast today."
"Morning, Daddy. Sorry I'm late. I was doing some thinking."
"Sounds serious. Anything I can help with?"
Sigh. "Actually, yes. Do you mind if we go to your room to talk after breakfast?"
"Of course. Are you okay?"
I could see the concern on his face. I have to at least put him at ease. "I'm fine, Daddy. I just need some fatherly advice, and it's not really something I want to talk about with an audience."
"I understand, sweetheart. Just let me know when you're ready to go, and we'll head up."
"Thanks." I sit there staring into space and forcing down my breakfast. I am, for the first time in a long time, not hungry, but I know if I don't eat now I will regret it later.
After I finish eating, I stand from the table with my coffee cup and plate in hand. "Daddy, I'm going to clear my plate and get a refill on my coffee, then I'll be ready. You want me to grab you a cup?"
"Sure. Thank you. I'm going to go ahead up to my room. I'll see you there in a minute."
I smile at him as much as I can in my current state and head into the kitchen. I rinse my plate off and put it in the sink. I refill my coffee cup and fill a clean one up for Daddy. I take both cups and head for his room. On the way there, all I can think about is how much I hate having to burden him with this. I feel so helpless not being able to figure all this out by myself. I always think I'm so grown, but then I go running back to Daddy at the drop of a hat. That's right, Celeste. So grown - up.
I knock on the door when I reach his room, and he opens it quickly. He takes his cup from my hand and stand aside so I can get by. "So what did you need to talk to me about?"
"Well, I know you probably don't want to hear about it, but I need to talk to you about the guys."
He chuckles a little before speaking. "Celeste, I want to hear about everything in your life, even if it might involve giving you away someday. You will always be my little girl, and there is zero chance I won't cry the entire way through your wedding someday, but your happiness is all your mother and I ever wanted. You can talk to me about anything."
"Thank you, Daddy. This is hard for me, though. I have always been able to handle my own problems. Well, up until now anyway. Logic and reasoning has always gotten me through, but this whole situation has nothing to do with those things, and I don't know how to handle it."
"Well, let's start with what you're feeling. Don't tell me what you think. Tell me what you really feel."
"First and foremost, I feel scared. I really feel like if I do choose to be with one of these guys, that is going to be it for me."
"What do you mean ‘it for me'?"
"I could see this being the relationship that ends with me being married someday."
"Wow. That's a powerful thing."
"I'm also scared that I will make the wrong decision just because it makes the most logical sense."
"Celeste, I know this is sort of uncharted territory for you, because you have spent your whole life putting others first. This time you have to put yourself and what you want first. Don't rationalize your way through this. Don't think about what the effect will be on the other guys. Don't think about what the effect will be on your job. Don't even think about what the effect will be on me. If you stay local, great. If you move away, that's fine too. You can get a new job. I'm retiring in a couple years, so I can visit you as much as you'll let me. I am begging you, for once in your life, think about yourself and your happiness. You can always make a new life in a new place, buy new furniture, get a new job, but you cannot replace love and the person that makes you feel it."
For a moment, I am stunned silent. I can't believe it.
"Celeste, are you okay? I didn't mean to upset you, honey."
"No, Daddy. I'm fine. That last part you said, it's just... Someone else told me something similar once."
"Well, how very wise of them." Of course, he has a very smug smirk on his face.
"Daddy? Do you know why I don't date very much or get very serious with the men that I have dated?"
"Because you are a workaholic?"
"No. Thank you very much. I don't date very much because of you, sir."
"Hold on now. I've never tried to keep you from dating. Well, not since you became an adult anyway."
"That's not what I mean, Daddy. You have always been an amazing father, and from what I can remember, Mom always thought you were the perfect husband. Every time I go out with someone and it
looks like it might lead somewhere, I always compare them to you."
"Okay, now I'm really confused."
"Hahah. Well, I may be biased, but I think I had just about the best father that anyone could hope for. I don't compare these guys to you as what I want in a husband for myself, but as what I would want in a father for my children down the road. I want my kids to have just as good a father as I had, but I have yet to find one. I honestly don't know if I ever will." I can see the tears starting to gather in Daddy's eyes as I finish saying this.
He pulls me into a tight hug. "Sweetheart, that means so much to me, you will never know, but I can't be your standard. Everyone has their own parenting style. Everyone shows love and teaches lessons differently. No one knows what kind of parent they will actually be until they dive in, headfirst."
"I know, I just can't help it, Daddy. I love you, and never for even a single second when I was growing up, before and after Mom passed, did I ever feel less than completely and utterly loved by you. I just want to make sure my kids feel that way too."
"They will, sweetheart. They will have you after all, and I know from personal experience that is the only way you know how to love. Whoever you choose, just remember, don't choose someone you can live with, choose someone you can't live without."
"Thanks, Daddy. You have really helped me a lot. I actually think I know what I want now. I just have to think about it to make sure I'm making this choice from the heart and not the head."
"You're welcome. You can come to me anytime. No matter who you pick, though, just remember, he'll never love you as much as I do."
I bust out laughing. "Daddy! Stop. Good Lord. Way to ruin a moment."
"Yeah, but it got you to smile again, and at least for the time being, that's still my job. I'll have to pass it down to someone else soon enough, so just let me have my moment."
"I love you, Daddy."
"I love you too, sweetheart."
I say goodbye to Daddy, and head back to my room to think. I have made a choice, but am I making it for the right reasons. I have to be sure, because once I let the guys know, there is no going back. I can't just change my mind. This is probably the most important decision I have ever had to make. I hope I'm looking at this the right way. I think I will take Daddy's advice. I'm not going to tell anyone anything until I'm completely sure. I sit next to the window, looking out over the property. I'm not really sure what I'm looking for, though. Maybe a sign? Maybe the answer spelled out in crop circles? Ugh. Maybe a distraction? Yep. Probably that last one. I know none of those will be out there, though. This is just something I am going to have to buckle down and figure out. With my whole heart. I have actually decided that I want to be with one of them, but do I feel like I can't live without him?

Ricco
I am not so manly that I can't admit to crying the moment I was sure Celeste was down the hall a bit. I didn't cry because I was sad. I didn't cry because I felt like I was going to lose my daughter. I cried because my daughter is amazing. She has no idea the power she has to make me thankful I'm alive. I miss Arianna every day, but because of Celeste, I am never without love in my life. She has the most wonderful heart. I am very lucky to get to experience that for myself. Arianna would be so proud of the woman she has become. I know I am.
I splash some water on my face, and pull myself together. Now, I need some advice. Time to go see the one person in my life who is always there for me, besides Celeste. I grab my phone and head out the door. I walk down the hall to Anthony's door and give a quick knock.
"Come in."
"Hey, Anthony," I say as I shut the door behind me, "you got a minute?"
"Sure, buddy. Come on in."
He's sitting at the desk, checking e - mails, and I sit at the bench next to the desk. "I just had a long talk with Celeste."
"Uh - oh. What's going on?"
I recap the conversation for Anthony. He sits and listens intently while I try not to cry again as I tell him everything. "What do I do? Should I sit back and see how this plays out, or should I intervene?"
"Ricco, you have a great daughter. She can make these decisions on her own, but she needs to know you support her. It sounds to me like that was what that talk was for her. She wanted you to know some things she has never told you, but she also just needed your validation. Now, I have a son, so it's not the same for me, but you know I have always thought of Celeste as my own."
"I know, and I appreciate that."
"I understand this paternal need to do something in this situation, but you also know that it would not make Celeste happy. If you want to help her happiness along, you can make sure you are always there to support her when she needs you."
"Damn it, I was afraid you would say that." Sigh. "I know you're right, but that doesn't mean I like."
He chuckles as he sits back and crosses his arms over his chest. "I know, but you don't come to me for happiness. You come to me for truth."
"And you just love being right."
"I admit, it does amuse me."
"Of course it does. Well, old friend, I foresee needing someone to drink a lot of whiskey with in the foreseeable future."
"Yes, I'm glad I had a son. I'm almost certain daughters were created to slowly drive you insane."
"You may be right about that. All right, I'll do my best to stay out of it until I am invited into it. I just hope she makes a decision that makes her happy instead of what she thinks will make everyone else happy or cause the least amount of damage. You know how she is. She always puts herself last."
"Very true, but I think this time is different. I think she wants what you and Arianna had. You can only have that by following your heart."
"I hope you're right. All I want in this world is her happiness."
"She is too stubborn not to get her happiness." I just smile at him, because I know he's right.